Why do you guys stare but then don't say anything?

[dennis roadman]

Yeah I think it's possible too, but again my main issue, to keep it simple, is ME, as in I'm quite socially awkward, a loner and all of that...I think that with the right type of personnality it is indeed possible to get over "material" issues (have many friends who did that) but my personnal issue is precisely the personnality.



Long story short: studied "general stuff" (Economical theories, European Affairs) but never really specialized in a particular sector, no networking skills, can't "sell" myself well, and generally don't have a clear view of what I want to do/what my strenghts are. All basically goes back with the self-confidence thing and not knowing how to "maneuver" in the real world, I stupidily believed that getting good grades at school/uni would actually mean something more than just knowing a thing or two. Add to that that it's VERY hard for me to plan anything long-term (been moving all my life, don't really have roots anywhere).

how old are you breh? this sounds like standard early 20s stuff (im 27 so i feel like i'm just leaving this stage now, tbh). not to minimize your situation but just know that you'll get through it. be patient, be strong, when you realize what you wanna do you're gonna have a huge burden off your shoulders.

and i disagree with girls not being attracted to the quiet shy types after a certain age. they still are, it's a change of pace for a lot of them. it's just a catch 22 because it's harder for those types to connect.

the only thing you should do right now is be fearless. my new motto in the past 6 months has been to turn disadvantages into opportunities. you have no roots = you're versatile and can adapt to new places. no plans = you're down for whatever. no specialization = no office job, no career path to lock you into something you might regret later. the world is your oyster breh, embrace your vagabond nature. again, fearlessness will show you the way. i promise.

 

[AMcV'88]

...they've seen Drive.

 

[YaThreadFloppedB!]

what pisses me off about this kinda shyt is that guys on average are a lot nicer than women when it comes to this. A busted ass ho can approach a guy and on average at least be treated with respect. An average woman can approach a dude and 9/10 times will get play for the simple fact that she was aggressive. A good looking woman will always succeed.

However, I've seen dudes approach women and get straight clowned or even ignored though.

You're eyeing her like a hawk... but not making it creepy. She sees you. And you like the way she's watching you watch her. A small smirk. She has on Wayfarers but its no doubt y'all are deeply engaged in a game of eye-tag.

You decide in your head its now or never ...Ill never see her again if I dont take this chance...You miss all the shots you dont take...yada yada, right? You finally build up your courage and walk up to herSAY SOMETHING YOU SHY MOTHERfukkER SHE'S WAITING "Whats up girl, dont mean to interrupt..."

And the whole time she's barely acknowledges your existence and is staring off into space. Think of the Ether festering inside of a man as you finish your diatribe and you are left there standing At what moment do you execute an about face and march off? 5 seconds? 7?. And where do you go? Surely not back to where you were sitting earlier.

And then you have to build yourself back up to do this again...and again until you get one to bite. Small wonder that all some men will do is stare. Maybe he is in the process of trying to build himself back up.

let him heal Daeny.

 

[mbewane]

how old are you breh? this sounds like standard early 20s stuff (im 27 so i feel like i'm just leaving this stage now, tbh). not to minimize your situation but just know that you'll get through it. be patient, be strong, when you realize what you wanna do you're gonna have a huge burden off your shoulders.

and i disagree with girls not being attracted to the quiet shy types after a certain age. they still are, it's a change of pace for a lot of them. it's just a catch 22 because it's harder for those types to connect.

the only thing you should do right now is be fearless. my new motto in the past 6 months has been to turn disadvantages into opportunities. you have no roots = you're versatile and can adapt to new places. no plans = you're down for whatever. no specialization = no office job, no career path to lock you into something you might regret later. the world is your oyster breh, embrace your vagabond nature. again, fearlessness will show you the way. i promise.

Really appreciate it breh...thing is I'm 32

I've tried to see my disadvantages as opportunities, but sometimes it's just too much, being rootless is often more appreciated by people who DO have roots and want to "get away" in a sense, me I'd just love to have a place I could call home and where I can "go back" without being a stranger.

For example speaking 4 languages is cool, but I've learned "extra" languages because...my parents didn't pass me down their languages (Sango -language in CAR- and Dutch, that I learned afterwards but nowhere near the mother-tongue level it should have been). So I could learn 10 languages, but not knowing MY languages -and the whole culture/history attached to them- will always be extremely frustrating (again, it's hard for people who DO speak their language to appreciate this point).

But thanks for the encouragement breh, I appreciate it, and I do try to get over it but it's really hard not having any sense of "context" (no mother tongue, no "home", no family really either) means I feel I'm constantly in a vacuum, making it hard to appreciate the liberty that it does offer. Because I have no security whastoever to fall back upon.

(Sorry for the negativity but it's been that kind of week )

 

[2Elusive]

@ Daenerys Targaryen
Try to just not taking it seriously, like it is a game. Smile back at him and then try an approach, like "him are you doing, are you enjoying your day" stuff like that, nothing significant and then you'll see. Just don't take it seriously it will be easier but at the same time don't show to much interest.

 

[Turbulent]

You're eyeing her like a hawk... but not making it creepy. She sees you. And you like the way she's watching you watch her. A small smirk. She has on Wayfarers but its no doubt y'all are deeply engaged in a game of eye-tag.

You decide in your head its now or never ...Ill never see her again if I dont take this chance...You miss all the shots you dont take...yada yada, right? You finally build up your courage and walk up to herSAY SOMETHING YOU SHY MOTHERfukkER SHE'S WAITING "Whats up girl, dont mean to interrupt..."

And the whole time she's barely acknowledges your existence and is staring off into space. Think of the Ether festering inside of a man as you finish your diatribe and you are left there standing At what moment do you execute an about face and march off? 5 seconds? 7?. And where do you go? Surely not back to where you were sitting earlier.

And then you have to build yourself back up to do this again...and again until you get one to bite. Small wonder that all some men will do is stare. Maybe he is in the process of trying to build himself back up.

let him heal Daeny.

LOL

i feel this post but to be frank, the reason this doesn't work is that you are approaching from a needy/fearful state of mind. Get your mind right before approaching them.

 

[philmonroe]

LOL

i feel this post but to be frank, the reason this doesn't work is that you are approaching from a needy/fearful state of mind. Get your mind right before approaching them.

This I would tell all guys/girls get yourself right then you probably don't even feel like you do when coming at the opposite sex. When you confident that your are doing maybe not the best but you got your stuff together you don't take a chick not wanting to holler as personal since you did as good as you currently can. That's why cats with money, looks, etc have confidence usually cause they like you don't want this? fukk it shame on you somebody else will benefit on this greatness lol. That's how you have to be but you have to believe and achieve it first. Good luck I wanna see everybody eating properly.

 

[Thatrogueassdiaz]

I prefer girls to come approach me..

theyre usually the bubbly type which I like..a very energetic personality..

I love those types

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Tupac in a Business Suit]

A smile and a simple "Hi"...

 

[Chrishaune]

Most dudes are just as shy as the women are though. And sometimes chicks have a tendency to try to clown a man when he tries to holler. So most times a dude just won't holler for fear of rejection and for fear of being clowned.

Let's be honest, that's more of a ratchet woman thing than anything. You take the hit from trying, and that's how you learn who is approachable and who's not. Men have to be the ones who are adventurous when it comes to dating, or you'll never know what the right woman for you looks like.

 

[2Elusive]

Back in the days I used to think that a guy who don't have confidence was kinda cute, but shxxxt to my surprise, I found that this lack of self confidence was a big personality issue (low self estime that affects it work life, social life...) and you can try to help the guy as much as you can telling him how much is a good man, handsome, intelligent and stuff it will change nothing.

 

[karim]

But I do like for guys to take the lead. I just like that quality in a guy. Inhale never believed that guys really liked when girls approached them. Everyone has told me that guys liked the chase. But I understand what you mean about looks not being enough to approach someone. That makes sense.

i could go on a whole rand on gender roles but i won't. the only thing i'm going to say is this: while woman have managed to successfully fight for more freedom and to redefine their role in society, they still cling to an image of masculinity that is part of the same social structures that were responsible for their oppression. you are named after a character from game of thrones, so i'm referencing this article, which makes a good point:

Game of Thrones Offers A Complex, Nuanced Critique of Patriarchy | The Raw Story

I’ve found “Game of Thrones” to be a fascinating deconstruction of the romanticization of medieval patriarchy, a romanticization that is used as a rhetorical weapon to this day in order to prop up modern patriarchy. (For instance, it’s common for sexists to defend unfair treatment of women by citing “chivalry” as a value, but as “Game of Thrones” brilliantly and correctly posits, chivalry is just a series of futile, meaningless gestures to pretty up systems that treat women like disposable objects.)

woman like these qualities in men because they are socialized into believing that they define masculinity and that this is the way a man should behave towards a woman. in reality, the masculine quality of being able to take the lead is just part of a value system that is ultimately based on the notion that woman are not capable to act and think for themselves and therefore have to rely on the man as the natural leader. personally, i'm not looking for this type of relationship, which is also why i expect a woman to bring more to the table then her looks.


as far as the chase goes: i don't like the chase and most guys i know don't like it either. guys who like the chase are guys who rate woman based on numbers and pride themselves in banging tens that were hard to get. they discuss relationships based on concepts such as sexual market value and think that a womans value is defined by level of attractiveness and costs of acquisition (aka the chase). if i find a woman attractive and she tries to make me jump through hoops i get turned off. i'm looking for company and a potential partner, not a trophy

Long story short: studied "general stuff" (Economical theories, European Affairs) but never really specialized in a particular sector, no networking skills, can't "sell" myself well, and generally don't have a clear view of what I want to do/what my strenghts are. All basically goes back with the self-confidence thing and not knowing how to "maneuver" in the real world, I stupidily believed that getting good grades at school/uni would actually mean something more than just knowing a thing or two. Add to that that it's VERY hard for me to plan anything long-term (been moving all my life, don't really have roots anywhere).

dude are you kidding me, you speak for fukking languages and studied economics and european affairs, there is a market for that. how old are you? i know that competition is tough, especially in the area of european affairs, but saying you're not specialized when you speak four languages is retarded. on top of that you say you moved around a lot. that means you have international experience and intercultural awareness (i just named your major selling points: multilingual economist with expertise in european affairs, international experience and cultural awareness. find a mirror and repeat this until you can say it with confidence). have you tried getting an internship at the commission (assuming you have a european passport)? they don't pay that much, but networking opportunities are great, and consultancies and ngo's based in brussels love former commission interns. or try applying to the big four. get coaching on how to sell yourself and how to network and you are good to go.

 

[The Devil's Advocate]

It's frustrating because there are some guys who I want to say something. I know you all will say that I should say something first but I'm shy, and besides I like it when guys take the lead.

How do I encourage guys to speak?

You'll meet a few kind of guys in the club. But the extreme cases on either side of the coin are gonna be:

1. The type that hollers at EVERYTHING. I know a few dudes that average about 30 women a night. Not getting numbers. But attempts. Any half decent thing they see, they run up on them like the flash, and try to get the number. If they fail, they try the next girl. If they succeed, they still try the next girl. Law of averages


2. The shy guy. He's plotting on a girl. Saw her and wants her so bad he can feel it in his chest. But he's soooo scared she'll say no, he will wait for the sun to turn blue before he tries. He's waiting for you to come speak to him or make it so obvious that he doesn't have to wonder





What you describing sounds like number 2. nikkas scared to approach

 

[mbewane]

dude are you kidding me, you speak for fukking languages and studied economics and european affairs, there is a market for that. how old are you? i know that competition is tough, especially in the area of european affairs, but saying you're not specialized when you speak four languages is retarded. on top of that you say you moved around a lot. that means you have international experience and intercultural awareness (i just named your major selling points: multilingual economist with expertise in european affairs, international experience and cultural awareness. find a mirror and repeat this until you can say it with confidence). have you tried getting an internship at the commission (assuming you have a european passport)? they don't pay that much, but networking opportunities are great, and consultancies and ngo's based in brussels love former commission interns. or try applying to the big four. get coaching on how to sell yourself and how to network and you are good to go.

Yeah I understand that breh, believe me I lived in Brussels for 7 years (I'm half-Belgian) and I did try the internship at the Commission (didn't get it) and all them ngos and stuff (couldn't even get an unpaid internship). (You been to Brussels? Sounds like you're familiar with it).

Indeed competition there is crazy (you have all highly educated, multilingual younger FROM ALL OVER EUROPE coming in) so I'm nothing special there. It's mostly networking that will get you through (having been to the same school as this guy, having done an internship with that girl). That's where I suck. and people get confused because I studied economy (in France, that means theoritical economy, Keynes Smith and them, NOT finance, budgets, marketing etc.) but have never worked in that area. There's also additional stuff (a certain anti-Belgian climate in the "Euro-Bubble" for ex).

I do try the "convincing myself" thing, sometimes it works but most of the time, not that much.

Oh yeah, I'm 32

 

[Fur Elise]

Just give off a friendly vibe, works for me