Why do you guys stare but then don't say anything?

[Mr. Somebody]

Perhaps you should smile when the men you like look at you. Two people staring at one another looking like is like burning rubber in a car, you get nowhere fast.

 

[Daenerys Targaryen]

I don't know why people must lie all the time just keep it funky. You like when guys take the lead cause your a coward when it comes to this. Nobody really likes to play the background robin role unless they have too. You can say hi it's not more simple than that most guys will take it from there and the others are just like you so hopefully for you if you like them you can keep seeing them over time to build up the talking.

lol @ "I like when guys take the lead"

and i like when sexy women come up to me and just tell me they had to talk to me because they just find me so irresistible. but why should the world care what i "like"? I can either go get what i want or make threads on the-coli about what i want to happen.

I think you guys are reading very negatively into what I sad and I didn't mean it in a negative way. You don't know me from Adam so I'm assuming its based off of other people you've met in the past. I come from a culture where girls are very much expected to abide by gender roles and if you're raised a certain way it can be hard to get stuff out of your system. Me having a more feminine attitude has never really posed a problem in my relationships before, usually it contributes to a sense of balance in my relationships. If you don't like girls like me then so be it. Everyone won't like everyone and I'm more than okay with that.

@ Daenerys Targaryen
Try to just not taking it seriously, like it is a game. Smile back at him and then try an approach, like "him are you doing, are you enjoying your day" stuff like that, nothing significant and then you'll see. Just don't take it seriously it will be easier but at the same time don't show to much interest.

You're right. I think because it's been awhile I'm approaching things to seriously. I should really just lighten up and try to have fun with it.

 

[KyokushinKarateMan]

It's frustrating because there are some guys who I want to say something. I know you all will say that I should say something first but I'm shy, and besides I like it when guys take the lead.

How do I encourage guys to speak?

It is not always a man's intention to stare, and it is not always the intention of that stare to give the impression that we want to 'holla' at you. Sometimes we're married men, and may just be stealing a long glance. Sometimes we can look at you and, although may be very much attracted to you physically, can tell by the way you carry yourself or things we may have heard you talking about, or the crowd you run with, that we wouldn't 'click', thereby leaving nothing more to do but to admire you from a distance.. Men have many different reasons why a stare may not amount to anything more. I guess if it is a routine thing with the same man everyday then yeah that's a bit unusual, and I can understand the anxiety of preferring that he either speak up one day or get out of your face with all that staring period. But it's not always due to being shy, or conceited; two things I hear a lot of women who share this complaint say. Personally speaking I am far from shy, quite aggressive when I want something actually, but I still maintain restraint and discipline and admire from a distance most of the time, for a variety of reasons that change with each different interaction/female I cross paths with.

 

[TallFrenchy]

Obviously not anymore.

It was a long rlp and I was sad about it but I'm getting over it.Anyway I've been in a relationship for a long time, and I'm rusty at this getting dudes to approach you thing. It's been a non-issue for me for a long time.

Didn't bother reading the whole thread so sorry if I'm being redundant.

Don't wait for guys to approach you

I used to be shy but then I realized that most of the times the reason why guys who look at you don't approach you is because they're shy or worried they'll get rejected.
I used to think guys weren't interested, but since a few months ago, I started approaching dudes, and I've never had any man not ask for my number and text/call me the next day

Just jump girl, trust me it gets easier

 

[Daenerys Targaryen]

i could go on a whole rand on gender roles but i won't. the only thing i'm going to say is this: while woman have managed to successfully fight for more freedom and to redefine their role in society, they still cling to an image of masculinity that is part of the same social structures that were responsible for their oppression. you are named after a character from game of thrones, so i'm referencing this article, which makes a good point:

Game of Thrones Offers A Complex, Nuanced Critique of Patriarchy | The Raw Story

woman like these qualities in men because they are socialized into believing that they define masculinity and that this is the way a man should behave towards a woman. in reality, the masculine quality of being able to take the lead is just part of a value system that is ultimately based on the notion that woman are not capable to act and think for themselves and therefore have to rely on the man as the natural leader. personally, i'm not looking for this type of relationship, which is also why i expect a woman to bring more to the table then her looks.


as far as the chase goes: i don't like the chase and most guys i know don't like it either. guys who like the chase are guys who rate woman based on numbers and pride themselves in banging tens that were hard to get. they discuss relationships based on concepts such as sexual market value and think that a womans value is defined by level of attractiveness and costs of acquisition (aka the chase). if i find a woman attractive and she tries to make me jump through hoops i get turned off. i'm looking for company and a potential partner, not a trophy



dude are you kidding me, you speak for fukking languages and studied economics and european affairs, there is a market for that. how old are you? i know that competition is tough, especially in the area of european affairs, but saying you're not specialized when you speak four languages is retarded. on top of that you say you moved around a lot. that means you have international experience and intercultural awareness (i just named your major selling points: multilingual economist with expertise in european affairs, international experience and cultural awareness. find a mirror and repeat this until you can say it with confidence). have you tried getting an internship at the commission (assuming you have a european passport)? they don't pay that much, but networking opportunities are great, and consultancies and ngo's based in brussels love former commission interns. or try applying to the big four. get coaching on how to sell yourself and how to network and you are good to go.

I hear everything you're saying. My parents aren't from a Western culture and I come from a culture that strongly encouraged gender roles and I thought they were fine. My opinion on that is changing, as I see women who recently immigrated from my parents country rejecting those traditional gender roles as they spend longer in the US. So I'm starting to think its not all hunky dory the way they portrayed it in their marriages for the longest.

But change does take time. And I'm not just bringing looks to the table... I have way more than that lol.

I also agree with everything you're saying to mbewane. You're a smart and reasonable guy.

 

[god shamgod]

Didn't bother reading the whole thread so sorry if I'm being redundant.

Don't wait for guys to approach you

I used to be shy but then I realized that most of the times the reason why guys who look at you don't approach you is because they're shy or worried they'll get rejected.
I used to think guys weren't interested, but since a few months ago, I started approaching dudes, and I've never had any man not ask for my number and text/call me the next day

Just jump girl, trust me it gets easier

Is that you in that avi

 

[TallFrenchy]

Nah
It's Nichole Galicia from Django

 

[FluffyCorleone]

Nah
It's Nichole Galicia from Django

I guess we can see how she got the role for that movie:

Spoiler

Looks like just another negro bed wench.

 

[Still Benefited]

But I do like for guys to take the lead. I just like that quality in a guy. Inhale never believed that guys really liked when girls approached them. Everyone has told me that guys liked the chase. But I understand what you mean about looks not being enough to approach someone. That makes sense.

I will say when females approach me or just do the wanting me to say sumthin it pretty much let's me know she want the dikk....so I very well might talk to her knowing its gon be easy even tho I know in my mind there's no long term shyt there,cuz she's just "fukkable" rather than actually bein my type....I wouldn't have approached her but since she approached me letting me know she will be easy to fuk and not put in much effort at all,ill go ahead and put her in the phone and give it to her...then shake her unless she really good at what she do so I can focus more on women I really want.


Obviously how easy it is will be up to u,but a nikka like me just gon think u a tease bcuz most women who approach and smile and stare(outside the club) have fuked the game up for u....and in my experience its always easy to fuk them....so u starin and smilin or approachin me,then wanting to go out on dates and get to know me first gon have me like "this bytch playin games,I ain't even want u that bad"

Just to give the other perspective,it depends on the dude basically....u can attract nikkas who only want one thing thinkin u want the same thing by doin it,but u gon miss out on sum good scary nikkas who really are attracted to u for real by not doin it too.

 

[philmonroe]

I think you guys are reading very negatively into what I sad and I didn't mean it in a negative way. You don't know me from Adam so I'm assuming its based off of other people you've met in the past. I come from a culture where girls are very much expected to abide by gender roles and if you're raised a certain way it can be hard to get stuff out of your system. Me having a more feminine attitude has never really posed a problem in my relationships before, usually it contributes to a sense of balance in my relationships. If you don't like girls like me then so be it. Everyone won't like everyone and I'm more than okay with that

What the hell are you talking about? Where did I say anything negative at? See this no accountability culture is running rampant in the streets. You ask a question I responded didn't say nothing crazy and you talking this I don't like girls like that or I don't know you business. No shyt I don't know you so obviously how can I know if I like you if I don't even know you? I was still just answering your question while keeping it real why girls (fukk that people) say things like that comment I spoke on.

 

[Action Jackson]

Same here! That's why I felt weird when the dude winked at me... I was like people do that in real life? I've was actually trying to perfect my wink in the mirror for the last couple of minutes. I feel silly. Lol

If a chick winked at me she'd get the look. Don't do that.

Just give off the right vibe. You said you were in a relationship, you might still be acting that way without even knowing it.

If you like a dude to approach you then that's what you like. You aren't a coward for that and you shouldn't have to change it up. Stick to what you like.

If we were at a bar and we made eye contact, I gave a little smile and you returned the favor that's not going to give me enough confidence to approach you. But here's where maybe you can use this move. One of the next times we share Eye contact I break it early just to check out your body then go back to your eyes. I do it in a very casual noncreepy way tho lol. Don't be having the face but a nice smile. That should be enough to let you know I'm checking you out and very interested and if you smile back and/or do the same thing back I would approach you. Ive had plenty of girls do that to me and I'd make a move.

If you're with a bunch of friends and feel that may discourage him walk to the jukebox or go to the bar to get some water. That should be more than enough of an opportunity for the guy to seize.

But it all starts with the vibe you give off.

 

[Dat Migo]

I'm shy too. Come speak to me

 

[dennis roadman]

Really appreciate it breh...thing is I'm 32

I've tried to see my disadvantages as opportunities, but sometimes it's just too much, being rootless is often more appreciated by people who DO have roots and want to "get away" in a sense, me I'd just love to have a place I could call home and where I can "go back" without being a stranger.

For example speaking 4 languages is cool, but I've learned "extra" languages because...my parents didn't pass me down their languages (Sango -language in CAR- and Dutch, that I learned afterwards but nowhere near the mother-tongue level it should have been). So I could learn 10 languages, but not knowing MY languages -and the whole culture/history attached to them- will always be extremely frustrating (again, it's hard for people who DO speak their language to appreciate this point).

But thanks for the encouragement breh, I appreciate it, and I do try to get over it but it's really hard not having any sense of "context" (no mother tongue, no "home", no family really either) means I feel I'm constantly in a vacuum, making it hard to appreciate the liberty that it does offer. Because I have no security whastoever to fall back upon.

(Sorry for the negativity but it's been that kind of week )

well what can i say except that it's never too late and that the pain you have seems to be embedded so you have no choice but to make it useful somehow. or just move back to CAR and see what's good. why not?

overall, do something extreme. if you fail, you seem smart enough to write a good book about it.

at the very least you could do some george orwell shyt like in Down and Out in Paris and London

 

[TallFrenchy]

I guess we can see how she got the role for that movie:

Looks like just another negro bed wench.

"World's Greatest Troll" huh? Try harder, babe

 

[mbewane]

well what can i say except that it's never too late and that the pain you have seems to be embedded so you have no choice but to make it useful somehow. or just move back to CAR and see what's good. why not?

overall, do something extreme. if you fail, you seem smart enough to write a good book about it.

at the very least you could do some george orwell shyt like in Down and Out in Paris and London

Appreciate breh, really.

Can't really go back to CAR now, not speaking the language (and being mixed) means I'm seen as a "not-real" centralafrican, don't have anyone left there except my pops. And shyt is really real down there now https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_African_Republic_conflict_(2012%E2%80%932013)

I actually kind of write (self-published a short stories collection with some friends back in Brussels...check the sig ), might have to explore that a little more in deep. And read that George Orwell book