If you are over 35, why are you single?

[cocoabutter27]

There is something to be said about living a simple life on your terms. I have no interest in compromising based on other people's desires.

So you don't want to get married? Because marriage is ALL about comprise.

 

[cocoabutter27]

I'm 32 about to be 33, my issue is I don't find a lot of black women in my field. Or in my work circle, I work in advertising and its a mostly white field.
And I'm not trying to marry a White woman, the club scene is not a thing anymore since most of my homies are too tired from work or in a relationship, most of my homies have married or started a kid out of thier race which I think is sad Not even Latina, my best friend from college just got his white gf pregnant and I think he;s going to marry her.


My only option for meeting a black queen is by luck, or online dating, and these women in online dating be having their heads in the clouds. I get so many many messages from females on match, who get upset if you call them sexy , like bitcchhh why did you like my pic , and you want to have a convo on some deep emotional level when all I can go by is your looks

Are you just looking for women in your field? Or will a "successful" woman in any field work? I think a issue I see sometimes is that people hate to have to explain themselves. Why they do something this way, why they are excited/irritated by something at work, why something is important. People generally like someone who gets it, not someone you have to explain basic stuff to..over and over again. Like a man/woman being an engineer and a woman/man not understanding the difference between mechanical, chemical, electrical, etc. and have to explain constantly. I can imagine that's exhausting.

 

[the bossman]

My only option for meeting a black queen is by luck, or online dating

you live in NY and the only way for you to meet a quality black woman is by luck or online?

do you not go to the grocery store? to the gym? out to eat? walk outside? there are black women everywhere

 

[Ghost Utmost]

Of you're 19 you can grow to accommodate another human in your space all the time.

So I can see people who get together young being able to make it work.

But if you're 30, you get annoyed by some whole other person rearranging you shyt. No matter how much you like touching them.

So basically we all to selfish and stuck in our ways to get along with someone on that level.

I was married, had long term shack ups, long term ships where we lived in different towns. It seems to run its course in a few years and then somebody gets bored.

Old school marriages lasted because the people stayed together DESPITE being unhappy. These days we just bounce.

 

[Huellz Santana]

This is getting mind-boggling to me. And this question is ONLY for people who don't want to be. Not the GMB crew . I have male and female friends over 35 who are attractive, intelligent, kind, don't have kids, are settled in their careers, have homes, cars...I mean I don't get it. I have introduced some of the males to the females ...ummmm that didn't work though. I know everyone has quirks, but these men and women are sane and have healthy self-esteem. Could just be the timing in their lives or something else. Why do you think you're single?

Just turned 34
My last two relationships, I was ready but the women had some growing to do. Now they both want to be back on the team. I'm trying to focus more on my own goals and missions. I'm sure I'll be married in the next 3 years or so. If not, then I guess it wasn't meant to be.

I know I can be "picky" but I'm not going to settle. too many people are scared to be alone so they settle. seen it play out way too many times​

 

[Atlrocafella]

Just be with someone who is equally yoked to you in all areas, especially when it comes to Finance. If all you have is looks, than all I have for you is The D. If you coming with way more than that(looks, education, career, money, great personality), than we can talk marriage(with a prenup)

 

[NobleDrewAli]

I almost had a baby with my ex and when I decided to do it her whole personality changed (she didn't get pregnant, but we tried). It made me look at woman and marriage different after that. I wanted to wait until we were more financially stable (she had debt too), she wanted to have one right away and figure it out as we go. Don't know if I will ever get married, might have a kid in the future. Some of these women expect everything from you and bring nothing to the table so some people just feel like they have to chose wisely. The divorce rate is higher now too so if it doesn't work out and you are a man everything will be in her favor (alimony, kids, etc). Then there is a fact that some people come from single parent households so they can see first hand what happens if it doesn't work out.

How did her pesonality change, breh?

 

[Derekjackson2]

Sometimes people are too smart to be normal. People watch & listen to others in a relationship or married then realize people are in relationships as a need not a want & really don’t like who they are in a relationship with. Either they have kids or can’t make it on their own. If you are self sufficient & don’t like drama then you stay single. I want to wife but do I want to raise other kids & deal with their past relationships. Do I want to deal with a controlling woman who thinks she doesn’t want a man. I really just want constant sex & a companion some days to be honest.

 

[cocoabutter27]

Just turned 34
My last two relationships, I was ready but the women had some growing to do. Now they both want to be back on the team. I'm trying to focus more on my own goals and missions. I'm sure I'll be married in the next 3 years or so. If not, then I guess it wasn't meant to be.

I know I can be "picky" but I'm not going to settle. too many people are scared to be alone so they settle. seen it play out way too many times​

You know I think people who are sure they are going to be married actually get married. My friends are acting like it will never happen for them...attracting hopelessness

 

[cocoabutter27]

Sometimes people are too smart to be normal. People watch & listen to others in a relationship or married then realize people are in relationships as a need not a want & really don’t like who they are in a relationship with. Either they have kids or can’t make it on their own. If you are self sufficient & don’t like drama then you stay single. I want to wife but do I want to raise other kids & deal with their past relationships. Do I want to deal with a controlling woman who thinks she doesn’t want a man. I really just want constant sex & a companion some days to be honest.

Constant sex and companionship is all it is some days. People have to be okay with routine. I had a girlfriend who grew up in an abusive household. Her mom verbally, emotionally and physically abused her daughters. Her dad would try to calm her down and then gave up and would go for a drive because his wife would abuse him as well. Anyway, my friend associated drama with love. All her relationships were like that. Her first husband was a cheater and abuser. When she finally divorced him and met her now second husband, she constantly tried to pick fights. She planned on breaking up with him multiple times because "he won't argue with me". Told her to stop being silly and settle down and let him love her. She finally got with the program and they have been married about 5 years now...she is deliriously happy. She is highly intelligent, but definitely had to adjust her idea of normal.

 

[kej718]

How did her pesonality change, breh?

She just had this look on her face like she got me. Like it was a game she won. I felt like she only wanted the baby and she didn't really care about the relationship. That shyt hurt man. I gave in cause everyone I knew had a kid already and felt like I had to do it cause my mom always tells me she wants grand kids. We broke up in April (stopped sleeping together in Dec).

 

[Kane1]

Got a friend who is going on 38...she told me the other day 'being a strong independent woman is getting old'



Got a homie from college...37....makes 6 figures a year BEFORE bonuses, home - 2 cars and travels out of the USA at least 2-3 times a year. He's running through young and old ladies at a blinding pace in the last month he's brought 6 different over for dinner with me and my wife

 

[intruder]

You know I think people who are sure they are going to be married actually get married. My friends are acting like it will never happen for them...attracting hopelessness

Your friends feel that way because marriage, for women, is a major GOAL in life. THey have been programmed to feel that way since birth. So when they go through 10,15 of their prime years (ages of 20-35) and it hasnt happened they start feeling like they have failed to reach one f their primary goals in life.

On the other hand, men tend to view marriage as a "LIFE EVENT" or a "SACRIFICE/COST". Not a Goal. We get married because marriage is what it's gonna take to keep that woman we want to be with. If we could be with her without being married we would. But we know thats what she wants and until we do it she'll never be happy. So in order to keep her happy we marry her.

So When we (men) get married we're doing it FOR YOU. It's our gift TO YOU to KEEP YOU and KEEP YOU HAPPY.

Dont get me wrong there are men out there who get married because they dont wanna be alone too. But the majority get married because they, at the time, couldnt see themselves without said woman they love and they only way to lock her in is marrying her.

 

[Commish]

Right, wasn't saying that. The people I am talking about don't think that...just tired of waiting. They feel like it's never gonna happen for them. I tell them the same thing about happening when it should, but some days I question when it will happen for them.

I was not accusing you of anything. I was speaking in general because I know there are people out there who think that people who are single after a certain age has certain issues that taints their level of desirability.

I also understand how your friends may feel. See, people go though different stages of life differently than others and at different times and rates. Some people have difficult time connecting with people while others may connect with people right away, but can't sustain anything long term, which can be exhausting as well. Whatever the situation may be, some people feel that it is best to lay low untill the coast is clear.

Your friends have to learn how to be resilient, patient and focus on self improvement wherever there needs to be improvement and they will be alright.

 

[kej718]

What would you like a woman to bring to the table? I think a job, vehicle and her own place are the bare minimum for people. What do you need to maybe feel ready?

That's pretty much it. A job would have been enough for me. When I dated my ex she got fired from her job. I helped he get another one (wrote the resume, cover letter, essay for her). She got it but din't feel like she would keep it. She had debt too (That is why I needed for her to have a job so she could take care of that while I handled everything else). She lived with her mom which was fine. I actually met her mom on the first date. We would have probably broken up sooner if it weren't for her.