Could you be in committed or long term relationship with someone who has kids?

Uffie

Rookie
Joined
Jun 27, 2012
Messages
320
Reputation
20
Daps
124
Reppin
NULL
Every week when this thread is made (Yes, it's made that frequently) causes me to either :smh: or self reflect.

As a 'single mother' (of one) who's currently engaged/pregnant by a man who doesn't have any children, I know it was harder for me to be in a committed relationship. He is the 1st man I've ever introduced my son to. My son loves & respects him more than his biological father and tells anyone who'll listen (even his father :laugh:)

In the beginning it was hard for me to see my son run to the door whenever he came home from work, tell him all of his secrets, watch them play together, etc. I felt as if I was being replaced :no: I had to realize I never truly witnessed my son interact with a male on a consistent basis that wasn't a relative (whenever he visits his father, I'm not present).

I am grateful to have found a man who has accepted me as well as my son; and decided to start a family with me (our daughter) as well as build a future together.

This sites skewed perception of single mothers at 1st was bothersome, but I know it's a reflection of your experiences or lack thereof.
i'm happy for you and congrats on the new baby coming. :hug:
 

KnowledgeIsQueen

Duality Duel
Joined
May 1, 2012
Messages
1,425
Reputation
280
Daps
2,081
Reppin
Brooknam
Good post but do you think the bolded is a good thing?

I can never tell my son or anyone else for that matter that their thoughts/feelings are wrong.

There are plenty of times when my son's father disappointed him and I had to deal with the aftereffects. Every time I cried or was upset, my mother always told me not to worry one day my son will see how much I sacrifice for him & compare it to how he's treated by others. He's at the age where he can express how he feels, straight no chaser.

His words are a reflection of his fathers actions. If his words hurt his father, that's something he needs to fix.
 

YBE

Banned
Joined
May 2, 2012
Messages
5,125
Reputation
9
Daps
5,513
Why don't nyggaz realize that they have options and that u don't HAVE to date byttches with kids. Like seriously, nyggaz get too comfotable with these chix that have kids, and nyggaz don't wana give up that comfortable puhzzy that they are smashin on the regular. Let's be real, chix with kids have a knock/tarnish on them. Let's just keep it a 100, so a lot of these single moms have to date down and almost lower their standards. Not all , but some. Especially byttches with multiple kids from multiple nyggaz. They know that its slim pickins out there. Fellas, y'all gotta realize that there are plenty of females out there with no kids, why not fucc with them? Why give yourself the added responsibilty/headache. Of dealin with the next nyggaz kids?

Lame nikkas been eating off this hustle. Lame Lance could barely get a 7 before but, walking around with a 9 or a 10 because he willing to play step daddy.

I aint mad at the nikka :obama:
 

Metta World Movement

Peace and love...to all!!
Joined
May 5, 2012
Messages
6,417
Reputation
-54
Daps
11,517
As a 'single mother' (of one) who's currently engaged/pregnant by a man who doesn't have any children, I know it was harder for me to be in a committed relationship. He is the 1st man I've ever introduced my son to. My son loves & respects him more than his biological father and tells anyone who'll listen (even his father :laugh:)

:huh: Unless the real pops completely abandoned the kid at some point or was abusive to him in some way, I really don't see why that laugh smilie was necessary. Just saying.
 

MikelArteta

Moderator
Staff member
Supporter
Joined
Apr 30, 2012
Messages
251,148
Reputation
31,389
Daps
767,742
Reppin
Top 4
Im with one now married to her she had a kid and i had 2 kids from a previous relationship.

I will say this if you gonna do that understand its a big task and responsibility u will be doing and if you aint willing to do that cut it off. Cuz u can hurt that child if he or she gets attached too you really bad

but you had a child thats a big difference

i bet if you were single with no kids you would not do that.
 

MikelArteta

Moderator
Staff member
Supporter
Joined
Apr 30, 2012
Messages
251,148
Reputation
31,389
Daps
767,742
Reppin
Top 4
and no i wouldn't.

1. relationships are hard as they are already, why make it harder having to deal with a kid that ain't yours and some baby daddy in the picture.

2. in relationships i want to be number 1, not number 2 or 3. If i want to see a movie at 12am with my broad i want to see a movie at 12am not some oh i cant get a babysitter that late.

3. baby dad, if he isn't dead, no matter how much she "hates" him, odds are he is smashing, odds are whenever he "smartens up", she'll reconsider and kick you to the curb for him.

4. that nikka ain't mine, there will come a point where you gotta spnd money whether diapers, daycare , or babysit that nikka f that, you can't punish that little rugrat either.

5. there are millions of women without kids, so why settle for one with kids? dodges bullets only losers and nikkas with no game get into serious relationships with single moms

6. most of these women would not have messed with you if they didn't have baggage

7. :pacspit: at em
 

MikelArteta

Moderator
Staff member
Supporter
Joined
Apr 30, 2012
Messages
251,148
Reputation
31,389
Daps
767,742
Reppin
Top 4
Every week when this thread is made (Yes, it's made that frequently) causes me to either :smh: or self reflect.

As a 'single mother' (of one) who's currently engaged/pregnant by a man who doesn't have any children, I know it was harder for me to be in a committed relationship. He is the 1st man I've ever introduced my son to. My son loves & respects him more than his biological father and tells anyone who'll listen (even his father :laugh:)

In the beginning it was hard for me to see my son run to the door whenever he came home from work, tell him all of his secrets, watch them play together, etc. I felt as if I was being replaced :no: I had to realize I never truly witnessed my son interact with a male on a consistent basis that wasn't a relative (whenever he visits his father, I'm not present).

I am grateful to have found a man who has accepted me as well as my son; and decided to start a family with me (our daughter) as well as build a future together.

This sites skewed perception of single mothers at 1st was bothersome, but I know it's a reflection of your experiences or lack thereof.

:usure:

actually go around the internet, and you will see single moms are the bottom of the barrel, its always a single mom who was lucky to find a "good guy" that thinks she is th exception, nah not really, men with options aren't beating down your door.

the perception of single moms is true, you don't have alot of time, money is tight, government subsidies, got to carry your young seed on dates if no baby sitter, stressed out over baby dad, your child is the most important thing in your life and they are a blessing from God:krs:

the only types of dudes who date single moms for the most part are guys who just want sex, child predators (step daddy/boyfriend are the highest molestation rate amongst boy / girls), nice guys (Rescuers), and 1% the odd man of value
 

KnowledgeIsQueen

Duality Duel
Joined
May 1, 2012
Messages
1,425
Reputation
280
Daps
2,081
Reppin
Brooknam
:huh: Unless the real pops completely abandoned the kid at some point or was abusive to him in some way, I really don't see why that laugh smilie was necessary. Just saying.

I used that smilie because my son reminds me of myself. Whenever he's excited about something he'll become overzealous and express his sentiments regardless if the individual listening agrees/cares.

Often times while writing one self reflects/think about their life, which can be misinterpreted by others. Therefore, I'm sure you assumed I was laughing at the situation; which is understandable.


:usure:

actually go around the internet, and you will see single moms are the bottom of the barrel, its always a single mom who was lucky to find a "good guy" that thinks she is th exception, nah not really, men with options aren't beating down your door.

the perception of single moms is true, you don't have alot of time, money is tight, government subsidies, got to carry your young seed on dates if no baby sitter, stressed out over baby dad, your child is the most important thing in your life and they are a blessing from God:krs:


You are a caricature, pardon me If I don't take anything you say seriously.

You're not the individual I'm dealing with or engaged to. But, I'm sure your words are gospel to some lost, scorned, bitter soul on the internet :smile:
 

Metta World Movement

Peace and love...to all!!
Joined
May 5, 2012
Messages
6,417
Reputation
-54
Daps
11,517
4. that nikka ain't mine, there will come a point where you gotta spnd money whether diapers, daycare , or babysit that nikka f that, you can't punish that little rugrat either.

This is one of my biggest concerns right here. Some single mothers won't let you have free reign to put their kid in check when they act up; they'll expect you to 'man up' in terms of helping to pay bills related to their kids, but not in terms of actually being a real father to those kids, which includes punishing them and giving them tough love when necessary.

Even worse, the kid is probably MORE likely to act up around you while believing you can't do anything to them, especially while moms is around
 

Petty Crocker

Looking GREAT in my 30s
Joined
May 26, 2012
Messages
2,862
Reputation
770
Daps
8,314
When I was younger, I dated a man who had custody of his daughter for 2 years. The mother was in a different state and his daughter was about 2 years old then..She started calling me mama, my family accepted her as our own..it was great...We had no problems until BM came into town and wanted to take the baby back with her..stressed him out which ultimately put stress on our relationship... We ended up breaking up after that.

Would I do it again? Not sure..because a man's first priority and responsibility is to his child and most likely all my needs wouldn't be met and I would also have to take into account what his relationship with his BM is..I agree with Helga though, the older you get the harder it is to meet someone that doesn't have kids that you click with..The ones that don't, know that they are a hot commodity and have no intentions on settling down..I guess if there was no more than one child involved and the child was young enough for me to develop a relationship with him/her then yes I would consider it.
 

MikelArteta

Moderator
Staff member
Supporter
Joined
Apr 30, 2012
Messages
251,148
Reputation
31,389
Daps
767,742
Reppin
Top 4
I used that smilie because my son reminds me of myself. Whenever he's excited about something he'll become overzealous and express his sentiments regardless if the individual listening agrees/cares.

Often times while writing one self reflects/think about their life, which can be misinterpreted by others. Therefore, I'm sure you assumed I was laughing at the situation; which is understandable.





You are a caricature, pardon me If I don't take anything you say seriously.

You're not the individual I'm dealing with or engaged to. But, I'm sure words are gospel to some lost, scorned, bitter soul on the internet :smile:


:umad:

Women who have children outside of marriage are less likely than other single women to marry, and when they do marry, their husbands tend to be less well-matched, according to a new study.


The results show that the odds that unwed mothers marry rather than cohabit are about 30 percent lower than those of childless single women.

When they do marry, mothers are more likely to have husbands who are significantly older and less educated than those of childless women.

“It's more difficult for unwed munwed mothers to get married, and if they do, they tend to not marry well,” said Zhenchao Qian, co-author of the study and associate professor of sociology at Ohio State University.

Unwed mothers have significant disadvantages when trying to attract suitable mates,” Mellott said. “As a result, single mothers are less likely than childless women to be well matched demographically with their husbands or partners.”

For example, the study showed that single mothers were less likely than childless women to marry a man with at least some college education. That suggests unwed mothers are unlikely to improve their economic prospects through marriage, she said, because potential husbands are less likely to have opportunities for good-paying jobs.

In addition, a white woman who had children outside of marriage was more likely to marry a man who was significantly older – at least six years older – than she. That wasn't the case for Black and Hispanic women, but only because they were less likely than whites to be married at all, Qian said.

“Our analysis suggests that Blacks and Hispanics may be less likely to marry or cohabit because they face shortages of potential spouses,” he said. “If they had been married or living with someone, they would likely have husbands or partners much older than themselves.”

Overall, the results show that “women who bear children out of wedlock do not fare well in the marriage market,” Lichter said.


:umad:
 

MikelArteta

Moderator
Staff member
Supporter
Joined
Apr 30, 2012
Messages
251,148
Reputation
31,389
Daps
767,742
Reppin
Top 4
When I was younger, I dated a man who had custody of his daughter for 2 years. The mother was in a different state and his daughter was about 2 years old then..She started calling me mama, my family accepted her as our own..it was great...We had no problems until BM came into town and wanted to take the baby back with her..stressed him out which ultimately put stress on our relationship... We ended up breaking up after that.

Would I do it again? Not sure..because a man's first priority and responsibility is to his child and most likely all my needs wouldn't be met and I would also have to take into account what his relationship with his BM is..I agree with Helga though, the older you get the harder it is to meet someone that doesn't have kids that you click with..The ones that don't, know that they are a hot commodity and have no intentions on settling down..I guess if there was no more than one child involved and the child was young enough for me to develop a relationship with him/her then yes I would consider it.

there will always be women/men who have no kids, hell im 27 now and there a abundance of women my age, younger, older with NO KIDS

enlarge your circle
 

904

I pick shyt up
Joined
May 8, 2012
Messages
12,768
Reputation
1,763
Daps
31,543
Reppin
Vixens, Mascara's, Mary-Ann's
I prefer not to.. Its hard when you have no kids and these single moms out here throwing these traps at you..

My problem is patience. I like to be able to move at my speed and do whatever whenever. If I say lets go to Miami, I just need to hear ok, not I need to find somebody to watch my kid.. The first time I have a date cancelled because her son gets sick is usually when I get turned off..
 

MikelArteta

Moderator
Staff member
Supporter
Joined
Apr 30, 2012
Messages
251,148
Reputation
31,389
Daps
767,742
Reppin
Top 4
This is one of my biggest concerns right here. Some single mothers won't let you have free reign to put their kid in check when they act up; they'll expect you to 'man up' in terms of helping to pay bills related to their kids, but not in terms of actually being a real father to those kids, which includes punishing them and giving them tough love when necessary.

Even worse, the kid is probably MORE likely to act up around you while believing you can't do anything to them, especially while moms is around

yup

deep down single moms know they :ufdup:, go to any dating site they are like roaches

1: She decided to have a kid without a husband. This demonstrates terrible, selfish values. It also shows that she thinks of men as sperm donors and child support payers, NOT husbands & fathers. What will happen if you knock her up? Get ready to pay up for a kid that you won’t get to be a real dad to.

2: In some states, you can be responsible for child support by just living with her. I don’t want to pay for kids that aren’t mine. Do you?
3: False allegations of child abuse. It isn’t likely, but I don’t want to take that chance. Getting branded with a big “M” on your forehead (For Molester) will WRECK YOUR LIFE. It will never go away. Too big a risk.

4: Relationship aren’t easy as it is. Add a minor child and it really complicates the issue. Do you want to deal with her kid(s) too? You won’t be their dad and they will know it. Their mom already fukked up their life by not having a dad for them, and is fukking it up more by bringing in “Revolving door boyfriends” into their life.

5: Lots of single moms have financial problems. You will be obligated to help pay for sitters, food, braces, on and on. For children that aren’t yours. Get the credit card out!

6: There is NO reason to date one. Millions of women in this country are single with no kids, and in every age range. Go younger if you have to. Don’t waste your time with a woman that has PROVEN that she doesn’t want a husband for her and dad for her kids. Do you think she will change her mind for you? That she will forget her utter contempt for husbands and fathers just for you? Sure she will.


":Barring accident or horrendous disease---widowers---or single moms that are that way because of some other rare occurence, it's usually the result of piss poor decision making. It could be sexual licentiousness, seeking out bad boys to tame, trying to get pregnant to "have something to love" because of the lack of affection in their lives . . . up to risking pregnancy by not employing contraceptives and being irresponsible.

Of course, that's "sexist" in many of the feminist-minded---expecting women to be sexually responsible as men, but we'll move on for now.

Simply put, most single mothers don't feel bound by men who are playing surrogate father to their children---offspring that they have sired from someone else. There's always a possibility that the father still will be involved, and if the split was amicable or not, that's something to contend with. At brass tacks, you are still a provider, one in which whatever contributions you make isn't valued enough. ":

:umad:
 
Top