Bitter Black Men: redefining manhood (long read)

[ZoeGod]

I have been taught not to show emotion or act like a bytch by my family. A black man has to show no emotion and tough it out because in a family the man is the solid rock. When shyt hits the fan the wife and children are looking to the man to be the solid rock of stability. The man has to reassure the family even the darkest times. My pops never shows vunerablity except when he sats he loves my moms and me and my lil bro. Only time i saw him cry was when my grandma died in 1999. Since then he never cried. My grandfathers on both sides were tough old school country side haitians. So i have to keep the tradition.

I never open up even with females because i keep my guard up and dont trust these broads. I just keep shyt bottled up and i know that is unhealthy but hey this is what a man has to do. We are the providers, protectors and defenders of our people. There isnt time for emotion. We live in a ruthless cold world.

 

[CinnaSlim]

IMO, Black American Males are emotionally stunted because of the society they live in. Theyre usually on the recieving end of some bullshyt that they could not control so the natural response is insensitivity.. Why give a fukk about your feelings if my dad is doing 30 on a mandatory minimum? The list goes on. This insensitivity leads to a disaffectiveness and cruelty which plagues segments of that community. It even plays out on The Coli. The Black men here are especially cruel to one another.

That's the exact reason why black men /people desperately need to learn how to deal with their emotions.

After 400 years of Slavery, 100 years of Jim Crow and the continuing oppression we face, not once has mental or emotional help been offered or given. Whatever dysfunction we picked up from slavery and the crack era, is passed down through generations and considered normal. We can't build with broken people. We need to heal ourselves from the inside out.

 

[Soon]

I have been taught not to show emotion or act like a bytch by my family. A black man has to show no emotion and tough it out because in a family the man is the solid rock. When shyt hits the fan the wife and children are looking to the man to be the solid rock of stability. The man has to reassure the family even the darkest times. My pops never shows vunerablity except when he sats he loves my moms and me and my lil bro. Only time i saw him cry was when my grandma died in 1999. Since then he never cried. My grandfathers on both sides were tough old school country side haitians. So i have to keep the tradition.

I never open up even with females because i keep my guard up and dont trust these broads. I just keep shyt bottled up and i know that is unhealthy but hey this is what a man has to do. We are the providers, protectors and defenders of our people. There isnt time for emotion. We live in a ruthless cold world.

They should have let you let it out when you was a kid, parents should always let kids work through their emotions and help the kid understand why they feel the way they do, it builds character.

The danger is when you wait until you are an adult to let it, you pretty much have an emotional breakdown or nervous breakdown.

Last thing anyone needs is excuses or to place blame on slavery or white supremacy, you need answers not excuses.

Its almost like saying we are inferior, when this happens to anyone who has poor upbringing. You think those wild ass Italians from Jersey Shore are a picture of perfect mental health?

 

[Elle Driver]

If you teach them about emotion when they are 8 years old, then they won't be so emotionally confused when they are 38 years old.

Most of the time boys cry because they are disappointed or frustrated. We can imagine if they don't learn what frustration is at 8 years, they pretty much won't know what it is at 38 years old.

Usually a lot of drama pops off because of disappointment or frustration. By then dudes are cold. And this is a dangerous mix, that's what keeps the murder rate so high and the night warm.

I think positive reinforcements are necessary too. My husband is emotionally open, even though its not necessarily encouraged in Latin homes. I'm positive he will teach our son how to release his emotions properly.

 

[Soon]

I think positive reinforcements are necessary too. My husband is emotionally open, even though its not necessarily encouraged in Latin homes. I'm positive he will teach our son how to release his emotions properly.

True.

And also make sure he understands them. Its better to know why you are bothered, instead of just knowing you are bothered.

You don't want him to be an emotional wreck like these criminals and dead beats. And I do feel cold people and bitter people are emotional wrecks...

 

[William F. Russell]

This is a beautiful and sophisticated discussion. I'm very pleasantly surprised and proud of my Coli brehs and brehettes participating in this thread.

 

[Couth]

Sounds good.

But the truth is men can't afford to pay a lot of attention to emotions and feelings. As a man your only goal should be attaining success.

 

[Elle Driver]

True.

And also make sure he understands them. Its better to know why you are bothered, instead of just knowing you are bothered.

You don't want him to be an emotional wreck like these criminals and dead beats. And I do feel cold people and bitter people are emotional wrecks...

I got into the social work/mental health field because my dad started to internalize his emotions. And he was multi generational mixed so he resented the emotional stereotype. Internalizing emotions like that is dangerous because it can kill you. It killed him and I promised myself I'd work to help make sure black men are able to release those emotions in a healthy, positive way.

 

[Spatial Paradox]

This thread isn't just about group hugs and crying.

A simple check-in, asking "how are you doing?". Not saying it because of it being programmed into us, but actually being concerned.

When someone asks you "How are you?" Do you take time to acknowledge how you feel, or do you automatically spit out "fine", "ok" or "good"?

People don't connect anymore, how are we to develop a sense of community and build?

Yes I understand, some people don't want help Or don't appreciate it. That's their prerogative. The only person you can control is yourself. You are not required to care. But.. if you reach out you never know who you will help or who might end up helping you.

Me. It's mostly automatic too. I might add a "can't complain" to one of those every now and then, but I never actually give much thought to how I might be feeling at the moment. Partly because I could count on my hands the number of people I trust to actually bear my thoughts on how I'm feeling to.

Then again, it's also been noted that in American English, "how are you?" is almost always just a greeting, and not a genuine inquiry about your current well-being


This topic reminds me of a phone convo I had with my boy a few years ago. He was going through a lot with his wife and he just unloaded on me about a whole bunch of things that had been bothering him about their relationship. And then he apologized afterwards and told me he knows she's got a bunch of people to fall back on and at least talk to when things get rough, but he doesn't really talk to anyone about what's bothering him at all

We've had similar convos since then (their relationship has always been rocky), but he always says the same thing, that he doesn't really talk to anyone about it

 

[Benjamin Sisko]

This is a beautiful and sophisticated discussion. I'm very pleasantly surprised and proud of my Coli brehs and brehettes participating in this thread.

If this was a thread about bw then this wouldve been deleted or bushes status. Constructive criticism of ANY kind towards bw is not allowed.

 

[Matt504]

Awesome thread Cinna.

 

[William F. Russell]

If this was a thread about bw then this wouldve been deleted or bushes status. Constructive criticism of ANY kind towards bw is not allowed.

This is probably true.

But have there been threads made about black women that inspires discussions similar to the one in this thread?

 

[Retired Account]

Didnt read.
Bushes

If anything criticizing bw is automatically deleted or moved to the bushes, then the same thing should happen to all the black men theeads

This thread really isn't shytting on black men
It's just saying we need to express our emotions more and not bottle them inside

 

[loyola llothta]

IMO, Black American Males are emotionally stunted because of the society they live in. Theyre usually on the recieving end of some bullshyt that they could not control so the natural response is insensitivity.. Why give a fukk about your feelings if my dad is doing 30 on a mandatory minimum? The list goes on. This insensitivity leads to a disaffectiveness and cruelty which plagues segments of that community. It even plays out on The Coli. The Black men here are especially cruel to one another.

Preach! !

 

[DrX]

too late for me...my spirit been died years ago...i dont i could ever go back to the person i used to be.....im just a shell waiting for death