Don't quote me fakkit
Bitter Black Men: redefining manhood (long read)
- Thread starter CinnaSlim
- Start date
Elle Driver
Veteran
I came from an extremely dysfunctional upbringing which is why I think with support we need those who come from a place of understanding.
its not acceptable
CinnaSlim
Queen of Swords
This thread isn't just about group hugs and crying.
A simple check-in, asking "how are you doing?". Not saying it because of it being programmed into us, but actually being concerned.
When someone asks you "How are you?" Do you take time to acknowledge how you feel, or do you automatically spit out "fine", "ok" or "good"?
People don't connect anymore, how are we to develop a sense of community and build?
Yes I understand, some people don't want help Or don't appreciate it. That's their prerogative. The only person you can control is yourself. You are not required to care. But.. if you reach out you never know who you will help or who might end up helping you.
A simple check-in, asking "how are you doing?". Not saying it because of it being programmed into us, but actually being concerned.
When someone asks you "How are you?" Do you take time to acknowledge how you feel, or do you automatically spit out "fine", "ok" or "good"?
People don't connect anymore, how are we to develop a sense of community and build?
Yes I understand, some people don't want help Or don't appreciate it. That's their prerogative. The only person you can control is yourself. You are not required to care. But.. if you reach out you never know who you will help or who might end up helping you.
FrederickDouglas
All Star
Naw on the real, the standards we're held to as black men are fukked up. No matter what we're going through, we have gotta be a rock and you touched on it but a lot of times we feel like we can't even speak from a vulnerable place with our sisters out of fear of them losing respect for us and not viewing us a true men. With that said... What we gonna do, cry about it? fukk outta here.
Shut the fukk up butt pirate homosexual
you wish I was a homo
Prynce not living like that PedroNow lets not derail this thread fakkit
Yep.
Showing them how to be constructive and productive goes a long way, this is key to any outreach.
Anything to improve their thinking and behavior will be what they need the most.
trust is the main issue
Elle Driver
Veteran
My dad, but my mom used to scold him for it smh.
Its important to find out why they are crying.
Broke Wave
The GOAT
Well since no one else is going to say it, TLDRAfter dealing with a lot of bitter black men, and women complaining about bitter black men, I have had an epiphany.
The complaints and insults, the whining and fighting, were actually cries for help.
Black men have a lot on their shoulders, obviously. But one of the issues I haven't been paying attention to is their emotional and mental issues. I am a woman and I have been a child so I know those experiences, it's why I am passionate about helping women and children. The unique experiences of black men haven't been at the forefront of my mind because I have no personal experience with them. Instead, I see black men as strong, masculine, leaders, protectors and defenders. I used to beat emotional, whiny, passive, victim -claiming black men. Looking down on them and insulting them. I didn't realize that that is a very valid behavior.
I put black men on a pedestal, anyone who didn't measure up to that was looked down on. I have realized that putting them on a pedestal can be just as bad and putting them below me. Instead I had to realize that black men are my equal. That's what I always say, but I didn't believe it truly. Black men are not perfect, they are human. Being human means that you will make mistakes and you will experience life through emotions.
Men, but black men especially, are defined by their masculinity. They are taught not to cry, suck it up, stop being a baby. That isn't healthy. Of course, you shouldn't stay in your feelings, but you shouldn't suppress them and bottle them up either. Emotions have to be experienced and acknowledged. You have to go through it to get over it.
What healthy outlets do men have for their emotions? Most can't go to other men without being teased, called a "punk", "bytch", "soft" or told to toughen up. They can't go to women for fear of looking less like a "man". Usually, all they have are relationships. When the person who you bared yourself to in your most vulnerable state betrays you, it is a perfectly normal reaction to become bitter.
But you can not stay there, you need to release those negative emotions. We have to reach out to each other and connect. Recognizing there is a lack of emotional support for black men. We need to reintroduce ourselves to eachother with an open mind and a sense of equality. These are our equals, our reflections. When black men are hurting, so are black women. When black women are hurting so are black men. We need each other.
