---?

[Arabial Knight]

When my momma go that's it for me

I said that shyt when my dad got sick, and when he died right in front of me I contemplated slashing my wrists with mirror shards but I didn't have the nuts. I fell into a dark fukking depression instead. When she go tho...that's gonna be about time, brehs.

 

[EA]

@ModernFonzie .

 

[FreddyCalhoun]

My greatest fear in life is my mother passing and how I will react to it.

Breh...I can't even think about it without almost tearing up.....THIS THREAD NEED TO BE STICKIED

 

[Soundbwoy]

I come to the coli for news and clowning but every now and then we get gems like this,thank you

 

[SwagmundFreud]

@ModernFonzie can you go into detail of your gym/diet routine?

 

[360dagod]

 

[Charlie]

Props on fighting through and holding ya head even when u couldn't see the light my G!

 

[Kid McNamara]

Damn, I don't even know if I would feel anything if my mom died.

I'm glad to see you found your way through. I've been fighting these demons for so long, I don't know anything else man.

Needed to read this though.

 

[Konnan]

When I was 17 my moms died in my arms

She had chronic asthma and late one night it got the best of her

The hardest part was waking up my sister to tell her what happened.. Take your moms out to dinner or something today brehs and cherish this time together

Anyway I just kind of never dealt with the pain like OP and some life changing shyt happened a couple of years ago and it all came to a boil


I had checked out of life for a while but things are starting to look up

Depression is serious brehs


I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy

 

[Gus Money]

I appreciate you sharing that story. I struggled with depression in undergrad and it still affects me sometimes. The part about your mom and seeing other people mention their relationships with their moms is getting me. I love my mom more than anyone and I am terrified of losing her. I know I can count on her (and my dad) no matter what and I've been trying to show my appreciation more as I get older. Ever since I left home to attend undergrad in a different city, I make sure to call her at least once a day, even if it's just to say hi and talk for a couple seconds.

Threads like these make this one of the GOAT forums.

 

[2Quik4UHoes]

Damn breh I feel you, I've been battling depression since like 15. I won't get into all the details cause I'm tired of talkin about em but it can get better but depression is always there. Shiiet, your story did motivate me to get off my ass again. I was starting to live again a 10 months ago, started working out, I've always been skinny, but went from 11% body fat to 6% and was curling 40lbs.

Had a setback about 4 months ago though that I ain't recovered from, my sister was tryin to kill herself and had major drinking problems so I had to watch my 3 nieces since nobody else would for my sister to get help but I got out of my routine and fell on to some bad luck with all these car problems and plenty of relationship shyt so I just gave up again, tried to go back to the gym 2 weeks ago and realized I went up to 12% body fat and could really only curl 25 lbs again so I felt like shyt and pissed I lost all my progress. fukk it though, tomorrow I need to get back to eating right and feeling good. I'm eatin them nasty ass egg whites and oatmeal in the morning, no more reeces puffs.

That shyt is always gonna push back breh you gotta be ready for it. Don't ever think that the shyt goes away cuz it doesn't. You gotta figure out ways to cope respond those moments. A good sense of humor helps, I have great friends so when I holla at nikkaz its everything over a blunt from hysterical laughs to real talk. I hope you got the right circle around you cuz its important in your fight. In a way, you gotta be as strong as the negativity your depression brings on. It helped me to make my depression like some weak ass character wanting to drag me to that level, I was able to make light of it and consider myself above the depression. You just want that shyt to be as unattractive to you a possible so you rationalize a strong response to get rid of it. It's hard to be rational when depression got your nuts in its pocket.

 

[Shamrock32]

@ModernFonzie

Respect, stay strong my man. I'm working on some things right now too, it isn't easy but the first step is respecting yourself. Once you get there, you can start putting the puzzle back together.

 

[onelastdeath]

@ModernFonzie can you go into detail of your gym/diet routine?

Sure.

1. Get in the habit of meal prepping. It makes everything easier when you know what you're going to eat. Once a week, I drop about 15 dollars on Chicken Breast and 10 dollars on lean ground turkey. Which normally lasts me the whole week. I go to the vegetable stand around my way, and pick up 5 dollars worth of fresh uncut string beans or brocolli. and you should invest in a big bag of brown rice.

You can steam your String Beans, but they test better oven Roasted.

To over Roast String Beans. All you need to do is this.

Buy The Beans, Cut The Stems, Put Them In A Pot, Drizzle two table spoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil and salt and pepper to taste. Toss Them, Put them in the Oven at 400 degrees, spread out along a cookie sheet or Foil. For about 20 minutes. They taste like French Fries.

My dinner is normally looking like Grilled Chicken Breast OR Lean Ground Turkey with Fresh String Beans Or Brocolli with Brown Rice.

Once a month I do a BIG meal prep which sometimes last me 2 and a half weeks. My most recent one is here.

For Breakfast I normally do Oatmeal. No sugar, Splenda if you'd like. Only around 350- 400 calories for breakfast.


For Lunch I normally eat a sandwich made of cooked Liquid Egg Whites. Which you can get at Target for under 4 bucks. And it'll last you a little over a month

Sliced Cucumbers, Spinach, Tomato, And Fat Free Turkey Breast On This Bread

You wanna load up on the vegetables. Because between the bread and the egg whites. You're getting good calorie intake.

For Snacks I like these

And these

As far as my workout, I do a fasted cardio about 4 times a week. Meaning you wake up, no food, just do cardio. Your body realizes that it has to use stored fat for energy because you didnt put in any food. You should research what works for you, with what you have around you. Going for run is just as good as any treadmill.

My cardio workout consist of

100 high knees.

100 mountain climbers

100 squat jumps

100 jumping jacks.

60 minutes on my elliptical. It takes about an hour 45 minutes max and a hour 25 minutes minimum. but I dont always do the full hour on my elliptical because I like to run outside.

My abs. I use this

Which genuinely works.


For my arms, I keep it simple. Mostly Pushups and Dips. And Moderate lifting. I curl about 50 pounds or so, and i do butterfly lifts for my chest.

The most important thing though is your diet. In my opinion. Once you can get the discipline to follow your diet, you'll be better off. Try to stay away from Soda too. If you want something other than water.

What I do is, I drink Seltzer water, and put a splash of your favorite juice in it. Mine being Ocean Spray Cran-Grape. It tastes almost as good as a soda.

Hope this helps.

And make sure you take protein after your workouts. I use BodyTech Whey Tech PRO 24. Which you can get at GNC Or VS. 24g Protein, 1g sugar, and only 120 calories per scoop. NO FAT.

It looks like this

Don't eat when you're bored. Eat when you're hungry. Theres a difference.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Depression is being in an abusive relationship with yourself. You are both the battered spouse who keeps going back, and the violent spouse who promises they'll change.

Depression isn't so much that you're sad; it's more like you feel nothing. If that even makes sense. It makes you feel indifferent toward everything, indifferent in a world where in order to be successful you have to care. About yourself and about what becomes of you.

Real shyt.... the best way I've heard depression being described

 

[Smokin Rider]

That shyt is always gonna push back breh you gotta be ready for it. Don't ever think that the shyt goes away cuz it doesn't. You gotta figure out ways to cope respond those moments. A good sense of humor helps, I have great friends so when I holla at nikkaz its everything over a blunt from hysterical laughs to real talk. I hope you got the right circle around you cuz its important in your fight. In a way, you gotta be as strong as the negativity your depression brings on. It helped me to make my depression like some weak ass character wanting to drag me to that level, I was able to make light of it and consider myself above the depression. You just want that shyt to be as unattractive to you a possible so you rationalize a strong response to get rid of it. It's hard to be rational when depression got your nuts in its pocket.

I feel you breh, setbacks are inevitable and I knew that and was prepared for it but wasn't ready for a string of bad events. I will be this time, but it's hard out here breh, I ain't got a true friend around me, it ain't like high school no more where I ran the place.

My best homie dead and my other good homie moved to Florida, me and my cuz were close NH but he got into the army and moved to Florida. A lot of my high school friends I just can't fukk wit no more we on different levels and me and my older bro been beefin for a couple years. My sisters boyfriend and me was havin a hell of a summer, got me rappin and we made some classic tracks but he got locked up for a couple years. So I'm just out here solo, the only person I ever kick it wit is my weedman .

The only thing that motivates me right now is my 3 nieces and my little brother who look up to me and watch every move I make. shyt is taxing, but I want to set a positive example cause I don't want them to follow my path. I realize I'm venting a bunch of shyt, I guess I needed to but tomorrow I'm back in the gym (I know I said today but I'mma creature of habit and my routine was Monday thru Saturday in the gym). fukk this depression shyt brehs, tired of waiting to die on this misery ride, I'm too strong and my pride has always been to strong to go out like a busta

I'mma rep everyone in here cause yall got me motivated. I been trying to ignore this pain and not talk about it, but it's a dark ass road. Thank you all