What was some weird/f'd up/awkward sh*t u guys witnessed as a child?

[RealestSinceKumbaya]

My pops use to own a cornerstore. I was like 6-7 at the time and my pops had the store for like 2 months or so at that point. One night it was me, my older brother, who was like 16 then, one of my uncles, and my dad and we were closing up around 9 pm when 2 nikkas decided to try and rob it. Without using guns, one of them only had a knife. Before I know it, my brother threw me behind him and starts beating the shyt outta the weaponless dude with a can of can of coconut milk, one of these joints:

At the same time dude with the knife slashes my pops twice in both forearms mad quick, mad bloody. When that happened my pops grabbed dude and started pummeling him, mad punches to the face. As soon as my pops grabbed him I saw the fear in the dude's eyes, nikka look like he saw a ghost lol. Meanwhile my brother and uncle are stomping out the first dude something terrible, kicking him all in his head and shyt and I see speed knots forming all over on some Martin shyt. He's unconscious now and my pops is holding the other dude down and my brothers hitting him now too. My uncle grabs the phone and dials 911 and dude getting held down starts crying like a bytch. Cops and an ambulances get there like 8 minutes later, they get a statement from my pops and brother and take my dad to the hospital. My uncle took me home. That was my first crackhead experience. When I got home all my fam ends up coming to my house, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and these nikkas brought mad liqour. It was my pop's birthday and there was supposed to be a surprise party going down for him that day anyway. He gets home from the ambulance with 2 big ass wounds stitched up on his arm, and is surprised as fukk by the party. He ends up getting drunk as shyt and rips his tank top off on some Hulkamania shyt and I was like . Thought that nikka was a superhero and shyt. Probably was the happiest I ever seen him.

 

[Ooh Marty]

My pops use to own a cornerstore. I was like 6-7 at the time and my pops had the store for like 2 months or so at that point. One night it was me, my older brother, who was like 16 then, one of my uncles, and my dad and we were closing up around 9 pm when 2 nikkas decided to try and rob it. Without using guns, one of them only had a knife. Before I know it, my brother threw me behind him and starts beating the shyt outta the weaponless dude with a can of can of coconut milk, one of these joints:

At the same time dude with the knife slashes my pops twice in both forearms mad quick, mad bloody. When that happened my pops grabbed dude and started pummeling him, mad punches to the face. As soon as my pops grabbed him I saw the fear in the dude's eyes, nikka look like he saw a ghost lol. Meanwhile my brother and uncle are stomping out the first dude something terrible, kicking him all in his head and shyt and I see speed knots forming all over on some Martin shyt. He's unconscious now and my pops is holding the other dude down and my brothers hitting him now too. My uncle grabs the phone and dials 911 and dude getting held down starts crying like a bytch. Cops and an ambulances get there like 8 minutes later, they get a statement from my pops and brother and take my dad to the hospital. My uncle took me home. That was my first crackhead experience. When I got home all my fam ends up coming to my house, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and these nikkas brought mad liqour. It was my pop's birthday and there was supposed to be a surprise party going down for him that day anyway. He gets home from the ambulance with 2 big ass wounds stitched up on his arm, and is surprised as fukk by the party. He ends up getting drunk as shyt and rips his tank top off on some Hulkamania shyt and I was like . Thought that nikka was a superhero and shyt. Probably was the happiest I ever seen him.

yall nikkas on here had such fun,action packed, interesting, and weird childhoods

And I thought the cops picking up my pappy at the ice skating rink was f'd up

 

[IronFist]

People's = alphabet boys

On ya phone = means tapped

You should be able to figure the rest out.
If, you can not.
You non-street, and square than a motherfukker.
You not getting it, means you probably lame as fukk.
Plus live in that fantasy zone where everything is all honkey dory.


Art Barr

My pops use to own a cornerstore. I was like 6-7 at the time and my pops had the store for like 2 months or so at that point. One night it was me, my older brother, who was like 16 then, one of my uncles, and my dad and we were closing up around 9 pm when 2 nikkas decided to try and rob it. Without using guns, one of them only had a knife. Before I know it, my brother threw me behind him and starts beating the shyt outta the weaponless dude with a can of can of coconut milk, one of these joints:

At the same time dude with the knife slashes my pops twice in both forearms mad quick, mad bloody. When that happened my pops grabbed dude and started pummeling him, mad punches to the face. As soon as my pops grabbed him I saw the fear in the dude's eyes, nikka look like he saw a ghost lol. Meanwhile my brother and uncle are stomping out the first dude something terrible, kicking him all in his head and shyt and I see speed knots forming all over on some Martin shyt. He's unconscious now and my pops is holding the other dude down and my brothers hitting him now too. My uncle grabs the phone and dials 911 and dude getting held down starts crying like a bytch. Cops and an ambulances get there like 8 minutes later, they get a statement from my pops and brother and take my dad to the hospital. My uncle took me home. That was my first crackhead experience. When I got home all my fam ends up coming to my house, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and these nikkas brought mad liqour. It was my pop's birthday and there was supposed to be a surprise party going down for him that day anyway. He gets home from the ambulance with 2 big ass wounds stitched up on his arm, and is surprised as fukk by the party. He ends up getting drunk as shyt and rips his tank top off on some Hulkamania shyt and I was like . Thought that nikka was a superhero and shyt. Probably was the happiest I ever seen him.

at the visual.

 

[Sly Cookin]

-Seen my fifth grade teacher clean under his foreskin with a cue tip.

-in grade 4 i had this Indian friend who at the time, didn't know his family was racist. it all occurred to me years later that i was the victim of prejudice when i actually learnt what racism was. His family wouldn't let me inside his house, i'd have to play n64 with him through the living room window. Whenever they made food they would give me a dog bowl with morsels that i'd have to eat myself on the porch while everyone else was inside having a good time. they use to call me ****** and 'poo skin' when i didnt even know the significance of the word or the hate.

This can't be real


I remember this one time my brother got threatened by the principal when he was in kindergarten. Prinicipal says "you better stop misbehaving before I put bullets in your butt". My brother ain't tell my parents until years later

I saw this kid ride his tricycle down hill into a pile of shrapnel from construction work. That was the first time I seen someone soaking in blood. shyt made us rename that hill blood valley.

 

[Kid Coli]

this sound like a gangsta action packed movie, an after school special and a life time movie all rolled in one!

LOL

Now that I think about it, I guess my family and friends were pretty wild when I was growing up but at the time it was just normal.

One funny memory that came back to me was when I was around 13 my homie just started hustling and he came up to the school and was like let's go to McDonalds. We were all poor as fukk so we were like "we ain't got no cash" and he was like "I got you" and he pulls out a stack of money and so we caught a taxi to McDonalds and ordered a gang of shyt. Now it doesn't sound like much but at the time we felt like kings riding in that taxi to Miccy Ds. I remember me, my homie who was slanging now and another homie where sitting there in McDonalds eating our food and having a great time and there's this Asian family sitting across from us. I think it was a mother and three kids of all ages, and this one young Asian kid is staring us down. My homie who was slanging was a major trouble maker so thinking back, he probably did something to make the Asian kid stare at us like that. Anyway my homie throws a chip up high and it lands near the kid and the kid is mad pissed off at us. The Asian Mom has her back to us so she doesn't seem to see anything and the other kids don't seem to notice. Then my homie starts doing mad racist faces and shyt to the kid and laughing at him and throws another chip and then another one that flys past his head and he just sits there steaming. The other asian kids are looking at us too now but the Mom is staying still. They were just watching us all calm and shyt. Me and my homies are laughing but the tension is mad high like something was about to happen. Then we're like, let's go somewhere else and do some other things so we get up and leave and we walk around and pass by the Asian family and now there is the serveite stand and some tall plants in between us and them and my homie throws one final chip over at the Asian kid and as soon as he throws it what seemed like a million chips come flying at us from the Asian family. I look over and they are like an sychronized team of soldiers as the two young kids (the youngest must have been about 5 years old) are grabbing stuff and passing it to the Asian Mom and the older Asian kid who are launching it at us. After the initial chip flurry they then throw half a burger that hits my homie in the face and then after that they start launching ice cubes from their drinks and them shyts is flying past our heads like bullets and we ran out of there like bytches and just had to take that L and walk off in embarresment from getting pucked by a quiet ass Asian family but we probably deserved that anyway. Shyt was really unexpected and crazy though.

I remember another time when I was mad young when my Mom and I went on a kind of a working vacation or some conference for the company she was working with and one day we got to go the beach for the first time in my life and I was loving that shyt. Later in the day though I remember I had my feet in the water and there was these beautiful little fish swimming all around my feet. They were so cute and seemed so friendly and were bumping into my feet and it looked like they were kissing my feet. I'm just laughing and having a good time and enjoying how amazing nature is but then I look over and there's these evil looking older kids and they are pushing the little fish onto the sand and then picking them up and killing them by smashing them on the rocks and that shyt made me really sad so I went and told my Mom and she came done and said to the kids to stop doing that and they looked at her like they were going to do something or wanted to say something but they just walked away. I kinda forgot about it and kept playing in the water and then I guess about 10 minutes later I hear something and I look over and I see that the bad kids are back and I see more dead fish near their feet and I see my Mom walk back over to them and pushes one of the kids in water, slaps the shyt out of the baddest kid and the slap was so hard that he spun around and fell down just from one slap and then my Mom grabs the football out of the other kids hand and throws that shyt so far into the sea that it would get lost forever and then tells that kid "to get the fukk out her sight" and he sprints off. Then she walks back to her towel and I remember a bunch of people that we didn't know stand up and start clapping my Mom and I remember this one older dude stands up and salutes her and then bows down to her as she's walking past him. Mom just smiled and sat down then waved at me and smiled at me warmly and said "keep playing baby". I'll never forget how perfectly she threw that football into the sea too. It was like the football had wings on it. I honestly don't think I could have thrown it that far now as a grown ass man.

 

[MAKAVELI25]

LOL


I remember another time when I was mad young when my Mom and I went on a kind of a working vacation or some conference for the company she was working with and one day we got to go the beach for the first time in my life and I was loving that shyt. Later in the day though I remember I had my feet in the water and there was these beautiful little fish swimming all around my feet. They were so cute and seemed so friendly and were bumping into my feet and it looked like they were kissing my feet. I'm just laughing and having a good time and enjoying how amazing nature is but then I look over and there's these evil looking older kids and they are pushing the little fish onto the sand and then picking them up and killing them by smashing them on the rocks and that shyt made me really sad so I went and told my Mom and she came done and said to the kids to stop doing that and they looked at her like they were going to do something or wanted to say something but they just walked away. I kinda forgot about it and kept playing in the water and then I guess about 10 minutes later I hear something and I look over and I see that the bad kids are back and I see more dead fish near their feet and I see my Mom walk back over to them and pushes one of the kids in water, slaps the shyt out of the baddest kid and the slap was so hard that he spun around and fell down just from one slap and then my Mom grabs the football out of the other kids hand and throws that shyt so far into the sea that it would get lost forever and then tells that kid "to get the fukk out her sight" and he sprints off. Then she walks back to her towel and I remember a bunch of people that we didn't know stand up and start clapping my Mom and I remember this one older dude stands up and salutes her and then bows down to her as she's walking past him. Mom just smiled and sat down then waved at me and smiled at me warmly and said "keep playing baby". I'll never forget how perfectly she threw that football into the sea too. It was like the football had wings on it. I honestly don't think I could have thrown it that far now as a grown ass man.

I know a bunch of people are going to disagree with me, but I feel like we'd have a lot less incidents like this Connecticut shooting if America as a whole had a more "It take a Village" mentality. Psychos aren't tolerated by anyone in Nigeria, anytime I fukked up in school or elsewhere my teachers would beat me, my mom would beat me, shyt even my mom's friends would beat me

Not being a hypocrite either, I'm guilty of it too. There is a line, you should never try to raise someone else's kids but I guess we should speak up more/interact with parents when we see a kid behaving in a disturbing manner

 

[RealestSinceKumbaya]

LOL

Now that I think about it, I guess my family and friends were pretty wild when I was growing up but at the time it was just normal.

One funny memory that came back to me was when I was around 13 my homie just started hustling and he came up to the school and was like let's go to McDonalds. We were all poor as fukk so we were like "we ain't got no cash" and he was like "I got you" and he pulls out a stack of money and so we caught a taxi to McDonalds and ordered a gang of shyt. Now it doesn't sound like much but at the time we felt like kings riding in that taxi to Miccy Ds. I remember me, my homie who was slanging now and another homie where sitting there in McDonalds eating our food and having a great time and there's this Asian family sitting across from us. I think it was a mother and three kids of all ages, and this one young Asian kid is staring us down. My homie who was slanging was a major trouble maker so thinking back, he probably did something to make the Asian kid stare at us like that. Anyway my homie throws a chip up high and it lands near the kid and the kid is mad pissed off at us. The Asian Mom has her back to us so she doesn't seem to see anything and the other kids don't seem to notice. Then my homie starts doing mad racist faces and shyt to the kid and laughing at him and throws another chip and then another one that flys past his head and he just sits there steaming. The other asian kids are looking at us too now but the Mom is staying still. They were just watching us all calm and shyt. Me and my homies are laughing but the tension is mad high like something was about to happen. Then we're like, let's go somewhere else and do some other things so we get up and leave and we walk around and pass by the Asian family and now there is the serveite stand and some tall plants in between us and them and my homie throws one final chip over at the Asian kid and as soon as he throws it what seemed like a million chips come flying at us from the Asian family. I look over and they are like an sychronized team of soldiers as the two young kids (the youngest must have been about 5 years old) are grabbing stuff and passing it to the Asian Mom and the older Asian kid who are launching it at us. After the initial chip flurry they then throw half a burger that hits my homie in the face and then after that they start launching ice cubes from their drinks and them shyts is flying past our heads like bullets and we ran out of there like bytches and just had to take that L and walk off in embarresment from getting pucked by a quiet ass Asian family but we probably deserved that anyway. Shyt was really unexpected and crazy though.

I remember another time when I was mad young when my Mom and I went on a kind of a working vacation or some conference for the company she was working with and one day we got to go the beach for the first time in my life and I was loving that shyt. Later in the day though I remember I had my feet in the water and there was these beautiful little fish swimming all around my feet. They were so cute and seemed so friendly and were bumping into my feet and it looked like they were kissing my feet. I'm just laughing and having a good time and enjoying how amazing nature is but then I look over and there's these evil looking older kids and they are pushing the little fish onto the sand and then picking them up and killing them by smashing them on the rocks and that shyt made me really sad so I went and told my Mom and she came done and said to the kids to stop doing that and they looked at her like they were going to do something or wanted to say something but they just walked away. I kinda forgot about it and kept playing in the water and then I guess about 10 minutes later I hear something and I look over and I see that the bad kids are back and I see more dead fish near their feet and I see my Mom walk back over to them and pushes one of the kids in water, slaps the shyt out of the baddest kid and the slap was so hard that he spun around and fell down just from one slap and then my Mom grabs the football out of the other kids hand and throws that shyt so far into the sea that it would get lost forever and then tells that kid "to get the fukk out her sight" and he sprints off. Then she walks back to her towel and I remember a bunch of people that we didn't know stand up and start clapping my Mom and I remember this one older dude stands up and salutes her and then bows down to her as she's walking past him. Mom just smiled and sat down then waved at me and smiled at me warmly and said "keep playing baby". I'll never forget how perfectly she threw that football into the sea too. It was like the football had wings on it. I honestly don't think I could have thrown it that far now as a grown ass man.

@ that 1st story, I'm dying laughing tryna picture that, breh.

 

[Kid Coli]

I know a bunch of people are going to disagree with me, but I feel like we'd have a lot less incidents like this Connecticut shooting if America as a whole had a more "It take a Village" mentality. Psychos aren't tolerated by anyone in Nigeria, anytime I fukked up in school or elsewhere my teachers would beat me, my mom would beat me, shyt even my mom's friends would beat me

Not being a hypocrite either, I'm guilty of it too. There is a line, you should never try to raise someone else's kids but I guess we should speak up more/interact with parents when we see a kid behaving in a disturbing manner

True. Discipline can go too far too though cause the homie that I talked about who started that shyt with the Asian family and has been a major trouble maker since I met him when I was like 7 years old (and is probably in jail or dead now) used to get beat up all the time by his abusive father and I think that's what fukked him up to make him such a trouble maker to begin with.

 

[King Crimson]

-Seen my fifth grade teacher clean under his foreskin with a cue tip.

-in grade 4 i had this Indian friend who at the time, didn't know his family was racist. it all occurred to me years later that i was the victim of prejudice when i actually learnt what racism was. His family wouldn't let me inside his house, i'd have to play n64 with him through the living room window. Whenever they made food they would give me a dog bowl with morsels that i'd have to eat myself on the porch while everyone else was inside having a good time. they use to call me ****** and 'poo skin' when i didnt even know the significance of the word or the hate.

but if this is true, you lost so badly.

Between this and the other homie hiding in the closet hearing his mom slob the deacon's knob there's a lot of L's.


There are also some good stories in here. Puts any story I have to shame.
to those that struggled and made it out with sound health and mind.

 

[RealestSinceKumbaya]

True. Discipline can go too far too though cause the homie that I talked about who started that shyt with the Asian family and has been a major trouble maker since I met him when I was like 7 years old (and is probably in jail or dead now) used to get beat up all the time by his abusive father and I think that's what fukked him up to make him such a trouble maker to begin with.

Word but there's a diff between discipline and abuse.

 

[Poetical Poltergeist]

Crazy thread, aint too much crazyness happened in my life but one that haunts me to this day was when...

I was 12 yrs old up late one saturday night watchin tv when the phone rang, i answered the shyt and a voice screamed "get your parents! Its a fukkin emergency!"

I ran upstairs woke my dad up, he grabbed the phone..

My brother had been jumped and shot in the dome at a party..... He survived but that voice on the phone still haunts me every now and then, i dont even know who had called. Scary as fukk cuz i knew something horrible happened.

 

[Art Barr]

art barr you got to be one of the funniest poster on the coli brethen.

Preciate it,...handshake!


Art Barr

 

[Easy-E]

art barr you got to be one of the funniest poster on the coli brethen.

A @Art Barr & @ski Hat buddy cop movie>>>

I just want the script for their dialogue

 

[Jesus Is Lord]

A @Art Barr & @ski Hat buddy cop movie>>>

I just want the script for their dialogue

*lines up tables for perps who get out of line*

 

[Dooby]

-Seen my fifth grade teacher clean under his foreskin with a cue tip.

-in grade 4 i had this Indian friend who at the time, didn't know his family was racist. it all occurred to me years later that i was the victim of prejudice when i actually learnt what racism was. His family wouldn't let me inside his house, i'd have to play n64 with him through the living room window. Whenever they made food they would give me a dog bowl with morsels that i'd have to eat myself on the porch while everyone else was inside having a good time. they use to call me ****** and 'poo skin' when i didnt even know the significance of the word or the hate.

I remember I used to have this Asian homey we used to play ping pong up in his garage after school. Whenever I called my mom up to tell her im up at his place, he'd never let me come inside, he'd bring the phone to the garage to let me talk...forgot about that until now