What was some weird/f'd up/awkward sh*t u guys witnessed as a child?

[Art Barr]

Breh, I have no idea what the fukk you're trying tell me. Please stop speaking in riddles like this is an old batman movie

People's = alphabet boys

On ya phone = means tapped

You should be able to figure the rest out.
If, you can not.
You non-street, and square than a motherfukker.
You not getting it, means you probably lame as fukk.
Plus live in that fantasy zone where everything is all honkey dory.


Art Barr

 

[RealestSinceKumbaya]

What if when you was 5 years old and you spent the night at ya boy Dooley house and when you were asleep on ya stomach, someone put a cigarette in between ya toes and started smoking, you slowly open ya eyes and peek... but no one is there, so you go back asleep. 10 minutes later you are awakened by a loud girly scream in the house so you creep out of the room slowly and go down the dark hallway, you see a door open with the light on and all you hear is BLAAAWW! BOOF! BLAAAW! BOOF! and liquid dripping, next you feel somebody pouring mad warm honey down ya back, so you arch ya back and let it drip down to ya calves and you close ya eyes and whisper to ya self, "I love honey on my calf muscles"

So now you look to see where the noise is coming from and you see ya boy Dooley hanging from his wrists from the ceiling, naked, with a lit cigarette in each nostril wearing his green belt from his karate class, being hit with cartons of school milk and smacked across his back with a pair of wet South Pole jeans by his pops, who is rocking just a white t-shirt with a pack of Newport 100's rolled up his sleeve, wearing a pair of ice skates with no strings in them. Dooley sees you and says" Daddy, there goes my friend Bubby, he just woke up. His pops looks at you and says in a Kimbo Slice voice" go over there and stand behind the turntables and play some music Bubby Bub". So you play "Success" by Jay-Z and Nas. You start cuttin' up the song nice, doing tricks and everything and all of a sudden you feel Dooley pops come up behind you and crack 2 brown eggs on ya chest and say" you remind me of Funk Master Flex when he was little".........

What would you do? Run back to bed, keep playing music or find out who put the honey on ya calves?

Whatever ur smoking... Stop.

 

[Sly Cookin]

Back when I was 7 walking around with the neighborhood kids, we decided to hop this fence at the end of the apartments. We walking through grass almost as tall as us. And im like "guys don't you think we going a little too far?". They ignore me like . So we keep going and see this old jeepers creepers looking shack and when we get near the door.. This Old white lady comes out in her bath robe and a shotgun...This Old lady screaming bout get the fukk off my property waving her gun. that's all we needed to hear and we ran all the way home like

My folks from eritrea and my pops told me a story about his little sister. He told me she got posessed by someone and was in bed for months and they couldn't figure out how to treat her. She would speak in a deep voice and would say "I want your daughters hand in marriage, I'm from this village". So it was this man that wanted to marry her and decided to posess her. So my pops and his brother go to his house and beat the hell out of him and warn him to stop fukking with the family. When they got back she was back to normal as if nothing happened but died a month later with no illness.

My pops was looking shook telling me bout that one. My mom would tell me weird stories of things she witnessed growing up. shyt used to have me

 

[RicanFury]

Oh shyt just thought of one. I was like 15 and I went to the store toilet but I had to a shyt (a standing shyt cos them mofos be dirty ) so both toilets are taken, I waste time by pissing in the urinal but shyt...both seats still taken. Now as im waiting I can hear both doors banging. Im like wtf is going on, the banging getting harder and harder but its not one door it's both together.

A young nikka curious so I bend to see they feet from the outside and i see one dude on the left hand side facing the wall standing up and one dude on the right hand side kneeling down.

So I get back up quick cos I don't want no one to come in the toilet and see me and think what the fukk is this lil nikka doing. As Im getting up the banging gets to it's loudest and all I hear is "ahhhh ahhh AHHHHHHHHHH"

Im just I would leave but I needed to shyt brehs, I needed to shyt real bad. As im at the whole thing I slowly hear both doors start to unlock so I turn around real quick and open the tap like im washing my hands.


The first guy to come out was the kneeling right hand side guy. He was a white guy in a suit. Dude wiped his mouth and went about his business. I hear the toilet flush and the standing left hand side guy reveals himself and he looks like a street nikka. Dude looked straight at me like



I thought I was gonna get raped but the dude just walked out with this face like he was proud of this homosexual act on some "I dont care nikka "

which stall you took a shyt in?

 

[GhettoTeK]

Some more crazy ass, weird shyt I witnessed:

My dad use to take my sister and I ice skating in the downtown area of Chicago. when we were leaving, the cops stopped us and took my dad in for questioning abt a murder

Long story short, my dad's cousin killed a drug dealer and hid the knife in our house!!



Some more crazy shyt, when I was 13 some midget use to smack me on the ass on my way home from school real shyt no

so how'd it feel getting pat on the ass?

 

[Constantine]

I was spending the summer in D.C. at my grandparent's house in North East when I was 11, using the commode(that's what they call toilets in Georgia), I heard a commotion outside, and saw a ATF armored personnel carrier diagonally across the street, and a squad of tactical ATF agents bust down the door of a residence across the street.

 

[Jesus Is Lord]

Whatever ur smoking... Stop.

Ski ain't smoked since they built the first Babies "R" Us.

I used to be just like you before I was born

 

[Kid Coli]

I remember walking with my uncle who was a big tall strong dude with a bit of a geeky side (he used to wear these big ass glasses) when we saw this dude screaming on a chick. Then the dude starts beating on the girl and my uncle trys to break it up and then some dude cracks my uncle in the head from behind and he falls to the ground and he trys to get up and a bunch of dudes swarm around him and beat him near to death. It fukked me up to see that cause my uncle was a good dude and was just trying to help. I also remember seeing him lying in bed for almost about two months after that and hardly being able to move or talk but still trying to make me laugh and show that it aint no thing while my aunties were all crying and shyt. My uncle was so big and strong that I thought he was indestructible bit that taught me early on that anybody can be caught slipping. It also taught me to keep out of other peoples business if you can. My uncle healed up eventually though and he hit the gym hard body after that and I saw him fukk a few nikkaz up with the quickness after that whenever drama would pop off too. I think he must of done some martial arts or something too cause he would drop nikkaz in a few moves and sometimes you couldn't even see him swing a punch, it would just be a fast ass push or strike and dudes would drop.

I also remember a few years after that young my cousin got kidnapped and taken to another country by his Mom's boyfriend. Now that I think about it, he wasn't really kidnapped, it was more my Auntie escaped her lunatic boyfriend but had to leave her son behind cause she couldn't get to him. Her boyfriend told her to come back or something would happen to her son so I guess he was basically being held hostage when I think about it. Anyway, this dude was a powerful member of some crooked organisation with ties to the government with shooters on deck and all that so it was like mission impossible to get him back and the police were corrupt in that country and it was unlikely they would help out so my young ass cousin was stuck over there. I remember there was this big ass family meeting and my two uncles (the dude from above and his younger brother) who was cool ass dudes was told by their mother that they had to go and get my cousin. I remember them nikkas taking that like straight Gs and everyone else in the fam crying and thinking they was going to die or worse. My uncles didn't play any games though and they came back a few weeks later alive and with my little cousin with them. When they came back my uncles was kinda fukked up though like they were now real serious and shyt. They used to be cool ass nikkas who used to make me and cousin laugh all the time and buy us toys and comics and all this shyt but now they had changed a lot and didn't do that anymore. Soon after that, they both got married and moved far away. I later found out that they had to torture and kill some people to find and get my cousin back. I think there was more bad shyt they had to do on that trip too that was never told too. One of my uncles married a bad ass bytch though so even though he had to move away and became colder I guess he still won. I've only seen my uncles a couple of times since then though.

I remember when I was like 12 I was playing ball with my homies and this older cat (about 17) was on the other end of the court and he tried to dunk and fell down awkwardly. I didn't like that nikka for some reason (I think he used to bully some other kids or something) and for some reason I laughed out real loud when he fell. I was a skinny as young nikka who was a good kid who never get into trouble so I'm not sure why I laughed at him like that but it just came out like I couldn't stop myself. Then the dude gets up and runs as fast as he could towards me. I couldn't move, it was like I was watching a movie as he came sprinting at me like Carl Lewis or some shyt. When he gets to me me and throws me to the ground and grabs my head and smashes it into the ground one time and blood starts leaking out of my forehead. He then gets up and walks away and leaves the courts. My homies and homegirls put a tshirt on my head and tell me to sit down. I think I was stunned or something cause I wasn't talking or anything but my homies are like "fukk that bytch as nikka" and they are getting real mad. My homies were good dudes to me but were real bad ass young criminals that would play ball and do their dirt wheras I was just a good kid that would play ball with them and then go home and chill. I remember I wasn't even mad at that dude that fukked me up at all for some reason (I probably deserved it for laughing at him) but my homies really wasn't having it and the more I was bleeding the more they were like "fukk that nikka". They were plotting and schemeing to the side while their homegirls was looking after me and shyt. They my homie who I thought was the least bad ass out of my homies at that time came over to me and was like "don't worry about nothing my nikka, me and my older brother and going to get that nikka at the party tonight" and he pulls out this butter fly knife and does this trick with it that shows me how quickly he can bring that shyt out and slice a nikka. I was a bit shocked and wanted to say "nah chill man" but I was just like "word, that's whatsup". Then I went home and all I could think about was my lil homie and his older brother (who was a straight G) stabbing this dude over me. I was shook. Then next day at school my homie came up to me and said the dude didn't come to the party so they couldn't get him so I was relieved cause I didn't really want that to happen. I thought it was over but a week later my homie told me "don't tell nobody but you don't have to worry about that bytch ass nikka no mo". my other homie told me later that day that they saw the dude who hurt me and stabbed him up and fukked him up real bad and put him in hospital. I never saw that older dude after that, I think either died or moved away. It was fukked up. My homie turned into a major street dude after that and I think it was partly my fault. I got to love him for being a little 12 year old nikka riding hard for me though.

A lot of memories are coming back now brehs but I'll leave it at that for now...

 

[Ooh Marty]

so how'd it feel getting pat on the ass?

tbh it was hilarious on the low

the midget was like 15 or 16 at the time and I was 4'11 to his 3 feet.

 

[newworldafro]

I just read the first page......and wow........

yall for overcoming your trials and tribulations...and "manning up" as it were

That aerial object in the sky story though........... if true.....

 

[Ooh Marty]

I remember walking with my uncle who was a big tall strong dude with a bit of a geeky side (he used to wear these big ass glasses) when we saw this dude screaming on a chick. Then the dude starts beating on the girl and my uncle trys to break it up and then some dude cracks my uncle in the head from behind and he falls to the ground and he trys to get up and a bunch of dudes swarm around him and beat him near to death. It fukked me up to see that cause my uncle was a good dude and was just trying to help. I also remember seeing him lying in bed for almost about two months after that and hardly being able to move or talk but still trying to make me laugh and show that it aint no thing while my aunties were all crying and shyt. My uncle was so big and strong that I thought he was indestructible bit that taught me early on that anybody can be caught slipping. It also taught me to keep out of other peoples business if you can. My uncle healed up eventually though and he hit the gym hard body after that and I saw him fukk a few nikkaz up with the quickness after that whenever drama would pop off too. I think he must of done some martial arts or something too cause he would drop nikkaz in a few moves and sometimes you couldn't even see him swing a punch, it would just be a fast ass push or strike and dudes would drop.

I also remember a few years after that young my cousin got kidnapped and taken to another country by his Mom's boyfriend. Now that I think about it, he wasn't really kidnapped, it was more my Auntie escaped her lunatic boyfriend but had to leave her son behind cause she couldn't get to him. Her boyfriend told her to come back or something would happen to her son so I guess he was basically being held hostage when I think about it. Anyway, this dude was a powerful member of some crooked organisation with ties to the government with shooters on deck and all that so it was like mission impossible to get him back and the police were corrupt in that country and it was unlikely they would help out so my young ass cousin was stuck over there. I remember there was this big ass family meeting and my two uncles (the dude from above and his younger brother) who was cool ass dudes was told by their mother that they had to go and get my cousin. I remember them nikkas taking that like straight Gs and everyone else in the fam crying and thinking they was going to die or worse. My uncles didn't play any games though and they came back a few weeks later alive and with my little cousin with them. When they came back my uncles was kinda fukked up though like they were now real serious and shyt. They used to be cool ass nikkas who used to make me and cousin laugh all the time and buy us toys and comics and all this shyt but now they had changed a lot and didn't do that anymore. Soon after that, they both got married and moved far away. I later found out that they had to torture and kill around 5 or 6 people to find and get my cousin back. I think there was more bad shyt they had to do on that trip too that was never told too. One of my uncles married a bad ass bytch though so even though he had to move away and became colder I guess he still won. I've only seen my uncles a couple of times since then though.

I remember when I was like 12 I was playing ball with my homies and this older cat (about 17) was on the other end of the court and he tried to dunk and fell down awkwardly. I didn't like that nikka for some reason (I think he used to bully some other kids or something) and for some reason I laughed out real loud when he fell. I was a skinny as young nikka who was a good kid who never get into trouble so I'm not sure why I laughed at him like that but it just came out like I couldn't stop myself. Then the dude gets up and runs as fast as he could towards me. I couldn't move, it was like I was watching a movie as he came sprinting at me like Carl Lewis or some shyt. When he gets to me me and throws me to the ground and grabs my head and smashes it into the ground one time and blood starts leaking out of my forehead. He then gets up and walks away and leaves the courts. My homies and homegirls put a tshirt on my head and tell me to sit down. I think I was stunned or something cause I wasn't talking or anything but my homies are like "fukk that bytch as nikka" and they are getting real mad. My homies were good dudes to me but were real bad ass young criminals that would play ball and do their dirt wheras I was just a good kid that would play ball with them and then go home and chill. I remember I wasn't even mad at that dude that fukked me up at all for some reason (I probably deserved it for laughing at him) but my homies really wasn't having it and the more I was bleeding the more they were like "fukk that nikka". They were plotting and schemeing to the side while their homegirls was looking after me and shyt. They my homie who I thought was the least bad ass out of my homies at that time came over to me and was like "don't worry about nothing my nikka, me and my older brother and going to get that nikka at the party tonight" and he pulls out this butter fly knife and does this trick with it that shows me how quickly he can bring that shyt out and slice a nikka. I was a bit shocked and wanted to say "nah chill man" but I was just like "word, that's whatsup". Then I went home and all I could think about was my lil homie and his older brother (who was a straight G) stabbing this dude over me. I was shook. Then next day at school my homie came up to me and said the dude didn't come to the party so they couldn't get him so I was relieved cause I didn't really want that to happen. I thought it was over but a week later my homie told me "don't tell nobody but you don't have to worry about that bytch ass nikka no mo". my other homie told me later that day that they saw the dude who hurt me and stabbed him up and fukked him up real bad and put him in hospital. I never saw that older dude after that, I think either died or moved away. It was fukked up. My homie turned into a major street dude after that and I think it was partly my fault. I got to love him for being a little 12 year old nikka riding hard for me though.

A lot of memories are coming back now brehs but I'll leave it at that for now...

this sound like a gangsta action packed movie, an after school special and a life time movie all rolled in one!

 

[Luken]

-Seen my fifth grade teacher clean under his foreskin with a cue tip.

-in grade 4 i had this Indian friend who at the time, didn't know his family was racist. it all occurred to me years later that i was the victim of prejudice when i actually learnt what racism was. His family wouldn't let me inside his house, i'd have to play n64 with him through the living room window. Whenever they made food they would give me a dog bowl with morsels that i'd have to eat myself on the porch while everyone else was inside having a good time. they use to call me ****** and 'poo skin' when i didnt even know the significance of the word or the hate.

 

[froggle]

-Seen my fifth grade teacher clean under his foreskin with a cue tip.

-in grade 4 i had this Indian friend who at the time, didn't know his family was racist. it all occurred to me years later that i was the victim of prejudice when i actually learnt what racism was. His family wouldn't let me inside his house, i'd have to play n64 with him through the living room window. Whenever they made food they would give me a dog bowl with morsels that i'd have to eat myself on the porch while everyone else was inside having a good time. they use to call me ****** and 'poo skin' when i didnt even know the significance of the word or the hate.

but if this is true, you lost so badly.

 

[IronFist]

People's = alphabet boys

On ya phone = means tapped

You should be able to figure the rest out.
If, you can not.
You non-street, and square than a motherfukker.
You not getting it, means you probably lame as fukk.
Plus live in that fantasy zone where everything is all honkey dory.


Art Barr

art barr you got to be one of the funniest poster on the coli brethen.

 

[Ooh Marty]

-Seen my fifth grade teacher clean under his foreskin with a cue tip.

-in grade 4 i had this Indian friend who at the time, didn't know his family was racist. it all occurred to me years later that i was the victim of prejudice when i actually learnt what racism was. His family wouldn't let me inside his house, i'd have to play n64 with him through the living room window. Whenever they made food they would give me a dog bowl with morsels that i'd have to eat myself on the porch while everyone else was inside having a good time. they use to call me ****** and 'poo skin' when i didnt even know the significance of the word or the hate.

and u didnt tell ur parents about this?