What happens in Florida stays in Florida (wishful thinking) (updated with fukkery)

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Our news people know what time it is!

ORLANDO, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested after he attempted to drive away in a vehicle he had just carjacked, and then realized he was unable to drive stick shift.

WFLA reports Jaelyn Alexander, 25, was busted Tuesday when he carjacked a man at an Orlando intersection.

It didn't take long for Alexander to realize he wasn't going to get too far because he stole a manual transmission car.

Alexander quickly found another car to steal, one he could drive, but was soon spotted and taken into custody.

 

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What were the odds? 5 guys arrested at Five Guys restaurant in Florida

STUART, Fla. - Sometimes Florida makes it oh, so easy.

Police report that five guys were arrested after a fight at... wait for it... Five Guys!

Officers from the Stuart Police Department responded to a fist fight inside the hamburger restaurant Wednesday night.

"Three juvenile males and two adult males were charged with affray and processed at the Martin County Jail." the department posted to Facebook.

No word on what caused the fisticuffs, but we know for sure it wasn't about who was going to pay for the free peanuts.

 

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Man strips off clothes, masturbates near Pembroke Pines community guard house
Naked man seen on surveillance video walking past gate wearing just hat, shoes
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PEMBROKE PINES, Fla. - Police are trying to identify a man who was seen masturbating outside the guard house of a Pembroke Pines neighborhood.

Surveillance video showed the man walking past the guard gate at the Provinces of Pierpointe community early Monday wearing nothing but a hat and his shoes. He was carrying his clothes in his hand.
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According to a police report, the security guard witnessed the man remove his shirt and shorts before he began masturbating. The naked man then walked out of the development and headed west on Johnson Street.

The guard called police, but they were unable to find him.

"It concerns me, but I know I'm still safe," resident Cindy Cruz told Local 10 News reporter Roy Ramos.

"Why is that?" Ramos asked.

"Because we have great guards," Cruz answered.

 

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Disney worker punched in face by angry Tower of Terror rider

Courtesy: Disney Parks
Associated Press




LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a 23-year-old tourist from Chicago punched a worker in the face when her FastPass wasn’t valid for the Tower of Terror ride at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.

An Orange County Sheriff’s report says the Disney World cast member offered to help the woman’s group on July 13, but they only became angrier.

The Orlando Sentinel reports the woman started pushing buttons on the podium that could have affected the ride. When the employee pushed her hand away, the woman punched her in the face. The family yelled profanities and recorded the worker.


The group left the ride, but security tracked them down. Disney officials tell the Sentinel they issued a lifetime ban on the woman.

The worker didn’t want to press charges and the woman wasn’t arrested.

 

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Normal Day in the neighborhood

 

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Florida woman arrested after punching boyfriend for way he cuts his meat

ELLENTON, Fla. - A Florida woman was arrested after punching and spitting at her boyfriend over the way he cut his meat and potatoes.

During an argument Thursday between Kimberly Jean Carroll, 55, and her boyfriend over his style of slicing during dinner, she punched him in the face and then spit at him.

It's not known what kind of cutting method the boyfriend used to make Carroll so upset.

The boyfriend declined medical treatment, but Carroll was booked on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge, according to The Smoking Gun.

 

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Mom arrested after beating kids for trying to feed themselves dinner


7 News WSVN


MIAMI (WSVN) - Police have arrested a mother who physically attacked her two children after they tried feeding themselves dinner.

According to the arrest report, 31-year-old Latamara Taylor left her two sons, ages 6 and 9, home alone while she went to work at around 6 p.m. on May 24.

She had advised them to call her if they wanted anything to eat.


The two children told detectives they had become hungry and called Taylor.

After she did not answer her phone they ate a can of ravioli.

When Taylor got back home, she discovered they had eaten the canned food, and she became irate, hitting both of her children with an extension cord, according to the arrest report.

She then dropped them off at their father’s house with lacerations to their lower bodies.


A few days later, Taylor was arrested for a separate charge after she allegedly pinned their father against his car with her car.

The two children were inside of his car at the time the alleged battery occurred.

The Department of Children and Families became involved and were made aware of the beating after a physical examination.

She was arrested on Wednesday and charged with two counts of aggravated child abuse and two counts of child neglect.

She is currently being held at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center.

 

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FLORIDA MAN TRASHES KITCHEN, CHOKES WOMAN AFTER FINDING HIS DAUGHTER COOKING MAC AND CHEESE

A Florida man infuriated after he woke to find his daughter cooking macaroni and cheese allegedly began smashing plates in the kitchen before choking his girlfriend who was sat in a recliner.

According to the arrest report, Dale Lawrence Irwin, 37, then stabbed the front wheel of his girlfriend's car as she attempted to escape his rampage.

Irwin's victim was left "gasping for air" as he choked her. She also told officers had been making suicidal statements recently and had consumed alcohol that evening.

He did not answer the Lake City apartment door when deputies from Columbia County Sheriff's Office subsequently showed up. Irwin was hiding in the shower and refused to come out so he had to be removed during Tuesday's incident.

The suspect reportedly banged his head around 20 times on the partition between the back and the front of the police vehicle as he was taken to jail.

Columbia County Jail's roster shows Irwin is being held without bond on charges of domestic violence by strangulation and damage to property.

Florida man Dale Lawrence Irwin was arrested after allegedly going on a rampage over his daughter cooking mac and cheese in their apartment kitchen.COLUMBIA COUNTY JAIL

 

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Man charged with threatening massacre at Florida Walmart

Courtesy: Walmart
Associated Press




VALRICO, Fla. (AP) — A Florida man is charged with threatening to open fire inside a Walmart, one day after a gunman killed 20 inside a Texas store.

The Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office arrested 31-year-old Wayne Lee Padgett of Valrico late Sunday. He is charged with calling the Walmart Supercenter in Gibsonton, Florida, on Sunday afternoon and telling managers he planned to shoot up the store. About 1,000 people inside were evacuated.

Investigators said they traced the call to Padgett. No gun was found at his house near Tampa.


Padgett is charged with filing a false report of using a firearm in a threatening manner. He was being held Monday at the Hillsborough County jail on $7,500 bond. No attorney was listed.

A gunman killed 20 at a Walmart in El Paso, Texas, on Saturday.

 

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Lightning strike causes toilet to explode in Florida home

PORT CHARLOTTE, Fla. - Well, you can go ahead and scratch going to the bathroom off your favorite things to do during a thunderstorm.

A Florida woman's toilet literally exploded after her septic tank was struck by lightning over the weekend.

Luckily, Marylou Ward was not using the toilet at the time of the strike.

Ward told WINK the toilet shattered into hundreds of pieces and that the lightning strike was the loudest sound she's ever heard.

“It used to be our toilet,” Ward said. “We have nothing now.”

According to the Ward's plumber, the lightning struck the methane gases that had built up in the pipes from all the fecal matter.

“I’m just glad none of us were on the toilet,” Ward said. “That’s the main thing.”

 

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Police looking to identify man who asked Walmart clerk for ‘anything that would kill 200 people’

Courtesy: Port St. Lucie Police
Johari Canty




PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (WSVN) — Port St. Lucie police are looking to identify a man accused of asking a Walmart clerk about buying a weapon that can kill a large number of people.

According to police, the man entered a Walmart, Wednesday, and asked the clerk for a weapon that could kill a large amount of people.



According to WPTV, police say the man asked the clerk, “Can you sell me anything (or a gun) that would kill 200 people?”

The clerk replied, “That isn’t funny,” and the man responded, “I know,” and asked again if they could sell him anything that would kill 200 people.

Police are now looking to identify the man. The man is described as being between the ages of 50 and 60 years old, with black/gray hair and a goatee.

He stands between 5 feet 5 inches and 5 feet 9 inches tall, and was last seen wearing a a black polo shirt, light colored shorts, and a a black watch on his left wrist.


If you have any information on his whereabouts, call Port St. Lucie Police at (772) 871-5172, or Treasure Coast Crime Stoppers at 800-273-TIPS.

 

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BSO arrests woman accused of breaking into Fort Lauderdale home, making sandwich


BSO arrests woman accused of breaking into Fort Lauderdale home, making sandwich

FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA. (WSVN) - Broward Sheriff’s Office deputies have arrested a woman accused of breaking into a Fort Lauderdale home and making herself a ham sandwich.

The break-in happened along Gardenia Road and Northwest 18th Court, at around 10 a.m., on Aug. 1.

Conny Buchanan, 60, made an appearance in court, Thursday. She is accused of breaking into the home and helping herself to a snack.


The victim, who spoke on condition of anonymity, shared surveillance video to 7News of the bizarre break-in.

“I was surprised,” she said. “I said, ‘What? She’s in my home!'”

The video showed the accused intruder moving around the apartment after getting in through the back door and going straight for the refrigerator.

Investigators said Buchanan threw the homeowner’s dog a piece of raw chicken. However, the canine did not want the food.


“[She] took a chicken from the refrigerator and gave it to the dog,” a prosecutor said in court.

The intruder could then be seen scrambling for a little before taking off.

The victim said she saw everything through her security cameras. By the time she returned home, the intruder had left the scene.

“Yeah, she prepared herself a sandwich,” the victim said.

BSO took Buchanan into custody, Wednesday. She faces charges for burglary and petty theft.

“The allegations suggest that she knew what she was doing,” a prosecutor said in court.

The judge ruled that until the 60-year-old can post bond, she will remain in the Broward County Jail.


However, the break-in has left the victim confused as to why she did it.

“I think she was hungry? I don’t know,” she said.

Prosecutors said Buchanan has a long history of burglary.

The judge granted the 60-year-old $7,500 bond.

 

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Florida man says gun stolen from home during orgy
By Associated Press
Posted: 11:06 AM, August 09, 2019Updated: 2:16 PM, August 09, 2019

Getty Images
DELTONA, Fla. - A Florida homeowner says someone stole a 9 mm Glock handgun from his bedroom during a weekend sex party.

But Volusia County Sheriff's Sgt. Todd Smith tells The Daytona Beach News-Journal the homeowner couldn't give detectives the names of possible suspects because the 20 or so people attending the orgy wore masks.


Smith says the handgun was apparently on a bedroom nightstand during the party. It was taken between July 19 and July 21 and reported later.

The homeowner said they party was advertised on social media and guests were encouraged to bring friends and to use fictitious names or no name at all. He said he probably only knew about five of the guests that entered the home that weekend.

Smith says it's unlikely they'll solve the crime.

 

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PBSO: Mom upset with rezoning threatens to carry out shooting at elementary school

Courtesy: Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office
CNN




LAKE WORTH BEACH, Fla. (CNN) — A Palm Beach County mother is accused of threatening to carry out a shooting at an elementary school because her children were being moved there.

According to an arrest report, 28-year-old Miranda Perez was communicating with a friend on Facebook Messenger around 8 a.m. on Sunday, WPTV reports.

During a video chat, Perez told her friend “she was going to Facebook friend Zachary Cruz because she likes ‘violent things,'” her arrest report stated.


Zachary Cruz is the brother of Nikolas Cruz, the 20-year-old accused of carrying out a deadly mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland on Feb. 14, 2018.

Perez also made comments about Nikolas Cruz during her video chat, the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office said.

According to the arrest report, shortly after the video chat ended, Perez wrote on Facebook Messenger, “I’m thinking of doing a school shooting at Barton.”

Barton referred to Barton Elementary School, located at 1700 Barton Road in Lake Worth Beach, which is the school Perez’s children were being moved to.


PBSO said Perez later said in the Facebook Messenger chat, “Yep. It’s there [sic] fault,” referring to the school.

Detectives said when they interviewed Perez, she admitted to sending the messages and told them “she did think about shooting the school, but claimed she would never actually do it.”

“This is a great example of the importance of bringing forward information about things you see on social media,” said Palm Beach County School District Police Chief Frank Kitzerow.

Perez was arrested and booked into the Palm Beach County jail on a charge of sending a written threat to commit bodily injury. She’s being held on $5,000 bond.

“One thing I tell parents regularly is trust your instincts,” said Chief Kitzerow. “Don’t take a chance.”

 

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Florida man arrested for threatening others with nunchucks

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. - Police say they've arrested a Florida man who's accused of threatening his neighbors with nunchucks and bug spray before cutting his own head when he accidently hit himself with the weapon.

Daytona Beach police spokesman Messod Bendayan says 61-year-old Larry Adams complained about his neighbor's loud music coming from a car in the parking lot of their Daytona apartment complex.

Police say Adams sprayed four of his neighbors with roach spray and swung his nunchucks in a threatening manner and hit himself.

Adams is charged with aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon. Volusia County jail records don't list a lawyer for Adams.

Neighbor Cici Sylvester tells WOFL she was surprised Adams used a bug spray since she was not a roach.