What happens in Florida stays in Florida (wishful thinking) (updated with fukkery)

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Deputies: Florida man slaps girlfriend with cheeseburger
POSTED 3:55 PM, MAY 14, 2019, BY TRIBUNE MEDIA WIRE, UPDATED AT 04:10PM, MAY 14, 2019

MARTIN COUNTY, Fla. – A Florida man is under arrest after reportedly slapping his girlfriend in the face with a cheeseburger.

According to the Martin County Sheriff’s Office Facebook page, 30-year-old Kyle Jamison Jones “wanted it his way.”

Jones’ live-in girlfriend called police and said Jones woke her up abruptly by slapping her in the face with a cheeseburger, according to the post. She told police Jones then pulled her hair and kicked her down the stairs.

Jones reportedly admitted only to a verbal dispute, despite the food particles visible on the victim. He was charged with battery and taken to the Martin County Jail.

 

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Kodak Black pleads not guilty to federal weapons charges

Judge grants South Florida rapper release on $550,000 bond, house arrest

By Associated Press
Posted: 1:11 PM, May 15, 2019Updated: 1:14 PM, May 15, 2019

Kodak Black has pleaded not guilty to federal weapons charges that prevented him from performing at the Rolling Loud music festival.

• 
  
  
  The rapper, whose real name is Bill Kapri, was arrested before his scheduled festival performance.
  
  Authorities are investigating three unrelated shootings in the Miami area with possible connections to Rolling Loud.
  
  Black's lengthy rap sheet includes a recent arrest in New York on drug and weapons charges.

 

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Man beaten, robbed after meeting online date in Fort Lauderdale
Samuel Mack Love, 19, faces charges of aggravated battery, armed robbery


By Amanda Batchelor - Senior Digital Editor
Posted: 10:07 AM, May 16, 2019Updated: 10:39 AM, May 16, 2019

Samuel Mack Love, 19, is accused of beating and robbing a man who went to a home in Fort Lauderdale believing he was meeting up with a woman he met online.

• According to an arrest report, the victim arranged to meet Monday with a woman he met on a website at a home at 2308 NW 15th Court in Fort Lauderdale.
  
  Police said the victim texted the number he had for his date when he arrived outside the home and was told to go inside.
  
  The victim told police he entered the home and it was dark.
  
  Love then struck the victim in the head with a metal pipe or bat three times, authorities said.
  
  Police said a second person pulled out a gun and ordered the victim to the floor.
  
  Love then struck the victim in the legs, the arrest report stated.
  
  According to the report, Love and his accomplice removed the victim's belongings from his pockets, including his cellphone, wallet and car keys.
  
  They then fled the scene in the victim's vehicle, authorities said.
  
  Police said the victim walked several blocks to call for help.
  
  Love was taken into custody after being found in the victim's vehicle, authorities said.
  
  Police said he confessed to his involvement in the attack and robbery.
  
  According to the arrest report, detectives are still searching for another man and woman involved in the incident.
  
  

 

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Gunman in fatal Blue Martini shooting identified by police as retired DEA agent
Broward County State Attorney's Office to decide whether to charge Andre Clark
By Ian Margol - Reporter, Amanda Batchelor - Senior Digital Editor
Posted: 10:47 AM, May 16, 2019Updated: 6:16 PM, May 16, 2019

• 
  
  
  A man, identified as Arnold Person, 43, of Miami, was pronounced dead at the scene just minutes before his birthday. Two others were taken to Broward Health Medical Center -- Clark and Person's brother-in-law, Andrew Cooks.
  
  
  
  
  
  Courtesy of the Cochran Firm
  Arnold Person, 43, of Miami, was fatally shot May 8 at Blue Martini in Fort Lauderdale.
  
  According to the Cochran Firm, which is representing Person and Cooks' relatives, Cooks was released from the hospital this week.
  
  Person and Cooks' relatives, along with their attorney, Marwan Porter, addressed the media Thursday. They are calling for Clark to be held accountable for the shooting by being criminally charged.
  
  "One gunshot, OK, but the many gunshots he did was unfair and unright," sister Natasha Cooks said. "I feel like you wanted murder from day one."
  
  Police said an altercation inside the bar led to the shooting, but it's unclear what led to the initial altercation.
  
  "We was all there and don't really know what happened. All we know was it was a bump and here we go and now we have a shooting," the victim's brother, Anthony Person, said.
  
  Attorney Jeffrey A. Neiman, of Marcus Neiman & Rashbaum LLP, released a statement Thursday in support Clark, who has hired the law firm to represent him.
  
  "The early accounts of what happened that night are not accurate," the statement read. "No arrests were made on the scene, and for good reason. When the dust settles, it will be clear that Andre was not the aggressor and that he acted in self-defense."
  

 

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Motorcyclist dies after shooting in Fort Lauderdale; 1 in custody


Motorcyclist dies after shooting in Fort Lauderdale; 1 in custody

Nicole Linsalata

FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA. (WSVN) - A man has died at the hospital after her was shot at a Fort Lauderdale intersection while on a motorcycle.

Fort Lauderdale Police were called to the scene along the 6200 block of Northwest Ninth Avenue near Powerline Road, just after 9 p.m., Thursday.

According to police, a man was pronounced dead at the hospital after he suffered at least one gunshot wound.

Investigators said the man was stopped at a red light on his motorcycle at the time of the shooting.

7News cameras captured the downed motorcycle at the intersection of Cypress Creek Road and Powerline Road.

A witness told 7News she was working down the block and said she could hear an argument.

The witness said it was very quiet, and that all the cars were stopped at a red light.


According to the witness, she could clearly hear someone saying, “Go ahead and do it.”

After she heard that, the witness said she heard four gunshots, and the man on the motorcycle was down on the ground.

Police said they have a suspect in custody at a different location.

The cause of the shooting remains under investigation.

If you have any information on this shooting, call Broward County Crime Stoppers at 954-493-TIPS. Remember, you can always remain anonymous, and you may be eligible for a $3,000 reward.

 

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Florida man calls police on comic Ahmed Ahmed after Middle East joke makes him 'uncomfortable'
The comic's sly crack that "it only takes one of us" triggered an audience member to report him to the authorities.

Comedian/Actor Ahmed Ahmed performs at the Bud Light Presents Wild West Comedy Festival featuring Billy Gardell at Zanies on May 15, 2014 in Nashville, Tennessee.Jason Davis / Getty Images file


May 15, 2019, 12:59 PM EDT
By David K. Li

A Florida man called police to report a comedian of Middle Eastern descent who he believed had told a joke that showed support for terrorism.

Standup comic Ahmed Ahmed, who is of Egyptian descent, poked fun at negative stereotypes of Muslims during a set at Off The Hook Comedy Club in Naples, Florida, on Saturday night.


"Clap if you're from the Middle East," Ahmed said, according to a clip posted on the club's Facebook page.

After a smattering of cheers, Ahmed slyly responded: "All right. We got a handful of us in in here, nice. But, hey, it only takes one of us ... to tell a joke."

At least one member of the audience didn't get the punchline.

The man called the Collier County Sheriff's Department and told a deputy that Ahmed was organizing people of Middle Eastern descent to possibly commit terrorism.

"He said, `That's great.' He said, `We can organize our own little terrorist organization,' and I don't think that was right. I mean it really bothered me," the caller said, according to audio of the call released by the sheriff's department. "And I yelled out, `And the paddy wagon is going to be outside to get all of you.' "

The man added: "My wife and I looked at each other and we felt very uncomfortable."

The caller told authorities he was only at the club because he was given free tickets.

Ahmed told NBC News on Wednesday that the "it only takes one of us" line is in his regular act and it's never sparked any blowback.

“I've told that joke about 1,000 times around the world," Ahmed said. "Whatever he heard and what I said are two different things."

The comic said he stuck around after Saturday's show to meet with any fans who wanted to speak with him or snap pictures.

"Terrorists don’t do meet-and-greets," the comic said. "We don't say, `Death to America!' and then, `But wait, let's do selfies first.' "

Deputies showed up to the club Sunday before Ahmed's set that night, briefly interviewed him and left without incident.

“They couldn’t have been nicer," Ahmed said of the responding deputies. "One of them said, `Don't change anything, keep doing what you're doing.' That was refreshing to hear."

Club owner Brien Spina said he's been booking Ahmed to his club for more than a decade, and won't stop now.

"For me it was a great joke. I stand behind him," said Spina, who booked Ahmed for another gig, on Wednesday of next week. "His show is great."

The comic said he has no ill will toward the caller. If anything, he wants to shake his hand.

"I want to say, `Thank you,' to him," Ahmed said. "He got more publicity for me in that one phone call than ever. You want to talk about a blessing in disguise."

 

[Buckeye Fever]

If I were to move to Florida, St. Augustine is where I'd move to.

I'm cool on y'all Dade County, Duval County ass nikkaz

 

[diggy]

A Florida man caught playing basketball naked at a public park said he thought it would help improve his skills, according to police.


LONGWOOD, Fla. (CBS Local)
A park employee said he saw a man playing basketball while in the buff at Candyland Park in Longwood, Florida, Sunday evening and immediately contacted authorities.




Jordan Glen Anderson, 29, was arrested and charged with indecent exposure of sexual organs. He was transported to the John E. Polk Correctional Facility in Sanford on a $500 bond.

“Jordan stated he was working on his basketball skills and he feels playing naked enhances his skill level,” an officer wrote in the arrest report.

 

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New Florida law makes texting while driving primary offense

Associated Press




TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) — Texting while driving in Florida will become a primary traffic offense punishable by fines under a bill signed by Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis.

DeSantis signed the bill Friday in Sarasota. Under current law, officers can only cite drivers for texting if they are pulled over for another violation. The new law allows officers to stop motorists simply for texting alone.

A first offense is punishable by a $30 fine, with a second costing $60. Court costs and fees also would apply. The law takes effect July 1, but only warnings will be given until January, when officers can begin writing citations.

The texting ban does not apply to a driver using a navigation device or system or to a driver whose vehicle is stationary.

Copyright 2019 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

 

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Florida wildlife officials catch large lizard in Florida Keys
Courtesy: FWC
Associated Press




KEY LARGO, Fla. (AP) — Wildlife officials have finally captured a large invasive Asian water monitor that had been running loose in the Florida Keys for more than a year.

Florida Fish and Wildlife officials posted pictures on Facebook with this caption: “Elusive lizard captured!”


The lizard was more than 5 feet (1.52 meters) long and weighed 20 pounds (9 kilograms).

Crews of staff members and volunteers had been setting traps and searching for the lizard. Once it was caught, the lizard was removed from the wild. Wildlife officials say this helps prevent the establishment of a new nonnative species.

Wildlife officers advise people to snap pictures if they see nonnative wildlife and report it to the agency.

 

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Palm Beach deputy shot in face by suspected MS-13 gang member


Palm Beach deputy shot in face by suspected MS-13 gang member

Joel Franco | Katrina Bush

PALM BEACH GARDENS, FLA. (WSVN) - A Palm Beach deputy is undergoing multiple surgeries after coming under fire in the line of duty.

Officials said the deputy was part of the Palm Beach County Narcotics Task Force working in Palm Beach Gardens, Thursday night.

Things escalated as they were closing in on a drug dealer, suspected to be 32-year-old Michael Nieto, who they say was a member of the gang MS-13.

Posing as a buyer, they set up a buy in the parking lot near Randolph Way and PGA Boulevard, located a safe distance from any innocent bystander.

At around 8 p.m., the deputies moved in with blue lights flashing.

“Our people got out, yelled ‘Sheriff’s office,'” said PBSO Sheriff Ric Bradshaw. “One of the deputies went towards to the driver’s side. At which time the driver fired two or three shots, we’re not exactly sure how many right now, but definitely at least two. One of which struck our deputy in the cheek area. The bullet is lodged in his orbital bone in his cheek. At the time, the other deputies there on the arrest team returned fire, and the suspect is deceased in the vehicle.”

Bradshaw said they were planning on interrogating Nieto but “he decided he wasn’t going to go that way and go the hard way.”


PBSO shared a picture of the gun they said was the one used by Nieto in the shooting.

He went on to say how lucky the deputy is to survive the shooting.

However, his injuries were so severe that he’ll need a second surgery later today.

“We’re fortunate this deputy is alive and well and a bad guy is off the street now in this neighborhood,” said Bradshaw.

Several deputies could be seen Friday afternoon outside of St. Mary’s Medical Center showing their support for the victim.

Last night happened to be the deputy’s 29th birthday.

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement has opened an investigation into the shooting.

 

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Florida sheriff seizes $33,600 in edible marijuana candies

Courtesy: Collier County Sheriff's Office
Johari Canty




(WSVN) - Over $30,000 worth of marijuana edibles were confiscated in Southwest Florida.

The Collier County Sheriff’s Office shared photos showing tables full of edible marijuana candies made to look like actual candy.


Deputies said the 332 units have a combined street value of $33,600.

“Although medical marijuana is legal in Florida, state statutes prohibit marijuana edibles from being packaged in a way that is attractive to children or made in a form that resembles candy,” the sheriff’s office wrote on Facebook. “Medical marijuana in Florida must be sealed in plain, opaque wrapping and marked with a universal marijuana symbol.”

Deputies said if parents encounter items that look like the ones seen in the images, they should call the Collier County Sheriff’s Office at 239-252-9300. Those hoping to remain anonymous and be eligible for a reward should call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-780-8477.

 

[diggy]

Chillin' gator! Alligator found relaxing on gator raft in Miami-Dade pool

MIAMI-DADE COUNTY, Fla. - Sometimes even alligators need to kick back and relax in the pool.

A man on vacation in South Florida caught a gator with a gator over the weekend in the home he rented in southwest Miami-Dade County.

David Jacobs of Georgia was in town for a wedding and first noticed the alligator in the lake behind the home. He said at the time the gator was taking a keen interest in the family's small dog.

But the big surprise came Sunday when the family came home to find gator in the pool, sitting on top of an alligator raft.

Jacobs called the home's owner, who in turn called a wildlife management company to remove the gator... the real one, not the blow-up version.

 

[BillBanneker]

A Florida man caught playing basketball naked at a public park said he thought it would help improve his skills, according to police.


LONGWOOD, Fla. (CBS Local)
A park employee said he saw a man playing basketball while in the buff at Candyland Park in Longwood, Florida, Sunday evening and immediately contacted authorities.




Jordan Glen Anderson, 29, was arrested and charged with indecent exposure of sexual organs. He was transported to the John E. Polk Correctional Facility in Sanford on a $500 bond.

“Jordan stated he was working on his basketball skills and he feels playing naked enhances his skill level,” an officer wrote in the arrest report.

Chillin' gator! Alligator found relaxing on gator raft in Miami-Dade pool

MIAMI-DADE COUNTY, Fla. - Sometimes even alligators need to kick back and relax in the pool.

A man on vacation in South Florida caught a gator with a gator over the weekend in the home he rented in southwest Miami-Dade County.

David Jacobs of Georgia was in town for a wedding and first noticed the alligator in the lake behind the home. He said at the time the gator was taking a keen interest in the family's small dog.

But the big surprise came Sunday when the family came home to find gator in the pool, sitting on top of an alligator raft.

Jacobs called the home's owner, who in turn called a wildlife management company to remove the gator... the real one, not the blow-up version.

Bout to go on vacation to Miami, i'm def gone eat off the local news stories

 

[diggy]

Bout to go on vacation to Miami, i'm def gone eat off the local news stories

Plenty of daily fukkery, don't be the one running nude faded off Henny through the mall in the news.