Things you noticed about your parents as adults

[Gunz&Butta]

They're not perfect. They're just human beings trying to do the best for their loved ones.

 

[Solomon Lurke]

I realized how young they were when they had me once I got older. Can’t picture me at 20/21 being responsible for another human. I was into all kinds of irresponsible fckery at that point.

 

[semicko82]

i notice that for all my parents' faults, when i look at how my cousins turned out, i got a better deal than most!

Opposite for me. The majority of my cousins did decent in life, but still wanted to fukk up

 

[Cloutius Maximus]

My parents were "hippies". Eh, could have been a lot worse, but still a lot of irresponsible behavior regarding money that they are now paying for in their 70s. Can't retire unless me or my brother hit a lick and cash them out. Married for 40 years in September. Still smoke trees every day to this day and they will admit it held them back from being as successful as they could have been.

Also a bit too naive regarding race relations, which is weird considering my Dad grew up in the 50's in Johnstown, PA. We live in Cali and when I say these hispanics, asians and whites don't fukk with us I'm called "militant." My mom seems to know better though.

My brother is married with kids now and we both smoke but I hope we don't fall into the same patterns of self-medication. I'm a lot more conservative now because I know play time is over for black folks in Amerikka unless you got bread and I'd rather be like the black men of the early 1900's.

 

[SupaDupaFresh]

Yeah a lot of our parents weird idiosyncrasies are just things they developed to deal with trauma, disappoint and so on from youth. It'll come out more the older they get too...and you'll be doing similar shyt with your blindspots too. I have an aunt who does something similar. Grew up with like 8 brothers and sisters, food is her "thing." She small, dont eat much but she still gotta have a fridge and freezer full stocked or she feels like something is wrong.

I think this is the same reason black parents almost never dispose old shyt. Or storing ANYTHING they get even if its intended to be disposable.

For example, having a whole entire cabinet space filled to capacity with plastic bags but no one in the house ever reuses them, organizes them, or even stops storing them. They still get more plastic bags. For no reason.

It is insane and it does reflect a deep trauma.

Or when someone insists that everything in the house is "still good" or "can be used someday" even though its been useless for decades. To the point where areas become cluttered and unappealing. A refusal to ever dispose anything no matter what. "Hoarding" if you will.

All black folks do this. No, the day will never come that you will desperately need that old, dusty, box of 90s plates but oh no you threw them away being the wasteful, awful, irresponsible person your folks said you are

That trauma is over. You have more than enough means to provide yourself with new dinnerware of your choice and that's exactly everyone prefers. Either open the box and put the plates in your kitchen, or sell it, or donate it to others. It is cultural and it is trauma related. Even I have to look around this messy house and remind myself sometimes to either sell or throw out old shyt just taking up space and turning my place filthy. My childhood is over.

 

[SupaDupaFresh]

Parent pedestal worshipping is disgusting. My parents were terrible...only taught me what not to do as a husband and father.

Can't stand the dudes that worship their moms and Pops like they god.

It's because they never learned to fully trust and depend on themselves, nor did they ever learn how to confront and deal with their emotions in a healthy and open way. There was no space for that in their home and to this day they have to hide behind the "perfect childhood" and "perfect God parents who 'raised me' and 'provided for me'". Therefore "owed credit" for all their success. Their entire self esteem is attached to this fantasy world that their parents inilled in them to begin with.

They will surely repeat and revert to the behaviors they know and honor from childhood when their own challenges in marriage or parenthood show up. Never learned to see, know, respect, discover, think for, or trust themselves.

And that's fine if it works for them.

But if for one reason or another your journey has led you to a path of true self discovery with no validation from anything else. Whether great parents who knew the science brought you there or you got there through very difficult experiences and a deeper more insightful discovery of your emotions. Be proud.

 

[SupaDupaFresh]

The darkest moment of my life was me snapping and shoving my dad when i was 16

Why did you "snap?"

 

[SupaDupaFresh]

if they are baby boomers.
they are deflection artist.
whom suffer from extreme urban Intellectual disconnect.
plus have no wherewithal.
about how to manage or save money.
plus have no idea how to generate a profit.
on top of horrible management during physiological crisis.
Plus will not work to educate themselves on that crisis.
including financial freedom from said crisis
even if it requires invasive brain surgery.
they will still never accept Accountability.
to distinctly ramp up and come of age and to grips with overcoming said crisis.
even if a child's health or well being is involved in those decisions.

including never being integral to their child's development.
or well being as everything is for a surrogate to do.
will only clean once a surrogate.
has done the work andd duke igthorn the situation leaving their surrogate out to dry with the child lost in the fray. From their failure to accept accountability.
Along with deflection to never create a forum to fix it.

Since children previously had no rights.
They still act as though children are to be seen and not heard..
Plus,..in the same regard that civil rights are passed. Since they never really marched for civil rights. They will flaug as though they did.
to generations after their own. Like they did. When all you have to do is see they graduated high school in 1968.


So they were never on the frontlines. Nor did they educate themselves on civil rights. While yielding every program beneficial from civil rights.
Ask them who a Phillip randolph is and they will not know.

Hence them being the generation sucked into the vaccum of project mentality and preyed upon.
via mademoiselle matriarch social dysfunctioning lifestyles.
or welfare queen eic succubus lifestyles. The government deflects onto other.
gens who are not responsible for.

They are the flaug'n generation and coddled from government programs they never earned. Yet fully benefitted from. Plus lord forbid they suffer from middle child syndrome.
to battered wives syndrome and ailments of dysfunction in their upbringing and rearing.
As they have and will never educate themselves in these issues in their background. To gain a healthy social perspective to exact consistent change.
Do not fall for this headfake. Lord forbid you get stuck in any crisis with them. As they are not the gen who fought for civil rights. So conflict resolution is null and void.








art barr

This breh is speaking.

 

[Afro]

Here's some new testament for you then:

Ephesians 6:1-3
"1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth."

2 Timothy 3:1-2
"But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy"

I'm sorry you didn't have great parents.
Saying "Can't stand the dudes that worship their moms and pops like they God" implies that you believe everyone has parents like yours.
Saying it's distasteful to air out parents regardless of the situation is not just Biblical, but it's sound advice for any parent.
It's the same reason a custodial parent shouldn't trash a biological mother in their child's presence.
The public shaming sets the example for the child that this type of relationship is normal, and if you want better for your kids the best thing is to either honor your family by praising their hard work, or honor them by keeping distance and avoiding problems.

I think as parents we should all pray our children appreciate our sacrifices and grow to understand that this parenting thing is complicated. I've always said parenting is the simplest thing in the world and also the hardest at the same time. I pray my kids understand I did the best I could within my abilities and circumstances.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Trying to shut people down with religion is part of the problem.

You have your experiences, we have ours

 

[Peak]

Mine are professional c00ns who talk down to "ghetto black people" (not just thugs) and bond about it behind closed doors but would run if they were confronted about it. They live an isolated c00n existence and will die that way

Death to all older c00ns seriously

shyt is said

Well they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

 

[Peak]

...only taught me what not to do as a husband and father.

....and for that you can be thankful.

 

[Afro]

I love my dad but he should talk to a therapist he is still hurt and damaged from his childhood i always wonder why he gets so defensive when you have a different view on life then he does but the more I hear about his childhood the more I understand I always thought he was a narcissist but he really just hurt from his childhood still

My dad never got help and destroyed the family. I can only have so much empathy


Seven wives later and he has learned nothing

Blessings be upon you breh

Parent pedestal worshipping is disgusting. My parents were terrible...only taught me what not to do as a husband and father.

Can't stand the dudes that worship their moms and Pops like they god.

This is always a really touchy subject amongst our people. If you say something objective about your parents there’s always a chorus accusing you of being disrespectful, or that you should be grateful they didn’t abuse you. It is the bare minimum for your parents to provide a loving and safe environment for you, this isn’t to be applauded I understand circumstances may mean this isn’t the case and it’s not always in their control, but I’m not talking about that. There are a lot of parents who were raised by dysfunctional people and do the same to their kids. I love my mother and would do anything for her, but I won’t pretend like she didn’t make mistakes. What I won’t do is hold her mistakes over her head now that I’m older. Mistakes, missteps and the like can be acknowledged and you might think “damn I don’t think I’ll do that with my kids because I didn’t like it”.

it’s okay to look at your childhood and think about it critically; this is how you try not to pass on bad habits or traits you grew up with. Everyone has their flaws, and thinking about where they might come from is the first step in trying to do better.

The fukked up part is that this hyper defensiveness allows parents who fukked their kids’ lives up to escape being held to account.

Thank you brehs ( and @The Velvet Soul ) for sharing and understanding.

Keeping this shyt locked up and in the dark is part of the reason we still have so much dysfunction in the Black community.

But as you can see, folks would rather shame you into shutting up about it, just like the parents they idolize so much

The idea of the ‘parental child’ first appears in the literature in the late 1960s, when a group of psychologists in the United States studied family structure in the inner city. Given the high rates of single motherhood, incarceration, poverty and drugs, they found, it often fell to a child to act as the family’s glue.

The term ‘parentification’ was introduced in 1967 by the family systems theorist Salvador Minuchin, who said the phenomenon occurred when parents de facto delegated parenting roles to children. The concept of parentification was expanded and honed by the psychologist Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy, who offered that deep problems could emerge in the child when a family exhibited an imbalanced ledger of give and take between parents and children. Since then, psychologists have charted parentification across cultures and taken an inventory of the fallout, from the consequences to adult life on the one hand to hard-earned resilience on the other.

How Can Adults Undo The Harm Of Being Parentified As Children

How can adults undo the harm of being parentified as children? | Aeon Essays

 

[Kamikaze Revy]

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Trying to shut people down with religion is part of the problem.

You have your experiences, we have ours

One verse doesn’t cancel out the other.
It’s direction for the parents and direction for the children. Nowhere does it imply if X occurs then this verse no longer applies.
And I didn’t try to shut anyone out with religion.
I provided a biblical response and a non-biblical response as well, while also empathizing with his situation.

 

[Spence]

They keep their fridge packed to the brim and there’s always spoiled food in it because they forget about it. Also for whatever reason they’ve gone through 5 refrigerators in my lifetime and always seem to break the ice dispenser within the first year

 

[rbksNgirbauds]

Mine are professional c00ns who talk down to "ghetto black people" (not just thugs) and bond about it behind closed doors but would run if they were confronted about it. They live an isolated c00n existence and will die that way

Death to all older c00ns seriously

shyt is said

Negged. You fakkit. Them your parents you goofy, you only get one pair.
It's alot of shyt I noticed about my parents I'm not in alignment with, not finna tacitly wish death on em for some internet brownie points.
Weirdo