Things you noticed about your parents as adults
- Thread starter Dog Based Gremlin
- Start date
i'll just say, we definitely use to go over family members' houses and alcohol was consumed by the adults and we all piled into the car and made it home when i was a kid. 
anybody in their 30s and 40s know what i'm saying.
Our parents weren't playing spades and dominoes sober in the basement until 3am. 
anybody in their 30s and 40s know what i'm saying.
Our parents weren't playing spades and dominoes sober in the basement until 3am. 
MollyGalaga
+*++****+*+*+*=*++*.*+
That my mother really is a solid immovable rock (to a fault) and my father clearly doesn't deserve her but thats the guy that seeded her up first
18 years old a senior in HS pregnant with me, and throughout my lifetime I never felt a true sense of lack/love from her. Even in her attempts to keep me on her track & not explore (religion, sorry mama I couldn't follow a religion that had a hand in the subjugation of my ancestors) I knew it came from a place of love & fear for her son, not fear of her son.
My father... ill just say her tried his best with what he knew. I give my mother more credit though, but I can't say he was a total piece of shyt. He stayed and provided as much as he could.
I know of his childhood, and understand that his parents were callous and insensitive.
He chose to emulate the negatives , and still does though. which is unfortunate.
So they both have their faults, but clearly they were raised differently and have a different outlook on life to this day.
I will give my mother the praise she deserves. I won't outright disrespect my father. I still have my reservations about giving him praise, until I see him make a full turn and not halfway.
18 years old a senior in HS pregnant with me, and throughout my lifetime I never felt a true sense of lack/love from her. Even in her attempts to keep me on her track & not explore (religion, sorry mama I couldn't follow a religion that had a hand in the subjugation of my ancestors) I knew it came from a place of love & fear for her son, not fear of her son.
My father... ill just say her tried his best with what he knew. I give my mother more credit though, but I can't say he was a total piece of shyt. He stayed and provided as much as he could.
I know of his childhood, and understand that his parents were callous and insensitive.
He chose to emulate the negatives , and still does though. which is unfortunate.
So they both have their faults, but clearly they were raised differently and have a different outlook on life to this day.
I will give my mother the praise she deserves. I won't outright disrespect my father. I still have my reservations about giving him praise, until I see him make a full turn and not halfway.
The Amerikkkan Idol
The Amerikkkan Nightmare
Some people raised their kids with irrational expectations back in those days when our parents were kids. A lot of them didn't get proper acknowledgement of good behavior and a simple "I love you" from their parents.
Same shyt. My father's older siblings had kids that dropped out of college, had kids OoW, or even partnered up with drug lords back in the early 90s and became fugitives on the run
Yeah, my father was unusually harsh about graduating school, me not being in poverty, not being a part of gangs or worshipping materialism or chasing bum azz hoes with nothing of substance, but he came from Jamaica where his siblings grew up and left the house too soon, and had all kinds of financial problems. Fortunately for them, they came back in the 70s when cost of living was cheap and all of them bought houses and lucked out in decent jobs. He wanted more than that. He wanted me to become some scholar to boast and for me to make tons of $$$, and I always hated to be used as some type of trophy and some type of tool while ignoring my mental health. Education is important, yes, but not at the expense of sacrificing virtually every hobby, not seeing family, not getting to know anything that I enjoy because "study" and "there's school in the morning". Even as a grown man, I could have graduated from college and understood the importance without TRAUMATIZING me for it.
O³ (O cubed)
No more PAWGs, PLEASE??!!!??
My parents loved to have sex with each other.
When I was kid I didn't realise this but there are 5 of us. They barely saw each other but when the two of them were in the house together, their room was always locked.
When I was kid I didn't realise this but there are 5 of us. They barely saw each other but when the two of them were in the house together, their room was always locked.
null
...
You think White people wrote the bible?
Caucasians yes.
But saying that ...
"White is a racialized classification of people and a skin color specifier, generally used for people of European origin; although the definition can vary depending on context, nationality, and point of view. In the US, this term has at times been expanded to encompass persons of Mexican,[1] South Asian,[2][3] West Asian, and North African descent, persons who are often considered "non-White" in other contexts in the United States. In the United States, it has also been alleged that Jews, people of Southern European, and even Irish descent have been excluded from this category, although this idea has been contested.[4][5] The usage of "White people" or a "White race" for a large group of mainly or exclusively European populations, defined by their light skin, among other physical characteristics, and contrasting with "black", "red", "brown", "yellow", and other "colored" people or "persons of color", originated in the 17th century. Until the end of the 18th century, Europeans also described peoples of East Asia as "White".[6][7] The term "white" may or may not be capitalized. The National Association of Black Journalists recommended that the "w" in white be capitalized in 2020.[8] The AP Stylebook says that the "w" should not be capitalized.[9]"
White people - Wikipedia
SupaHotIce
All Star
My grandad is disrespectful af but was always generous to try and keep family around during old age.
MischievousMonkey
Gor bu dëgër
I thank them for their blessings and forgive them, but do not forget, the harms. They're human. It is what it is.
Rev Leon Lonnie Love
damned mine eyes, DAMNED mine eyes!!
I hate how some of you here dismiss other people's life experiences only cause you have a good relationship with yall parents. Not everyone grew up in a household that was "normal". Some people out here have a valid reason to not fukk with their mom/dad.
Hell some of you worshiping your own have a good reason to hate them but are still under that strong spell/hypnosis of treating them like they could never do wrong just cause they put food in your mouth and bought you clothes (shyt they were supposed to do by virtue of giving birth to you).
Talking about "you never disrespect your parents yada yada"
.
Was she a single mom or there was a dad in the house? I cant imagine shyt like that happening with a man in the household.
Hell some of you worshiping your own have a good reason to hate them but are still under that strong spell/hypnosis of treating them like they could never do wrong just cause they put food in your mouth and bought you clothes (shyt they were supposed to do by virtue of giving birth to you).
Talking about "you never disrespect your parents yada yada"
. So my mom is very, very pretty
She was approached by Eminem in Oakland Mall in the 90s to be a model in one of his videos.
I hate to say it but I’m pretty sure she was sleeping with other married men. I got about 4-5 friends that we just stopped hanging with. I remember we just left our church one day and found a new one. And one Christmas she got a $5000 mink coat from one of my sisters friends dad. We stopped going over that after that.
My mom is a saint so I think/pray that it was just dudes trying to get at her but she might have played the game too
Was she a single mom or there was a dad in the house? I cant imagine shyt like that happening with a man in the household.
SupaDupaFresh
Superstar
Some people raised their kids with irrational expectations back in those days when our parents were kids. A lot of them didn't get proper acknowledgement of good behavior and a simple "I love you" from their parents.
Well a lot of it is projection. Parents, if they are not aware of their behavior, will project their own inner pain and insecurity on their kids based on the experiences they had in the past as a child being raised by their own harsh parents, as well as the current state of their life, which all makes the parent feel even more hurt and insecure about life.
Your parents came up short as youngins when it came to school. They saw some of their friends move on to be very affluent. They regret it. Its a source of deep pain. They wonder everyday if they were just too dumb to succeed. They want you to do better. You don't because you're human and still doing his best. Sometimes your grads come up short too like all human beings. "WHAT ARE YOU DUMB!? WHAT TYPE OF GRADES IS THIS! WHAT THE fukk AM I PAYING THIS TUITION FOR!"
Your parents come up short with their own responsibilities at work or wherever before coming home to their own filthy apartment and bedroom. They feel discouraged. They want you to be better. You're not. You sometimes come up short with your responsibilities and just want to sink into your dirty bed too. "QUIT BEING fukkIN LAZY AND IRRESPONSIBLE! GET UP AND CLEAN THIS DAMN LIVING ROOM!"
Your parents grew up loving Funk and all types of shyt while rocking afros, and dashikis and expressing themselves. They were told by others, including their own parents, that they look ridiculous and are holding themselves back. But they had hopes and dreams as kids about how the black community will grow and become. That didn't happen. They internalized the criticisms and feel sometimes that being into dancing and music and popular culture of their time as a kid instead of just focusing on school and being a rhodes scholar did indeed hold them back. They want you to do better. You don't. You're another young man or woman who wants to express themselves in their youth while still looking towards goals, just like they did. "PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP! YOU AIN'T WEARING YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT AS LONG AS YOU IN THIS HOUSE! YOU LOOK LIKE A DAMN IDIOT! TURN OFF THAT DAMN SNOOP DOGGY DOGG AND TUPAC SHAKUR! YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA MAKE IT TALKING LIKE THAT! DON'T LET ME HEAR YOU TALKING LIKE YOUR FRIENDS OFF THE STREET!!!"
It's all coming from a good place, but a place of deep pain and trauma at the same time. And it is not an effective form of parenting. It's toxic and does tremendous damage to the child's self esteem and the very potential to achieve in life they think they are cultivating. The child will have to overcome many weaknesses as an adult.
Their parenting was no doubt instilled in them by their own judgemental toxic parents (the grandparents) who were also insecure about themselves and are heavy on the achievements and appearances of their children and grandchildren. More so than the human connection everyone shares.
The parents are still living in their traumatizing childhood and still living to seek validation that they never received and will never truly receive (because "I raised you and provided for you"). They now relive it by pushing the child to do all the things they couldn't to satisfy those same toxic parents that rule their mind. All at the expense of the much more fulfilling connection they all could've had...and the children would've ended up no different, if not better, for that.
Lots of parents develop a sense of their children being an extension of themselves rather than individuals because they were never taught by their own parents how to find and trust themselves in life. They also never learned how to address and be in touch with their emotions. On the contrary, they were taught to always deny their emotions, keep quiet when they were hurt, and to rely solely on the wisdom of their parents who demand they do so and are "owed" that because they are "providing for you." They can't accept that their child is going to behave in their own way just like they did as children before the parents stepped in and suppressed all that.
And they definitely don't understand the science that as an adult they are still gonna behave their own way except now with dysfunction and issues that comes with an insecure childhood, disregulated control of emotions, and a crippled self esteem.
Good parents who understand the science are able to empathize and connect with their childs experiences because they are fully in touch with their own emotions and the experience of their own childhood. And of course they have the security and full love of self to value a positive and lasting connection with their children over producing credit and achievement that fills their own trauma.
Unfortunately, many people, especially black folks, fall into the whole family pride, parent worship, "they provided for me so all their behavior was justified. I'm where I am today because of them" self-esteem damaging brainwashing. A common defense mechanism against all the pain of their own childhood and the hurtful words and behaviors they endured, but don't really have the insight or courage to fully confront. They instead find comfort in essentially blame themselves for their parents immature behaviors, telling themselves they were indeed lazy and irresponsible and thats why mom and dad acted that way. "They provided for me. I should be grateful. I achieved everything because of them." A bunch of denial of their own true emotions in order to serve demanding parents. Just as they were raised to do. Their achievements and success has nothing to do with the toxic behavior of their parents but their entire self esteem is attached to their own parents and now their children rather than themselves. And so they repeat the same cycle with their own kids. Demanding constant acknowledgment for "all I've done for you." Demanding constant obedience, silence, respect, and credit for the children they are "providing for." And If they are successful that child will get brainwashed into tieing all their achievement and self esteem to their parents and their worst behaviors as well. Than he'll repeat the cycle. On and on and on until finally someone shows up with the spirit to finally break the toxic family culture.
I know I type a lot but I truly am passionate about childhood abuse and mental health, especially in the black community. We can't fix the community if we don't fix our minds and erase all the brainwashed archaic parenting that traces back to emulating slave masters and feeling worthless.
The replies
SupaDupaFresh
Superstar
And for the record, yes, I came from a toxic ass family where constant beatings, shouting, switches, licks, slaps across the face, and constant put downs towards your "lazy" children was the norm. Watched many people grow up with the "they provided for me" nonsense mentality, emulate the same shyt when it was their turn to be parents, having known no other example, and then wonder why their children call them twice a year tops, avoid their company, struggle with relationships, personal habits, and depression, and are not as successful as they thought they were forcing them to be.
I've spent so much of my life as an adult not only confronting my own pain, but consciously rejecting the behaviors I was suppose to trust as a child, replacing old habits that stemmed form it, setting my own fulfilling plans with life, and understanding the science.
But some people really are stuck in their trauma. Still living for the folks that hurt them. Really think they are living their most noble life having never critiqued or challenged the parenting they came from, but tieing themselves to it. And wrapping it all up in the typical defense mechanisms of denial, self blame, and loyalty.
It takes tremendous courage to know and admit to yourself that you were hurt by people you trusted and honored, but it's a lot better when you finally learn the science and accept that no one is perfect, but it's the people who are messed up the most who want to be perceived that way. That's facts.
I've spent so much of my life as an adult not only confronting my own pain, but consciously rejecting the behaviors I was suppose to trust as a child, replacing old habits that stemmed form it, setting my own fulfilling plans with life, and understanding the science.
But some people really are stuck in their trauma. Still living for the folks that hurt them. Really think they are living their most noble life having never critiqued or challenged the parenting they came from, but tieing themselves to it. And wrapping it all up in the typical defense mechanisms of denial, self blame, and loyalty.
It takes tremendous courage to know and admit to yourself that you were hurt by people you trusted and honored, but it's a lot better when you finally learn the science and accept that no one is perfect, but it's the people who are messed up the most who want to be perceived that way. That's facts.
SupaDupaFresh
Superstar
The replies
Lots of people don't have the courage to speak their truth and "disrespect their parents" who have clearly maintained a whole lot of control over them mentally. Look at how much shyt OP is getting for having the bravery to step right out, be in touch with himself and no one else, and speak openly about his real feelings towards his folks. As if a parent is incapable of having bigoted, judgmental and even self-hating reservations about other people to the point of confusing the child. Not everyone has the strength. They rather do what most people do and tell themselves everything and everyone was perfect and it's all their fault whatever painful shyt they went through, and not the fault of the emotionally immature parent who should've known how to handle it better without hurting their own child. It's sad.