For those posters who've been building in this thread since it's inception, you are already aware that I am in the process of finalizing my divorce. I always get asked whether I would take the risk and get married again? I say "No" very quickly which would lead most people to believe that I have made this decision without thought. But there is a lot of thought behind this decision, and I want to share it with my brethren because even though experiences are unique, outcomes are pretty much generalized.
Reason Why I Won't Get Married Again
No matter how much they try to sell marriage as the ultimate display of love and commitment, when it comes down to it, it is a law binding agreement. Unfortunately, people don't realize this until their marriage is on the rocks and they are heading for divorce. That's when they find out how dramatically divorce can change their lives, emotionally, socially, and financially.
Keep in mind, I am all for long term monogamous relationships. But is marriage really worth it? Dudes are under the impression that once I marry this woman she is mine. Well in reality it's actually the opposite. "You are hers"
Think about it....
In a regular relationship, if you find out that your girlfriend is cheating on her, you can move to end the relationship and go on with your life (unless you have children, which I'm going to get into as well).
When you're married, if you find out that your wife is cheating on you, if you move to get a divorce, there is the high risk of financial and social penalties that you will incur. This is why most men stay married even after their wife commits infidelities. On the other hand, a woman will get divorced if a man cheats because she benefits just as much from the divorce as she benefits from the marriage.
Now I'm not implying that all women are untrustworthy. What I'm saying is that marriage puts you in a situation when you are brainwashed to believe that this person is your soulmate and you have to work it out no matter what. Even if you are unhappy in marriage, she stops having sex with you, cooking, cleaning, showing affection, stops working, etc.... the concept of marriage will make you believe that you have to work through all of this.
In a relationship you would have easily kicked this woman to the curb because you would have determined that she provides no benefit or satisfaction to your life.
Simply put, we can't determine the future, so why would you commit yourself to anybody or anything for life? And think about it... the longer you are married, the more severe the penalties are if you ever get divorced.
People are quick to say, "I want a family", "I want kids". That's cool. I have kids too. Let me tell you this. As much as I love my kids, and deep in my heart I want more, but I will never have anymore kids for the following reasons:
1) The whole concept of a happy family is solely determined on your relationship with that woman. If she leaves you, you're not having a happy family. So you'll be in a position where you have to kiss her a$$ in order to make it work.
And this has nothing to do with marriage, just having kids in general. Being married with kids is a double dilemma in the sense that your reasons for staying married have less and less to do with your affinity for your wife.
Now I've been told that I'm bitter and that men who have happy marriages don't think like this. Babyface, the man who sang the most simpest song in history "As soon as I get home from work", has gotten divorced after 15 years from his wife Tracey Edmonds. And she's all over hollywood messing with everybody. Last week I heard she was dating Primetime. This should speak volumes.
So ask yourself? How does marriage benefit you?
Sure, you love her... and sure at the moment you want to spend the rest of your life with her.
But what happens 6-10 years into your marriage and you're no longer happy because she changed or is not doing the things she once used to do? What are your options? If you divorce, she most likely will get the house, the kids, child support, and depending on financial status, she may be entitled to alimony. This is not to say that all woman are scandalous. This is just to show you might not feel the same way in 7 years that you feel now. But you signed that lifetime commitment. No matter how great a product is, would you allow the distributor to deduct the costs of it from your bank account monthly for the rest of your life? No, you want to have the choice to stop paying for the product after it's usefulness has run it's course. Relationships are no different. Why keep paying for something that has already run it's course? That's why marriage isn't for me anymore.