Parents Keep It 100 In Son's Obituary

[Rocket Scientist]

Deep down most parents don't want a kid who embarasses them.Thats why they lie about certain kids especially trouble ones ,,they lie because they don't want wanna be judged.All about image with some of these parents these days .

 

[Rev Leon Lonnie Love]

On Fathers Day 2017, I took my dad out for lunch. We hadn't spoken in about three months, I'll spare the long part of it, so the Fathers Day lunch was to try to clear the air for us both...

My dad is really my stepfather (older brother's bio), but he was around most of my youth and ultimately took my older brother and I in. I'm named after him, because he was married to my bio mother when I was born...

Somehow our lunch turned really emotional, I was telling him it was tough growing up under him with the practices he allowed my stepmother to get away with, and with him driving a wedge between our bio mother and us. I told him I resented him for that...

The most painful words anybody has ever said to me have come from three of my four parents, and on that Fathers Day, here I am 28 years old, my dad responded to everything I was saying with, paraphrasing: "I'm sorry I wasn't a perfect dad, okay? I did the best I knew how to do with you guys, I didn't have a father to show me how to be a father. But do you really think you were a perfect son? You're not the son I wanted, either"...then proceeded to list the characteristics and experiences I'd had that i didn't get from him and that he didn't condone...

shyt hit like a muhfukka and after we parted ways I went home and had a good, long cry. Never heard that from him or knew he felt that way...

I'm saying that to say this, I don't blame the parents here, I get it. I'm not sure I would say the same, so I'm more indifferent to it than anything. When my parents took us in and moved us east, we lived in a two parent home in the suburbs with two people who weren't involved in illegal activity nor condoned or glorified criminal behavior. Alota people looking in from the outside didn't know those werent my/our real parents or our background, and outside looking in, too hard working, loving parents, looks like we were in as good a situation as kids can get...

What people are never privy to is your personal life if you don't allow them there, so while my parents weren't involved in illegal shyt, ask me if they were involved in immoral or unethical shyt and you'll get a different answer. When I started straying towards the streets they spoke out against it and tried to save me, to an extent, but of course there were a host of other influences, one of the more underrated being it's hard to buy into hypocrites in the moment who try to save you, but also created and cultivated an unhealthy and dangerous environment that helped build poor behavior...

I don't think the parents should be automatically regarded as great parents who did everything they could do, because there is a wild variance between what you see from people and what you don't. My heart goes out to them because they didn't encourage that lifestyle with him and they lost a child, though. So overall I'm indifferent...

Ultimately regardless of rearing, everybody eventually has the ability to make their own choices. His choices aren't their fault but his behavior quite possibly could be the result of parenting, so I get how some people can see this as a selfish and manipulative, grandstanding post...

View media item 16801/THREAD

 

[Rev Leon Lonnie Love]

regardless of the differing opinions, this is really once of the most informative threads i have read on here in a long while

 

[Nigerianwonder]

Stop it. Most people are NOT grooming their kids to be street criminals, so when they choose that route it brings disappointment and shame to the parents. People can try to tapdance around it, limbo under it, or do the running man, I don't give a fukk.
.

Its not about grooming anyone to be a criminal. Its about setting your kids up to have a higher chance to succeed. A lot of folks set their kids up for failure. Being a good parent goes beyond putting a roof over your kids head and taking them to church on Sunday. I had a coworker who came in crying one day cause her daughter wasnt going to graduate high school a few months before she was supposed to walk. In my head im thinking where the hell where you the whole time she is flunking out? She found out she had been failing all her classes and skipping school. She had never been involved in her daughters education. Never went to parent teacher conferences etc. Had she done that she would have been able to intervene earlier. Her daughter was a C and D student before that anyway so the real time to intervene was the first time she brought home a C or D. Get her a tutor or see if she has a learning disability. Come to find out her daughter was skipping school to see a boy and was pregnant. Now she a statistic.. high school drop out baby momma.

As an adult im thankful that my parents never gave me the option to fail classes, skip school, not go to college, hang out late night on the corner, and raised hell if I earned anything less than an A- on my report cards. You cant control everything your kids do.. but you can make it harder for them to stray down the wrong path.

 

[Eternally Jaded]

That’s the thing, I live in the burbs and young dudes still out here trying to move weight. Shyt is honestly embarrassing

I legit got a cousin who grew up in a half a millie dollar home, parents worked, and father is a reverend who is legit a golden soul.....

My cousin has stolen credit cards, cash from them and crashed two of their vehicles.

He went to primarily white schools due to his upbringing, and yet dude will go on social media speaking hardie n making threats about pocket rockets.

They maybe were a lil soft on him due to a real bad health scare in his elementary years, but dude had EVERY advantage in life.

I don't know the nikka in this story, but all bad ends don't mean bad parenting.

There's so many influences at play, ish isn't a joke.

 

[Umoja]

STOP IT

THERES TOO MANY KIDS WHO
WERE RAISED IN GOOD ENVIROMENTS
WHO DECIDED TO GET ON SOME STREET shyt
THAT WAS NEVER APART OF THEIR UPBRINGING.

THE COLI IS FULL OF TOO MANY
GROWN ASS MEN WHO DONT WANT ACCOUNTABILITY FOR NOTHING.





​

It is amused me that so many of the talking points in this thread echo white people's talking points on black communities.

There are good kids, raised in good environments, who turn out to be rotten. That isn't up for dispute.

What I'm questioning is whether the young brother falls into that category. My feeling is that the answer is no. A wayward youth is one red flag for poor parenting. The next red flag is the grandstanding as it shows they're more concerned about their image. You can throw in not having a service for good measures.

The problem that we face as black men is not being judged as individuals. Every time an allegation is thrown at us, people want to believe the story so that they can pin their pent up frustrations on a source.

 

[LurkMoar]

I legit got a cousin who grew up in a half a millie dollar home, parents worked, and father is a reverend who is legit a golden soul.....

My cousin has stolen credit cards, cash from them and crashed two of their vehicles.

He went to primarily white schools due to his upbringing, and yet dude will go on social media speaking hardie n making threats about pocket rockets.

They maybe were a lil soft on him due to a real bad health scare in his elementary years, but dude had EVERY advantage in life.

I don't know the nikka in this story, but all bad ends don't mean bad parenting.

There's so many influences at play, ish isn't a joke.

Wow

 

[Scottie Drippin]

Nah this shyt is whack. This is a grandstand. This says a lot about who they were as people.

They're not letting his life embarrass them in death, imagine how concerned they were only with his reflection on them in life.

Like dude said this is an unbelievable red flag.

 

[At30wecashout]

I remember being a latch-key kid who was around kids and adults doing fukked up shyt but I never partook. I parented myself after 10 years old, then became babysitter to my sisters.

Could have easily been on a different path and chose not to, but lost friends who chose to be in the streets till the end. If you have a good upbringing, you selfish to choose the bullshyt. Your parents could say “fukk you” like some of the kids I knew who were not surprising when they acted out. But to be under a nurturing environment, you should not have to touch the pot to see if it is hot. I cant say the parents are acting like saints and lying because I personally knew a dozen or so people who chose a path opposite of where they could have went. My son and I would be having fistfights if he chose the gangsta bullshyt over the myriad of options I would hope to offer. This is painful shyt, man.

 

[ThrobbingHood]

just say he died and it's unfortunate and we love him, that's fine if they truly felt that way, but I wouldn't have aired it out in public, it's just tacky.

We need to start shaming fukk shyt behavior instead of trying to keep dirty laundry behind closed doors. This is why so much immoral behavior goes unchecked.

Nah this shyt is whack. This is a grandstand. This says a lot about who they were as people.

They're not letting his life embarrass them in death, imagine how concerned they were only with his reflection on them in life.

Like dude said this is an unbelievable red flag.

Nah they're right. If they did do everything why should their son's actions reflect badly on them? He chose that life so they have every right to refute it.

 

[ThrobbingHood]

The only thing fukked up here is the "no service" we should mourn the dead regardless

No we shouldn't. If you were a piece of shyt whilst you were alive, it doesn't entitle you to having a service.

 

[jaguar paw]

I fukk with it.

 

[murksiderock]

This doesn't read right chief.

Your family is your family but you need to assess the situation. You came after his relationship with your mum, you're not his kid, but you're pulling him up on things he allows his new wife to get away with.

I'd feel some type of way if I was in his situation.

I mean, he obviously felt a way about it, he's of the old school notion "wife before children". I knew him before I knew his wife, he was always my brother's dad and the only father figure I had while my bio dad was always in prison. He was my dad, called me son, and then when we moved in with him he took a hands off approach and allowed his wife to dictate everything with us...

And she did alota fukked up shyt when he wasn't around, and when I brought this to him, or my brother did, he accused us of lying...

Don't get it twisted, I'm almost 31 now, I have strong relationships with all of my parents, but that took years and time of healing. He wasn't a bad guy or a bad father, but he didn't handle a ton of shyt right with us. I have never blamed then for my choices, but as I matured in my 20s it became apparent that actions that all of my parents made contributed to issues I had, directly and viciously...

How this relates to the thread, once again, when I lived with him, nobody besides my very best friends knew they weren't my real parents or my adolescent background. My parents that raised me (my bio parents didn't), you wouldn't know it from the outside looking in that there was some inappropriate, improper, immoral, disrespectful, distasteful spirits and energy around us, my brother and I. Because from the outside view you see loving parents who raised their kids in the suburbs with excellent careers and people who weren't criminals or condoned criminal activity...

Just look at this thread as evidence. People ran in here to take up for the parents. Nobody knows what was going on in that brothers rearing, could be as positive as it sounds, but just speaking from firsthand experience, there could have been MANY issues going on in that home that led him to his decision making. As an adult, he's 100% responsible for his choices, particularly if he really was from a Huxtable life, but where I agree with you, as an adolescent, the parents gotta bear the majority weight of culpability for whatever they did/didn't do that caused him to walk that path...

 

[CHICAGO]

It is amused me that so many of the talking points in this thread echo white people's talking points on black communities.

There are good kids, raised in good environments, who turn out to be rotten. That isn't up for dispute.

What I'm questioning is whether the young brother falls into that category. My feeling is that the answer is no. A wayward youth is one red flag for poor parenting. The next red flag is the grandstanding as it shows they're more concerned about their image. You can throw in not having a service for good measures.

The problem that we face as black men is not being judged as individuals. Every time an allegation is thrown at us, people want to believe the story so that they can pin their pent up frustrations on a source.

WE JUST SAW A SPOILED PAMPERED
MAMAS BOY WITH A TERRY CLOTH UPBRINGING TURN THUG RAPPER,
AND PUT A HIT ON HIS MOMMA
FOR LIFE INSURANCE MONEY.

THERES WAY TOO MANY
fukk nikkaS OUT HERE
AND YOU DUDES ARE ALWAYS MAKING EXCUSES.

THE DUDE IN THE OBITUARY
IS BEING JUDGED AS AN INDIVIDUAL
BY HIS PARENTS NO LESS.

YOURE LITERALLY THE ONE
WHO DECIDED TO GROUP HIM IN WITH OTHERS.



​

 

[Field Marshall Bradley]

STOP IT

THERES TOO MANY KIDS WHO
WERE RAISED IN GOOD ENVIROMENTS
WHO DECIDED TO GET ON SOME STREET shyt
THAT WAS NEVER APART OF THEIR UPBRINGING.

THE COLI IS FULL OF TOO MANY
GROWN ASS MEN WHO DONT WANT ACCOUNTABILITY FOR NOTHING.





​

Facts