Is there really a shortage of black men for black women to date/married? OR

[Scott Larock]

I feel you to an extent.

Why is it other races can want their daughters/women to go for men that can be good providers etc, but we ask black women to settle for a brotha around they way with a steady 9-5?

The obvious is that black men are at a disadvantage in society to climb the ladder of success but that doesn't mean it is impossible. Why is it we are asking black women to lower their standards and not asking black men to step it up?

What's gonna happen when that brotha is finally getting shine when he gets paper after all them years fighting to get up to corporate america ladder? If he dates out, you'll get mad. You wanna diss him when he's broke then come back when he gets right

Do you really think black men don't think of this?

Think about what you wrote for a sec

 

[philmonroe]

And completely irellevent when it comes to having a long lasting, meaningful relationship. It's like nikkas picking bytches over how fat her ass is or whether she got DSL's. You do that when you're 17-23, but once you become an adult all that shyt goes out the window.

Unfortunately alot of dudes still doing this.

 

[philmonroe]

But a "good provider" is not universal in its meaning. If I make 70k, is a man who makes 24k able to be a good provider for me? What about when I want to stay at home with my child for the first two years? Is my man able to take care of us during that time? Why is it unrealistic to want someone who is on a similar level economically?

I don't understand when some women do this. Y'all trying to circumvent the system with this. Y'all not dudes and unless you going to be spending that money like a "traditional" male "provider" most dudes won't care if you make $70 (obvious exaggeration but you understand) or $70k a year. Acting like making big money for a chick makes them more attractive like a guy and that means you should get a baller when dudes care way more on average about looks and personality from a chick.

 

[GiGi]

I don't understand when some women do this. Y'all trying to circumvent the system with this. Y'all not dudes and unless you going to be spending that money like a "traditional" male "provider" most dudes won't care if you make $70 (obvious exaggeration but you understand) or $70k a year. Acting like making big money for a chick makes them more attractive like a guy and that means you should get a baller when dudes care way more on average about looks and personality from a chick.

Its not about a higher salary making a woman "more attractive" to men but about women wanting men who are at a similar level (or better) financially.

This is standard in almost every culture on earth. Why is it so outrageous for a woman to want a man who is her SES equal or superior?

 

[Neil Tyson]

Its not about a higher salary making a woman "more attractive" to men but about women wanting men who are at a similar level (or better) financially.

You don't want to be better than men financially.

 

[GiGi]

You don't want to be better than men financially.

Do I want to make more than my husband?

No.

 

[Neil Tyson]

Do I want to make more than my husband?

No.

(or better), you made it seem like an added plus. Do you take that back or not?

 

[GiGi]

(or better), you made it seem like an added plus. Do you take that back or not?

In my personal experience, women who make more than the man in a relationship are also expected to wear the pants. That is not my ideal relationship personally. If it works for some...great.

 

[Neil Tyson]

In my personal experience, women who make more than the man in a relationship are also expected to wear the pants. That is not my ideal relationship personally. If it works for some...great.

Obviously you don't because you're aware that's a dysfunctional dynamic. That's good. So why do black women try to compete with black men financially? Why do they want to be the head of the family? Where did it come from?

Maybe it's from the single mother homes, they want to be strong and nurturing like mom and play both the roles of the father and the mother?

 

[Taadow]

I feel you to an extent.
Keisha with a GED working part-time at Wal-Mart shouldn't have high demands on the type of man she wants because she isn't bringing much to the table in terms of earning power. Natasha with a Bachelors degree working as a Marketing Manager bringing in $45k can have some demands on the type of man she wants because she brings more to the table.
Why is it other races can want their daughters/women to go for men that can be good providers etc, but we ask black women to settle for a brotha around they way with a steady 9-5?
The obvious is that black men are at a disadvantage in society to climb the ladder of success but that doesn't mean it is impossible. Why is it we are asking black women to lower their standards and not asking black men to step it up?

Hol' up hol' up hol', up...

1. "Keisha" can have as many demands as "Natasha", if she's bad. We all know this.

2. Oh - is that all black men have to do? "Step it up"? Step what up?

3. Why is "Natasha" better than a "brotha from around the way with a steady 9-5" when SHE has a 9-5 job??
I know folks in marketing and they be at Happy Hour just like everybody else lol

 

[The Maverick]

Its not about a higher salary making a woman "more attractive" to men but about women wanting men who are at a similar level (or better) financially.

This is standard in almost every culture on earth. Why is it so outrageous for a woman to want a man who is her SES equal or superior?

You've gotta realize, if you're a black woman in a white collar job, and you're not willing to date out or a man making less than you, your options are very narrow. It's already a small percentage of men up there. On top of that you're going to have to deal with

1. Women that are younger than you. It's already known that men generally view women in their lower 20's as the physical ideal.
2. Women of other races. If there's a good black man making a decent amount of bank, you best believe there's women from other races plotting as well.
3. Women that are more attractive. This is self explanatory.
4. Women who make less than you. Men do not require their women to bring in as much, so they're willing to date across a wider spectrum.

All of these combine to make reasons to tell black women to be realistic out here. You don't want a short guy? You want your man to make as much as you? You consider yourself traditional and won't approach a man? Well then be prepared to watch a lot of men go by. It's just the numbers of the situation. Something has got to give eventually.

 

[GiGi]

Obviously you don't because you're aware that's a dysfunctional dynamic. That's good. So why do black women try to compete with black men financially? Why do they want to be the head of the family? Where did it come from?

Maybe it's from the single mother homes, they want to be strong and nurturing like mom and play both the roles of the father and the mother?

Why do SOME black women try to compete with black men financially? I do not know the answer to that question because I believe that it comes from the male perspective with the insinuation that economic achievement on the part of black women is meant as an affront to black men. From my perspective as a black woman, BW are not trying to compete with BM but are attempting to rise higher economically in general.

I do believe that SOME black women never had the chance to see a man lead their household so the concept is foreign to them but I have seen non-black women who were raised without fathers struggle with the HOH power with their men too.

When I say that I am a traditional woman and want my husband to earn more, I am basically stating that I want to my husband to be HOH. And for some reason I always get bashed mercilessly on the coli for making that statement. I see guys one after another say that they want BW to let BM lead but when one comes along who says that very thing its like I'm a unicorn. But their are many black women who want black men who will lead their families but no one wants to believe the other side.

 

[GiGi]

Hol' up hol' up hol', up...

1. "Keisha" can have as many demands as "Natasha", if she's bad. We all know this.

2. Oh - is that all black men have to do? "Step it up"? Step what up?

3. Why is "Natasha" better than a "brotha from around the way with a steady 9-5" when SHE has a 9-5 job??
I know folks in marketing and they be at Happy Hour just like everybody else lol

Keisha can only make demands if....

1) she is very pretty
2) the man does not have educational, SES background requirements for women that he considers wife material

 

[Taadow]

Keisha can only make demands if....

1) she is very pretty
2) the man does not have educational, SES background requirements for women that he considers wife material

Keisha can make whatever demands she wants...that's entirely what this thread is about.

Supposedly, there's a shortage of black men for black women because demands are not being met...

 

[Music Fiend]

Man I LOVE black women. but bro idk what is wrong with this culture. ill date any kind of woman as a black man. Whether she's a student in college tryna be a principle, a dental assistant, a doctor/nurse, verizon rep, etc. Even then we go deeper, I'll date the boring chick whose got a good head on her shoulders, party chick, chick who drinks OD, whatever. But damn bro, if we start speaking of black women, it's like I gotta stay in NFL combine shape, have stacks rollin in legally or illegally, life figured out, no kids, no baggage, an extremely unpredictable and exciting social life, all the while being free to travel the nation.

Sad part is there's good men out here that the women would date, but they are insecure from their circle that they aren't dating a gorgeous nikka with a 6 pack, 19 inch arms, heavy pockets, and is well known.

I'm of the belief if your gonna date you can search and find only what you can offer. Most black women do not feel that way. I recently cut a chick off I was taking out cuz I would jump through hoops to take her out and she would just accept invites to go out and offer nothing. Then she wanna complain too... aw naw hell naw.