Hey I don't get it either.
It's an action RPG.
Grinding is par for the course. There is a loud narrative online though that you ain't really playing the game "the way it's meant to be played" if you're above a certain level, use any ashes, use certain weapons or shields.
I feel like part of what makes the game great is that you can play it however you want.
The fact that you can summon help from a real player for boss fights and the large amount of ashes you can find shows you the game nudges you strongly into a cooperative experience.
It's definitely cool as hell to memorize attack patterns and roll through a boss fight with finesse, but I think a lot of people are lying online and just leveling up high as hell and finding the "cheese" strategies and rushing to tell everyone to "git gud".