reading this thread is like walking on a foreign planet to me
i never approached the prospect of getting married in this manner
it was a combination of finding a woman whose company i enjoy
that would include conversation, humor, etc
all the way through to sex and intimacy
then, what makes her a partner..
can't be reduced to a few words
but if i had to summarize, makes the good days better
and the bad days not so bad
so basically contributing to the shared goal of having a solid life
protecting resouces, avoiding sabotage (intentional or not) activities that create double-work or setbacks
looking out for mutual interests with trust and confidence
it was never a distribution of janky chores for me
now, what i think i hear people saying..
is that they have either (1) never gotten to the first part
meaning they never could enjoy a woman's company (as a human being)
they might have had sex here or there, but they never could relax and absorb the other fun stuff of knowing a woman
obviously if a man has never done that much, he's gonna be lost at the idea of "mutual interest and trust"
how can he trust something he knows nothign about??
or, consider that (2) some men had the fun part
but could never find trust
each time they loaned out their car, it came back with the tank empty
each time they bought toilet paper, it'd seem to disappear and never be replenished when they needed to wipe their ass
each time they listened, they never got a chance to talk for a while
so.. no reciprocity
i mean, who could trust marriage or partnership if that had been their experience??
or, consider that (3a) some men are true lone wolves
they are secret and private by nature
they don't want help burying the bodies
they don't want to talk about the pros/cons of changing jobs
they keep their own council and don't want a partner
and that is what works for them
or conider that (3b) some men think they are kings (literally)
they genuinely believe they are A#1 perfect
and being on a team of any kind only slows down their excellence
(these 3b types are disproportionally present..
because the internet is home for these people)
anyway, this is a long ass way of saying that some people probably shouldn't get married
ifyou have never had any positive interation with a woman whatsoever
(beyond a couple of brief sex interludes)
at some point, yeah.. it's too late to learn how at age 36 (or whatever)
or they have become gunshy about trusting anyone
and decided that risking instability isn't worth an upside they have never been able to experience (a woman who made their bad days better)
i mean, if you spent 5 years taking swimming lessons
yet the last 3 times you tried to swim you nearly drowned
it's okay to decide to stay out of the damned pool
or...they don't WANT to trust anyone because they are true lone wolves or consider themselves to be perfection personified
i mean, that's how i see it
doign a lot of typing on the internet isn't goign to change anything
basically, for a guy to get married, he has to have had postivie interactions with a woman (historically)
and
he has to be willing to trust and build a partnership where you have each other's backs
but think somebody supposed to care he prefers slim thick girls with natural hair....
