Dating women over 30 is basically a job interview

[re'up]

Thats why I said "most". There are exceptions to everything but I think its safe to say that most teens aint kickin off the first date with "when we gettin married though?" And I separate people just parroting the hot buzzword from people really about that life. So I think the number of teens legit talking that marriage shyt is pretty low.

I would say worst case scenario is you get strung along for years by a person that isnt about what you are about, maybe have a kid or 3, and now you get your heartbroken and then your chances of finding someone to settle down with are drastically reduced.

I think there are a lot of kids saying that, but that's just an "educated" guess. And sure, like a lot of life, it comes down to a value system.

Once someone asked if I wanted to get married: my reponse,

"In the right circumstance, with the right person, it's something I would absolutely consider",

Just based on how highly I qualified that, you can tell it's not something I even care about, but want to consider in a reasonable way. Funny shyt is I thought that was an honest, good, answer. She ended things a few months later lol

Last quick point, is aren't the odds of that pretty high anyway? Or are they hard to even qualify?

good convo and thanks.

 

[Scaaar]

This.

They start unleashing their best sex moves, cook, etc.

I've been eating out here. Mid 30s with a stable situation and in pulling from 24 all the way up to women in their 50s. It's honestly funny how something that we used to sweat so much as a young breh literally falls into your lap now with little to no effort

 

[987654321]

You can “date intentionally” without verbalizing it lol. It was irritating when I was coming across it.

The dumbest part about verbalizing it is some people are gullible enough to take someone at their word, then open up based on that. Like some of these women (I know it isn’t just women) seemed like kids trying to play grown up. I could say what I want (like building my resume based on the job description/requirements in the job ad) and they just took it as law. If things got too professional I just bushed them or let them bush me if they had a problem.

My fiance and I were both “dating intentionally”, we just didn’t verbalize it. She asked for our first date to be a public hike and we enjoyed each other's company while barely talking about ourselves. Our second date was over drinks and we still struggled to talk about ourselves. We hung out more and just watched each other’s actions, learning more about who the other person was. I had already rawnopullout’d by the time we knew each other’s salaries.

We both found a person who would be there and push hard for the other person, because we enjoyed being around each other. We both knew we wanted long term relationships from the jump, we both knew we wanted kids in the future, we knew neither was homeless. Most importantly we genuinely liked each other as human beings, everything else fell into place.

All That came from two guarded people, in their 30’s, who didn’t wear their heart on their sleeve. Stop trying to make a science out of it, stop using buzzwords. Just enjoy your time (or bush), stop playing dating games/strategies, just understand you and do what works for you.

 

[InkosiYe]

Have a friend who uses that "intentional" all the time. She has like 50k instagram followers, so that tells you enough. a lot to parse in this convo, but yeah, I think arranged marriages probably do have a higher rate, but also, what is their baseline expectation?

They are using a different model. One in where it is an economic, familial, generational decision, in the US it obviously is too, we just don't talk about it as much. And use the idea of it has to be "true love", the way we talk about men with money/dating women without, she's a golddigger, over in other countries, it's just expected.

so, my take is kinda more based on people like the girl I mentioned. This idea of intentionality meaning like "here's what I want, or else nothing", but they are also approaching it like a romantic love PLUS everything else. I think it's just content, and people have no to little idea what the fukk they are talking about, and just parrot stuff that they hear someone say on Tik Tok.

Facts. And this is a huge part of the problem with dating nowadays, claiming that relationships are about love and chemistry meanwhile adding all kinds of dollar amounts and lifestyle requirements for a partner is hypocritical. Is it about love or not? Because $100k doesn't have shyt to do with whether a man can love a woman or not.

The reality is there are a lot of people out here that want it all and actually believe they can have it all, but in refusing to take anything less than everything, will more than likely end up with nothing.

Gonna be real interesting to see how this plays out in the next 20-30 years

 

[Space Cowboy]

Why get mad at it? It is what it is.

If you had a daughter wouldn’t you want her to ask this?

Most women won’t turn you away if you got your own joint by yourself even if you rent. You can turn the answers into light jokes because you got it together and aren’t sweating them.

Woman: Where do you stay?

Man: In a corner in my mom’s attic. When I make too much noise when I bring girls home she hits the ceiling with a broom handle so be prepared for that. I’m kidding, I stay by myself in a nice apartment.

And bam.

 

[InkosiYe]

"I can't believe that 30-year-old women date like grownups they should have been dating in their 20s." - half the Coli

Fixed that for you.

In the history of humanity most 30 year olds didn't date. They were already married and tied up with kids, or for the unmarried women they were basically confirmed spinsters.

"Dating" in your 30s and 40s is essentially an entirely new phenomenon when you consider most of human history. Just like no-fault divorces, just like social media, just like child support etc. We are in entirely new times with new rules and everyone is trying to figure out what actually makes sense and what doesn't. And for plenty of reasons already listed in this thread, starting to "date with intention" in your 30s can be a pretty suboptimal route to take. The situation is a little more involved than a quick one liner can express.

 

[V Skyye]

You can “date intentionally” without verbalizing it lol. It was irritating when I was coming across it.

The dumbest part about verbalizing it is some people are gullible enough to take someone at their word, then open up based on that. Like some of these women (I know it isn’t just women) seemed like kids trying to play grown up. I could say what I want (like building my resume based on the job description/requirements in the job ad) and they just took it as law. If things got too professional I just bushed them or let them bush me if they had a problem.

My fiance and I were both “dating intentionally”, we just didn’t verbalize it. She asked for our first date to be a public hike and we enjoyed each other's company while barely talking about ourselves. Our second date was over drinks and we still struggled to talk about ourselves. We hung out more and just watched each other’s actions, learning more about who the other person was. I had already rawnopullout’d by the time we knew each other’s salaries.

We both found a person who would be there and push hard for the other person, because we enjoyed being around each other. We both knew we wanted long term relationships from the jump, we both knew we wanted kids in the future, we knew neither was homeless. Most importantly we genuinely liked each other as human beings, everything else fell into place.

All That came from two guarded people, in their 30’s, who didn’t wear their heart on their sleeve. Stop trying to make a science out of it, stop using buzzwords. Just enjoy your time (or bush), stop playing dating games/strategies, just understand you and do what works for you.

You don’t have to verbalize it but men will typically verbalize the desire to fukk. So at that point just put it all on the table and hope that both parties can be mature and honest about expectations. Closed mouths don’t get fed and the men judging will be the same men calling women stupid for being in two year situationships. So straight up is better than staying in a gray area with a person and wasting time.

 

[BeeCityRoller]

Young breh here, OGs is this how some older women speak to you on dates? If so this thread is starting to make more sense.

This is how millennial women are speaking to guys who don't have their lives all the way together, because they're getting close to the 4th Quarter of fertility with no serious options. Brothers who live in mid-size cities and bigger can go to their city center or wealthier suburb and encounter good looking professional women like this age 28-38 trying to lock down a Top 10% man. When they get dismissed after a few dates or an intimate encounter because they have zero leverage over these guys, they drop down to the top 20%-35% of men.

These women will claim they don't want a Build-A-Bear, but if you meet their looks/height requirements and social IQ, they will subtly put pressure on you to be a 6-Figure Earner/Provider within the next few years so they can stay home (preferably as a mother) without feeling like they lost their Corporate America salary. This is why you can watch Kendra G's show and see most women in that age group don't want to put a solid income requirement for the men they want, because they are afraid of shutting out the $60k guy today who could be at $100k in 2 years. Thinking they can manifest something out of him with her help.

I don't watch Coach Greg Adams anymore, but he said it best. Being a Free Agent gives you the best options - When you have yourself together. Own house or apartment you can afford comfortably, good career, a decent (preferably paid off) car, low debt and high credit score. All stuff mentioned in the original post when the Pandemic started and all significantly more difficult to obtain now.

 

[987654321]

You don’t have to verbalize it but men will typically verbalize the desire to fukk. So at that point just put it all on the table and hope that both parties can be mature and honest about expectations. Closed mouths don’t get fed and the men judging will be the same men calling women stupid for being in two year situationships. So straight up is better than staying in a gray area with a person and wasting time.

If sex is a sterile transactional object to you then you can choose to not deal with them, just like I bushed the women who liked to make it into a job interview. Actions and presentation will usually tell us a lot of what we want to know.

Plenty of people get by and enjoy happy lives with all the performative, social media buzzword (submissive, high value) dumbassery lol. You can be straight up with a person without verbalizing an application or a specific want for fukking. The world is a lot bigger than the social media and pop culture bubbles we may find ourselves stuck in.

The first discussion we had about sex was asking how I felt about waiting. I said that I wouldn’t wait an arbitrary period, but I wouldn’t push. The next discussion was about testing. Like everything else we let it happen naturally because we didn’t care what our own shyt looked like to anybody else.

Lol this shyt is only a battle if you come into it with a mindset to fight. We want to be together so we do the actions that keep us together.

You overthinking this shyt like playing out an argument in your head before you get home.

 

[987654321]

@V Skyye and I do understand what you mean about the situationships. That comes with lack of maturity from both sides and a lack of discernment from the party that feels cheated. Coming to an agreement or not is a must. That can probably be avoided by dealing with people who aren’t trying to play it cool, play a role, or playing games in general… But I do understand that it can be hard for people who never really had to learn how to read people. I think the whole interview thing or the over-testing (from whatever gender/identification) thing can be an overreaction to being in an uncomfortable or painful position in the past.

The older I get the more I do believe we are what we attract. Every date, relationship, hurtful situation, and dope situation was a stepping stone for me to reach a place of “I’m going to be me but I want to do what’s best for you/us, take it or leave it”. It led me to recognizing that in someone else and packing my bags for whatever journey life was gon take me on.

 

[lib123]

This is how millennial women are speaking to guys who don't have their lives all the way together, because they're getting close to the 4th Quarter of fertility with no serious options. Brothers who live in mid-size cities and bigger can go to their city center or wealthier suburb and encounter good looking professional women like this age 28-38 trying to lock down a Top 10% man. When they get dismissed after a few dates or an intimate encounter because they have zero leverage over these guys, they drop down to the top 20%-35% of men.

These women will claim they don't want a Build-A-Bear, but if you meet their looks/height requirements and social IQ, they will subtly put pressure on you to be a 6-Figure Earner/Provider within the next few years so they can stay home (preferably as a mother) without feeling like they lost their Corporate America salary. This is why you can watch Kendra G's show and see most women in that age group don't want to put a solid income requirement for the men they want, because they are afraid of shutting out the $60k guy today who could be at $100k in 2 years. Thinking they can manifest something out of him with her help.

I don't watch Coach Greg Adams anymore, but he said it best. Being a Free Agent gives you the best options - When you have yourself together. Own house or apartment you can afford comfortably, good career, a decent (preferably paid off) car, low debt and high credit score. All stuff mentioned in the original post when the Pandemic started and all significantly more difficult to obtain now.

I wonder how these women act when interacting with dudes in the top 1%? Are they able to put the emotional baggage aside?

 

[Tribal Outkast]

It’s funny cause the couple women I know that are dating at 30 and 31 respectfully are saying the same thing about the men Dating really seems like it sucks now

 

[Scaaar]

You don’t have to verbalize it but men will typically verbalize the desire to fukk. So at that point just put it all on the table and hope that both parties can be mature and honest about expectations. Closed mouths don’t get fed and the men judging will be the same men calling women stupid for being in two year situationships. So straight up is better than staying in a gray area with a person and wasting time.

I think men and women have better outcomes when they verbalize exactly what they're looking for. If you leave any grey areas people will use it to their advantage. But one thing I've realized is people are afraid of being alone or by themselves so they'll grasp on to the first thing that feels right and hope that they'll change on the back end

 

[IsThatBrothaMouzone?]

Age doesn't matter........it's all about life stages.

A 30-year old divorcee with a kid and a good enough job to take care of herself is different from a 30-year old with no kids and never been married.......and she's different from a 30-year old WITH kids but no marriages under her belt and a rough financial situation.

No kids/never married = looking for someone that checks off certain boxes. She's enamored with the idea of marriage but maybe not the day-to-day if she's mostly been fukking around.

Divorcee = baggage but she might actually be MORE picky because she has a blueprint for what doesn't work and will try to find a man that's the complete opposite of her ex. Truthfully most women initiate divorces and if they split...it's because they already have an idea of what and who they're looking for.


Never married but has kids = this kind of woman might just want some weekend dikk but if you treat her well, she'll probably start wanting more...especially if you have your shyt together. If she's younger.....she probably wants you for something serious. If she's well into her 40s, probably just wants sex and adult conversation.

 

[Insensitive]

Thats why I said "most". There are exceptions to everything but I think its safe to say that most teens aint kickin off the first date with "when we gettin married though?" And I separate people just parroting the hot buzzword from people really about that life. So I think the number of teens legit talking that marriage shyt is pretty low.

I would say worst case scenario is you get strung along for years by a person that isnt about what you are about, maybe have a kid or 3, and then you get your heartbroken and now your chances of finding someone to settle down with are drastically reduced.

Especially if it's multiple children during peak career and money earning years.

Someone's chances of success drop considerably by trying to "have a family" and "be grown" while barely making a livable wage.

I've watched some star players get taken out the game early and struggle with the idea that they're no longer

the cutest girl in a class of 300 people and they earn a median or lower wage working a B.S. deadend CNA/Social Worker/HR job while having kids in tow
and fading looks.



I try not to be shallow or to be so surgical in picking people apart but when someone has drunken too much of the social media Kool aid and
tries that "I'm the prize", "Intentional dating", "What do YOU bring to the table?" bullshyt while being for intents and purposes average or worse
a whole ass loser.

I can do nothing but laugh at them appropriately and keep it pushing.