Especially if the men are the ones approaching them. How are you gonna approach another person and then get upset at their standards? People would save themselves a lot of time and drama just being straight up from the start.
Dating women over 30 is basically a job interview
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Being best friends doesnt require anything of you. You dont have to live with this person and adjust every aspect of your life around them. You can have other close friends. If you and a person don't work out as best friends you havent spent years denying other possible friends for this person.
I get what you are saying about allowing it to develop organically. But who you marry and breed with is the most important decision you will make in life. How many other important decisions do you enter into whimsically just looking to see what happens piece by piece over years? You want to work in a certain career you make that decision beforehand, announce your intentions, and then take whatever classes or training is required. You dont just take random classes or trainings and see how it goes.
Women can decide whenever they want to. And men also have the option of not approaching women over 30 and the option to decline whatever the woman expects any keep it moving. If two people are on different wavelengths and have different expectations it’s as simple as that. No one owes anybody they’re just meeting anything.What's wrong is when you start dating intentionally in your mid to late 30s after getting dumbfukked for the entirety of your 20s.
If you actually take women serious that only start dating intentionally around the same time that they need to start considering freezing their eggs to have children, you deserve whatever you get breh
Now if a woman is in her early or mid 20s talking like that then fair enough, that's a whole different story, salute to her
This is good counterpoint, I was going to add/edit in, that monogamy/maybe childbirth is probably at the center of my question.
but, I would say that best/friend friend relationships DO take work, we just don't consider it the same way. You also don't NEED to live with anyone, unless it financial or kids. Where does that come from? and people often do live with friends as roommates at least in certain ages.
and I would also counter that at few other points do we employ this thinking, as we start our first jobs, we don't say "I'll only take this position if you promise me I'll be on the promotion track and the CEO position within 2 years and anything else is unacceptable"
No, you take the job, and try your hardest and keep going, until you move up, or move on or quit or change or whatever. You might hint or say at your interview that you are ambitious and motivated, sure.
I usually state I don’t have intentions because depending on the woman it can change at anytime.
The whole “intentionally dating” is silly and gives off desperation.
Obviously this goes without saying when it comes to dating. And with that said....
If you actually take women serious that only start dating intentionally around the same time that they need to start considering freezing their eggs to have children, you deserve whatever you get breh
I appreciate the dialogue.
If you marrying somebody you are living with them and intending to do so for the rest of your life. You and a friend/roommate are usually only looking to do so temporarily.
If you know what you want and you have the goods to back it up (education, training, marketable skills) you can indeed walk in an interview asking for those things. Now obviously most people cant. I get that point. And the flipside is the job is gonna tell you exactly what they are expecting from you and if you arent with it you dont get the job. You cant just come in and see how it goes...you gotta make that commitment first. Now people break those commitments all the time but they usually arent legally binding like marriage is unless its something like the first scenario I was talking about.
yeah, me too.
My use of first is meaning like your first jobs. When you are an expert in your field, sure. When you are applying for an entry level position, like getting a drink with someone, (as it relates to dating)
The mix of legally binding/business language and structure as it relates to marriage is pretty interesting too. Both of ours. or why we would even want our personal relationships to mirror our professional ones.
This is an interesting point. In theory I get exactly what your saying, relationships with good friends etc do tend to just build naturally over time.
But on the flip side, it's been reported that arranged marriages tend to have higher rates of satisfaction than love relationships, which would contradict the idea that things need to develop naturally and without intention to work.
Also they've actually done studies on folks' happiness levels, comparing between folks that were given a choice between multiple outcomes vs folks that were preselected for a certain outcome and the people with the no choice and a pre-selected outcome were overall more satisfied with what they got than the people who got to choose. The freedom to choose usually comes along with the fear and regret of possibly making the wrong choice, especially with something as important as marriage.
I think at the end of the day it just comes down to the fact that "dating intentionally" is a paradigm shift for a lot of people in the West as opposed to some other places in the world because people in the West have been sold fairy tales about soulmates and perfect relationships, whereas in some other places people have a more "functional" view of marriage and mating. In a society where mostly everyone dates for love and/or lust it throws people off to come at things in a "functional" way. Especially so when you're already washed and clearly lacking other viable options
The functional/intentional route is a strategy that works best when you actually have the leverage to do it. Meaning you have to obviously be that much of a catch to pull it off. And what that means from person to person likely varies, but it's probably the only way to make that work.
Wouldnt first job be more analogous to middle/HS relationships? Most people arent coming into those situations talking about marriage. But once you have gotten your shyt together as an adult and you want to settle down, wouldnt that be something that you make clear early on? If the other person doesnt want marriage there is no middle ground. So if you move forward and catch feelings then you are screwed.
"I can't believe that 30-year-old women date like grownups." - half the Coli
This is an interesting point. In theory I get exactly what your saying, relationships with good friends etc do tend to just build naturally over time.
But on the flip side, it's been reported that arranged marriages tend to have higher rates of satisfaction than love relationships, which would contradict the idea that things need to develop naturally and without intention to work.
Also they've actually done studies on folks' happiness levels, comparing between folks that were given a choice between multiple outcomes vs folks that were preselected for a certain outcome and the people with the no choice and a pre-selected outcome were overall more satisfied with what they got than the people who got to choose. The freedom to choose usually comes along with the fear and regret of possibly making the wrong choice, especially with something as important as marriage.
I think at the end of the day it just comes down to the fact that "dating intentionally" is a paradigm shift for a lot of people in the West as opposed to some other places in the world because people in the West have been sold fairy tales about soulmates and perfect relationships, whereas in some other places people have a more "functional" view of marriage and mating. In a society where mostly everyone dates for love and/or lust it throws people off to come at things in a "functional" way. Especially so when you're already washed and clearly lacking other viable options
The functional/intentional route is a strategy that works best when you actually have the leverage to do it. Meaning you have to obviously be that much of a catch to pull it off. And what that means from person to person likely varies, but it's probably the only way to make that work.
Have a friend who uses that "intentional" all the time. She has like 50k instagram followers, so that tells you enough. a lot to parse in this convo, but yeah, I think arranged marriages probably do have a higher rate, but also, what is their baseline expectation?
They are using a different model. One in where it is an economic, familial, generational decision, in the US it obviously is too, we just don't talk about it as much. And use the idea of it has to be "true love", the way we talk about men with money/dating women without, she's a golddigger, over in other countries, it's just expected.
so, my take is kinda more based on people like the girl I mentioned. This idea of intentionality meaning like "here's what I want, or else nothing", but they are also approaching it like a romantic love PLUS everything else. I think it's just content, and people have no to little idea what the fukk they are talking about, and just parrot stuff that they hear someone say on Tik Tok.
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This is maybe moving the convo elsewhere, but you don't think there are 17 and 19 year olds right now talking about "intentionally" dating on Tik Tok? and 23 year olds.
To your question, but wouldn't the worst case scenario mean that you are heartbroken to a degree for a period? is that the WORST thing? Is it fair to say that a lot of this behavior, if it has any logic at all, is based in self protection, and second, in, reflecting an optimization to a messy process, that probably doesn't really work?
Thats why I said "most". There are exceptions to everything but I think its safe to say that most teens aint kickin off the first date with "when we gettin married though?"
And I separate people just parroting the hot buzzword from people really about that life. So I think the number of teens legit talking that marriage shyt is pretty low.I would say worst case scenario is you get strung along for years by a person that isnt about what you are about, maybe have a kid or 3, and then you get your heartbroken and now your chances of finding someone to settle down with are drastically reduced.
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