Bitter Black Men: redefining manhood (long read)

[TeFLoNBoMBz]

Great thread.

Dealing with my emotions has always been difficult for me. When I was younger football saved me because I was able to take out my aggression in a positive way but I would always get in fights and was a bully a large part of my life because I struggle with articulating the feelings I have inside. Suppressing my emotions whatever it was would only manifest as anger.

I realized I had to change because my own temper started to scare me. I started working out more, journaling, I even saw a counselor for anger management. I thought it would help but it really has made me apathetic now. I went from feeling every emotion to feeling nothing.

My son 8 now and I'm starting to see he is picking up some of my old habits such as fighting and dealing with conflict. I trying to instill in him the faster he learns to control his emotions the better off he's going to be. Life is going to throw you all types of bullshyt. As a man you have to be able to withstand. It would be nice to be able to confide in someone but reality is no one really cares.

I feel as though as a man you're really alone and I think that's where the bitterness comes from. I draw my strength from God and self reflection. I set goals and work each day to accomplish them. You know how the saying go: " Heavy is the head of the man that wears the crown.."

 

[underwaterboogiebaby]

Yeah, the last part of his comment made me feel some type of way. But your response is basically what I wanted to say.

It almost made me cry TBH. Everyone always says, get over it, there is no racism, the US is not a racist country, etc. They just don't understand that when you start the race 10 years behind everyone else, it is extremely hard to catch up.

 

[DarkHorse23]

It happens breh, but its way more deeper than what you think on the surface is happening. Folks been brainwashed against Nature and the way it works, because shyt is so artificial and fake out here, people don't understand how nature and spirituality go hand in hand.........Your nature can never be replaced.....you can fake it for only so long.

That's why I hate brainwashed folks, because all they have to do is just get in tune with their heart and inner self and you'll come out that coma......I tell my folks that shyt all the time, they still call me crazy and still arrogant as ever, but they feel me deep down.........

I know bruh. I know

 

[Guile]

Yeah, I feel alone.

It's get's to an extreme degree when I have to spend a ton of time around white people and am away from family.

 

[ZoeGod]

expressing emotion isn't "being an emotional bytch". Pent up emotions will only lead to abusive behaviors like gambling, alcohol, drugs or violence.

Ill say this tho i am a chronic cheater. I will admit i am never really faithful. I have a wandering eye and just go ahead and have sex. When a female opens up to me i just shut down and get scared. When a female tells me she wants me to open up i usually act annoyed and you know how females are they then nag and argue. I think me constantly cheating has something to do to release the emotions i hold up inside. I dont know if that makes sense or maybe i am a scumbag.

 

[Matt504]

Ill say this tho i am a chronic cheater. I will admit i am never really faithful. I have a wandering eye and just go ahead and have sex. When a female opens up to me i just shut down and get scared. When a female tells me she wants me to open up i usually act annoyed and you know how females are they then nag and argue. I think me constantly cheating has something to do to release the emotions i hold up inside. I dont know if that makes sense or maybe i am a scumbag.

it makes perfect sense, meaningless sex is also an addictive behavior.

 

[OD-MELA]

victimhood on 1 hunnid in this thread

bytchmade nikkas

 

[Matt504]

victimhood on 1 hunnid in this thread

bytchmade nikkas

do you smoke cigarettes?

 

[JLova]

the plight of the black man is the ultimate mindfukk.

 

[Sauce Dab]

Didn't read the whole thing but what I seen was .

 

[Raava]

You got beautiful eyes fam......

Eye* lol, thank you

 

[wet landscapes]

It doesn't mean shyt coming from me but I hope some of my black brehs really take the hard step to being more open emotionally, and not just in a venting your frustration kind of way
I know someone might clown you on facebook or twitter or something but you need to reinforce your humanity to the world...I feel like it gets lost sometimes and it makes black men hard to relate to sometimes because their personalities get so warped from expectations, personas, resentment and failures

 

[Gaara]

After dealing with a lot of bitter black men, and women complaining about bitter black men, I have had an epiphany.

The complaints and insults, the whining and fighting, were actually cries for help.

Black men have a lot on their shoulders, obviously. But one of the issues I haven't been paying attention to is their emotional and mental issues. I am a woman and I have been a child so I know those experiences, it's why I am passionate about helping women and children. The unique experiences of black men haven't been at the forefront of my mind because I have no personal experience with them. Instead, I see black men as strong, masculine, leaders, protectors and defenders. I used to be at emotional, whiny, passive, victim -claiming black men. Looking down on them and insulting them. I didn't realize that that is a very valid behavior.

I put black men on a pedestal, anyone who didn't measure up to that was looked down on. I have realized that putting them on a pedestal can be just as bad and putting them below me. Instead I had to realize that black men are my equal. That's what I always say, but I didn't believe it truly. Black men are not perfect, they are human. Being human means that you will make mistakes and you will experience life through emotions.

Men, but black men especially, are defined by their masculinity. They are taught not to cry, suck it up, stop being a baby. That isn't healthy. Of course, you shouldn't stay in your feelings, but you shouldn't suppress them and bottle them up either. Emotions have to be experienced and acknowledged. You have to go through it to get over it.

What healthy outlets do men have for their emotions? Most can't go to other men without being teased, called a "punk", "bytch", "soft" or told to toughen up. They can't go to women for fear of looking less like a "man". Usually, all they have are relationships. When the person who you bared yourself to in your most vulnerable state betrays you, it is a perfectly normal reaction to become bitter.

But you can not stay there, you need to release those negative emotions. We have to reach out to each other and connect. Recognizing there is a lack of emotional support for black men. We need to reintroduce ourselves to eachother with an open mind and a sense of equality. These are our equals, our reflections. When black men are hurting, so are black women. When black women are hurting so are black men. We need each other.

Although i agree with the premise that men shouldn't waste time trying uphold this Superman facade; i must say...


Why all this focus on "bitter" black men while totally ignoring what spawned them in the first place black men didn't just wake up one day and all in group think decided that they hate black women. The disdain towards black women from black men is a direct result of black women having those very same feelings towards black men despite at that time having far less reason to than black men did when they followed suit.

On the net you can find just as many if not more black man bashers matter of fact if you ask someone who was on YouTube when it was first invented they will tell you that some of the very first videos by black people on that site were of black women airing their gripes with black men and that Sargent Willie Pete and the whole Gen X crowd was a direct response to that.

So why is it the Black Men Ain't Shyt brigade that always escapes scrutiny all while the black men responding to them get called out. Why does the White Men Are The Greatest Beings On This Planet crowd given a pass while black men who just merely date interracially are labeled sell out, c00ns and told that they must hate there ancestors, their mothers, and even their daughter on apart of them doing the same things black women get a pass on? And when black men respond to that by labeling black women who date out Bed Wenches why is the fact that it's mainly being done in response to the same type of criticism being levied on to black men ignored.


What i'm saying is when are black women going to start calling out their own faults? You've been addressing black men for 7 decades now under both real and false pretenses; That dead horse has been beaten to a bloody pulp now it's your turn on the hot seat and you can't handle the heat. If black women would address each others short comings there would be no need for black men to say anything to you thus rendering the "bitter" black man non existent.

 

[ZoeGod]

Ill say this tho the reason alot of dudes do not open up is because when you get into an argument the women in the heat of the moment will bring it up and call you bytch ass nikka.

 

[CinnaSlim]

Although i agree with the premise that men shouldn't waste time trying uphold this Superman facade; i must say...


Why all this focus on "bitter" black men while totally ignoring what spawned them in the first place black men didn't just wake up one day and all in group think decided that they hate black women. The apprehensiveness towards black women from black men is a direct result of black women having those very same feelings towards black men despite at that time having far less reason to than black men did when they followed suit.

On the net you can find just as many if not more black man bashers matter of fact if you ask someone who was on YouTube when it was first invented they will tell you that some of the very first videos by black people on that site were of black women airing their gripes with black men and that Sargent Willie Pete and the whole Gen X crowd was a direct response to that.

So why is it the Black Men Ain't Shyt brigade that always escapes scrutiny all while the black men responding to them get called out. Why does the White Men Are The Greatest Beings On This Planet crowd given a pass while black men who just merely date interracially are labeled sell out, c00ns and told that they must hate there ancestors, their mothers, and even their daughter on apart of them doing the same things black women get a pass on? And when black men respond to that by labeling black women who date out Bed Wenches why is the fact that it's mainly being done in response to the same type of criticism being levied on to black men ignored.


What i'm saying is when are black women going to start calling out their own faults? You've been addressing black men for 7 decades now under both real and false pretenses; That dead horse has been beaten to a bloody pulp now it's your turn on the hot seat and you can't handle the heat. If black women would address each others short comings there would be no need for black men to say anything to you thus rendering the "bitter" black man non existent.

This was originally posted in the Salon and its from a woman's perspective. It spawned from watching black women complain about bitter black men and my own posts about "bytchass men".

I am a lover, not a fighter. I don't attack people. That's not my style. In my experience, attacking people puts them on the defensive and stops them from even attempting to listen to your point. Instead I try to put myself in people's shoes using empathy, making connections. If we (black women) realize where black men are coming from, we will stop name calling and start understanding.

It is not a how to prevent bitter black men / What are black women doing wrong thread. We have enough of those. It's about how do we do right.