Assess my cover letter, What changes should I make? Would u consider hiring me

[Maxine Shaw]

baby Im a genius at what I do.... some HR desk jockey cant disregard my talent because a stupid letter isnt perfection, that dont even make no sense....the goal is to hire the best and my shyt is about to change the game, im doing shyt thats never been done before

I feel like future making DS2 and Evol...real fire experimental shyt

First of all, I'm not your baby.

Second of all, you came to the Coli. We didn't come to you.

Third, there is nothing in your cover letter OR your posts that suggest genius. Or fire. Or even competence. Have you noticed that only one person has asked to see your portfolio or your work, even though you keep mentioning how great it is? There's a reason for that.

Fourth, your posts keep proving my point.Your attitude is reflected in your cover work. You are entitled, arrogant, and ignorant, and worst of all - and I DO mean worst of all - lazy. There's no need to look at your portfolio.

Fifth, the goal is NOT to hire the best. Get that out your head, youngun. The goal is to hire the best fit for the job, not the best individual candidate. You'd be amazed at how many other potential employees can write a cover letter and have talent. In fact, you'd be amazed at how many people who have less talent than you who will be hired over you ever single time because they present themselves better. We don't care about what you can do as much as we care about your potential. Again, you do not have to be the best. You merely have to be GOOD ENOUGH. Good enough can always get better, but arrogant pricks never do.

And finally, HR desk jockeys do, can and will disregard your talent over your bullshyt cover letter. You'd know that if you'd done some basic research on...well, anything.

I have a legit skillset that only a small % of ppl possess

*falls over laughing*

 

[FlexPavilion]

First of all, I'm not your baby.

Second of all, you came to the Coli. We didn't come to you.

Third, there is nothing in your cover letter OR your posts that suggest genius. Or fire. Or even competence. Have you noticed that only one person has asked to see your portfolio or your work, even though you keep mentioning how great it is? There's a reason for that.

Fourth, your posts keep proving my point.Your attitude is reflected in your cover work. You are entitled, arrogant, and ignorant, and worst of all - and I DO mean worst of all - lazy. There's no need to look at your portfolio.

Fifth, the goal is NOT to hire the best. Get that out your head, youngun. The goal is to hire the best fit for the job, not the best individual candidate. You'd be amazed at how many other potential employees can write a cover letter and have talent. In fact, you'd be amazed at how many people who have less talent than you who will be hired over you ever single time because they present themselves better. We don't care about what you can do as much as we care about your potential. Again, you do not have to be the best. You merely have to be GOOD ENOUGH. Good enough can always get better, but arrogant pricks never do.

And finally, HR desk jockeys do, can and will disregard your talent over your bullshyt cover letter. You'd know that if you'd done some basic research on...well, anything.



*falls over laughing*

 

[CouldntBeMeTho]

Resume, resume, resume. It's even more important then the cover letter b/c a CL can be copypasta'd, but your resume tells the real story. I'll read a bad resume b/c good resume writing is kind of rare, but I know a lot of managers who won't read a bad resume.

IMO, your resume should only list the jobs that relate to your occupation. I'm a teacher, so my background only relates to my work in education. Nobody cares that I was a pawnbroker at Cash America Pawn in undergrad, you know? But I see this all the time.

If you have a portfolio, keep it current. (Again, guilty.) I'm not interested in anything you've done past the last couple of years. If your magnum opus has a 2008 date, that tells me that you've done nothing of merit lately.

Also, don't ever, ever, ever lie about your education. It's the lie that most people get caught in, and it's one of the few that'll get you fired way down the line. I know employers who will be sympathetic to certain (minor) charges, but you'll never catch a break if you lie about your education. If your ass graduated with the GED Class of 1999, you damn well better not say you have a high school diploma from Hootie Mack High School. (Also, nobody cares about your GPA, not even if you're in college or high school. If it's on the application, list it; if it's on your resume, don't bother.)

Honestly, that's all I can really think of - and keep in mind that you'll have other managers who'll disagree. The problem is that it's not even really about credentials or talent anymore. It basically boils down to whether or not the manager likes you and whether s/he thinks you have room to grow and learn. Take OP here. That cover letter? Basura. So right off the bat, I know that 1) he failed Basic Professionalism 101, and 2) he didn't even bother to do the research to get better. That's a sign of ignorance, laziness, or both. (Good on breh for asking the professionals at The Coli, but Googling professional writing samples would've been better.) As the thread goes on, we see that OP doesn't take criticism well and that he's arrogant as hell. You can have a trash CL that's professional in tone, but like @Clutch Robinson said, it really DOES come across as "hire me kthxbi". It's unprofessional to the point of being borderline disrespectful. Bushes.

Now, am I wrong about OP? Probably so. Maybe I've missed a diamond in the rough b/c of a bullshyt "hire me bro" cover letter, and that'll be my loss. But do I have time to find out? No, because I have 80 other applicants who have decent, professional cover letters to look over. Have I ever had a time where I thought, Damn, I should've hired that other guy with the bullshyt resume and the email address of bustanutinyourbutt@gmail.com? Never. In the words of Trick Daddy, you ain't got to be the best - but you better be close enough. (He was talking about giving head, but whatever.)





OP wants us to do the work for him. Like Google ain't free.

 

[DrX]

Resume, resume, resume. It's even more important then the cover letter b/c a CL can be copypasta'd, but your resume tells the real story. I'll read a bad resume b/c good resume writing is kind of rare, but I know a lot of managers who won't read a bad resume.

IMO, your resume should only list the jobs that relate to your occupation. I'm a teacher, so my background only relates to my work in education. Nobody cares that I was a pawnbroker at Cash America Pawn in undergrad, you know? But I see this all the time.

If you have a portfolio, keep it current. (Again, guilty.) I'm not interested in anything you've done past the last couple of years. If your magnum opus has a 2008 date, that tells me that you've done nothing of merit lately.

Also, don't ever, ever, ever lie about your education. It's the lie that most people get caught in, and it's one of the few that'll get you fired way down the line. I know employers who will be sympathetic to certain (minor) charges, but you'll never catch a break if you lie about your education. If your ass graduated with the GED Class of 1999, you damn well better not say you have a high school diploma from Hootie Mack High School. (Also, nobody cares about your GPA, not even if you're in college or high school. If it's on the application, list it; if it's on your resume, don't bother.)

Honestly, that's all I can really think of - and keep in mind that you'll have other managers who'll disagree. The problem is that it's not even really about credentials or talent anymore. It basically boils down to whether or not the manager likes you and whether s/he thinks you have room to grow and learn. Take OP here. That cover letter? Basura. So right off the bat, I know that 1) he failed Basic Professionalism 101, and 2) he didn't even bother to do the research to get better. That's a sign of ignorance, laziness, or both. (Good on breh for asking the professionals at The Coli, but Googling professional writing samples would've been better.) As the thread goes on, we see that OP doesn't take criticism well and that he's arrogant as hell. You can have a trash CL that's professional in tone, but like @Clutch Robinson said, it really DOES come across as "hire me kthxbi". It's unprofessional to the point of being borderline disrespectful. Bushes.

Now, am I wrong about OP? Probably so. Maybe I've missed a diamond in the rough b/c of a bullshyt "hire me bro" cover letter, and that'll be my loss. But do I have time to find out? No, because I have 80 other applicants who have decent, professional cover letters to look over. Have I ever had a time where I thought, Damn, I should've hired that other guy with the bullshyt resume and the email address of bustanutinyourbutt@gmail.com? Never. In the words of Trick Daddy, you ain't got to be the best - but you better be close enough. (He was talking about giving head, but whatever.)





OP wants us to do the work for him. Like Google ain't free.

the real probably, alot of the people in HR dont have the mindset to pick good candidates....im a highly talented dude, why in the fukk should I have to right an ass kissing CL...ill look stupid....because if my work is dope, theyre going to know im full of shyt for going through the motions ....thats why sometimes u have to take a risk and be honest, real recognize real, somebody out there will get a kick outta honesty

 

[Maxine Shaw]

Some of it you can retain for every letter, like the intro, but you gotta do some research on the company and impress them with what you already know about them.

Dear God, yes. I embarrassed myself at an interview because I didn't know anything about Pitney Bowes. Literally, the first question they asked me was "What do you know about Pitney Bowes?" I'm surprised they even bothered to finish the interview.

the real probably, alot of the people in HR dont have the mindset to pick good candidates

And yet, those are the people who will be assessing your cover letter and resume. So.

thats why sometimes u have to take a risk and be honest, real recognize real

I guarantee you that nobody is going to take a chance on you. You know why? Because you've displayed absolutely nothing that suggests why we should. So you're talented? Lots of people are talented. You do work on time? Congratulations - you're a mammal!

 

[DrX]

First of all, I'm not your baby.

Second of all, you came to the Coli. We didn't come to you.

Third, there is nothing in your cover letter OR your posts that suggest genius. Or fire. Or even competence. Have you noticed that only one person has asked to see your portfolio or your work, even though you keep mentioning how great it is? There's a reason for that.

Fourth, your posts keep proving my point.Your attitude is reflected in your cover work. You are entitled, arrogant, and ignorant, and worst of all - and I DO mean worst of all - lazy. There's no need to look at your portfolio.

Fifth, the goal is NOT to hire the best. Get that out your head, youngun. The goal is to hire the best fit for the job, not the best individual candidate. You'd be amazed at how many other potential employees can write a cover letter and have talent. In fact, you'd be amazed at how many people who have less talent than you who will be hired over you ever single time because they present themselves better. We don't care about what you can do as much as we care about your potential. Again, you do not have to be the best. You merely have to be GOOD ENOUGH. Good enough can always get better, but arrogant pricks never do.

And finally, HR desk jockeys do, can and will disregard your talent over your bullshyt cover letter. You'd know that if you'd done some basic research on...well, anything.



*falls over laughing*

like I said ...Im a fukking artist, world class at what I do.... I actually got real talent, peons ...worker bees cant relate to creatives...thats why why do fly shyt for a living and yall sit at a desk doing paper work

BTW you're very condescending and unnecessarily stern, relax alittle ....but your info is appreciated, I do mean that sincerely ...

 

[DrX]

im out man, thanks to the ppl that helped me, and the 2 ppl that judged my character based of my having confidence in myself

i appreciate everybody....sincerely, thanks....I hope I can get some call backs and interviews lined up

 

[Maxine Shaw]

like I said ...Im a fukking artist, world class at what I do.... I actually got real talent, peons ...worker bees cant relate to creatives...thats why why do fly shyt for a living and yall sit at a desk doing paper work

Paperwork like reading your cover letter and hiring people.

BTW you're very condescending and unnecessarily stern.

And you sound like a child. You have people here trying to put you up on game so you don't embarrass yourself, and all you can do is say BUT I'M AN ARTIIIIIIIST! Are you telling me that the HIRING MANAGER doesn't know as much as your young, entitled ass? The funny thing is that you think you're coming across as confident when you're really coming off as ignorant as hell. And even worse, you're thrilled to death about it.

Get this through your head, you little Millennial breh. Worker bees are the ones who assess you, and peons are the ones who will make or break your ass. You know who's the most important person in any school? The secretary. The most important people in any military regiment? The clerks. Nobody gives a fukk about your ar-teest, J.J. Evans. Nobody gives a fukk about your creativity. They want to know can you do the work and do you get along with others. Dasit. That's why your CL has to be as tight as a nun's a$$hole.

There are 20 people behind you who are just as good - if not better - and that's in the United States alone. When they start outsourcing shyt, you WILL be somewhere saying "would you like fries with that" - and you better know how to say it in Spanish. So you better learn how to humble yourself, write a better letter and get a more pleasant attitude. shyt, you don't have people wanting to work with you in this thread, let alone a job.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

What's the position? Ur a lil too familiar in your writing as others noted.
Here's an example-


To Whom It May Concern:

Currently our field is in peril. Despite the recent innovations of ________, there is a major absence of ________. My skill set of (whatever it is) can help your company meet these needs and develop this area in a variety of different ways.

My experience of _______has fully prepared me for _____________. Moreover, additional experiences in the areas of __________, _________, and ___________ have helped me hone abilities that I can use to enhance my interactions within the company. Ideally, I envision (list a sample project or idea that might be attractive to the company. This vision could_____________. I would also be willing to collaborate with team members and provide any training necessary for successful implementation.

I welcome the opportunity to meet with you to discuss these ideas further. You may contact me at (124)456-7890 at any time. I look forward to meeting with you soon. Our field is indeed in peril, but my skills can help your company change that.

Sincerely


Booksnrain

U wanna tease em a lil bit in the cover letter with an idea that they'll have to bring you in to learn more about. In the interview you talk like ur already apart of the company instead of applying. Now the tables have turned. It's not u looking for a job. It's them looking for you in a conversation between colleagues. Good luck!!!! You'll get it!!!! I'm cheering for you!!!! Gambatte!!!!

 

[GodinDaFlesh]

First of all, I'm not your baby.

Second of all, you came to the Coli. We didn't come to you.

Third, there is nothing in your cover letter OR your posts that suggest genius. Or fire. Or even competence. Have you noticed that only one person has asked to see your portfolio or your work, even though you keep mentioning how great it is? There's a reason for that.

Fourth, your posts keep proving my point.Your attitude is reflected in your cover work. You are entitled, arrogant, and ignorant, and worst of all - and I DO mean worst of all - lazy. There's no need to look at your portfolio.

Fifth, the goal is NOT to hire the best. Get that out your head, youngun. The goal is to hire the best fit for the job, not the best individual candidate. You'd be amazed at how many other potential employees can write a cover letter and have talent. In fact, you'd be amazed at how many people who have less talent than you who will be hired over you ever single time because they present themselves better. We don't care about what you can do as much as we care about your potential. Again, you do not have to be the best. You merely have to be GOOD ENOUGH. Good enough can always get better, but arrogant pricks never do.

And finally, HR desk jockeys do, can and will disregard your talent over your bullshyt cover letter. You'd know that if you'd done some basic research on...well, anything.



*falls over laughing*

You're right, and that's why so many unqualified sociopaths are able to get jobs, all they do us say the right words and the retarded hiring manager is easily impressed.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Hey employer, my work is awesome bro, trust me. Check out my website and follow me on twitter.


^^^^That's what your shyt sounds like. Write it more professionally

This

Dude wrote his cover letter like a Coli post.



OP, I really recommend you taking a resume class. If your cover letter looks like that i can only imagine what your resume looks like.

You wrote this shyt like a casual letter

 

[Maxine Shaw]

If your cover letter looks like that i can only imagine what your resume looks like.

I don't give two shyts about breh's portfolio, but BOYYYYYY, I hope he posts his resume.

BTW, OP's question was whether or not we would consider hiring him. Can we get a poll up in this bytch?

 

[old_timer]

I was taught to..

Learn the name of the candidate search coordinator.. Address them specifically. Might also add how you got their name

State how you learned of the position .i.e. Houston chronicle

Give the job title

Provide 2 reasons that make you a good candidate - what you offer them

Weave in a way to compliment the company ..

Inxlude something that reveals your depth
.. I read the WSJ article about your firm's major pipeline expansion etc

Mention anyone you know at the company or refer to alumni group or professional organization connection

Provide contact info, refer to enclosures or attachments

Thank them for their consideration..

Whole thing in 6-8 sentences

......

somehow you managed to skip every single element

 

[duncanthetall]

OP sounds annoying. Even if they did fukk up and hire you, you wouldn't last because of your personality and arrogance.

 

[Dorian Breh]

I don't give two shyts about breh's portfolio, but BOYYYYYY, I hope he posts his resume.

BTW, OP's question was whether or not we would consider hiring him. Can we get a poll up in this bytch?

@Daisy Fitzroy DA GAWDESS

I've NEVER seen a poster spit so much fire on this site as you have in this one thread

Several reps pending