14 men open up about the devastation of divorce...

[No_bammer_weed]

what nikkaz don't understand is that it's OKAY TO FEEL. if you feel sad, then THAT'S OKAY! if you feel happy and content, then that's okay too. dudes wanna display machismo so much that they end up looking like emotionless retards. men hurt too. we have feelings. we cry, we get angry, we smile, and we get happy. it's part of being human. i'm not pretending i don't give a fukk when deep down inside i do. if my wife cheated on me, i'd be ......without a doubt. but it wouldn't stop me from . but make no mistake, i'd be crushed emotionally.

Right. Its like how in many ways white people get poisoned by their own venom when it comes to racism, males are harmed by their own anti-women narratives.

Racism against blacks creates a socio-economic ecology that is acrimonious, hostile, and full of disharmony. This affects white people negatively, as you can see by how race makes many so anxiety-laden, resentful, and neurotic (especially as one slides down the economic scale).

Same too with patriarchy. We have been force fed this modern idea that male societal dominance is owed to this biological superiority that women are emotional basket cases, while men are by nature strong, logical, and unemotional. This ends up working against males often, because they have to suppress their natural emotions in times of crises in order to erect this facade of of 'strength', which can cause major internal mental dysfunction. Women will cry it out. Seek emotional support. You name it. Men, often, will injure themselves further by trying to be 'unemotional' in public, when on the inside they're dying inside.

The worst lie is always the one you tell yourself, and we as a society motivate men to lie about their feelings.

 

[Koapa]

All that extravagant stuff was stupid to begin with. My second wife and I got married for about $500. Going through all that pompous shyt is for the birds breh. I'd look back at those pics and start counting all my money spent. One thing that I don't get is how is he stuck with child support when he wasn't around at the exact birth and alimony when he wasn't married that long. Is the father not in the picture? Did she have Phoenix Wright as the lawyer? I'm trying to wrap my head around that simple thing.

You bring up a valid point about dude not being able to live. Honestly, I truly believe that as long of men are forced into situations like this, because of child support, especially us black men, we have a system that abuses us. It's crazy because recipients of child support can count that as income, yet when it comes to us, we can't count that as an expenditure. My child support is the most costly thing in a month. My mortgage is cheaper, my vehicle is cheaper, etc...and I have no say on how that money gets spent. Honestly, child support should come with case managers. In any event, I have 4 more years to go on two of my three kids with my ex-wife. You best believe that countdown is on. I'm not wanting them to be grown, but sure as shyt, my wallet, 401k and savings does. Thankfully, I've been able to make enough to overcome the garbage that the legal system throws at you. Child support is crippling to the vast majority of people that aren't as fortunate.

I don't have a child so I don't know the Texas child support system but I've heard many crazy stories about Texas system. I guessing because my homeboy was in the little girl's life from three or months to five years old and they got married, they took that into consideration. The little girl dad is not in the picture at all. Dude does not pay for nothing, I don't even think the dude has even seen his daughter after see was born.

 

[Koapa]

Never get a loan for a wedding. Lord, why did he do that? I'm not trying to down your friend, but did they need that big of a wedding?

Exactly, I hear stories all the time about people taking out loans for a wedding.

 

[Ziggiy]

The key is to always love and respect YOURSELF above any and everything with the exception of your children. NEVER allow another human being to be the only focus of purpose of your world. I am not saying it's simp behavior to love your spouse, far from it. What I AM saying is that knowledge of self is the most important aspect of one's existence and that should never giveway to another individual.

There is no such thing as the "right one" that will be your perfect match. Who you are is not always who you will become, people constantly change.

 

[MCMLXXIX]

I don't have a child so I don't know the Texas child support system but I've heard many crazy stories about Texas system. I guessing because my homeboy was in the little girl's life from three or months to five years old and they got married, they took that into consideration. The little girl dad is not in the picture at all. Dude does not pay for nothing, I don't even think the dude has even seen his daughter after see was born.

My friend, it is just not the State of Texas.

My friend was in the State of Missouri.

Hell, some states, if you get remarried and you have kids by the first wife, the first wife can come after the ex husband and the new wife's income.

 

[MikelArteta]

Right. Its like how in many ways white people get poisoned by their own venom when it comes to racism, males are harmed by their own anti-women narratives.

Racism against blacks creates a socio-economic ecology that is acrimonious, hostile, and full of disharmony. This affects white people negatively, as you can see by how race makes many so anxiety-laden, resentful, and neurotic (especially as one slides down the economic scale).

Same too with patriarchy. We have been force fed this modern idea that male societal dominance is owed to this biological superiority that women are emotional basket cases, while men are by nature strong, logical, and unemotional. This ends up working against males often, because they have to suppress their natural emotions in times of crises in order to erect this facade of of 'strength', which can cause major internal mental dysfunction. Women will cry it out. Seek emotional support. You name it. Men, often, will injure themselves further by trying to be 'unemotional' in public, when on the inside they're dying inside.

The worst lie is always the one you tell yourself, and we as a society motivate men to lie about their feelings.

 

[Goat poster]

You a baseball fan? Don Mattingly married a woman he dated since high school and eventually she went totally insane I believe. Dwyane Wade got hitched to someone he started dating in college. She went crazy enough that a judge in this country actually gave full custody of kids to their dad. I personally know someone who tricked her husband into getting her pregnant when he was happy with 2 kids and she wanted 3. You never really know someone.

Actually Wade started dating his wife early in High School as well...

 

[iceberg_is_on_fire]

My friend, it is just not the State of Texas.

My friend was in the State of Missouri.

Hell, some states, if you get remarried and you have kids by the first wife, the first wife can come after the ex husband and the new wife's income.

It's like that in Indiana, which is bull. How do you rationalize that, when your income and your spouses doesn't count in the same fashion. Scales heavily weighted against people that pay child support, as if we are scum underneath a shoe and we don't deserve to live good. Now, child support, I pay it, I'm fine with it, but the bolded makes my blood start boiling.

 

[Steve Piffler]

Right. Its like how in many ways white people get poisoned by their own venom when it comes to racism, males are harmed by their own anti-women narratives.

Racism against blacks creates a socio-economic ecology that is acrimonious, hostile, and full of disharmony. This affects white people negatively, as you can see by how race makes many so anxiety-laden, resentful, and neurotic (especially as one slides down the economic scale).

Same too with patriarchy. We have been force fed this modern idea that male societal dominance is owed to this biological superiority that women are emotional basket cases, while men are by nature strong, logical, and unemotional. This ends up working against males often, because they have to suppress their natural emotions in times of crises in order to erect this facade of of 'strength', which can cause major internal mental dysfunction. Women will cry it out. Seek emotional support. You name it. Men, often, will injure themselves further by trying to be 'unemotional' in public, when on the inside they're dying inside.

The worst lie is always the one you tell yourself, and we as a society motivate men to lie about their feelings.

word.

but real talk, even tho you kicked knowledge, your post came off as

status....

 

[MCMLXXIX]

It's like that in Indiana, which is bull. How do you rationalize that, when your income and your spouses doesn't count in the same fashion. Scales heavily weighted against people that pay child support, as if we are scum underneath a shoe and we don't deserve to live good. Now, child support, I pay it, I'm fine with it, but the bolded makes my blood start boiling.

From what I read is that the courts believe that the father is responsible for the child, thus meaning the child of the ex wife must live to the same standards as the his father and his new wife. If I am wrong, someone correct me.

I don't know it all, but when I read this, this drastically change my opinion on dealing with men with a child, children, hell anything that call him Daddy. I will take responsibility for mine and will provide for it, but hell naw. My check go to another chick because she decided to walk away. HELL NAW!!

 

[No_bammer_weed]

word.

but real talk, even tho you kicked knowledge, your post came off as

status....

Nah bruh...I aint feelin that.

 

[iceberg_is_on_fire]

From what I read is that the courts believe that the father is responsible for the child, thus meaning the child of the ex wife must live to the same standards as the his father and his new wife. If I am wrong, someone correct me.

I don't know it all, but when I read this, this drastically change my opinion on dealing with men with a child, children, hell anything that call him Daddy. I will take responsibility for mine and will provide for it, but hell naw. My check go to another chick because she decided to walk away. HELL NAW!!

That is exactly correct and that is wrong as hell. So, because you crawl from up under that muck that your life has experienced, meet someone decent that is already cognizant of the fact you are in a disadvantaged hole financially, still takes you on, marries you and yet could be punished as a result? No one in their right mind could tell me that this isn't an injustice, again, when their income isn't looked at in the same light. I mean, your ex-wife could marry a millionaire and his income doesn't count. A head scratcher is nowhere near what I'd describe this as.

 

[Chrishaune]

I have a secret bank account in my mothers name....($200/mo for the last 8 years)

Mama taught me to protect myself at all times so im ready

Let me hold $200

 

[↓R↑LYB]

Thats some sad shyt breh


































Couldn't be me tho breh. I'd be up in the club every other night like

bringing randoms home. fukk I look like moping over something I use to have. Its time to live it up.

This. I know it would suck at first and I'd be on some for the first couple of weeks, but after that it's turn up time

 

[Diondon]

I think you should be with a woman for at last 10 yrs. I know that seems like a long time, but that's the only type of relationships that seem to have any shot of not ending in a divorce.

Divorce sounds like some type of mental/spiritual death. Those first five points in the OP were just brutal.

Let these women tell it, you have to marry them after a year of dating