"You find him Attractive..but his NICENESS...BORES YOU"- Female Spoken Word artist

[CinnaSlim]

this is the hardest thing. And just finding new ways to challenge myself, like learning things and just getting out there. I believe in myself but I just need to get out of my head. because its just becoming stressful. My mental place of solace is becoming chaotic. But I believe I can accomplish things. If I lose weight first. That's the biggest thing that is bugging me.

Meditate.
Basically your train of thought is like a traffic jam on a freeway. Everything is trying to get out or get your attention. Meditation, taking quiet time to focus on your thoughts without judgement, releases resistance and allows your thoughts to get acknowledged and allows room to breathe in your mind.

Most people sit in a quiet room, you can work out, shoot a basketball, take a walk, take a bath, free write in a journal, etc. Just take some time out in your day, to clear your thoughts and focus on you.

 

[buffruff]

Gross.

You wont be saying gross when you on a thug nikka dikk though, fukk out of here with your two face self talking shyt that you aint like bad boys, all girls like bad boys thats a fact of life.

 

[philmonroe]

Everyone is different. Some people can get away with relaxed boundaries other know themselves enough to create less space for chances. Just like some alcoholics are fine with their friends drinking around them and others like to stay away from bars and alcohol, period.

Everyone has a different pace.

I said that regarding everyone is different but to me still doesn't make it any less of a move that's not necessary. You telling me a person that weak of the flesh the only way to stop from cheating is being a dikk? If so that's a low level of control that I don't expect out of most people. Maybe I give people too much credit when saying it should be easy to say no without having to be that way about it. We will disagree but I think you and ole girl like it cause y'all might have relationship insecurities. I'm assuming. I know already and it don't make me right just to put it out there so it will be no confusion. I just don't see how y'all can like being rude to people for basically just liking them. I could even see if it was the same person over and over but once nah. Its just in bad taste to me and I feel the same if a chick does it its just not necessary. Again maybe I'm giving people too much credit but even if you need to create less space I feel its a way to do it without being a jerk about it. Thats for damn near every situation too. That's all I'm saying because I showed how you can do the same thing (create space) without doing it like that that would have got the same results.

 

[Gold]

I guess different strokes for different folks because it seems more like you acting like an a$$hole for no reason. Personally don't care if they know I'm with somebody I still act the same just want add any extra to lead them on. Situation number 1 I'd give her some basic stuff and left it at that or even if you want to add the girlfriend part to squash all the other stuff since you felt that way and kept it moving. Situation number 2 just tell her I'm with somebody and that be that. Situation number 3 asked her name introduced her to my girl and left it at that. Its almost always a way you can handle things without being a jerk about it. Low key I think it feeds your ego to be that way and for,that split second you feel like a girl that gets a lot of attention. No hate I just think outside of a few instances its really no need to try to make people feel bad for things like trying to talk to you esp when they don't know if you with that girl just cause she with you.

Eh see above I don't agree with great boundaries great ego maybe boundaries nah. Just my view from this limited stuff though since I don't know ole boy.

The bolded is basically it.

You do what works for you, but that doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

Some people are naturally very friendly and outgoing and extroverted... so they are just doing what's natural to them. That's not me, so I wouldn't do that.

I'm of the mindset that men don't need to have platonic female friends and I never chitchat with women (random conversations) who I have intention of getting with.
You may think that's a bit extreme, but that's just how I've always been.

My dad won't even get in an elevator alone with a woman who isn't my mom. If he's in one, and a lady comes in, he'll leave and take the next one.

You may think that's egotistical or being an a$$hole... and maybe it is... but I don't really care.

If those are the steps I need to take to ensure no bullshyt gets started, that's my number 1 priority.
At the end of the day, how nice I am to random women doesn't really matter to me .

 

[StickStickly]

You wont be saying gross when you on a thug nikka dikk though, fukk out of here with your two face self talking shyt that you aint like bad boys, all girls like bad boys thats a fact of life.

They're not attractive in any way. They act like losers. They wouldn't fit into my life, my friends, my career, my goals. I prefer laid back, funny, nerdy, happy, ambitious, fit men (which fits most men nowadays). Most women like that type now so the era of the thug is DYING. You need to accept that many women don't want them. They are good for one type of woman and that's their female counterpart.

 

[buffruff]

They're not attractive in any way. They act like losers. They wouldn't fit into my life, my friends, my career, my goals. I prefer laid back, funny, nerdy, happy, ambitious, fit men (which fits most men nowadays). Most women like that type now so the era of the thug is DYING. You need to accept that many women don't want them. They are good for one type of woman and that's their female counterpart.

Shut the fukk up, I done tell you you only saying this shyt right now but you would be OOOOOOO land with a thug nikka dikk in you later on, you females just say shyt to not feel guilty or feel bad thats why so many of yall pull the im a virgin good girl bullshyt because you aint wanna feel bad for being a hoe. Yh a nikka could be suave and cool but he still cant get a bytch as wet as a thug nikka thats a fact.

 

[philmonroe]

No offense taken as you do not know me personally
However, you should note that I never said he had to be rude where it was not called for. OK?
Since we were not there, I used the term 'fight fire with fire' in the sense of if OP interpreted the ladies advances as overstepping his boundaries, in the presence of his lady, he dealt with them in that manner. That's all.

I hear you but I don't think he fought fire with fire by acting like that. Did they come at him on some ignorant stuff from what you can tell? No that's not fire with fire to me maybe it is to you and that's cool too. Just disagree obviously. If you were asking someone a question and they said right down there and turned away all non idgaf you'd probably be like this mofo is rude. Also how can you overstep boundaries when in these examples from what I remember his girl not even near him on top of the fact just because you with somebody that don't mean your with them? End of the day I think we agree mainly just differ on how somebody should handle it. Also thanks for not taking it personally cause we just having a back and forth but sometimes something will mess it up and I didn't want that.

 

[Gold]

No offense taken as you do not know me personally
However, you should note that I never said he had to be rude where it was not called for. OK?
Since we were not there, I used the term 'fight fire with fire' in the sense of if OP interpreted the ladies advances as overstepping his boundaries, in the presence of his lady, he dealt with them in that manner. That's all.

That's actually exactly how I took it.

I am with my girl lifting for 45 minutes and the second she goes to the treadmill someone walks up?
I am in the club dancing with her for hours and second she sits down someone walks up?
I am standing right next to her and someone walks up?

They could have all been innocent, I could have perceived all of them wrongly.


But I'm more concerned with my girl's feelings than their feelings.

 

[Lo-Co]

Hey man look, a lot of guys out here are stuck with a feminine mindset and it's to your detriment. I always say most women have:

1. A sense of entitlement (ego)
2. A superiority complex
3. Low self-esteem (because the first two are based on looks and attention, not actual accomplishment)

Normally this is a pretty trash combination but it works for women because they have a bargaining chip and we all want to get in it.

Unfortunately, we now have a bunch of cats out here with the same mentality but without the bargaining chip. Men can't live off of their body the way women can so it's imperative you lose that mindset.

Stop Counting Another Dude's Money
When a dude gets a promotion at work, his wife thinks, "we got a promotion." When a girl gets a promotion, her husband thinks, "she got a promotion."

Women think in terms of *we* because their traditional way of coming up is to associate with a man who is a winner. Men think in terms of *me* because their way of coming up is to become the winner. So when a 9/10 stripper checks balleralert or BSO and sees Cam Newton received a $100 Million dollar contract she realizes that if she links up with him, "we got $100 Million."

A lot of y'all new dudes out here think in the same terms but don't have the p*ssy power to back it up. Your energy and focus can only go in so many directions and if it's devoted to counting another dudes money, envying another man, and focusing on what that man should be doing, *you* are losing.

So stop with the:

"Oh this nikka 6'7" and that's why the hos like him" - You 5'10" playa
"Oh this nikka got $50 Million and that's why the hos like him" - You make 50K though
"Man, if I were Steph Curry, I would having all kinds of hos. This nikka a simp" - You not Steph
"This nikka got a bigger dikk then me" - You packing a solid 6 incher
"This nikka prettier than me" - Girls rate you a 6

You ain't them dudes and you never will be. Focus solely on yourself and what you bring. When you get into a situation, focus on your positives first then analyze where you fall short and figure out ways to overcome.

Stop playing the game as someone who you are not. Stop comparing yourself to others as a baseline.

Which leads to...

All I Have in this World


A lot of cats hear that clip and get caught up in the gangster bravado of it without really breaking down what it means. Put another way, as a man, your ambition (balls) and your integrity (word) are what you possess. That's it.

Even if you're an incredibly handsome man, you do not have the capital to live off of your body the rest of your life.

I could write more on this, but do I really need to?

What's In Your Head, Zombie, Zombie, Zombie, ei ei
"And you know why she doesn't have friends? Because she's not friendly!" -- Patrice O'Neal

Man, y'all discussing all this stuff about "nice guys" and not being able to attract women but the truth is a lot of you cats just don't have a personality. Honestly man, the internet and forums attract and give an outlet to dudes like this (no offense) so lets be real about what it is. A couple of dudes (@ThatGuyloco) are honest about their anxiety and confidence issues but a lot of y'all are living a fantasy through a computer screen.

I can bet a lot of you cats don't have good male friendships either. You're looking for women to feel some type of void and to fulfill some sort of unrealistic role in your lives but that's not reality.

Look in the mirror, break yourself down, be brutally honest without passing judgement. You are who you are.

Where do you wish to go, who do you wish to become, those are questions only you can answer, but they can only be answered after you're completely honest about who you are and where you're at in life.

Talk to people in general (without expectations of anything). Develop yourself, become the person you wish to attract. Stop trying to fill a void with some *dime* or some harem of women. It doesn't work.

Shut down the computer, get off the porn, and live life.

tl;dr...

You don't have a p*ssy, stop thinking like you do. fukk what your mom, grandma, and fourth grade teacher told you.

The thing is I stopped worrying about what other dudes have over me. I don't care anymore. Im 6'1, with the weight of Warren Sapp, with a voice that gets comparisons of James earl Jones, Barry white, Morgan freeman, and Michael Clarke Duncan. I can't whisper for shyt though I'm funny when the timing is there. I'm very introspective and understanding, I know I can satisfy a woman. I just got my shyt I need to fix.

 

[CinnaSlim]

I said that regarding everyone is different but to me still doesn't make it any less of a move that's not necessary. You telling me a person that weak of the flesh the only way to stop from cheating is being a dikk? If so that's a low level of control that I don't expect out of most people. Maybe I give people too much credit when saying it should be easy to say no without having to be that way about it. We will disagree but I think you and ole girl like it cause y'all might have relationship insecurities. I'm assuming. I know already and it don't make me right just to put it out there so it will be no confusion. I just don't see how y'all can like being rude to people for basically just liking them. I could even see if it was the same person over and over but once nah. Its just in bad taste to me and I feel the same if a chick does it its just not necessary. Again maybe I'm giving people too much credit but even if you need to create less space I feel its a way to do it without being a jerk about it. Thats for damn near every situation too. That's all I'm saying because I showed how you can do the same thing (create space) without doing it like that that would have got the same results.

Breh, I know what you said. Repeating yourself won't do any difference, nor will getting the last word lol. I just gave my two cents.

 

[Gold]

I hear you but I don't think he fought fire with fire by acting like that. Did they come at him on some ignorant stuff from what you can tell? No that's not fire with fire to me maybe it is to you and that's cool too. Just disagree obviously. If you were asking someone a question and they said right down there and turned away all non idgaf you'd probably be like this mofo is rude. Also how can you overstep boundaries when in these examples from what I remember his girl not even near him on top of the fact just because you with somebody that don't mean your with them? End of the day I think we agree mainly just differ on how somebody should handle it. Also thanks for not taking it personally cause we just having a back and forth but sometimes something will mess it up and I didn't want that.

I'm not disagreeing with you....I just don't care if I'm perceived that way.
Besides its not just about the women... its about me too.

I slip up, I make mistakes too, i'm FAAR from perfect (as the wedding thread opened my eyes to)

Say the girl is super attractive (dime status) and i'm giving her tips.
Then she says something and pushes the boundaries a bit
and then a bit more
and then a bit more

What you're not talking about is how much harder it gets to shut it down if you entertain it to begin with.

Before we know it we are having a friendly convo at the gym and my girl is watching.

Then she will be wondering "Why is he talking to this random girl?"

That's where shyt starts breh

 

[Lady.Libra.]

That's actually exactly how I took it.

I am with my girl lifting for 45 minutes and the second she goes to the treadmill someone walks up?
I am in the club dancing with her for hours and second she sits down someone walks up?
I am standing right next to her and someone walks up?

They could have all been innocent, I could have perceived all of them wrongly.


But I'm more concerned with my girl's feelings than their feelings.

(((TheWave)))

That's the way you do it. Err on the side of caution - the way to go.

 

[philmonroe]

The bolded is basically it.

You do what works for you, but that doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

Some people are naturally very friendly and outgoing and extroverted... so they are just doing what's natural to them. That's not me, so I wouldn't do that.

I'm of the mindset that men don't need to have platonic female friends and I never chitchat with women (random conversations) who I have intention of getting with.
You may think that's a bit extreme, but that's just how I've always been.

My dad won't even get in an elevator alone with a woman who isn't my mom. If he's in one, and a lady comes in, he'll leave and take the next one.

You may think that's egotistical or being an a$$hole... and maybe it is... but I don't really care.

If those are the steps I need to take to ensure no bullshyt gets started, that's my number 1 priority.
At the end of the day, how nice I am to random women doesn't really matter to me .

With bold is where there is a disconnect IMO. I don't have platonic female friends (outside of a few exceptions I always mention on them type of threads) either so we are basically the same in that aspect. Its just you were raised in a way different way than me on this issue. That's ok its what makes life life. Just for me telling a chick how to lift some weights ain't a platonic friend or chit chat. That's why I say its egotistical or a$$hole like behavior. I feel people with limited "friendly" interactions with the other sex seem to do that more often than those that do in my limited unscientific research lol. Id do the same to a dude give him some pointers or advice where to look and keep it moving. End of the day we both do it our own way this just Internet agree/disagree stuff right here that won't affect how either one of us conduct business IRL.

 

[Gold]

(((TheWave)))

That's the way you do it. Err on the side of caution - the way to go.

Exactly, i'm speaking from experience on this one.
I've never physically cheated, but I have emotionally cheated in a previous relationship. This is where it starts (for me).

Every man needs to set his own boundaries based on his own weaknesses.

If @philmonroe can get into certain situations and not be tempted at all, more power to him.
But I cant use his standards for myself if I know i'm weaker than him in those situations.

I just gotta be honest with myself

 

[Ziggiy]

Hey man look, a lot of guys out here are stuck with a feminine mindset and it's to your detriment. I always say most women have:

1. A sense of entitlement (ego)
2. A superiority complex
3. Low self-esteem (because the first two are based on looks and attention, not actual accomplishment)

Normally this is a pretty trash combination but it works for women because they have a bargaining chip and we all want to get in it.

Unfortunately, we now have a bunch of cats out here with the same mentality but without the bargaining chip. Men can't live off of their body the way women can so it's imperative you lose that mindset.

Stop Counting Another Dude's Money
When a dude gets a promotion at work, his wife thinks, "we got a promotion." When a girl gets a promotion, her husband thinks, "she got a promotion."

Women think in terms of *we* because their traditional way of coming up is to associate with a man who is a winner. Men think in terms of *me* because their way of coming up is to become the winner. So when a 9/10 stripper checks balleralert or BSO and sees Cam Newton received a $100 Million dollar contract she realizes that if she links up with him, "we got $100 Million."

A lot of y'all new dudes out here think in the same terms but don't have the p*ssy power to back it up. Your energy and focus can only go in so many directions and if it's devoted to counting another dudes money, envying another man, and focusing on what that man should be doing, *you* are losing.

So stop with the:

"Oh this nikka 6'7" and that's why the hos like him" - You 5'10" playa
"Oh this nikka got $50 Million and that's why the hos like him" - You make 50K though
"Man, if I were Steph Curry, I would having all kinds of hos. This nikka a simp" - You not Steph
"This nikka got a bigger dikk then me" - You packing a solid 6 incher
"This nikka prettier than me" - Girls rate you a 6

You ain't them dudes and you never will be. Focus solely on yourself and what you bring. When you get into a situation, focus on your positives first then analyze where you fall short and figure out ways to overcome.

Stop playing the game as someone who you are not. Stop comparing yourself to others as a baseline.

Which leads to...

All I Have in this World


A lot of cats hear that clip and get caught up in the gangster bravado of it without really breaking down what it means. Put another way, as a man, your ambition (balls) and your integrity (word) are what you possess. That's it.

Even if you're an incredibly handsome man, you do not have the capital to live off of your body the rest of your life.

I could write more on this, but do I really need to?

What's In Your Head, Zombie, Zombie, Zombie, ei ei
"And you know why she doesn't have friends? Because she's not friendly!" -- Patrice O'Neal

Man, y'all discussing all this stuff about "nice guys" and not being able to attract women but the truth is a lot of you cats just don't have a personality. Honestly man, the internet and forums attract and give an outlet to dudes like this (no offense) so lets be real about what it is. A couple of dudes (@ThatGuyloco) are honest about their anxiety and confidence issues but a lot of y'all are living a fantasy through a computer screen.

I can bet a lot of you cats don't have good male friendships either. You're looking for women to feel some type of void and to fulfill some sort of unrealistic role in your lives but that's not reality.

Look in the mirror, break yourself down, be brutally honest without passing judgement. You are who you are.

Where do you wish to go, who do you wish to become, those are questions only you can answer, but they can only be answered after you're completely honest about who you are and where you're at in life.

Talk to people in general (without expectations of anything). Develop yourself, become the person you wish to attract. Stop trying to fill a void with some *dime* or some harem of women. It doesn't work.

Shut down the computer, get off the porn, and live life.

tl;dr...

You don't have a p*ssy, stop thinking like you do. fukk what your mom, grandma, and fourth grade teacher told you.