I never said it was a deliberate action and I don’t feel it is. I’m saying if a man decides to carry on this way, he’s not qualified to lead women and children because an emotionally dead man can’t and will never effectively lead emotional groups of people.That last one is the big thing that a lot of women don't understand about men.
They don't get the scale of it.
Can women get insulted for crying? Yes. But they don't lose their worth in society.
As a man, you do. This is why guys shy away from being too introspective and emotional.
Obviously shutting yourself off entirely is not good. I still provide advice and support to my friends, and have a high emotional intelligence about myself. But I dont be crying to my friends and hugging them
You're misunderstanding.
You're still viewing this as a deliberate action i.e "I'm just gonna be dikk and money and close my self off just because", and you're ignoring the larger social and biological pressures.
Look at every fukking society, even 3rd world countries, look at animal life, etc. Men do this shyt because it guarantees respect, romance, sex etc.
And no, I'm not saying you should be an a-hole with no emotions. But there's a certain level of stoicism you need as a man.
For crying out loud, there are literally studies that show men who are AGREEABLE AND COOPERATIVE (not pushover, legit friendly) EARN LESS
Yahoo is part of the Yahoo family of brands
So when being cooperative can screw you over financially, you can't be surprised when men train themselves to not have those traits in regular friendships.
Not to mention other anecdotal stuff.
Y’all should be concerned about single men. Not single women.
- Thread starter Lemons
- Start date
PhillyzFinest
All Star
People love to use “studies” to back up a point but there are very little thoughts to the quantitative data collected to draw the conclusions.
Example: I go and interview 10 single women. 8 of them “say” they are happy. 2 “say” they are sad.
Then I go to a news outlet and say, “New Study shows that 80% of single women are happy.”
The news outlet reports it and then people take it as fact.
Single people (men and women) are notorious for capping on social media especially. Their life is amazing! They are so happy!
They’re crying their eyes out to therapists and their other single friends. I’ve met a lot of women who have amazing lives and smile for the selfie but are miserable at night.
I’ve seen a lot of dudes struggle with friendships and be alone.
It’s all subjective. Unless you can prove your “studies” that you are citing covers 10,000 single black men and women across the country, your point is biased and you want to low key troll the guy collective.
Example: I go and interview 10 single women. 8 of them “say” they are happy. 2 “say” they are sad.
Then I go to a news outlet and say, “New Study shows that 80% of single women are happy.”
The news outlet reports it and then people take it as fact.
Single people (men and women) are notorious for capping on social media especially. Their life is amazing! They are so happy!
They’re crying their eyes out to therapists and their other single friends. I’ve met a lot of women who have amazing lives and smile for the selfie but are miserable at night.
I’ve seen a lot of dudes struggle with friendships and be alone.
It’s all subjective. Unless you can prove your “studies” that you are citing covers 10,000 single black men and women across the country, your point is biased and you want to low key troll the guy collective.
70% of homeless people are men for a reason.
But yeah, I just want to ~troll the guy collective~
Thanks for your input on what men can do to form strong bonds with their peers, i’m glad you take male mental health seriously.
I could have sworn your op had a link about how single women are happier than married women or something, if not, then my bad.
If it's just single women coping with loneliness better than men, I get that.
Nah I didn’t. I think in one of the articles I posted they did talk about married couples vs single people so that’s probably where you got that from though.
Okay but I already acknowledged that it's not good to be emotionally dead.
You're using extreme points. I was referring to the in between. Don't be too emotionally open, but not dead either - be stoic, know when to be reserved
Okay this is disingenuous. If you wanted to make a thread about how men should focus on male loneliness/homelessness and being single you could have done that.
But you chose to lead with how women are doing a better job at coping with those things than men are, which will naturally create some defensiveness and can come across as being divisive.
I don't know, this was low key manipulative
Manipulative? Lol.
1. I was responding to the thread about lonely women. I provided the link.
2. I had to prove my point that there’s no reason to feign concern for single women, hence the links.
3. I needed to force those same people to redirect their attention to the needs of men, I even provided 3 points they could discuss. Which have all been ignored and deflected by most.
What about that is manipulative?
Hit dog hollaA woman ending up single because she didn’t want the men she attracts is literally her feeling entitled to men out of her league/men who feels he can do better than her.
This thread was a spin off from a thread a male poster here made saying the same exact thing OP said here. You talk about how she struck a nerve when the only reason this thread was made was because the OG one struck a nerve with her.
Keep pandering tho
Laidbackman
All Star
Since the topic is basically about the fear of being old, single, and alone, I guess I should post this in both threads.
Every county has their share of senior center facilities that are open to 55 and olders, and to county employees, and the hours are usually 8pm to 5pm. Mind you, I'm not talking about senior living this time, which like I said, is still a good option, especially if it's an independent living facility. Anyway, these senior center facilities have something going on each day of the week, such as movie matinees serving 25 cent popcorn, tea parties, karaoke, birthday bashes, pool rooms for the men, crochet classes for the women, line dancing, and a lot of other activities. They also have national and international travel trips, as well as day trips. And Monday thru Friday they have $3 breakfasts and $4 lunches, and serving sizes are pretty decent. Each facility also have a small gym for $10 a year. They're not exactly Gold's Gym, but they have more than enough equipment to keep anybody in shape. They usually close around 10pm.
But you can't be a member if your health is poor, or if you can't get around on your own. That disqualifies over half of my friends already. However I have seen them allow some people in the cafeteria with wheel chairs. So it's very important to stay healthy while your young. I know most of you aren't thinking about this anytime soon, but again if you're concerned about being old, alone, and single, than they have something for you. But you need to at least have the right attitude to enjoy these things later on. The cooler you are in your youth, the cooler you'll be in your older years. So try to treat people the way you would want to be treated. Plus you don't want to be one of those who gave up on happiness because you never learned to be alone, etc... I've seen a few senior center members who kinda fitted that category. Maybe they had spouses that they didn't have anymore, and never rebounded. But most of the ones I see in that category seem to be on the older side of the spectrum compared to the others, and they're probably satisfied with the way things are. Then some of them could have medical conditions, but not severe enough to disqualify them from being members.
From what I observed, it's better to join a Black senior center. It's much easier to make new friends in those. And although I didn't get a chance to visit the all Black one that much, I didn't see any members there who looked like they gave up on happiness, they a few I saw did at some of the ones in my county, that were ran by Whites. Btw, the majority of the members in these senior centers be women. This one center I use to go to for lunch sometimes, which had the most Whites, had this one table where all the Black women would sit, with only one or two Black men in the whole cafeteria. And one of those Black men was always with a White women. I eventually stopped going to that senior center altogether because of the passive aggressive treatment I kept getting from the White staff. Out of the four senior centers in my county, that one was the worst, and it being the Whitest one had a lot to do with it. I never joined the all Black one, because it was in the next county over, and I would have had to pay out of county fees. But I'll probably wound up paying those extra fees, and joining.
I mentioned above that most of the members visiting those senior centers be women. And out of all the centers I visited, I never seen not one Black couple. I assume most of these Black women were divorced or widows . And although most of the White members are women as well, I do see some White couples. Something is wrong with that picture. To be honest, it's almost like that in this entire country when it comes to Black seniors. Again, something is wrong with that picture.
These senior centers fully opened back up recently in my area, after being closed because of covid. So it's been a minute since I visited any of them. So I'm not sure what to expect this go around. But they will only allow one person in the gym at a time, and you have to reserve a time slot. This is cool, because not only will it be safer, but I was the only one in the gym most of the time anyway, especially in the late evening. With all said, don't get all into what sex is enjoy being old and single the most, because when you see these folks up close, nobody is thinking anything like that.
Every county has their share of senior center facilities that are open to 55 and olders, and to county employees, and the hours are usually 8pm to 5pm. Mind you, I'm not talking about senior living this time, which like I said, is still a good option, especially if it's an independent living facility. Anyway, these senior center facilities have something going on each day of the week, such as movie matinees serving 25 cent popcorn, tea parties, karaoke, birthday bashes, pool rooms for the men, crochet classes for the women, line dancing, and a lot of other activities. They also have national and international travel trips, as well as day trips. And Monday thru Friday they have $3 breakfasts and $4 lunches, and serving sizes are pretty decent. Each facility also have a small gym for $10 a year. They're not exactly Gold's Gym, but they have more than enough equipment to keep anybody in shape. They usually close around 10pm.
But you can't be a member if your health is poor, or if you can't get around on your own. That disqualifies over half of my friends already. However I have seen them allow some people in the cafeteria with wheel chairs. So it's very important to stay healthy while your young. I know most of you aren't thinking about this anytime soon, but again if you're concerned about being old, alone, and single, than they have something for you. But you need to at least have the right attitude to enjoy these things later on. The cooler you are in your youth, the cooler you'll be in your older years. So try to treat people the way you would want to be treated. Plus you don't want to be one of those who gave up on happiness because you never learned to be alone, etc... I've seen a few senior center members who kinda fitted that category. Maybe they had spouses that they didn't have anymore, and never rebounded. But most of the ones I see in that category seem to be on the older side of the spectrum compared to the others, and they're probably satisfied with the way things are. Then some of them could have medical conditions, but not severe enough to disqualify them from being members.
From what I observed, it's better to join a Black senior center. It's much easier to make new friends in those. And although I didn't get a chance to visit the all Black one that much, I didn't see any members there who looked like they gave up on happiness, they a few I saw did at some of the ones in my county, that were ran by Whites. Btw, the majority of the members in these senior centers be women. This one center I use to go to for lunch sometimes, which had the most Whites, had this one table where all the Black women would sit, with only one or two Black men in the whole cafeteria. And one of those Black men was always with a White women. I eventually stopped going to that senior center altogether because of the passive aggressive treatment I kept getting from the White staff. Out of the four senior centers in my county, that one was the worst, and it being the Whitest one had a lot to do with it. I never joined the all Black one, because it was in the next county over, and I would have had to pay out of county fees. But I'll probably wound up paying those extra fees, and joining.
I mentioned above that most of the members visiting those senior centers be women. And out of all the centers I visited, I never seen not one Black couple. I assume most of these Black women were divorced or widows . And although most of the White members are women as well, I do see some White couples. Something is wrong with that picture. To be honest, it's almost like that in this entire country when it comes to Black seniors. Again, something is wrong with that picture.
These senior centers fully opened back up recently in my area, after being closed because of covid. So it's been a minute since I visited any of them. So I'm not sure what to expect this go around. But they will only allow one person in the gym at a time, and you have to reserve a time slot. This is cool, because not only will it be safer, but I was the only one in the gym most of the time anyway, especially in the late evening. With all said, don't get all into what sex is enjoy being old and single the most, because when you see these folks up close, nobody is thinking anything like that.
Last edited:
Contrefaire
Superstar
How old are you?
And why not just directly quote me instead of this passive aggressive shyt?
I said people were happier back in the day because social media makes people miserable. I didn’t say it was perfect but people had way better social skills and there wasn’t all this bitterness between the sexes.
I'm 30. Anyway, do you really think you're the first MF to say some stupid shyt like that?? Like ever??? If I was trying to address you I would have; it's a message board, ain't nobody scared to quote and reply so no need for any "passive aggressive shyt" over here. Nothing I said was in any way directed towards whatever the fukk you said and as you can see, I even quoted and highlighted certain parts of the other person's comment that I was replying to.
It might be time for you to take that ego in to get checked out cause it's looking extremely overinflated from here big dawg.
The desparites between "Black" Senior spots and white one's are huge. I remember I was dating this chick in Montgomery County Maryland and her best friend lived around Lesuire World. I lived in the city for ten years and I never heard of it. One time I made a wrong turn and ended up there. shyt was beautiful
I've seen some Apartments for Seniors in the Black part of towns there's nothing on this level
Laidbackman
All Star
I just heard of Leisure World several months ago. I sure wouldn't mind living there. Then again, I'd probably be one of the few Blacks living there, if any. I sure wouldn't want that.
Last edited:
Champagne Kudo
Shyness Boy
I think at the end of the day all of us tend to put too much focus on romantic relationships. We talking about the fear of dying alone like people are supposed to rush into relationships just off of that fear. I seen a few miserable ass relationships between two ppl that been together for decades but are horrible for each other but stay together just because. That shyt ain’t healthy.
that’s why I don’t like to participate in the online gender wars bc it always comes off like a lot of ppl with hurt feelings just throwing shyt at each other. I’m kinda mixed on the point about men and needing more friends. I feel like alot of these studies gotta be outdated bc I’m 24 and most ppl I hang around got plenty of close friends. I been in a few tough spots that the homies got me out of and vice versa. Honestly same for my parents but maybe that’s just because we have a huge family so it’s hard to not have atleast a few ppl that rlly fw you. Yeah I do know a few ppl that don’t have a lot of ppl there for them and they have gone off the deep end but they also had fukked up character traits that made ppl not wanna fw them lol. nikkas do be a$$holes sometimes
in general tho as with alot of things in this world today. Late stage capitalism got us fukked up. Men and women out here struggling so I kinda get why we end up goin at each other’s necks over this stuff. Whole world got you fukked up and we end up w a lot of ppl trying to take it out on each other.
ima be real it’s almost 3AM and this a stream of consciousness post so idk if it all makes sense but this thread popped back in my notifications and I figured I should give it atleast one serious post
glad op atleast taking on the coli incel brigade
that’s why I don’t like to participate in the online gender wars bc it always comes off like a lot of ppl with hurt feelings just throwing shyt at each other. I’m kinda mixed on the point about men and needing more friends. I feel like alot of these studies gotta be outdated bc I’m 24 and most ppl I hang around got plenty of close friends. I been in a few tough spots that the homies got me out of and vice versa. Honestly same for my parents but maybe that’s just because we have a huge family so it’s hard to not have atleast a few ppl that rlly fw you. Yeah I do know a few ppl that don’t have a lot of ppl there for them and they have gone off the deep end but they also had fukked up character traits that made ppl not wanna fw them lol. nikkas do be a$$holes sometimes
in general tho as with alot of things in this world today. Late stage capitalism got us fukked up. Men and women out here struggling so I kinda get why we end up goin at each other’s necks over this stuff. Whole world got you fukked up and we end up w a lot of ppl trying to take it out on each other.
ima be real it’s almost 3AM and this a stream of consciousness post so idk if it all makes sense but this thread popped back in my notifications and I figured I should give it atleast one serious post
glad op atleast taking on the coli incel brigade
You were so hurt by the original thread you made this thread to deflect how much it applied to you to men. And here you are trying deflect again
This thread wouldn’t even exist if it wasn’t for the first one that got you in your feelings. Even the way the thread is worded is clearly you being defensive. Only people you’re fooling are the other bitter lonely 30+ women and the dudes who agree with anything women say in every thread.
Hit dog holla
You got 50k+ posts on a message board but you got a great dating life
I been on message boards for over 20 years and haven’t amassed 50k in total among all of them combined
Exactly
Not to mention they specifically search for studies that back up what they already wanted to be true
She made this thread because the one about lonely women hit close to home, she admitted that in her response to you. That’s why it came off as an attack and she tried to play it off like she just concerned for black men when she got called out for being full of it.
It works if that’s what you are doing. Which it is. Also nobody is clowning men. The whole point is for men to stop attempting to clown women who are single or relish in exaggerations of doom and gloom for them if they are single, when in fact, they should be worried about themselves.I know you are but what am I don’t work on me
How did I do the bolded?
I pointed out the hypocrisy of clowning men for not getting women to settle while the whole reason y’all end up alone is because u couldn’t get the men u wanted to settle.
Not to mention the hypocrisy of telling men they need to worry about the women who want them and ignore the ones who don’t while y’all literally think you’re too good for the men you attract and choose to be alone because men who don’t want you didn’t choose/settle for you.
Plus y’all acting like this is a majority or even a large percentage of men when it’s a small minority. Even in this very thread y’all have more men in here co-signing y’all and popping slick passive aggressive shyt about OP hitting a nerve than you have men disagreeing.
You yourself choose to ignore all the men who don’t talk about y’all being cat ladies and focus solely on the small amount who do. It’s just pure hypocrisy all around
And studies with maybe 3000 people supposedly being some sort of factual evidence of the behavior of the other 7 billion people is laughable. Especially when you purposely Google studies that back up what you already want to be true. Double especially when there are studies that conclude the opposite.
As for you continuing to downplay how widespread the idea of the old cat lady trope is, it’s actually a very old and popular psychological mechanism that has been used through the ages to shame single women cross-culturally.
How the ‘Crazy’ Cat Lady Became One of Pop Culture’s Most Enduring Sexist Tropes | KQED
Some of the dudes on this website and other sites are just newcomers to using this tactic to try and shame chicks they think should be miserable if they aren’t attached to a man. Speculating on chicks happiness if they are single is yet another weird deflection mechanism men employ to avoid the truth that a lot of women not only adjust to being single in their old age due to practical reasons (I.e. they outlive men anyway and have better social skills), but it also distracts from the reality of their own mental health struggles with loneliness.
And it’s not just older generations of men. It’s younger too.
Also the studies aren’t 3000 people.
It’s countless studies across multiple populations across multiple continents and this data has been rolling in since the 80s.You can choose not to believe it (like you outright didn’t believe the stats I posted in another thread on female work participation) but acting like there isn’t enough evidence to demonstrate gender patterns in coping with singledom past a certain age is
.But if u disagree with the data then that’s on u. I personally agree with the trends revealed in the data, have seen it with my own two eyes and other men are coming forward corroborating it as well.
It’s a wrap IMO but you can live in your version of the events. Be blessed.