Wife caught our 4 year old beating off to porn... :mjlol: (Update: Day Care Looking For the Parents)

[newarkhiphop]

Well... I think I'm level headed enough to not take it out on a child but I do feel some type of way about the parents right now and I am equally pissed with the day care. The thing now is, how many other kids are getting touched and stuff.

Do you or your wife know any of the other parents in the day care? Try talking to them see if they have noticed anything

 

[TheNig]

Do you or your wife know any of the other parents in the day care? Try talking to them see if they have noticed anything

My wife may know some of the parents but I don't.

This situation really opened my eyes. I figured as the man of the house that my main job is provide, which I do pretty well. I play with my kids and have fun with them. But now I'm thinking, "Is it enough?"

That quality time is a muhthafukka yall.

 

[Giselle]

Me and my wife were in the living room looking for a Halloween costume for the baby. I didn't notice it, but wife wife noticed that out son's room was mighty quiet. I think it was so noticeable becuz our daughter was outside playing and their TVs are usually competing to see which is loudest.

She's walking towards and I guess he could hear the footsteps. All I hear is "What the hell is going on in here?" He tried to wiggle his way out of it but finally confessed to what he was doing. . He told her that he was pulling his thing and that it felt good.

Funniest part about the whole thing was that he would not let her see what he was watching, so she was able to pull it up on her tablet. It was some girl on girl shyt . She was sad and confused and asked me to talk to him. I talked to him and told him that he was too little to be watching that kinda stuff and told him next time he'll be in trouble. Then he went on to ask me, "Daddy, do girls usually do that to each other ?"

I went on to have a small birds and bees conversation with him and that was that. Kid wasn't even embarrassed. Not sure if that's good or bad. But it sure as hell was funny.

Two things I took from this...

1. I didn't know they had this shyt on NetFlix.
2. At least it wasn't two dudes.

A 4 yr old fondling him/her self is normal, but thinking of it as sexual and watching porn while doing it is not. I could understand a 12/13 year old sneaking and watching porn, but a 4 yr old? It says netflix, so was it a movie's sex scene or was it porn? He shouldn't have been watching anything like that. You 2 should censor/child proof your tablet and watch him better. & never tell this story to anyone in real life because that could be considere as child abuse or something.

 

[Giselle]

Update:

I went to his room last night and ask him had anyone ever touched him down their before. He said no. I asked him had his sister done it and he was like . So after I brow beat him to answer the question he said started crying. At that point I found myself getting annoyed. Then he finally fessed up.

Apparently there was a little girl in his day care that touched him. After his sister was born, we took him becuz it made no sense to keep him in there since my wife wasn't going back to work. I'm not sure of who the girl is or the parents. I'm not about to give names out becuz I'm thinking about taking legal action. But I just went from to real quick.

Oh and when I asked if he was pulling it, he said that he was only flipping it around. So I'm getting off early today to go to the day care and talk to the "teachers" and see if I can get an address or something on these parents. But yea, I'm thinking of sending him to a therapist soon.

My soon is the goofiest and sweetest kid I know.

I can honestly say that if it wasn't for yall, I probably would have gave no further thought to this matter. So thanks. But to the rest of yall calling my son a fakkit and all of that shyt... It's just proof that anything can be said with the stroke of a keyboard.

I have heard about kids doing touching eachother before, but they were usually a little older, it's still wrong though. They had to have seen it somewhere else. Maybe their parents or a movie. Sometimes kids who do that have been molested. You should def. talk to the girls parents, she's probably doing that to other kids as well. If it was a while ago, the little girl probably won't remember it depending on her age and how often she does that and how many other kids she has done that to.

You should read some child development books and/or search google. There are some stories and things that can help. It wasn't wrong for him to touch his self, but it was wrong for him to watch those things which is his parent's fault. & it was wrong for the girl to touch him, which is her parents fault.

 

[Reflected]

Do you or your wife know any of the other parents in the day care? Try talking to them see if they have noticed anything

If you don't mind my asking, do you work with kids for a living? Although I don't have kids, I would have never caught on to that.

 

[MeachTheMonster]

You should read some child development books and/or search google. There are some stories and things that can help. It wasn't wrong for him to touch his self, but it was wrong for him to watch those things which is his parent's fault. & it was wrong for the girl to touch him, which is her parents fault.

It may be "wrong" morally, but according to child development studies it was all normal behavior and not necessarily indicative of abuse.

 

[Giselle]

This is something that people should talk about. The first time I mentioned it on here about children touching themselves, people were talking to me like I did something wrong. That stuff does happen and ignoring it will not help anything.




@TheNig
The Advocacy Center: Inapropriate Touching Between Children

How Do I Approach Inappropriate
Touching Between Children?

Determine whether or not the behavior is normal sexual exploration for the child's developmental age.

Children up to age six or seven will engage in mutual games such as playing "house" or "doctor". Both same sex and opposite sex experimentation are common at all ages. However, sometimes one child is unwilling or is being forced or tricked by another child who is taking advantage of some power he or she has (i.e. older, larger, in a position of authority). Some questions you can ask yourself to determine if one child is abusing the other include:

1. What is the age or size difference between the children?
   If the children are not close in age, cognitive level, or size, it may be likely that the older or larger child is taking advantage of the younger or smaller one.
2. Is the activity normal for the age or developmental level of the children?
   Children's exploratory behavior typically involves exposing and touching each other's private parts (I'll show you mine if you show me yours!) and mimicking adult behaviors they may have observed at home or on TV such as lying on top of each other and kissing. Intercourse, attempted intercourse and oral sex are uncommon among young children.
3. Does one child seem particularly upset or unhappy about the interaction?
   Take care to notice if there is any pressure, force, tricking, threats, secrecy, or other forms of coercion, particularly if one child is in a position of authority, i.e. as babysitter. Ask the children, "Whose idea was this game?"
4. What is the response of each child to the contact?
   Feelings of anger, fear, sadness or other strong negative emotions are unusual reactions to mutual sexual exploration.

Even if the children's sexual behavior seems mutual and not "abusive", you may wish to talk with the children about the appropriateness of their behaviors as they relate to your individual or family values and the respect other's for privacy.

Think about the message you want to send to the children involved.
Try to remain calm as you stop the behavior and determine what happened. You don't want to send the message that the children are "bad" or that they should feel ashamed of their bodies or sexuality, even as you let them know that their behavior is unacceptable.

Take advantage of this opportunity to teach the children about boundaries and privacy.
Talk to each child alone. Ask them if they know what "privacy" means. Remind them that everyone has the right to privacy at certain times, such as when they are in the bathroom. Teach them that their bodies have private parts as well. Tell them they need to respect others privacy, just as they have the right to say "no" to touches. This message is one that you should reinforce and repeat if necessary. You may wish to use books or videos to help teach the children.

Determine if the children involved need professional help.
Is the behavior continuing to be a problem? Is it severe? How is it affecting the victimized child? Both children may need assistance in dealing with their feelings and behaviors.

Talk to the parents of the offending child.
The other parents need to be aware of their child's behavior and see that it does not happen again. Let them know where they can find counseling or advice. Do not allow the children to be alone together if you think one of the children could initiate the sexual activities again. If the offending child is a member of your household, seek professional help immediately. You are legally responsible for protecting the other children in your home.

The Advocacy Center is a resource if you have questions or concerns.
If you have questions or concerns about a child or if you would like more information about child abuse prevention call the Advocacy Center. Our free lending library contains a variety of resources for parents and for children of all ages to help them develop an understanding of privacy, body ownership, personal safety, and self-esteem.

Resources

• Advocacy Center (Formerly the Task Force For Battered Women / Child Sexual Abuse Project)
  Office: 277-3203 · M-F 9am - 5pm
  Hotline: 277-5000 · 24 hours a day
  Crisis intervention, support, advocacy, accompaniment, education and referrals for children, teens, parents, family members and professionals.
• Family and Children's Services - 273-7494
  Offers counseling to children who have been victimized
• Tompkins County Mental Health Clinic - 274-6230
  Services for children and adolescents who act out sexually

It may be "wrong" morally, but according to child development studies it was all normal behavior and not necessarily indicative of abuse.

I think he needs to find out more before he can decide that.

 

[MeachTheMonster]

This is something that people should talk about. The first time I mentioned it on here about children touching themselves, people were talking to me like I did something wrong. That stuff does happen and ignoring it will not help anything.




@TheNig
The Advocacy Center: Inapropriate Touching Between Children





I think he needs to find out more before he can decide that.

According to what you posted here he seems to know what he needs to

They are the same age, his son never said he was forced or intimidated, or that it made him feel bad.


And he already did this

"Even if the children's sexual behavior seems mutual and not "abusive", you may wish to talk with the children about the appropriateness of their behaviors as they relate to your individual or family values and the respect other's for privacy."


Seems mission accomplished to me. I dont think going up to the school making a stink will help either child, it would just cause more embarrassment and invite the other parents to act an ass about it. If it happens again or his son gives him reason to believe something more is going on, then he should speak up. But as of right now I think he has done what's best.

 

[Giselle]

Whether something came out that lil thing or not...

But he said he liked the way it felt and promised not to do it again.

I hope you didn't shame your child for touching his self because that is normal. You shouldn't have told him to do it only by his self and only in private. The only thing he did wrong was watch the videos. You were wrong for letting him watch the videos as well. He's going to touch his self many more times and he's going to feel terrible about it because you told him not to do it and now he thinks it's bad, when it's actually normal. Watching the videos was the bad part.

If you're a parent, please read some child development books.

 

[newarkhiphop]

If you don't mind my asking, do you work with kids for a living? Although I don't have kids, I would have never caught on to that.

Yes i'm a social worker, worked with kids around his sons age for almost 5 years, then 3 years with high school age kids specifically in schools

I've unfortunately seen too many cases like this, he luckily caught the situation early on, believe it or not there are children who are sexual predators although now when there young there just parroting behavior (i.e the little girl being molested so she is molesting other kids) kids like that grow up to be abusing adults

But don't get me wrong at the end of the road in these cases there is always a sicko adult just have to trace it back to the source

 

[ThisWorldAintRight]

Sexual Behaviors in Children Chart


Check out the chart. What your son and the girl did is normal behavior. No real cause for alarm.

They don't wanna see this, they're too busy overreacting over dumb shyt.

 

[newarkhiphop]

This is something that people should talk about. The first time I mentioned it on here about children touching themselves, people were talking to me like I did something wrong. That stuff does happen and ignoring it will not help anything.




@TheNig
The Advocacy Center: Inapropriate Touching Between Children





I think he needs to find out more before he can decide that.

He already said he spoke to his son some more and there was a girl at a day care touching him

 

[newarkhiphop]

They don't wanna see this, they're too busy overreacting over dumb shyt.

From the link

Less common behavior

• Touching peer/adult genitals

(little girl ttouched him) this often develops into kids touching others

Uncommon behavior in normal children

• Explicit imitation of intercourse

Ex: jerkin off to porn

 

[MeachTheMonster]

From the link

Less common behavior

• Touching peer/adult genitals

(little girl ttouched him) this often develops into kids touching others

Uncommon behavior in normal children

• Explicit imitation of intercourse

Ex: jerkin off to porn

Normal Common Behavior:

Viewing/touching peer or new sibling genitalia

Touching/masturbating genitals in public/private


And he wasn't "jacking off to porn"

 

[ThisWorldAintRight]

From the link

Less common behavior

• Touching peer/adult genitals

(little girl ttouched him) this often develops into kids touching others

Uncommon behavior in normal children

• Explicit imitation of intercourse

Ex: jerkin off to porn

Normal behavior was jerkin off, read it again.