No, I dont think the more realistic and free-spirited, black women (those of us with an independent mindset) are expecting bm to "save" them, without them putting their own effort into helping themselves but it's nice and comforting to know that a black man has your back when deserving of it. Meaning, I think some women (generally speaking) have feelings of entitlement accompanied by an inherent sense of privilege; then, when things do not go as they planned, they are quick to criticize or complain because their expectations did not leave up to reality. Black women (as far as protection, from a relationship or friendship perspective) - I think it's having a sense of security in knowing, the man that you are with, can provide stability. For some women - it's emotionally, mentally. others it's purely financial (bills, home, social connections). Most stable women would like a balance of all three with them prioritizing what's most important and it also depends on how self-motivated the reasons are. Black women as nurturing category - From my point of view, I see myself as a nurturer or helper - where if I see something happening (to a member of our race-man, women or child) or someone in an uncomfortable situation- I'll offer to help or make sure they're ok, but that's instinctual to me, so I apply it for myself. In a relationship, I think it's equally weighted- woman should be supportive and nurturing while it's fair for the man to take on the protective role - (this is assuming they both have something to offer and not on some one sided expectation type shyt.)
But, I don't think it's realistic for women to always think that a man is automatically supposed to protect them or just outright come to their rescue (especially someone not family or of no significance), otherwise it can reduce the man to simp levels. Depending on how important or in some cases, life alternating or threatening the situation is - we need to allow men the time to contemplate decisions and weigh out the options/outcomes. Like as an example, when I first started commenting on here.. OP had a coworker whose ex was stalking her, I said at the time, that he should not feel obligated to help out because 1) don't know what her real motives are 2) don't know how serious the situation is.
Not to front, I also know there are a small segment of black women who "use" our struggle as a race or their individual struggles as an excuse to condone their negative behavior; they think that it's acceptable to behave irrationally to minor situations or events, then when shyt hits the fan and they are retaliated against, the first thing they want to do is call on the black man for help. Then when called out about it - they make up excuses or think that it's everyone else's fault but theirs. In that case, the situation doesn't merit protection or a reaction. I think that's how people end up in the "no good deeds go unpunished" and take on someone else's issues that could be disruptive to their own lives.
I've been so conditioned into thinking and my experiences are - to "not expect anything from anybody, do for self, if you don't have it - don't ask for it; be patient and put for the effort so that you can get it yourself", so the idea of asking anybody for protection is not comfortable to me. I don't like to burden other people with my problems anyway. To me, protection in that sense, applies to those who are unable to help/defend themselves because they don't have the resources or a physically incapable of doing so (older people, children).
and shame other men who try to help
I can't speak for them. But check my post history if you so choose. I've run an after-school program for the past like 3 years.
