The OFFICIAL Red Flags When Dating Men Thread

[BrokePhiBroke]

Agreed. Usually someone's sense of humor tells me alot about them.


Sounds like you chose a winner

Yes this is why I'm out the dating game. I'll get back in when I've gotten myself together. We were both disrespectful as fukk. Fighting etc. I'm no Saint but I want to do better so I'm out I am a red flag.

 

[Gold]

Ok so my ex wasn't extremely bad with money. He made 3x as much as me and we SPLIT everything yet he never seemed to have money. Sometimes it wasn't just about money, he could have wanted something materialistic and I said no. Now mind you I never asked for shyt from him but his half of bills. If he brought me something, cool.

Well one day he asked for money for I forgot what for...

Me: I'm not giving you anything, handle your business.

Him: why?

Me: every time we get into a argument you always telling me how much more money you make MORE THAN ME...but when it's time to get what you want this money is non existent. Nah you good.

Him: it's cool I'll just get from the white GIRL

Me: what white girl?

Him: don't worry about it?

Me: (approaching him cause I'm heated) what white girl?

Him:

I pulled his dreads like a crazy a person him: there is no white GIRL I was just playing...you never wanna...

Me: NO fukk YOU. How you gonna say some shyt like that and that person don't exist...

Long story short he said it a lot in the relationship so I started putting my own childish spins on shyt getting him mad as fukk...

Relationship was shyt.
The most disrespectful relationship. We use to fight all the time and yes I use to physically fight him. Not proud of it. I don't advocate putting your hands on anyone. I know this may be used against me later on but this real life shyt. It was all around abusive.

Why didn't you leave?

Dont tell me you lived with him....

 

[BigMan]

Ok so my ex wasn't extremely bad with money. He made 3x as much as me and we SPLIT everything yet he never seemed to have money. Sometimes it wasn't just about money, he could have wanted something materialistic and I said no. Now mind you I never asked for shyt from him but his half of bills. If he brought me something, cool.

Well one day he asked for money for I forgot what for...

Me: I'm not giving you anything, handle your business.

Him: why?

Me: every time we get into a argument you always telling me how much more money you make MORE THAN ME...but when it's time to get what you want this money is non existent. Nah you good.

Him: it's cool I'll just get from the white GIRL

Me: what white girl?

Him: don't worry about it.

Me: (approaching him cause I'm heated) what white girl?

Him:

I pulled his dreads like a crazy a person him: there is no white GIRL I was just playing...you never wanna...

Me: NO fukk YOU. How you gonna say some shyt like that and that person don't exist...

Long story short he said it a lot in the relationship so I started putting my own childish spins on shyt getting him mad as fukk...

Relationship was shyt.
The most disrespectful relationship. We use to fight all the time and yes I use to physically fight him. Not proud of it. I don't advocate putting your hands on anyone. I know this may be used against me later on but this real life shyt. It was all around abusive.

yikes

 

[BrokePhiBroke]

Why didn't you leave?

Dont tell me you lived with him....

Yes we did live together.
A bunch of reasons I won't get into.

Before him I such a happy person always wanting to hug, talk things out, and I had NEVER hit a man.

With him he use to taunt me so bad I use to start crying and he'll keep going that eventually I'll lash out. He loved to see me cry and then when I would want to break up he made it seem like we were so in love and couples fight. Whenever I wanted to talk out something he would overtalk me, devalue my feelings, tell me it's not that serious or literally yell BLAH BLAH BLAH like a child loud.

That whole year was such unhappiness. I started talking to a counselor who was a black man and I started improving. He hated that shyt. Stop putting my hands on him...ignoring his antics. Then roles reveresed. He tried to make me stop seeing the guy cause I was happy and I wanted him gone for good then the real EVIL begin. I'll stop there.

I take responsibility for the role I played in the relationship. I have a long way to go...things I shoulda did before him. I'm childless, still young and I have time to improve. I'm staying fit, I'm trying to progress work wise and I'm just enjoying my company. I still see the counselor and I plan to leave this hell hole city.

 

[Gold]

Yes we did live together.
A bunch of reasons I won't get into.

Before him I such a happy person always wanting to hug, talk things out, and I had NEVER hit a man.

With him he use to taunt me so bad I use to start crying and he'll keep going that eventually I'll lash out. He loved to see me cry and then when I would want to break up he made it seem like we were so in love and couples fight. Whenever I wanted to talk out something he would overtalk me, devalue my feelings, tell me it's not that serious or literally yell BLAH BLAH BLAH like a child loud.

That whole year was such unhappiness. I started talking to a counselor who was a black man and I started improving. He hated that shyt. Stop putting my hands on him...ignoring his antics. Then roles reveresed. He tried to make me stop seeing the guy cause I was happy and I wanted him gone for good then the real EVIL begin. I'll stop there.

I take responsibility for the role I played in the relationship. I have a long way to go...things I shoulda did before him. I'm childless, still young and I have time to improve. I'm staying fit, I'm trying to progress work wise and I'm just enjoying my company. I still see the counselor and I plan to leave this hell hole city.

He sounds like a sadist, and i'm not really exaggerating.

Some guys break women down so that they can rebuild them in their own desired image/personality.
And honestly... it works way too often sadly.

 

[LEEeveryday]

I said men who frequently use that word tend to have undesirable qualities... Such as being crass. And it's true. Let's not pretend that men who refer to women as "females" are aren't about to say something disrespectful 98% of the time.

A true gentleman recognizes the subtleties in language. A "female" can be, but is not necessarily human. A female can be a dog, a cat, or a roach. So if that is how you prefer to refer to women and ladies.

or female could just be a box you check when taking a survey and they want to determine your gender.....

...I hope you really don't think it's deeper than that. I have literally, never heard this as an issue. I'm just dumbfounded.

 

[BrokePhiBroke]

He sounds like a sadist, and i'm not really exaggerating.

Some guys break women down so that they can rebuild them in their own desired image/personality.
And honestly... it works way too often sadly.

I was the one always apologizing...yes I'll be wrong but when he wrong I was STILL wrong. Anyway I've derailed. I'm glad I'm alive, I'm glad I can fix this before I give someone else the blues. I know who I am and what I could I be and striving for that. So I don't bother people.

 

[malbaker86]

More RED flags


- all of his exes are white, Asian, Latina. He's only with you because you are "different" and it won't last


- his friends are a reflection of him so if his boys speaks very ill about Black women...

- physically harms you if you disagree with him

- drinks every damn day

Dealt with any of this personally?

 

[Queen]

or female could just be a box you check when taking a survey and they want to determine your gender.....

...I hope you really don't think it's deeper than that. I have literally, never heard this as an issue. I'm just dumbfounded.

Yes it could be, and in that context it would be appropriate.

But we aren't discussing checking a box for classification purposes. We are discussing the language patterns of crass/aggressive/hate-filled/red flag males.

 

[Kings County]

You long doesn't exist?
Women are here for men's sexual gratification?

I'm not being smug I wanna know your take because men seem to drop this all the time (on the innanets that is)

you long? typo?
nah women aren't here for mens sexual gratification
I believe yall should all florish and live to your fullest potential
but we tryna fukk everything lol

 

[LEEeveryday]

Yes it could be, and in that context it would be appropriate.

But we aren't discussing checking a box for classification purposes. We are discussing the language patterns of crass/aggressive/hate-filled/red flag males.

I hear you. I'm just speaking for myself. I just think it's ludicrous to make those assumptions but such a harmless and aptly descriptive word.. ...but i'll let you cook.

 

[Ms.CuriousCat]

Bish are u dating christian grey????

i was wondering how rich he was.

Christian Grey broke would be a creep

Contradictory

How so?

What is this a redflag for tho?

Can he deal with conflict. Is he going to walk away when the going gets tough?

 

[m0rninggl0ry]

Dealt with any of this personally?

No. Just an observation.

 

[malbaker86]

No. Just an observation.

Good. Cause i was gonna ask for story time lol

 

[BrokePhiBroke]

you long? typo?
nah women aren't here for mens sexual gratification
I believe yall should all florish and live to your fullest potential
but we tryna fukk everything lol

I meant so love lol I corrected it.
And ok I'll take that