The General Mills Chronicles.

[General Mills]

This one is: The IceHouse Simpleton

Ok brehs. . Picture it. I just got out of the Navy. Move back to Piffsburgh and was staying with my parents until I got my own place. Started a good job at Sony and everything was

I joined the Navy when I was 20. So when I came back home I knew the city but did not really know the good clubs and bars. So my cousin put me on and she showed me some spots. One of the spots was this lil cool bar. ( It was down the street from the bar where I danced with the midget )

The bar was average at best but there was a cool mix of people there and since leaving the Service I was a shark. And the women were easy pickings. After going there a few times I met some kindred spirits. Two dudes who were sharks like me. They hung tough.

One dude looked like Big from Rob and Big.

His partner in crime looked like MC Eiht.

He always kept a hat on and had his lil straggly braids sticking out. After seeing them a few times it became apparent that these dudes were knocking down different ho's all the time from there. I was not doing bad myself so out of mutual respect I teamed up with them.

And it was beautiful! Despite being average looking dudes no homo their gift of gab with the ho's was legendary. I learned alot from those dudes. They were not tricking on these ho's either. Minimal spending. Maybe a few beers or breakfast after smashing. That was it.

Well. Like I said I learned alot from those dudes and I think I passed the pimping course they set up for me. But like I normally do I failed a class or two along the way. . .

 

[detroitwalt]

Awwww shyt I know some epic shyt is on the way

 

[Roger Sterling]

Waiting for the twist.

 

[IronFist]

lol mc eiht reference

 

[malbaker86]

But like I normally do I failed a class or two along the way. . .

your damn cliffhangers be the funniest sh!t known to man

 

[General Mills]

One of the first things these dudes taught me was that most chicks have been smutted out at one point or another. Its not a deal breaker just know that you should reserve putting your all into her before its time. Just have some fun out there. Keep it light.

Well by ignoring this rule I cost myself a L. We had been off the ho's in this bar for a while. We even branched to different spots. Set up shop and were knocking them down. One day while out on patrol I met this bad chick! She hollered at me And we started kinda kicking it. I was trying to take things slow but my mind be playing tricks on me.

Big peeped game and told me

Aight breh. Looks like you got you a filly on your team. Play it smart. Use your head and you will be ok. Remember what we taught you. Everything that looks good is not good. So keep your wits about you. And have some fun.

I had went to a Halloween party thrown by some cacs at my job. Before the party I asked the one cac what I needed to bring. He said . . ICEHOUSE beer. Lots of it. So I went to the beer distributor and bought like 4 cases.

Got to the party and forgot to bring it in. So I know have a trunk full of beer. I used that beer as a excuse to drink n drive. It was winter so the beer was always cold in my trunk. And I was not going to bring it into my parents house. So whenever I got ready to go out to a club or whatever I would go to the trunk. Grab a couple a brews and pregame on the way there.

 

[STEVE]

general please divulge location of said bar for a local

 

[King Theo]

general please divulge location of said bar for a local

haha ya me and steve bout to hit that up

 

[General Mills]

Despite my best intentions I was sprung on this ho brehs. She was the finest thing I had been with up to that point. She was not clingy, sex was great and she was cool as fukk.

I started finding myself slowly but surely drifting away from the homies. One day Eiht called me and told me to be sure to come out to this club we had never been too.. He and Big had something they wanted to tell me.

I was like sure! I had not seen them for a couple of weeks. I was all hugged up on that girl. But this day she was visiting her cousin so I was free.

Brehs. . I get in my car. Got Ice Houses on deck. I hit the road. This club was way across town so I had about 4 beers in me when I was getting close. I remember it was snowing bad as hell that night. I was pushing a VW Corrado back then. I love that car. I kept it real clean too. Lowered a bit. Some racing rims. Exhaust. Nothing crazy. Just looked sharp.

I am half tipsy and get paranoid cause I have these bottles in my car. . I have this strong urge to get rid of them before I get to the club. I have no idea why I was tripping so hard. So I peeped in all my mirrors for cops. . Waited until I was on a street with no drivers. . Then grabbed the first bottle and threw that shyt out of my passenger side window hard as fukk!

I wanted to get it into the bushes on the side of the road. .So I put my all into the throw. Only thing is that my passenger side window was UP.

 

[STEVE]

YES! LOL

 

[Roger Sterling]

Only thing is that my passenger side window was UP.

 

[General Mills]

I DESTROYED MY WINDOW!! FUCCKKKKKK

When I flung the bottle and it hit the glass. . It sounded like the beginning of Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme music. I swerved and hit a garbage can that somebody put out for trash day. . Trash bags are all on my hood n shyt.

I get out to look at the damage and my window is obliterated. In the trash bags covering my car they had two paint cans in there. . . . . So now I have streaks of gold house paint on my hood! And it is snowing like fukk so snow is getting in the whip thru the broken window!!

I was just like This is nuts. . . At then I get a call from Eiht asking me where I am. I told him . .Breh. I just had a set of circumstances. . I cant make it. He asked where I am. . I was literally right around the corner from the club. . He said hold on. . He pulls up. . He has some thick plastic in his trunk and he tapes it on my window. He told me. . We HAVE to talk to you tonight. Very important breh. We will not keep you long.

So I find a spot near the entrance and go in the club. Dap up Big and we post up.

Eiht starts out.

Most bytches aint shyt. And you have

 

[Don of All Dons]

My prediction

Spoiler

They done trained that girl you love breh

 

[IronFist]

My prediction

Spoiler

They done trained that girl you love breh

either that or they were acquaintances with someone who smash her

 

[General Mills]

I was I mean really. Ok. . I got a cool chick. Why are they hating? I look at Big and he was shaking his head as if to tell me I tried to warn me.

Eiht - Your girl is not yours only.

Me - Aight nikka. What do you know that I dont.

Big - Look on the dance floor.

Me -

Me -

Me -

My "Girl" was getting her eagle on. Ass in the air getting freaked on by her cousin! But as I found out later. . This was not her cousin. It was a dude she fukks with. .

Big - I did not want to interfere homie. We wanted you to figure this out yourself but we felt we had to intervene. She is a cool chick. But she is just looking to fukk. Me and Eiht both hit her last year.

Eiht -

I was mad brehs! I said why not just TELL ME! And I was already kinda heated cause my whip was fukked up. Now my homies are telling me my girl is a smut and they knew the whole time. They even hit. . Eiht was looking at me with a smug ass grin and it PISSED ME OFF.