The General Mills Chronicles.

[j7thirty]

That sad moment when you reach the end of this thread after eatin good off of them stories for the last couple days. Now I gotta wait for new piff like everybody else. Feels like tryin to watch Breaking Bad weekly now after watchin tha first 4 seasons back to back in like 2 weeks.

I feel yo pain breh

 

[yeahisaidit]

I let a coworker read a few of GM's stories. He keeps asking me if GM has posted a new one yet...

 

[King Theo]

We Want More We Want More!

 

[General Mills]

We Want More We Want More!

Working on it.

 

[malbaker86]

Man we need more out of town stories bruh. That seems to be when you take the biggest L's

 

[beenz]

Working on it.

*was expecting new stories*

 

[General Mills]

This one is called: Anchors Aweigh


Admittedly I was horrible at my job in the Navy. I was an Engineman. Which is basically a mechanic. I have zero mechanical abilities in my body. It took a while for my Chief to realize this. . Before he did finally get it I managed to damn near wreck a lot of shyt.

One of our jobs was to monitor and maintain the Anchor Windlass.

The anchor windlass controlled the anchor. It all ran off of hydraulic fluid. A LOT OF HYDRAULIC FLUID.

It consisted of some pumps and machines and it was located in a little room at the very front ( forward ) of the ship. So. . I was the new guy on our team. We are all hanging out in the shop when one of the 1st classes tells my one homie ( The one from the Virgin Island Debacle who ended up beating up the goons. ) to go get a oil sample from the Anchor Windlass.

As he was getting ready to go my chief says. . Send the new kid. General you go.

Now I tell Chief straight up.

Me - Chief. I am not sure what the heck I am doing. Can somebody show me?

Chief - Its a fukking oil sample! Here is the jar. Did you learn nothing in A-School shipwreck?

Me - uhh. . Ok. . I guess. .

When I say I know nothing mechanically I mean it. I never took apart things as a kid. I never changed oil. I damn near failed A-School cause the second part of school was all hands on. They made me stop working on the diesels cause mine caught on fire.

 

[General Mills]

I get to the Anchor Windlass room. I see machines and pumps everywhere. I have no idea where I am supposed to get a oil sample from!

I see a petcock on a pump. Fill up my oil bottle and go back to the shop to show everyone. . They clowned the fukk out of me.

Me - Here you go Chief. I got the sample.

Chief - I said the hydraulic oil! Not the oil from the blah blah blah. . .

Rest of the Team -

Me -

Chief - Get your ass back up there and get the correct sample!

I walk out of there even more confused. . I get up there again. . I am looking everywhere. Then I put my brain to action. . He said HYDRAULIC OIL. OK. I look above me. . There are tons of pipes full of hydraulic oil above me. .

So what do I do? I reach in my back pocket and pull out my crescent wrench. In hindsight brehs. . This may have been a bad idea.

 

[General Mills]

I crack open a pipe from the ceiling. Oil starts gushing out fast as fukk!! I am scrambling now! I fill up my sample bottle in about 1.5 seconds and I am already covered in oil!

It was like the Gulf Oil Spill.

You see. . The oil was pressurized in those pipes. I did not know. So as soon as I cracked it open. . Literally the flood gates opened up. I was trying my best to reattach the pipe but it was IMPOSSIBLE! So after a few minutes I gave up. Hell, I figured. . . how much oil can there be? It is bound to stop any minute now.

NOPE

It is a small ass space. . In no time it was starting to fill up. I noticed the oil creeping over my shoes.. Up to my ankles. . fukkKKKKKK!!! What could I do at this point? I made sure my oil sample bottle was filled. . And I decided to make my way back to the shop.

 

[General Mills]

I am getting ready to leave when I fully realize how saturated I am with oil. Every inch of me was COVERED IN OIL. Hair down to my socks. I wring out some the best I can and get moving.

In the Navy everybody takes care of their own shyt. Meaning everyone shares the duties of taking care of the P Ways ( hallways ) And they took that shyt serious. Stripping and waxing. . etc. . So in order to walk from where I was way in the front ( forward ) all the way to the back ( aft ) I had to walk through alot of different P Ways. I am dripping oil like a a old Mopar.

I trolled the fukk out of everyone. . . I am trudging through. . . Oil is everywhere. . Shoes squeaking. . I am fukking up EVERYONES floors! I see people in shock as I am walking by.

That oil will most assuredly fukk up everyones wax job. I get to the door of the shop when my homie sees me!

Homie - Generall!

Me -

Homie - Oh I have to see how this turns out.

The door to the office is closed so I knock. . I look over at my homie and he is absolutely GIDDY!

 

[itsyoung!!]

already

 

[General Mills]

I am standing there at the door. And already I have a huge pool of oil around my feet. I knock.

Chief - WHO IS IT?

Me - Its General Chief.

Chief - Do you have my oil sample yet?

Me - Oh yes I have it.

I look at my homie and he is doing everything he can not to laugh out loud.

Me - Hey Chief. .umm. . . I think I may have caused a catastrophe.

Homie - ( busts out laughing )


One of the 1st classes opens the door and is

I know for a fact I look like

 

[Sonic Boom of the South]

i honestly love this nikka for his stories

 

[The Message]

I stay far away from this thread at work.

 

[General Mills]

My chief has his back to me and is filling out some paperwork. The 1st Class who opened the door is still You can hear the oil dripping off me brehs. My homie is in the doorway trying to stifle his laughs. He is snorting and shyt.

Chief - Hopefully you have not fukked this up again General ( back is still to me )

Me - Oh no Chief. . I think I got it.

1st Class - Uh Chief. . Uhhhh He has the oil alright. But you have to see this

Chief - ( turns around )

He opens his mouth to go off when about 4 division heads converge on the shop! They bust in and are all talking a mile a minute about how their pways are all fukked up!

Chief looks at me and I am like. Then I hand him the oil sample bottle.

At this moment my homie could no longer hold anything in. He BUSTS OUT LAUGHING And my chief goes to stand up and slips on my oil.