Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?

With all details available, is this relationship worth salvaging?

  • Yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No

    Votes: 79 91.9%
  • Possibly (but give reasons)

    Votes: 7 8.1%

  • Total voters
    86

Phitz

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Long story short, I can fill in details as we go along to be more specific but this is the summary:

So, I went out of town for work in November, for two months. While out of town we really started going thru it, which was a continuation of some long standing issues, chiefly, money. I wasn't sending her enough money, I'd twice sent her home money in November and early December. In late-December, right after Christmas, she asked for more money, and I told her no...

And it went downhill from there...

So money has always been one of, if not the, biggest issues in our relationship...

When I told her no, I told her I was done with her reaching in my pockets, I laid out the initial breakup. This is literally December 29. It just happened, we're talking two months...

She didn't like that initially...

We didn't speak for two or three days (January 2), and when we started talking again, it was tenuous but initially respectful. I made the comment that she was still my woman on some lighthearted joking sh!t, and she told me she wasn't. I came back home in January and went over her place and we had a huge, huge argument about our daughter. This is January 21, she told me to leave and I was never welcome at her place again...

From January 21, we had several conversations where we discussed making it work bit nothing official. So technically we've been broken up since December 29. In the time we've talked from that point, she never mentioned this guy...

Fast forward to February 19, and boom. Man answers the door. And he's still there, I just went over on Thursday and he was there...

She's told me in spurts what she's hurt about shyt I've done, chiefly being, I moved an hour away and didn't tell her, she found out thru mutual acquaintances and it was confirmed by my oldest daughter when we went over on January 21; and the fact that in her perception, I've always been stingy about supporting her with money...

There are a few other mentions of grievances and I've aired my sh!t with her too, but those are the two big things she hasn't forgiven me for yet...

In some ways our relationship feels salvageable. But the big elephant to me, is she's refusing to answer my questions about this man. I got a little info on him from a homeboy of mine who knows her, I, and incidentally him. But I've asked her direct questions:

•how long has he been there?
•when did this thing with him start, and how?
•when is he leaving?

Only thing she's offered in retirn is:

he's a "friend", he's giving her money to stay there, she doesn't know when he's leaving, he aint her man and they arent intimate...

She won't answer the first two questions at all and it's hurt me. Like I'm torn in between believing her and allowing her space and time to talk to me, and then, not allowing myself to not get the hint---->ain't no man living with no woman and ain't nothing going on. This part of me is like, take the fukking hint, Rodney...

And it's crushing me emotionally...

I wasn't going to say anything, because I thought ok maybe it's just a difference of opinion and he will get back with her later, but after reading this she was a waste of time.

You're gonna look back in 2 years or less and be mad at yourself for dealing with her so long. I've been where you are before. She never loved you. This guy will be where you are if he has feelings for her. If not he's doing right by himself.

Not to sound cliche, but this is a blessing. She sounds stressful. It takes time but the only feelings you will have left is regret for time wasted, and thankful for lesson learned. Right now it's your ego, and you feel like you failed someting. You only failed at making a decision to get involved, but you can fix that.

8 months, or 3 years from now when she tries to come back, or 10 years from now, do NOT take her back.
 

Phitz

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That makes it even worse. Breh do you know anyone who's letting a coworker they don't really know like that come stay with them an indeterminate amount of time, especially a woman? Who has gotta worry about safety with letting a man into her home

If thats the information she gave you when asked about who he is to her, she's lying through her teeth. Or she's got a big heart who would do something like that. I don't know her you do, so is that passing the smell test?

Not with how she treated OP, she's using both of them. Wouldn't be surprised if there was a 3rd orbiting.
 

null

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guaranteed solution

1. mourn for a short set period and then draw a line under it in your mind

2. keep your mind and body busy

3. remember the impracticalities of the old relationship

4. do sport

5. go out and meet people (women)

6. don't compare new women to your ex.

7. remember what's important in life

8. go 110% NO contact. do not follow (stalk) her on social media. delete and forget telephone contacts. (NB. never memorise social contacts of other people. put them in your contact book and don't even read them - for anyone).

9. remember it will pass. (if it does not, then something else is wrong)

10. move away to a new area if you must to avoid.

:ufdup:
 

re'up

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Accept and even embrace it. Don't try to shut it out, or numb it out, or pretend it doesn't feel the way it does. Just wrap yourself in it for awhile, and realize eventually you'll laugh about it, but also, don't demonize the person, don't throw out everything, all the good parts, because it didn't go the way you wanted. Allow yourself to feel it, and just like pain, or discomfort, embrace it, and move forward.

The worst mistake people make is like pretending it's ok, and never really healing, they just take all that anguish around with them. You ever hear like extra extra ass people "I'm fine. it's fine. It's fine. We're fine. This is fine".

On a more practical level, have a routine, keep everything going, don't fall off or fall down, and in like a month, plan a little trip or something cool for yourself. Change the scenery, widen your perspective on the world.

@murksiderock

hit me if you want to talk.
 
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New Jeruz Jewelz

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Bro, the only thing that will fix it is time. Just like any other wound. Our instinct is to grasp on to our known comforts regardless of how they’ve negatively affected our lives. In a few months you’ll have a clearer understanding. Focus on you, your mental health, financial growth and career.
 

Prynce

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I'm trying, man. Everything else in my life is well. But I didn't see this one coming, not as I near 34 later this year. And it's really, really working me out emotionally...

All I do is work and come home, on my off days I have my girls to keep me busy. But nothing takes my mind off of it and I'm really struggling right now...

Any suggestions are accepted and appreciated, it's rough right now...
I don’t know dawg. I’m still tryna find that answer.
 

J.E.T.S

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I'm trying, man. Everything else in my life is well. But I didn't see this one coming, not as I near 34 later this year. And it's really, really working me out emotionally...

All I do is work and come home, on my off days I have my girls to keep me busy. But nothing takes my mind off of it and I'm really struggling right now...

Any suggestions are accepted and appreciated, it's rough right now...

I been through it before too. It takes time. It took me a year.

Hardest thing ever.
 

J.E.T.S

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I said it before and I’ll say it again, when a woman is resolute in walking away it’s ALWAYS because another man is in the picture.

I’m willing to bet that she was setting up this play even before you left for work, money was just the excuse to make the switch.

Never ask a woman why they’re breaking up with you. You might hear some dream shattering shyt. Ignorance is bliss. Just walk cold turkey and take care of your kids.

Whhhyyyyy do bytches always do this? :noah:

Fuuuccckkkk.

That’s why I don’t ask questions. When I have seen another nikka in the picture I already knew why the bytch started being cold and acting different.

That shyt so frustrating. lol

“Women are only loyal to their emotions “ is the truest quote I’ve ever heard.

OP you might have been doing everything right, but it’s hard coded into a bytch DNA to pursue whatever it is that makes her “happy” at the time even if the finish line is doom.

Like it’s hard coded into most men to want new p*ssy.

At least we lie lmao… bytches straight up shock you with some bullshyt. & a lot of times they done already convinced you to leave your comfort zone. Whatever that may be…. Which means you’ll be “starting over” in some capacity.
 

J.E.T.S

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how long has he been there?
•when did this thing with him start, and how?
•when is he leaving?


That nikka has ALWAYS been in the background/NetherRealm
He was her “comfort” when you two had petty disagreements
This is why I laugh at nikkas that push platonic friend bullshyt

If the point of contention started to happen around November/December
That nikka was around at bare minimum
3 months before

Nevurary
Count your losses my G
She has mentally and physically moved on
All she doing now is dangling that carrot of
“Well If You Start Doing X,Y,Z”
Fam if you get back with her
Nothing will ever be enough
She will push and push to see how much she can get out of you and right when you think it’s going back to “normal”
She will Molly Wop you over the head again

Time never heals this shyt
Heartbreak is always, always apart of your DNA
The only thing you can do is treat yourself like your own best friend
Put it this way
If you saw your man’s going through this shyt
What would you tell him to do
You have to put yourself together for not only you but the child that is unfortunately in the middle of this
Co-parent to the best of your abilities
And let this woman do her woman thing
I promise this shyt will blow up in her face once that newness/nikka pushes back on her
Do not be weak the moment she calls you with the faux tears(it’s coming playboy)
Be the best father you can be
Take care of yourself and do things that make you feel good
Let it out if you have to
Boxing, running, crying, whatever
Give yourself time to grieve because it is a death in sorts and get back to living
This shyt ain’t going to stop because of her
Just find solace that not everybody is going to be in your life forever
All this shyt ends
Friendships, relationships, jobs
All this shyt
Understanding that in the macro scope of things
Puts your heartbreak in perspective

:ohlawd:

I felt this deep down within my soul.

No matter what we tell OP… he’s gonna be hurt and confused. & I hate that for breh.

He just gonna have to Boyz II Men - Doin Just Fine this one out. :mjcry:

I’m mad for breh…. Because I know when men love, WE LOVE.

bytches love whatever makes them happy in a moment.
 

The Half-Blood FKA Prince

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I know u probably dont wanna hear this OP, but this aint the L u think it is.

Hear me out now. If she was ready to let u go over (among whatever other problems yall had) something as trivial and ultimately meaningless as pieces of paper with dead cacs on it, she never really truly loved u to begin with breh. And u cant lose what u never had right?

Maybe she been fukking this other guy, maybe not. Dont torture urself worrying about it though, as now u know what time it is, its basically meaningless. And it happens to the best of us. Just charge it to the game. Cause she gone need u before u ever need her again.

Let new guy stress over her greedy ungrateful ass. U got ur daughters out the deal, an unconditional love purer than anything on God's green earth. That is why this is not only not an L, but a monumental win. No reason to even be mad at her when u look at it through this mature wizened lens. And u cant afford to be mad anyway, cause that bitterness is only gone hurt them and u. Instead use this opportunity to teach them how a real
man worthy of them should treat them. And in turn this will show them the kind of woman NOT to grow up to be. That is two valuable life lessons for them for the price of 1, as well as some peace for ur soul.

And while these breh's hearts is in the right place, and they aint even wrong, per se, id refrain from looking for any new relationships to jump into. U got urself and ur girls, ur plate is quite full enough to be getting on with. U wanna get some fresh new 📦 that is fine, but i strongly implore u not to be in any rush to take it past that. Romantic relationships are not only not a necessity, but can often be a hindrance to ur goals and happiness. And that is before u even factor ur children into the equation. Focus on ur relationship with them and with urself. They are ur flesh and blood, or for the purpose of this conversation, they are u, and u gotta love urself first before u can properly love any female.

Cut ur losses breh and count ur blessings here. Im not playing or just tryna tell u what u wanna hear when i say this is just a W in L's clothes. Its a damn fact. Play ur cards right going forward and in time u WILL understand this.
 
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