Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?

[Sleepy Floyd]

Only thing she's offered in retirn is:

he's a "friend", he's giving her money to stay there, she doesn't know when he's leaving, he aint her man and they arent intimate...

He's clapping her cheeks, dawg

That's the part that makes it so easy for me to get over a woman. She already replaced you and she ain't worried about you. So don't worry about her.

 

[69 others]

Sounds like that relationship was already dead. You said yourself that you didn't want to marry her and you have a kid with her.
Your ego is bruised right now cause another man is in the picture.

Be honest and ask yourself this: if she kicked out dude right now and you guys got back together. Will you marry her or even have a serious relationship like she wants in the near future? Will you look past this moment where she most likely slept with another man?
Don't be selfish and look at this from your perspective only. If you're not willing to get really serious with this girl don't waste her time.

Find something to fukk even if you have to pay 200 and you'll see how fast your "heartbreak" will heal

 

[Scaaar]

Light that page on fire and smoke all history past and present .

Bro my therapist told me to do this years back and it was the best advice ever! You just write down stuff that you bottled up and wanted to get off your chest and just burnt it after reading. That extra stress literally just goes up in smoke

 

[Taadow]

Long story short, I can fill in details as we go along to be more specific but this is the summary:

So, I went out of town for work in November, for two months.

...Okay stop right here.

I don't know who besides you needs to hear this: but if you got a woman, you don't need to be anywhere
away from her for more than two weeks. Anything longer than 2 weeks away from your broad,
they get restless and their minds start thinking too much. That's free game.

 

[Michael's Black Son]

I'm trying, man. Everything else in my life is well. But I didn't see this one coming, not as I near 34 later this year. And it's really, really working me out emotionally...

All I do is work and come home, on my off days I have my girls to keep me busy. But nothing takes my mind off of it and I'm really struggling right now...

Any suggestions are accepted and appreciated, it's rough right now...

New p*ssy.
Young new p*ssy.
Money.
Realizing you got one crack at this life

 

[murksiderock]

Big shout out to everyone in here, a big thank you. Believe it or not, all respondents are helping me in your own way. I've said before, I don't really have the outlets physically to let shyt on my mind go, and I'm a talker, I have be able to verbally release that emotion...

I love dumb hard and I'm clearly not over her yet. But you all are helping me little by little, piece by piece. It's gonna be a rough road in the short term but this outlet is helping me and I appreciate each one of you!

why is another random man that you don't really know of in a house with your children just supposedly bumming on a couch? get your kids man and fukk this woman

Man shyt you know it isn't this easy...

@murksiderock ego got you thinking bout the other nikka a lil too much. instead of trying to figuring him out, you could be using that time to swim in some new p*ssy or spoil your daughter

ask yourself, would your old bish be cool with you moving a girl in your spot. Obviously not since she was tight about you relocating without informing her. also if y'all were in a relationship and cohabitating, would she move this nikka in?

Nah she wouldn't be cool and no she wouldn't do this if we lived together...

More than anything what this is showing me is my ego is bruised. I do love her, and I guess I'm in love with her, but there are conditions, it isn't pure or unconditional. My ego is hit on some, "chick gone step on ME?" type shyt. I'm not a balling ass nikka but I wear it well, I'm certainly not dirt ball broke and more importantly I treated her well and fukked her good...

So it's a hit to the ego and a few of you mentioned this. I am thinking about the other guy too much. It's like damn this is what you step on me with? The nikka ain't even an upgrade, he ain't got a place to stay, he ain't got my paper, etc. My pride is hurt...

And that's got me currently working on funneling that bruised ego into a more responsible way of getting thru this...

She probably did at one point

She did bro, I've gone back and read some of our early texts from '20 and '21 and I had so much control then. My history in dating is I always start in control. When I fall for these women I relinquish that control because I put so much into trying to make them happy, abd that's where I lose myself...

This would be the third consecutive relationship, going back 12 years now, that I could say this is true. And this part of me, I don't truly know how to steer clear of it because when I'm trying to please my woman I feel like I'm doing the right thing...

What I will say is this is the first time I've acknowledged this thru this lens specifically and I think this acknowledgement is a positive. I gotta figure out how to not lose myself in these women. I always have control the first few months...

 

[murksiderock]

Accept and even embrace it. Don't try to shut it out, or numb it out, or pretend it doesn't feel the way it does. Just wrap yourself in it for awhile, and realize eventually you'll laugh about it, but also, don't demonize the person, don't throw out everything, all the good parts, because it didn't go the way you wanted. Allow yourself to feel it, and just like pain, or discomfort, embrace it, and move forward.

The worst mistake people make is like pretending it's ok, and never really healing, they just take all that anguish around with them. You ever hear like extra extra ass people "I'm fine. it's fine. It's fine. We're fine. This is fine".

On a more practical level, have a routine, keep everything going, don't fall off or fall down, and in like a month, plan a little trip or something cool for yourself. Change the scenery, widen your perspective on the world.

@murksiderock

hit me if you want to talk.

I really, really appreciate this bruh!

Is this the baby mother that didnt want you around while she was pregnant? If so, this relationship was doomed from the start, even before the pregnancy.

Yes, but if you recall, that was instigated from when she git pregnant abd I told her I didn't want the child. She basically trashed me publicly for not wanting the baby, then went on some lightweight ghosting me shyt...

I always told her if she had the baby I'd clearly be here for the child, I just didn't think we should have a child together. So yes in a sense this thing was never right to start...

It was after that she started ignoring me for about a 3-month stretch early in the pregnancy, by the time she was 5 months in or so we were, seemingly at the time, back on positive ground...

There you have it
Financial issues are the number 1 cause of divorce

I think taking a stand on her digging in my pockets was the right play. I think where I lost is early on giving more than I was comfortable with, abd to be clear, I didn't 'always' tell her yes to money, but I gave her more 'yes' than 'no' and in part that probably set an expectation for her that I come out yhe pockets. Because like I said I'm not some high roller but women can tell when brothers holding something. And she's said as much in various ways, coming at me for being stingy with my money...

Also I think what this is showing me in the future, is how to more responsibly break bread with a woman I see a future with...

 

[murksiderock]

you either learn to master your emotions early in life or you suffer later on..........*

Bro I've never been able to master my emotions with women, it's been a lifelong struggle...

I've said this in the past on here, but my intro to women in life was rough and it set me up in negative ways I didn't even realize until my mid-20s. Both my mother, and my stepmother, are heavy pieces of work and the sources of significant trauma...

By the time I even became cognizant of the effects of those women I was already 25+ years deep into counterproductive patterns with women. And make no mistake, I LOVE my mothers, time has healed the wounds with and from them. But they were my introduction to life, this is how I met women in life, they were the blueprint and the guideline, and that's how you end up 33 and still struggling in relating with women you care about in your life...

The good news is this isn't an excuse, just an acknowledgement that I recognize I was way behind the 8 ball when I began growing from long rooted negative habits. Also the good news is at 33, I know my journey, as rough as this is presently, this is an improvement over prior relationships, my management of emotion is an improvement over prior relationships. I've shown consistent growth over each of the last relationships, I just gotta clear this bridge fully and not be on these positions, with these women, again...

But I'm not ashamed to admit I've never been masterful emotionally with women. You know I'm an open book, dog. This is an area of weakness I've always had and I basically inherited it. It's a rough ass learning curve but I'm learning, bro...

I know u probably dont wanna hear this OP, but this aint the L u think it is.

Hear me out now. If she was ready to let u go over (among whatever other problems yall had) something as trivial and ultimately meaningless as pieces of paper with dead cacs on it, she never really truly loved u to begin with breh. And u cant lose what u never had right?

Maybe she been fukking this other guy, maybe not. Dont torture urself worrying about it though, as now u know what time it is, its basically meaningless. And it happens to the best of us. Just charge it to the game. Cause she gone need u before u ever need her again.

Let new guy stress over her greedy ungrateful ass. U got ur daughters out the deal, an unconditional love purer than anything on God's green earth. That is why this is not only not an L, but a monumental win. No reason to even be mad at her when u look at it through this mature wizened lens. And u cant afford to be mad anyway, cause that bitterness is only gone hurt them and u. Instead use this opportunity to teach them how a real
man worthy of them should treat them. And in turn this will show them the kind of woman NOT to grow up to be. That is two valuable life lessons for them for the price of 1, as well as some peace for ur soul.

And while these breh's hearts is in the right place, and they aint even wrong, per se, id refrain from looking for any new relationships to jump into. U got urself and ur girls, ur plate is quite full enough to be getting on with. U wanna get some fresh new that is fine, but i strongly implore u not to be in any rush to take it past that. Romantic relationships are not only not a necessity, but can often be a hindrance to ur goals and happiness. And that is before u even factor ur children into the equation. Focus on ur relationship with them and with urself. They are ur flesh and blood, or for the purpose of this conversation, they are u, and u gotta love urself first before u can properly love any female.

Cut ur losses breh and count ur blessings here. Im not playing or just tryna tell u what u wanna hear when i say this is just a W in L's clothes. Its a damn fact. Play ur cards right going forward and in time u WILL understand this.

No this makes all the sense in the world and I truly, truly appreciate this man! I am actively trying to channel these emotions I feel in the mindset you described. May take me awhile but I'm working at it...

Sounds like that relationship was already dead. You said yourself that you didn't want to marry her and you have a kid with her.
Your ego is bruised right now cause another man is in the picture.

Be honest and ask yourself this: if she kicked out dude right now and you guys got back together. Will you marry her or even have a serious relationship like she wants in the near future? Will you look past this moment where she most likely slept with another man?
Don't be selfish and look at this from your perspective only. If you're not willing to get really serious with this girl don't waste her time.

Find something to fukk even if you have to pay 200 and you'll see how fast your "heartbreak" will heal

I feel like I would marry her, she's the only woman I ever even looked at rings about, never had that consideration before. But she'd have to be willing to meet some of my ultimatums, which, there's a likelihood she'd be unwilling, clearly. But there's a possibility she would be willing, and I guess knowing this is why, right now, my mind is keeping open the strand of hope on reconciliation...

 

[murksiderock]

...Okay stop right here.

I don't know who besides you needs to hear this: but if you got a woman, you don't need to be anywhere
away from her for more than two weeks. Anything longer than 2 weeks away from your broad,
they get restless and their minds start thinking too much. That's free game.

This is a rough lesson learned, and I learned it starting with a previous trip back in September. This is huge advice and I'd say it's 100% true in my situation...

New p*ssy.
Young new p*ssy.
Money.
Realizing you got one crack at this life

To be honest I'm not even trying to dive into nothing. And everything is great for me financially and career-wise, trajectory flies higher annually but it isn't taking this situation out my mind yet...

I will say that all the responses in here have ended my Saturday in a better spot emotionally than what I started it. And I appreciate all of you for that, this shyt is helping me!

 

[010101]

@murksiderock as long as you persevere you will find the answers

keep going

*

 

[OSUBaneBrowns]

Bro I've never been able to master my emotions with women, it's been a lifelong struggle...

I've said this in the past on here, but my intro to women in life was rough and it set me up in negative ways I didn't even realize until my mid-20s. Both my mother, and my stepmother, are heavy pieces of work and the sources of significant trauma...

By the time I even became cognizant of the effects of those women I was already 25+ years deep into counterproductive patterns with women. And make no mistake, I LOVE my mothers, time has healed the wounds with and from them. But they were my introduction to life, this is how I met women in life, they were the blueprint and the guideline, and that's how you end up 33 and still struggling in relating with women you care about in your life...

The good news is this isn't an excuse, just an acknowledgement that I recognize I was way behind the 8 ball when I began growing from long rooted negative habits. Also the good news is at 33, I know my journey, as rough as this is presently, this is an improvement over prior relationships, my management of emotion is an improvement over prior relationships. I've shown consistent growth over each of the last relationships, I just gotta clear this bridge fully and not be on these positions, with these women, again...

But I'm not ashamed to admit I've never been masterful emotionally with women. You know I'm an open book, dog. This is an area of weakness I've always had and I basically inherited it. It's a rough ass learning curve but I'm learning, bro...



No this makes all the sense in the world and I truly, truly appreciate this man! I am actively trying to channel these emotions I feel in the mindset you described. May take me awhile but I'm working at it...



I feel like I would marry her, she's the only woman I ever even looked at rings about, never had that consideration before. But she'd have to be willing to meet some of my ultimatums, which, there's a likelihood she'd be unwilling, clearly. But there's a possibility she would be willing, and I guess knowing this is why, right now, my mind is keeping open the strand of hope on reconciliation...

A lot of men out here have struggled with women because they never had a solid foundation on how to deal with them and have to take their bumps the hard way (no strong male figure to school them or had a weak man giving them bad game and the cycle repeats itself). As long that you are learning that you are responsible for your happiness first and stop giving women all of the power.

I'm not perfect and had made many bad simping mistakes with women up to my late 30s. It took me giving constantly sh*tting on my last ex in the worst ways that I won't even mention on here or to my closest friends, that it made me realize to stop giving these women complete control of me with their emotions and learn to walk away with pride and respect for myself. You are not responsible for their happiness, you are there to contribute to it when applicable. Women are attracted to a$$holes for a reason, they have no problem calling them out on their bullsh*t and have no problem leaving if they keep acting up. Stop falling into the "being in love" trap and always think/follow logically even if the answer is going to hurt you emotionally. Pain is temporary but it's hard to regain respect from a woman who has lost it for you.

Also, keep your fukking cool when she is testing you. Whoever cares less always wins. Cold game but this is the reality with dealing with women .

 

[Gotright]

Going though the same shyt right now. Been a week since we spoke and I’m feeling a little better like other said it take time I guess.

 

[areohbee824]

Exercise, work on bettering yourself. Put yourself first

 

[WaveWhisperer]

Kinda here myself , i needed to read some one this. It’s temporary pain but for the best.

 

[Michael's Black Son]

This is a rough lesson learned, and I learned it starting with a previous trip back in September. This is huge advice and I'd say it's 100% true in my situation...



To be honest I'm not even trying to dive into nothing. And everything is great for me financially and career-wise, trajectory flies higher annually but it isn't taking this situation out my mind yet...

I will say that all the responses in here have ended my Saturday in a better spot emotionally than what I started it. And I appreciate all of you for that, this shyt is helping me!

Breh you will survive, word to Gloria Gaynor.

One person ain’t the world and you don’t have control over these females. They are non unionized independent contractors.

But it’s still revenge of the nerds era and will be for the foreseeable future. You hold the cards. Level up, keep leveling up, chase this paper and nothing else.