Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?
- Thread starter murksiderock
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murksiderock
Superstar
We've been there before and tried to tell you. She is what she is and now you just need to keep it cordial for the sake of your kid, grieve privately and move forward.
So ol boy been smashing and moved in with your ex?
Yeah...
I pointed out earlier that I was OT for work for two months. It started then...
And homeboy said he didn't even know I was in the picture until the day I went to the house and saw him. Said he was told I dipped on her and my babies (and my kid) and I wasn't involved at all, and I believe him on that. Because I know her, I believe that...
She slid on him, got his number from a coworker, which I believe too, because when her and I started dating she had her friend give me her number, after she'd already tried to give me her number and I declined once. So she slid on me, so I can believe she the one who came after him too...
Lotta things revealed today. Among them, he said if he knew I was still involved and I'm the picture he wouldn't have gotten involved with her. Asked me, "the day you came to the house, were yall I'm contact before then?" I said yes, we never stopped talking/communicating. Asked me if I still loved her, wanted her back, viewed her as my woman, I said yes to all...
He said he ain't the type to jump after women he know who got someone and her still telling me she loves me complicates shyt for him. I don't know how true this is, because he said he likes her. I asked if he loves her and he said "nah I wouldn't say it's nothing heavy". But I said it is something, yall got something, and he said "yeah it is something"...
He asked me once, so she never told you her and I were anything, done anything. I said nah because if she did I wouldn't be up here (this was up at her job). If she ever told me straight up she moved onto something else, I wouldn't went this route. Up until even yesterday morning, she told me her and him weren't in any kind of flirtation, relationship, no sex, no nothing...
If she was ever 100 with me I could start burying that chapter of my life. She wasn't so I sought out homeboy to get answers...
He said he was embarrassed I even came up there bringing that shyt to his job, I didn't care. I said she playing both sides, she don't wanna really let me go because she does love me and in case it don't work out with fam, but she don't wanna let him go because she likes him and in case the door closed on her and I...
That door is closed now so it's his world. She's been making her choices and I helped give us finality...
He look older but he 34 with no kids, I told him he's what she looks for and I feel a kind of way about him playing with my child. He said he would stop fukking with my daughter and all shyt if I didn't like it, because again he was told I dipped on my girl too and I wasn't around. I told him if he's the guy who gonna be around he ain't gotta stop playing with her, I can respect it, my two oldest girls' mother has a man, I can respect it. My shyt is I just needed the truth...
He said it complicates things for him if I'm gonna be a problem, even though he likes her. Told him I'm not the problem...
So I offered to pay him for missing 45 minutes of work to chat with me, he declined. Then I called homegirl up there. I had all three of my daughters and her oldest son...
She gets up there on some aggressive "give me my baby" shyt and I caused a public disturbance, said this is the bytch who stepped out on me. Waited for me to leave then jumped on some new dikk...
She tried to take the baby from me, I stepped back, kept talking. We went outside and a bunch of other people came outside, lotta arguing, she was crying, homeboy came outside, another guy came out, I kept going. "This the bytch that stepped out on me". Everything I did for her. Used me not giving her money that last time as a scapegoat. Soon as she had a "reason" she took it, and lied until the very end...
Her aunt called the cops and they came up there and was like this is a civil disturbance, not a criminal matter, yall just need to go yall separate ways. Which when her aunt started talking that police shyt, I knew it wasn't no trouble I could get into, I been in enough trouble with the law. They weren't gonna do shyt and I stayed there talking shyt until they came then gave my daughter back, wasn't nothing there criminal for them to get after...
Homeboy was only outside like 5 minutes, told me to take my daughters and leave, but she had me blocked into my parking g space. Homegirl was crying and he hit her with a light "you alright" and then went back in, didn't see him again. She was on some I brought our business to her job, which is false, homeboy already told me people thought he and her were a thing but he never told no one.so he said they got it from me, which is false, and he was like "I woulda been comfortable telling people about us in due time, because I do like her, she likes me. And the story everybody knows at work is her man ran off on her and her infant. But this complicates shyt, I didn't tell nobody we did anything buy its all out there now"...
Which, who knows where him and her go from here. I can't concern myself with that. It stings today, still gonna sting for a stretch but believe it or not bro, a weight has been lifted from me knowing everything. A pressure has lifted. I still feel some pain at the moment. I don't expect I'll just get over this I'm a few days or even a few weeks...
But a weight has been lifted, the weight of her telling me one thing but me KNOWING it wasn't right, the weight of me thinking this possibly isn't what I think it is, the weight of me thinking we could reconcile. That weight, at the moment it doesn't kill all the hurt...
But that weight is lifted and I feel so much better for it. As wild as it sounds I feel like I'm on the way to recovery and the personal healing doesn't feel as daunting as it seemed before. It truly doesn't...
It worked bro. I didn't "need" to do it. But I needed something to happen, something like this, to help ME. I was lingering in the balance. She kept me in limbo. Even as I still hurt presently, this is a sea change of help for me...
This is too much drama to deal with for any chic
. Look at this as God's plan for you to find out and get closure from her.She's a piece of work and is bring guys into her situation w/o being truthful about you. This is how fools get possibility kill over a lying ass woman. She is for the streets so keep her ass there and focus on being a good dad for your kids.
murksiderock
Superstar
This is too much drama to deal with for any chic
She's a piece of work and is bring guys into her situation w/o being truthful about you. This is how fools get possibility kill over a lying ass woman. She is for the streets so keep her ass there and focus on being a good dad for your kids.
Yeah I'm starting the process of healing, bro. And I appreciate your words upthread, you and alota dudes knew because yall have obviously experienced some shyt before...
It's gonna be awhile, I don't think a long term heartache, but it's gonna be me fighting this ache off in the short term. I'm working on it...
I wanted to marry this woman, man...
Why I rarely give advice. Leave me out of it. You'll figure it out one way or another
Breh, sometimes time away brings clarity. Ultimately though whether you two get back together or not, you still have the overarching issue of money that you both disagree on. Getting back together or getting married isn't going to fix that, and that isn't an agree to disagree topic either.
If you two can't find a compromise there, you may be better off letting time heal and move on.
With kids in the mix it's 10x harder, so just appreciate some days will be better than others and don't be too hard on yourself.
Who Not How
Superstar
You did too much at that woman’s job bruh. I gotta keep it 100. That was not needed. We already told you she was with that man and it was over.
You caused that extra drama for no reason. What were you expecting to happen in that situation? Where was the strategy?
This is your baby mama. You gotta deal with this woman for 18 years. You could have wrapped up this relationship and put a ribbon on it when you met the man at her crib. Your baby mama moved on and you were in a decent situation where yall could co-parent and go your separate ways with minimal drama.
Now?
That man is gonna leave (he already was since he childless) as soon as he finds another place to stay. And she gonna be pissed the hell off and on your ass like Satan himself.
You haven't seen her bad side yet. If you really wanted her back like you been saying, time was all you needed to let happen. She was gonna be single again. This coworker is not her forever love.
You expected a woman to be a man and live by our principles and code of conduct. Instead of reacting emotionally, you must respond mentally to adversity. You need to practice aplomb because you are placing too much damn value into a woman. Women come and go, that's nothing. But when she leaves, the last image in her mind of you should be an image of a man who stood tall, stayed calm and didn't let her actions get you outta character.
Dawg you need some partners who gonna give you some real game about your interactions with women because this was a rookie move. The solution to everything is GAME. You gotta use that thinker at all times. You gotta rationalize things, take that Western concept of romantic love out of the equation. That shyt will have you catching cases. All these love birds cheating on each other too.
This has to be the last time you get emotional over a woman. Let this part of you die. All your love can go to your kids. They need your love. These women just need a solid man who will handle business and has good intentions for them. You care more about "love" than she does.
I know all these threads you make are about the ladies. But they are really about you. There's something inside of you that you have a problem with. You need to do some self work, stop having babies with women you aren't married to and figure out how to break this pattern before you do it a 3rd time. I'm not trying to be harsh cuz I want you to win forreal. But you are moving sloppy out here.
You caused that extra drama for no reason. What were you expecting to happen in that situation? Where was the strategy?
This is your baby mama. You gotta deal with this woman for 18 years. You could have wrapped up this relationship and put a ribbon on it when you met the man at her crib. Your baby mama moved on and you were in a decent situation where yall could co-parent and go your separate ways with minimal drama.
Now?
That man is gonna leave (he already was since he childless) as soon as he finds another place to stay. And she gonna be pissed the hell off and on your ass like Satan himself.
You haven't seen her bad side yet. If you really wanted her back like you been saying, time was all you needed to let happen. She was gonna be single again. This coworker is not her forever love.
You expected a woman to be a man and live by our principles and code of conduct. Instead of reacting emotionally, you must respond mentally to adversity. You need to practice aplomb because you are placing too much damn value into a woman. Women come and go, that's nothing. But when she leaves, the last image in her mind of you should be an image of a man who stood tall, stayed calm and didn't let her actions get you outta character.
Dawg you need some partners who gonna give you some real game about your interactions with women because this was a rookie move. The solution to everything is GAME. You gotta use that thinker at all times. You gotta rationalize things, take that Western concept of romantic love out of the equation. That shyt will have you catching cases. All these love birds cheating on each other too.
This has to be the last time you get emotional over a woman. Let this part of you die. All your love can go to your kids. They need your love. These women just need a solid man who will handle business and has good intentions for them. You care more about "love" than she does.
I know all these threads you make are about the ladies. But they are really about you. There's something inside of you that you have a problem with. You need to do some self work, stop having babies with women you aren't married to and figure out how to break this pattern before you do it a 3rd time. I'm not trying to be harsh cuz I want you to win forreal. But you are moving sloppy out here.
International Playa
Playa with a Passport
Break ups are hard breh. Distance (no contact), time & staying focused on your business/work/purpose really works.
It's been 14 months since my last break up, Im at the final stages of being over her. I now got a new lady with better morals & more compatible than my ex. My ex used to entertain her ex's contacting her, dudes DMing her & spiritually we weren't aligned.
My new lady is refreshing, caters to me, very chilled, we go church together, both love travelling & already planned trips for this year across Thailand/Indonesia.
Work on getting over your ex & moving on. So many single women out there when you are ready. Just choose better women #CBB #ChooseBetterBrehs
It's been 14 months since my last break up, Im at the final stages of being over her. I now got a new lady with better morals & more compatible than my ex. My ex used to entertain her ex's contacting her, dudes DMing her & spiritually we weren't aligned.
My new lady is refreshing, caters to me, very chilled, we go church together, both love travelling & already planned trips for this year across Thailand/Indonesia.
Work on getting over your ex & moving on. So many single women out there when you are ready. Just choose better women #CBB #ChooseBetterBrehs
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murksiderock
Superstar
There's definitely something broken within me and I don't know what it is. Something is damaged and broken and until I figure out what it is I feel like I'm stuck...
Just from my posts, if you had to make a hypothesis, what do you think is damaged within yhat I have to work on repairing?
Lieutenant Daniels
I’m up for Major
@ the bolded @MikelArteta
Thats what shocks the conscious. I remember when my ex and I broke up my phone stayed radio silent for a long time. Sure I had people I texted here and there but she was someone I talked to everyday all day from 2015-2021 and for it to abruptly end was gut wrenching. Hell i remember getting phantom vibrations when I’d be at work cause we use to text all day. Checking my phone repeatedly expecting a text from her any moment. Even Snapchat. We had a 3 year Snapchat streak. That’s how intertwined our lives were. That agonizing hope that she’ll reach out.
As a man it’s hard to reconcile with that. You feel in your very being that the time and the memories will bring her back to you. But no. More silence. Then you wonder, and question, damn she doesn’t feel that void too?
Serious breakups really are like someone died. Difference is you know they’re still out there living a happy life without you. Overwriting memories of you with a new man. Doing the things she did with you and more to someone else. It can really wreck a man for a long time.
Who Not How
Superstar
I really can't tell you man, I'll be making shyt up. But your adulthood is usually a result of your childhood. You gotta go back in time and figure out what still troubles you from your adolescence. Whatever you resist, it persists.
Everyone is damaged in someway. Self mastery is a life long task that we never complete. But as long as you try to improve yourself by 1% every year, you are exceptional. After a decade, you are 10% better than you were. That might not sound significant but most men are stagnant or going backwards destroying their bodies and minds over time.
Sit down with yourself and really be honest about where you are failing. I love reading because every question you have, a book probably has the answer. Books will open your mind and push you to see the world from a different perspective.
If I were you in this situation, I'd stay single for a good amount of time and just pour my love into those kids. Don't let your 2nd baby mama get you emotionally riled up anymore. A woman's power is how they can control men psychogically and sexually. So you gotta flip the game, don't let sex or confusion (empty words) influence your behavior again. It's really a battle of the minds, your strongest weapon is in that noggin.
Damn you didn't take my previous advice; but I promise you I won't steer you wrong breh. Try this....and you can't wait it must be done today....
Take an uber to the booty club about an hour after they open. Get some wings and get wildly drunk. Get a couple dances and maybe some extras. Only then; the healing can begin.
