Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?

[Thatrogueassdiaz]

Here’s the cold hard truth. There’s nothing you can really do. Sure you’ll get a lot of suggestions to workout, see other women, keep yourself busy but in reality those are just heart & mind bandaids. Meaning, the emotional pain is still there underneath it all. You just have to let your mind process it and disconnect over time.

The ONLY thing that helps is time and distance. The longer you go without seeing ANYTHING that reminds you of her the more helpful it is to heal. Try not to slip down memory lane comas thinking of what could’ve been and what you lost.

I was where you were November 2021 to all of last year. It takes time.

Good luck breh. I know how you feel.

This is the only true answer. Time heals and reveals.

 

[skyrunner1]

Dude was just callin brothers suspect a couple weeks ago for discussing mens issues, now he a fallen soldier.. Not much for me to add as alot of the same guys you probably shytted on who offer advice gave you gems you needed just a couple weeks later.. DAM. Alot of the things you going thru have been broken down to the molecule.. That trickle truth can be a bytch..

Good luck on your journey breh, I wish you a glorious bounce back.. I leave you with some wise words

 

[AceMan]

Smh not trying to be an a-hole or anything but OP, @murksiderock , what kind of man do you think you are?

Truly sad reading all of this

 

[Mission249]

One thing that makes it harder is social media. Make sure you're not constantly seeing pictures, messages and status updates from the person. Make sure you're not posting things with a preoccupation about how that person will receive it (good or bad).

Older generations didn't have to deal with having this much constant access to exes so they don't give you first hand info on how to handle it.

 

[RadaMillz]

time heals, no such thing as a magic potion.
just accept that you will be miserable but don't sit around
go to the gym, get in to new hobbies or anything that will make you as busy as possible

whatever you do, do not peep her social media accounts or anything that will bring back memories.

you will be fine eventually

 

[karim]

Long story short, I can fill in details as we go along to be more specific but this is the summary:

So, I went out of town for work in November, for two months. While out of town we really started going thru it, which was a continuation of some long standing issues, chiefly, money. I wasn't sending her enough money, I'd twice sent her home money in November and early December. In late-December, right after Christmas, she asked for more money, and I told her no...

And it went downhill from there...

So money has always been one of, if not the, biggest issues in our relationship...

When I told her no, I told her I was done with her reaching in my pockets, I laid out the initial breakup. This is literally December 29. It just happened, we're talking two months...

She didn't like that initially...

We didn't speak for two or three days (January 2), and when we started talking again, it was tenuous but initially respectful. I made the comment that she was still my woman on some lighthearted joking sh!t, and she told me she wasn't. I came back home in January and went over her place and we had a huge, huge argument about our daughter. This is January 21, she told me to leave and I was never welcome at her place again...

From January 21, we had several conversations where we discussed making it work bit nothing official. So technically we've been broken up since December 29. In the time we've talked from that point, she never mentioned this guy...

Fast forward to February 19, and boom. Man answers the door. And he's still there, I just went over on Thursday and he was there...

She's told me in spurts what she's hurt about shyt I've done, chiefly being, I moved an hour away and didn't tell her, she found out thru mutual acquaintances and it was confirmed by my oldest daughter when we went over on January 21; and the fact that in her perception, I've always been stingy about supporting her with money...

There are a few other mentions of grievances and I've aired my sh!t with her too, but those are the two big things she hasn't forgiven me for yet...

In some ways our relationship feels salvageable. But the big elephant to me, is she's refusing to answer my questions about this man. I got a little info on him from a homeboy of mine who knows her, I, and incidentally him. But I've asked her direct questions:

•how long has he been there?
•when did this thing with him start, and how?
•when is he leaving?

Only thing she's offered in retirn is:

he's a "friend", he's giving her money to stay there, she doesn't know when he's leaving, he aint her man and they arent intimate...

She won't answer the first two questions at all and it's hurt me. Like I'm torn in between believing her and allowing her space and time to talk to me, and then, not allowing myself to not get the hint---->ain't no man living with no woman and ain't nothing going on. This part of me is like, take the fukking hint, Rodney...

And it's crushing me emotionally...

Your problem isn't heartbreak, your ego is hurt because she seems to have a new dude. As soon as you realize that, it will be easier to move on.

 

[fifth column]

Here’s the truth, you gonna have to compete if you want her back. By the sound of things, you want her back so go do what you have to do. You ain’t ready to accept the grievance stages of heartbreak right now so go out there and do it

 

[Ozymandeas]

It takes time.

My advice. Find your purpose in something else (you should be doing this anyway). And you are just as important as she is, so instead of wondering if you made a mistake, ask yourself why she's not trying to fix things with you? She chose to throw in the towel, which is her way of saying she doesn't see value there. So why give her another thought? Say FDB and keep it moving.

 

[Flywin Lannister]

Your daughter’s safety should be your #1 concern breh

You got a grown man around your daughter and living where she lives?

Your ex must have lost her mind making that decision without you. You don’t even know his name?

How do you know it is safe for your daughter to have this dude around?

@murksiderock

 

[Vodun]

I agree with you guys in my sober mind. It's just a tough process right now given how new everything is...

Why tell me she loves me last Sunday if she's moved on? Why tell me "he's not my man" if he is? I feel like I could process this shyt so much easier if she was straightforward...

My homeboy who did some digging told me he doesn't think it's like that, old boy wife put him out and my ex took him in. Said it's allegedly temporary, and he of course agreed with me that we never fully know what is going on with other people. Bit if he could confirm something was happening, he would...

I do think that her and him are intimate, it's a relationship or fling or whatever. I just don't get why lie about it once it's all out here on the table. And the speed with which she moved on kinda affirms to me that this shyt was already in the works, she just used that other shyt to justify it. I do feel that...

As of right now I still love her so it's hard to digest this shyt...

Playa I been there. When a womens mind is made up there is nothing you can do about it.

Like others have said you have to go through the Grieving process. In the mean time for us men you have to get active and stay active for your mental health.

Take this time to focus on yourself, hit the gym, get more paper, focus on your kids etc

Also if you dont already have one get your passport. I'm taking a trip to Thailand this year in July and already got women lined up for thresomes and shyt.

It took me 3 years to get over my ex wife because I played the back and forth game when I should of cut her off but we a child together. Now things are 1000% times better. I got more money, I can fukk women in this country and other countries (#passport gang) I have full custody of my daughter and most importantly I have PEACE

 

[360dagod]

I read this shyt...

Child mother asked for more funds and you curved her...

Moved away on the hush hush

You reappear and then get in your feelings cuz another nikka there..

He is paying and(maybe)clappin, and now you in your feelings...

Why does she owe you an explanation after you abandoned her?

 

[ABlackMan]

Women hard headed bruh. She doing what she doing thinking she helping herself lol I’ve learned you gotta just let her carry her own cross and you gotta carry yours.

Clearly she was macking behind the scenes on you.




Hurt at first thinking damn my whole world up in smoke but maaaaan fukk that. Got life to live.

Honestly you gotta just be real with yourself and stick to being real with self!!! You gotta look at her flaws that had you fukked up just like she holding weight on your head and judgement of what you’ve done.

But don’t hold it on her head just KNOW it in YOUR MIND. Forgive no forget type shyt don’t gotta rub it in they face. Be a man. Go do what you like to do with the time you have freed.

Speak to other woman be strong and confident.


Idk what happened and maybe it’s cause I got nothing to lose but man my confidence has skyrocketed back since really seeing my old relationship for what it truly is, dysfunctional. Go be around family and people that truly love you or at least want to see you do good and feel good.


I feel like me again.

 

[ABlackMan]

Playa I been there. When a womens mind is made up there is nothing you can do about it.

Like others have said you have to go through the Grieving process. In the mean time for us men you have to get active and stay active for your mental health.

Take this time to focus on yourself, hit the gym, get more paper, focus on your kids etc

Also if you dont already have one get your passport. I'm taking a trip to Thailand this year in July and already got women lined up for thresomes and shyt.

It took me 3 years to get over my ex wife because I played the back and forth game when I should of cut her off but we a child together. Now things are 1000% times better. I got more money, I can fukk women in this country and other countries (#passport gang) I have full custody of my daughter and most importantly I have PEACE

This right here a thousand times.


My money done increased my body is better in physical and in spirit! God can really take you through a rough time and being you to beautiful outcome you just gotta keep following the leader!

Gotta go through some sticky briars to get the roses some times

 

[murksiderock]

Smh not trying to be an a-hole or anything but OP, @murksiderock , what kind of man do you think you are?

Truly sad reading all of this

I don't understand the question, do you mean to the woman I'm with?

Your problem isn't heartbreak, your ego is hurt because she seems to have a new dude. As soon as you realize that, it will be easier to move on.

It's a bit of both. There is real love here. But my ego is definitely bruised and that may be 50% of what I'm feeling. Whatever portion it is, my ego is definitely part of it. I'm trying to reconcile that...

Here’s the truth, you gonna have to compete if you want her back. By the sound of things, you want her back so go do what you have to do. You ain’t ready to accept the grievance stages of heartbreak right now so go out there and do it

Part of me knows this is salvageable but it has to be met on certain terms---->and the reason I know that there's a chance this is salvageable is because she's said it, too. This isn't a situation where she's turned the page on us, she's caught up in her emotions, too...

I feel like if she was like "nah ain't nothing here, it's over with", it would be much easier for me to handle. The thing is that I also realize it may not be salvageable, when that conversation happens, we have to be clear on our expectations of each other. And if they don't align, we gotta move on...

So ultimately, that's where we are. I woke up this morning in a better mood than yesterday and that's thanks in part to the dialogue here, yall know I'm a talker, but I don't have those kinda people I trust like that. I'm the kind of brother I have to be able to emote when I'm effected by something. Having minimal places to turn and let this shyt off was contributing to whatever I'm feeling...

So to your point, I think I'm starting to form more clarity on what I need to do. All those advice on here was good advice and I'm considering it all, and there's certainly a strong ass argument to treating this like she's moved on and bounce myself, especially since I initiated this...

I'm gonna stay true to myself and I'll roll with the facts of the situation, part of my grief is a bunch of "wondering" and trying to figure out shyt. So this first step I'm on, is to stop hypothesizing and trying to do guesswork because THAT shyt isn't helping me move on nor act in my own best interests in this situation...

She moved another man in without telling me. She says it's temporary, and they arent intimate. She's left the door open for reconciliation. She could very well be lying about these things, there's a high enough probability that she is. But I don't know that. What I do know is her actions, to the best of my knowledge, are a reaction to my initial actions. And that isn't okay with me...

So giving the space needed to sort all the shyt out is necessary. And for me, is her moving this man in unbeknownst to me egregious enough to move on? No it isn't, it's egregious, and we've touched on this, and she's apologized for not telling me about it, but it's egregious. I spoke earlier that old boy told me it's not like that, and of course he could be lying, too. And my homeboy told me from everything he knows, it isn't no romantic shyt, and I believe that's what he knows. So the only thing on this part that I feel like, would make the relationship unrecoverable, is actual proof that it is some romantic shyt...

Alot of guys in here will disagree with this and look, I definitely see the argument for "what more do you need to see, Rodney?" I see it, and it's run thru my mind plenty of times since February 19, trust me. But yo your point of doing what I need to do, this is the first step that I feel like is right for me, to view this situation thru this prism, because it could still ultimately mean our relationship is truly over...

There are plenty of other things for me to consider here, especially the financial aspect. Bit this is the first step on how I have to get to whatever the resolution is, view this shyt on what I actually know. And eliminating the shyt I don't know is lifting a lot of anguish off me, a lot of self-punishment I don't have to do to myself. And I can be happy with wherever the results end at looking at this shyt thru the frame of logic instead of hypotheticals...

I read this shyt...

Child mother asked for more funds and you curved her...

Moved away on the hush hush

You reappear and then get in your feelings cuz another nikka there..

He is paying and(maybe)clappin, and now you in your feelings...

Why does she owe you an explanation after you abandoned her?

Well she owed the explanation because my child is there, that's most importantly. Even if she didn't delve into specifics of their relationship, she should have told me another man was in the home with my daughter. That isn't even objectionable, and she did apologize for this...

The second part though, is our relationship had no finality. It still doesn't. Not giving up the money you wanted doesn't mean move a man in to help you with bills. This part, is contestable, but I feel I'm right in this aspect because it ain't like I haven't given up money for her. I sent her money TWICE in the first month I was gone, once for new tires, once for her lights, and only told her no the third time, maybe you missed that part...

It's not like I haven't supported her. I haven't spent all my money on her. And it's probably fair that there are occasions I told her no that I should have spent for her, and that built resentment from her end...

She's 100% right to be upset about me leaving and finding out thru mutual acquaintances rather than me myself...

Women hard headed bruh. She doing what she doing thinking she helping herself lol I’ve learned you gotta just let her carry her own cross and you gotta carry yours.

Clearly she was macking behind the scenes on you.

It sucks when a child especially a daughter is involved.

I been dealing with similar thing since a month before my child first birthday.


I told mother I need more time for my business and because my child was with me all day. Mom wouldn’t adjust or even attempt to change work schedule smh

I said that about time and shyt she came home packed them up same day.


Hurt at first thinking damn my whole world up in smoke but maaaaan fukk that. Got life to live.

Honestly you gotta just be real with yourself and stick to being real with self!!! You gotta look at her flaws that had you fukked up just like she holding weight on your head and judgement of what you’ve done.

But don’t hold it on her head just KNOW it in YOUR MIND. Forgive no forget type shyt don’t gotta rub it in they face. Be a man. Go do what you like to do with the time you have freed.

Speak to other woman be strong and confident.


Idk what happened and maybe it’s cause I got nothing to lose but man my confidence has skyrocketed back since really seeing my old relationship for what it truly is, dysfunctional. Go be around family and people that truly love you or at least want to see you do good and feel good.


I feel like me again.

Thats what I mentioned above, working on being real with myself in all aspects. It's a journey. I'm working at it!

 

[Admiral Kali]

I remember in my early twenties dating this girl for 3 years. One day she dumped me my first heartbreak and a week later she was dating another guy. I couldn't fathom it. I was in the deepest pits for a long while, people were telling me it was just a rebound, she just needs time and space.

She ended up marrying that dude

That's why

Even 16 years later I never put anything past a woman. History doesn't matter, kids don't matter, love none of that matters.

Why you think y'all ain't workout