So I Might Become A Stepdad Soon

[dora_da_destroyer]

That's rushing. yall dont know each other like that. And she's already introducing you to her kid at only 6 months in? Not happening, as a mother am I introducing my child to someone I've recently met. Living and/or cohabitating with someone on a daily basis day to day with the added responsibilities of parenting is waaayyy different than the occasional visit or yall linking up from time to time and phone convos. Especially if the son is already crossing boundaries of respect with the mother, .... he's going to test you as well. And he's at that pre-teen stage. If your first marriage didn't work, you should make sure that you're entering into the new situation for the right reasons; you were married before and now after 6 months, you're already contemplating another marriage??? Do you like the idea of marriage over the concept of marriage bc once you commit to that 'stepfather role' , the expectations come with that. That romance and "honeymoon" phase is short lived and you want to make sure you're prepared for all that.

Six months seems more than reasonable as a timeframe to meet your kid. A lot of people get married after 12-24 months. By six months you know where you want the relationship to go, things happen and y’all may break up, but two people, especially at 29/30/31 like OP, know what they’re doing at that point. If you feel like it’s serious, y’all are in a relationship - not just long term cut buddies, you need your partner to start building a relationship with the kid then also.

When would you introduce them? When y’all get engaged and they have no clue who the man is that’s about to be their step dad?

 

[dora_da_destroyer]

That was 34 years ago.. that's a whole different time; social conditioning is based on dysfunction and selfish attention these days. Then again, my parents were horrible examples of a functional marriage and their subsequent marriage to other people didn't go well; maybe I have a more realistic perspective on the downsides of relationships and making assessments. Recently, I learned to appreciate having peace of mind and not being responsible for anyone's emotions but mine. If you have that emotional support and all is viable, with her long term (and financial decisions).. more power to you.

To counter again, I’ve met a lot of couples over the past 4-5 years who got married after relatively short dating periods 6-12 months. They’re still early on in marriage so who knows, but they were all 33+ when they met, meaning they had a solid understanding of who they are and what they want so when they met the one, they knew, it didn’t take 2/3/4/5 years to figure it out the same way it might for a 23/24/25 year old couple.

 

[AceMan]

Op, @The Black Panther, can you give me a brief summary of your last marriage? Like how y’all started dating, how long until y’all got married, and how it ended?

 

[Black Panther]

I'm not exposing my child to random men in temporary status... at 2 months??? I'm barely even inclusive friends with him.

I don't think in terms of long-term/short-term. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't,:kanyebp:

Her kids weren't the reason the relationship ended. Can't be in a relationship with an alcoholic. :cpagehubie:

 

[Black Panther]

Op, @The Black Panther, can you give me a brief summary of your last marriage? Like how y’all started dating, how long until y’all got married, and how it ended?

Met in college, dated for a year and a half. Engaged for two years. Married for nearly 7 years after that.
Ended over political/religious differences.

 

[Nicole0416_718_929_646212]

Six months seems more than reasonable as a timeframe to meet your kid. A lot of people get married after 12-24 months. By six months you know where you want the relationship to go, things happen and y’all may break up, but two people, especially at 29/30/31 like OP, know what they’re doing at that point. If you feel like it’s serious, y’all are in a relationship - not just long term cut buddies, you need your partner to start building a relationship with the kid then also.

When would you introduce them? When y’all get engaged and they have no clue who the man is that’s about to be their step dad?

No.. .you're not emotionally invested after 6 months.. that's b.s. My decision is based on thinking about the interests of my child above my dating and my wants. Once you have a child, all that relationship shyt is secondary; just how it is- it's reality; which is the reason for just having friends and adapting a different mindset at this level. Takes longer than 6 months to get to know someone, in addition to the added responsibilities of factoring a child into the situation. A lot of people get married after 12/24 months in their late 20s/early 30s and divorced by the time their 35-40. I've known most people who dated each other longer than the actual marriage lasted. There are people who get divorced within the same period of time. Do you have any kids? if not, you really cant speak on that issue. Because it's not worth the emotional risk on the child to introduce them to someone that you're "dating" after only 6 months.. I would say to wait a year at the least. I can't give a timeframe but I do know for a fact that 6 months is too early. It takes longer than 6 months to determine if that person is as you say, 'ready to start building a relationship with the child' and as a responsible parent, it takes longer than 6 months to make sure that person is ready to handle that emotional and financial responsibility, and having your child have a bond that may not be effective, long term.

 

[Secure Da Bag]

Step sons are cool, that way you don't have to beat your own children.

 

[Primetime21]

You said 30 with no kids like its 50 and past your prime, what the hell are you doing breh? The kid's already 10 and it sounds like he gonna be a nuissance in a couple of years. You gotta do whats gonna make you happy at the end of the day but damn 30 is pretty young to settle for such a situation.

 

[Black Panther]

No.. .you're not emotionally invested after 6 months.. that's b.s. My decision is based on thinking about the interests of my child above my dating and my wants.

Sounds like you're projecting a bit, IMO. :cpagehubie:

It's possible to be emotionally invested right away. Just depends on where your head's at.

Everyone experiences love differently, and I wouldn't dare assume anyone else's experience is like my own. :kanyebp:

 

[Secure Da Bag]

We been dating for about 6 months. I might be rushing, but I waited 3 years to to marry my ex-wife...so :kanyebp:

Wakanda relationship decisions are you making breh? You hold all the cards in this situation. Don't rush into this type of this relationship. 6 months? Too soon for that type of thinking. Just have a good time, breh.

You're making the same mistake now that you did with the UN. Don't give up all your advantage just to show the underclass you can hang.

 

[Deus]

OP, taking a hard L

Get disrespected as an authority figure

 

[Dwolf]

We been dating for about 6 months.

Give it another 6 to 12 months

 

[ezrathegreat]

Low quality men stay taking L's.

 

[J Money]

Thinking about marriage and a stepson after 6 months?

 

[Black Panther]

OP, taking a hard L

Get disrespected as an authority figure

I fully believe in body-slamming kids. :kanyebp: