Thank you
I hope so. Let me know what I can do to help. Just give me till next Thrusday :eek1:
If you and @houston911 are serious, I can chip in
I don't have a lot, but when I was going through it, anything helped
Share your struggle story
- Thread starter ellessij
- Start date
If you and @houston911 are serious, I can chip in
I don't have a lot, but when I was going through it, anything helped
knickscrusaderm
lead by example
Some sad stories in here . Reading some of it just had me thinking like damn, my situation not nearly as bad as these people. Can't relate to the devasting loss of losing your S/O. Can't relate to DV and starting anew with a fukked up hip (means I couldn't hoop :mjcry). Can't relate to being knocked all the way down into a deep depression (yet). Can't relate to any of it, partly because my moms and sister minimized any chance of me falling into any "traps" I guess I could put it. And because i'm a bit younger than you guys so I haven't had to face anything severe yet 
.
Can't help but feel fukked up sometimes tho. Of my mom's three boys, i'm the first to attend any kind of college straight out of high school. The first to have a clean record at 20. First to have any chance of a fruitful self-sufficient life, keep in mind that my twin brothers are double my age. Although my oldest bro was able to turn his life around (he was only in the streets because he felt he had no choice, he was always too smart for the bs he was in), my older brother wasn't as fortunate. And thats a long ass story in itself
. Right now he's probably looking at life for something so dumb it's just mindboggling, and at times I still can't believe because he was always a good dude. He didn't leave much behind but a son who is going to grow up in a situation a million times more rough than the one he grew up in. He's such a smart and good kid, and he's a splitting image of me and his pops. It's crazy how I could remember the first day I met him like it was yesterday. I first saw him when he was only 11 months old at a family get together, and at that time he wasn't fukking with anyone but his parents. Everyone would try their best to make him laugh and smile, but he wasn't having it. So adorable. The first time I came into his face and smiled, he flashed the cutest smile I had ever seen. shyt had me feeling fuzzy inside. Eventually because his parent's situation he stayed with my mom for a little while. I used to visit him as much as possible man, had so many good memories of my little man's. Playing video games, basketball, watching tv, just every moment was too dope. Fast forward a couple years, I had to move for college. Couldn't see my little man's no more 
, but we spoke on the phone every once in a while. Those calls got lesser and lesser over time. He moved back with his mom's who to this day can barely support him. His dad around that time would pick him up frequently and build with his son. It was looking like he would finally turn his life around 
.
A couple years later his dad catches a case. I don't know what happened to all the progress he was making at that time, but he regressed majorly. To keep that story short, now his son is growing up with his mom and her mom in one of the shyttiest neighborhoods in the country. She's trying, but can barely make end's meet. For some reason, the rest of our family feels like because he's the son of the wild child, no one is obligated to save him. They actually believe sending him some money and clothes every once and a while suffices as support while he's living in the most dangerous neighborhood in NY. He has no positive male figures in his life. Growing up in that situation as a young black man in the future is a scary thought for me. Why? Because I know that environment breeds failure, especially since his circumstances mirror his father's only worse.
I talked to my brother the other day. I told him my only purpose in life right now is to one day make enough to support me and his son. To adopt him and move him into my house one day. And to make sure he never forgot his father, because he always tried. That was the first time I heard him cry, and I knew the tears were genuine. shyt made me cry. Just knowing I got that blessing and support from his pops meant a lot. But in a way, that put so much pressure on me. Some days im feeling like if this college thing doesn't work out, I won't have enough time to get him out of that environment. Everyday feeling like a race against time. Knowing if I don't make it, I don't just fail myself, I fail my brother and his son. It's funny because I always felt like there was so much pressure on me to be the first son to be successful and own his own house at 23 and be married with kids on some Cosby shyt. If only I knew 
.
We all gon make it though. Shoutouts to @Jisselle @jeh @Raedawn07 @Spike Tarantino for sharing
We all gon make it!
. Reading some of it just had me thinking like damn, my situation not nearly as bad as these people. Can't relate to the devasting loss of losing your S/O. Can't relate to DV and starting anew with a fukked up hip (means I couldn't hoop :mjcry). Can't relate to being knocked all the way down into a deep depression (yet). Can't relate to any of it, partly because my moms and sister minimized any chance of me falling into any "traps" I guess I could put it. And because i'm a bit younger than you guys so I haven't had to face anything severe yet .Can't help but feel fukked up sometimes tho. Of my mom's three boys, i'm the first to attend any kind of college straight out of high school. The first to have a clean record at 20. First to have any chance of a fruitful self-sufficient life, keep in mind that my twin brothers are double my age. Although my oldest bro was able to turn his life around (he was only in the streets because he felt he had no choice, he was always too smart for the bs he was in), my older brother wasn't as fortunate. And thats a long ass story in itself
. Right now he's probably looking at life for something so dumb it's just mindboggling, and at times I still can't believe because he was always a good dude. He didn't leave much behind but a son who is going to grow up in a situation a million times more rough than the one he grew up in. He's such a smart and good kid, and he's a splitting image of me and his pops. It's crazy how I could remember the first day I met him like it was yesterday. I first saw him when he was only 11 months old at a family get together, and at that time he wasn't fukking with anyone but his parents. Everyone would try their best to make him laugh and smile, but he wasn't having it. So adorable. The first time I came into his face and smiled, he flashed the cutest smile I had ever seen. shyt had me feeling fuzzy inside. Eventually because his parent's situation he stayed with my mom for a little while. I used to visit him as much as possible man, had so many good memories of my little man's. Playing video games, basketball, watching tv, just every moment was too dope. Fast forward a couple years, I had to move for college. Couldn't see my little man's no more , but we spoke on the phone every once in a while. Those calls got lesser and lesser over time. He moved back with his mom's who to this day can barely support him. His dad around that time would pick him up frequently and build with his son. It was looking like he would finally turn his life around .A couple years later his dad catches a case. I don't know what happened to all the progress he was making at that time, but he regressed majorly. To keep that story short, now his son is growing up with his mom and her mom in one of the shyttiest neighborhoods in the country. She's trying, but can barely make end's meet. For some reason, the rest of our family feels like because he's the son of the wild child, no one is obligated to save him. They actually believe sending him some money and clothes every once and a while suffices as support while he's living in the most dangerous neighborhood in NY. He has no positive male figures in his life. Growing up in that situation as a young black man in the future is a scary thought for me. Why? Because I know that environment breeds failure, especially since his circumstances mirror his father's only worse.
I talked to my brother the other day. I told him my only purpose in life right now is to one day make enough to support me and his son. To adopt him and move him into my house one day. And to make sure he never forgot his father, because he always tried. That was the first time I heard him cry, and I knew the tears were genuine. shyt made me cry
. Just knowing I got that blessing and support from his pops meant a lot. But in a way, that put so much pressure on me. Some days im feeling like if this college thing doesn't work out, I won't have enough time to get him out of that environment. Everyday feeling like a race against time. Knowing if I don't make it, I don't just fail myself, I fail my brother and his son. It's funny because I always felt like there was so much pressure on me to be the first son to be successful and own his own house at 23 and be married with kids on some Cosby shyt. If only I knew .We all gon make it though. Shoutouts to @Jisselle @jeh @Raedawn07 @Spike Tarantino for sharing
We all gon make it! If you and @houston911 are serious, I can chip in
I don't have a lot, but when I was going through it, anything helped
I'm always serious about helping, after Thursday tho:Iaintinit:
My Skruggle in the Past Year
- A close cousin was shot and killed, today is actually the year anniversary.
- My Sister's BF was shot and subsequently died in a bar fight about week before Christmas 2014
- My Ex fractured my hip (pushed me down), didn't realize until a couple months later in March 2015.
- Fled the apt me and the ex shared when he left for an overnight music festival. I had no money, nowhere to go, and a fractured hip that had me walking with a limp.
- I didn't give a fucc. I had 2 weeks until I graduated with my Bachelor's. Being homeless, injured and depressed wasn't reason enough for me to miss graduation. I'd already bought my shoes
- Day after my graduation, I packed a uhual, hitched my car up and paid a nikka to go with me to retrieve my furniture from my apt. He wasn't about to keep my Ikea bed
- I drove across the country alone to get to my hometown. I had never done anything like that in my life, but I had no choice.
- I was supposed to stay in my families house while they were away. My mom hid the key's to the house I grew up in and wouldn't tell anyone where they were because I forgot to call her on Mother's day....while I'm driving across the country....alone....with a fractured hip....fleeing domestic violence.
- Ended up losing my temper with her bullshyt and cussed my own mother until she cried. I still ain't sorry
- Arrived in my hometown, got a quick job get me on my feet in less thsn 2 weeks
- Found my apt in less than 30 days
- Got a repo note for my precious car in the mail
- Called my credit union and told them my circumstances were extenuating as FUCC
"
Soooo..that's what I've been going through. However:
-I now work with an organization that works directly in my degree field, starting low on the totem pole but makin more than minimum wage, plotting on their opening positions
-I have a bigger apt than I had with the abusive ex, and a better studio space
-Randomly started a side hustle helping people with their resumes. I get a new referral every week off my superior professionalism and formatting
My car that was about to get snatched?
Loan paid out COMPLETELY and title is in the mailI'm saving for my next car now. I'm buying it outright, I learned my lesson Ain't nobody disrespecting me that cold again
Wonder Woman, I hope you continued to move forward and nothing but positive vibes!I too shall chip in...but let me know in advance. I gotta put it in my budget!If you and @houston911 are serious, I can chip in
I don't have a lot, but when I was going through it, anything helped
Thank you! I am all about positive vibes IRL.
Moving forward has always been my specialty.
My policy: This is a one way street, Shawty. Ex = Stranger, I don't care how long we've been together or how much my friends liked you.
Wow, you could have hit me up
I can sponsor you breh
Keep your head up
If you and @houston911 are serious, I can chip in
I don't have a lot, but when I was going through it, anything helped
@Dre4stacks
Just you all offering help and support and sharing your stories are helping me. I have kept to myself for so long, and been so deep into my own depression that I forgot that there are people that do care, that not everything is the worst.
After coming out of the foster system, my little sisters lived with me. Her death I didn't know how to deal with, I know loss, as I didn't grow up with my parents and have ALWAYS had to depend on the kindness of strangers/foster parents. I always believed that education would help us out of poverty, I figured we had a slow start but together we would make it, we had each other. My sister was only 19, she committed suicide last year. She was a cashier at a grocery and kept struggling to afford school, things were never EASY but we were supposed to have each other. The guy she was seeing cheated on her and she spiraled into depression. It was her first love, and the first peron out side of my other sister and I that showed her love and support. After everything we had been through in foster homes, and the constant struggle, and this broken heart, I think it was too much for her. I'll never know, there was no note, no email, not even a fukking text.
When she died, honestly that part of me that thought we'd make it out of this disappeared. I spent all my saving burying her basically and have been struggling to keep up ever since. That is definitely my own fault, I let depression get the best of me. Since then EVERY little thing that happens disheartens me. I don't want my other sister to end up like her, honestly, I don't want to end up like her and it terrifies me that I will. I don't have family, I barely keep close to my friends, I can't afford school this final year, I just don't feel any hope. Sorry to be a depressing, sad sack but it feels GOOD to just say this outloud, even to strangers.
I've been there.
You're not alone.
You're not alone.
If you take a year off school, is it easy to re-enroll? I know people say if you take a break you won't go back, but that's only if you're not motivated to finish, imo. Also is it possible to get multiple jobs? If so, take the year off, work like crazy, save and then go back and finish. Also if you can do just one or two classes, instead of the full load? I don't know, but I know you'll be ok. You just have to be stronger than your depression. I was a manic depressive at one time. Always thought about killing myself...actually I've had a few manic episodes over the recent years. I know it's tough to deal with AND try to function normally in society. Life ain't shyt, but you're stronger than it.
agnosticlady
AL loves da kids : )
I hope all goes well for you. If you have made it this far there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a saying that goes, "If you're going through hell....keep going". I definitely understand where you are coming from when you say things happen unexpectedly and you just don't have the cash for it. Stay strong and never give up.
Unfortunately deterring would cost me more. In Trinidad we have a program called GATE (Government assisted tertiary education), where the government gives a grant of $10,000 a year to each qualifying citizen for as long as they're in school. That helps me with my tuition a lot, and if one drops out, fails out, or deters, they lose their grant. Then because you took the grant, you HAVE to work for a Trinidadian company for 2 years, as repayment.
Have you ever tried medication? People keep mentioning it, and having dealt with manic depression, I was wondering your stance.
Oh wow. See, that's why I'm always against the government providing "free" or reduced cost education to everyone because then you're stuck with BS terms. I like the freedom of paying for my education myself, that way if shyt happens (and it always does), I can shift priorities.
I was prescribed two anti-depressant medications in my life and I took both briefly. I was on lexapro and prozac and I took both less than 3 months. I would never take anti-depressant medication again. Weed, exercise and a change of diet really helps me to maintain although, I'm weening myself off weed as I increase the number of miles I'm running. I've never managed on solely diet and exercise alone but I'm going to see what happens.
Unbearable heat and pressure creates diamonds... food for thought.