If you even have to “check where her heads at” then it’s not happening. Women go for what they want all the time. 2025 men need certainty.
I agree about certainty to a degree but read back my posts for the pretext on me and ole girl’s engagement.
I was getting some strong signs of interest from her (touching my arm, bring extra nice, talking to me and flipping her hair etc). Things that were outside the regular corporate friendliness/civility. Things you’d more so expect from a woman interested in you.
“Checking her head” was about me making a sly move to see if she’d bite, but in a way that would leave me with plausible deniability if things went south.
Example: “Hey Chen Feng, me and the finance team are going for drinks at SF bar to celebrate closing deal ABC, do you want to come with?”
Here, I get her to the HH and see if the interest was really there or if I was imagining it. If the interest was real, I could then suggest for both of us to go elsewhere, if it wasn’t, I just leave it there.
The plausible deniability is I can just say I invited her to a company HH if things don’t work out. We both don’t work on the Finance team but it’s common at my company to have teams attend other cross functional team events. And being that it’s not my team’s HH, I don’t have my other teammates there and things are discreet.
That’s really it.
To the point on certainty,
most of the time we men will never get 100% certainty from most women and have to read signs and make a move. Outside work, I’d have made a direct move. But at work, and on the same team, I’d have to tread with caution.
But like I said, I’ve deaded the situation. Juice isn’t worth the squeeze and this promotion gonna hit harder