Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[The Jewnited States]

What a lot of women do, and men, is they let so many notifications accumulate, that they set a time, or whatever, and then respond to a group or all of them in a 10 minute period, something along those lines. So, yes, they COULD respond to your message, when it comes, but they often aren't responding to lots and lots of messages, until later. Even as recently as like 2 years ago, I would be surprised when some random text I send to whomever, would get replied to 4 days later, at 7:44 AM, when I had forgotten about it. I assumed they were going back into the text thread, but no, they just replied en masse to unread texts.

To understand this, you have to realize that messages/busyness are a status signal/status sign. And also, just the extreme relentlessness of notifications from everywhere. And therefore, people are motivated, kinda like by IG likes, to get as many as possible, and not replying becomes a form or power exercised, and also a form of control.

Makes sense. Once I got off social media my notifications are minimal outside of texts. Some of the women I talk to are surely on IG/FB/Twitter/tiktok and maybe even onlyfans on the low

 

[re'up]

Makes sense. Once I got off social media my notifications are minimal outside of texts. Some of the women I talk to are surely on IG/FB/Twitter/tiktok and maybe even onlyfans on the low

So like the convo about calls vs texting and social norms, this all is kind of a changing norm of communication for everyone. and yeah if someone is looking for marriage, or has a fragile ego, or just cant' waste a moment, it makes sense to just 'cut' someone off or out. But, mostly, if it's someone you know, mostly they are just distracted by someone else, or 'talking' to someone else. And if you hit them months or weeks or even days later, you can get a totally different response.

but that is what leads to the kind of slot machine effect from text messaging, where you never know really know:

A) what the response will be

B) when or if you will get one

which creates

C) a feedback loop of uncertainity and negative feelings. Partly how society functions is a concept like mutually acknowledged expectations, which means if you say Thank You to someone, they will say you are welcome. Or if you put our hand out, someone will shake it. If you text someone reasonably, you will get a reasonable response, but slowly this kind of thing has been eroded. What a lot of people, esp. women in their 20's and 30's favor, is an approach where answering a text is in itself a status for only preferred people. Or who they value most at that exact moment. Which creates the slot machine impact.

 

[The Jewnited States]

So like the convo about calls vs texting and social norms, this all is kind of a changing norm of communication for everyone. and yeah if someone is looking for marriage, or has a fragile ego, or just cant' waste a moment, it makes sense to just 'cut' someone off or out. But, mostly, if it's someone you know, mostly they are just distracted by someone else, or 'talking' to someone else. And if you hit them months or weeks or even days later, you can get a totally different response.

but that is what leads to the kind of slot machine effect from text messaging, where you never know really know:

A) what the response will be

B) when or if you will get one

which creates

C) a feedback loop of uncertainity and negative feelings. Partly how society functions if a concept like mutually acknowledged expectations, which means if you say Thank You to someone, they will say you are welcome. Or if you put our hand out, someone will shake it. If you text someone reasonably, you will get a reasonable response, but slowly this kind of thing has been eroded. What a lot of people, esp. women in their 20's and 30's favor, is an approach where answering a text is in itself a status for only preferred people. Or who they value most at that exact moment. Which creates the slot machine impact.

Great insight and analysis breh that makes a lot of sense. The uncertainty of the responses and also the ambiguity of it due to lack of body language and tonality and facial expressions makes it really hard to understand intent in a message. Emojis can only do so much. Texting is just a wholly unfulfilling and infuriating means of communication to me (for dating) but I understand that I need to adapt or get the fukk out the way ya feel me

 

[MikelArteta]

The thing is just toss em in the trash if they do that. Because you'll find yourself sitting around all day waiting for that dopamine Hi

 

[Ohene]

So like the convo about calls vs texting and social norms, this all is kind of a changing norm of communication for everyone. and yeah if someone is looking for marriage, or has a fragile ego, or just cant' waste a moment, it makes sense to just 'cut' someone off or out. But, mostly, if it's someone you know, mostly they are just distracted by someone else, or 'talking' to someone else. And if you hit them months or weeks or even days later, you can get a totally different response.

but that is what leads to the kind of slot machine effect from text messaging, where you never know really know:

A) what the response will be

B) when or if you will get one

which creates

C) a feedback loop of uncertainity and negative feelings. Partly how society functions is a concept like mutually acknowledged expectations, which means if you say Thank You to someone, they will say you are welcome. Or if you put our hand out, someone will shake it. If you text someone reasonably, you will get a reasonable response, but slowly this kind of thing has been eroded. What a lot of people, esp. women in their 20's and 30's favor, is an approach where answering a text is in itself a status for only preferred people. Or who they value most at that exact moment. Which creates the slot machine impact.

I llike the "slot machine" analogy. Dating has gone to shyt...it is what it iss.

 

[re'up]

I llike the "slot machine" analogy. Dating has gone to shyt...it is what it iss.

what I forgot to add in is it creates the feedback loop of anxiety and negative feelings/uncertainty (like a gambler at the slots)

but also intermittent reward theory encourages us (and the gambler) to keep going, to get that rush, that hit

because every one time out of ten, one out of 3, you get that hit. When that woman hits you right back with a triple heart, or triple lip or whatever it is. You get that rush. Than the cycle starts again.

The 'high' from a phone convo lasts longer, and is a little cleaner. The high from an in person interaction lasts much much longer and is stronger, and needs way less of a next fix. The dopamine drip from a text, might last up to a day, if you are sexually obsessed, but for most, it's maybe 30 minutes or an hour.

 

[Ohene]

what I forgot to add in is it creates the feedback loop of anxiety and negative feelings/uncertainty (like a gambler at the slots)

but also intermittent reward theory encourages us (and the gambler) to keep going, to get that rush, that hit

because every one time out of ten, one out of 3, you get that hit. When that woman hits up right back with a triple heart, or triple lip or whatever it is. You get that rush. Than the cycle starts again.

The 'high' from a phone convo lasts longer, and is a little cleaner. The high from an in person interaction lasts much much longer and is stronger, and needs way less of a next fix. The dopamine drip from a text, might last up to a day, if you are sexually obsessed, but for most, it's maybe 30 minutes or an hour.

well put - i agree. it sounds like the cheat code to sustain attraction is to be the slot machine then, but as @bigde09 said its either in you or it isnt
and as you said, if youre somebody who isnt looking to waste time and wants something serious then it will be counterintuitive

 

[re'up]

well put - i agree. it sounds like the cheat code to sustain attraction is to be the slot machine then, but as @bigde09 said its either in you or it isnt
and as you said, if youre somebody who isnt looking to waste time and wants something serious then it will be counterintuitive

well, structurally, none of us can be a 'slot machine', we are all the players. Apple/IMessage is the slot machine/casino. but once you see that structure, you can move a little better. once you realize how a slot machine impacts your emotions/baseline feelings, you can account for that. but, you can never stop playing. All my bullshyt and academic books, theories, whatever, I still play too lol

not slots