Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[Lieutenant Daniels]

Say you’ve been seeing a chick for 3 or 4 months and she starts getting distant/pulling back, would you bring it to her attention to see what’s up, mirror her energy until the relationship dies, or dead it completely?

This is in the scope of you looking for a relationship not a fwb situation.

My thought process is to bring it to their attention, give them an opportunity to correct their behavior and if nothing changes dead it. Maybe that’s a waste of time to do. I have friends who think otherwise.

What do you brehs think? What’s the consensus?

 

[WIA20XX]

Say you’ve been seeing a chick for 3 or 4 months and she starts getting distant/pulling back, would you bring it to her attention to see what’s up, mirror her energy until the relationship dies, or dead it completely?

This is in the scope of you looking for a relationship not a fwb situation.

My thought process is to bring it to their attention, give them an opportunity to correct their behavior and if nothing changes dead it. Maybe that’s a waste of time to do. I have friends who think otherwise.

What do you brehs think? What’s the consensus?

As a man not in a relationship, lemme give you sage advice.

The current un-player stuff to do is "fade like she fade". Update them Tinder pics, hit the gym extra hard, start saying no to dessert and carbs when y'all eat together.

There's probably some playerish things you can do (break up with her first, start cheating, borrow a large sum of money, etc), but personally, I'd address it specifically and in person. That's the square mature way to handle it.

How she plays it would determine whether it's time to get the pimp cane out or not.

• If she says she's fine (and she clearly isn't)
• If she stonewalls
• If she hems and haws
• If she hesitates
• If I gotta drag it out of her
• If she puts it on me "You don't bring me flowers"/"I dont' feel the spark" - Honeymoon BEEN over...foh with that.

I'm out, that moment, unfriend, change relationship status, block all contact. Broad's a child.

Keep in mind, I'm Gen X, so I'm dealing with chicks 30+.

You young guns and R. Kelly types dealing with chicks under 22, gotta have more grace for childish behavior. If the chick remembers life before the internet, she's a grown woman, treat her so. If she used to watch SpongeBob, You don't need to be so hard.

Some behavior you can teach a woman, some you can't. Let her be someone else's princess, you need a queen.

Exceptions

If she got some medical stuff, some family issues, I'm willing to keep it rocking.

But I'd keep in the FRONT of my mind, if the chick is going through something, she's not trying to share it with me, the closest(?) person to her. That's really a card against her, especially if you've been treating her properly.

The other thing she might throw at you - "You're not emotionally available" - or something that's beyond "she don't feel the same like we was at the start".

That's a broad, imo, with unrealistic expectations. I'm a dude that will tell a female explicitly, that I'm not feeling something.
And usually the implicit signs are so strong, if she don't pick up on em, she can't raise kids - so that's already no for an LTR.

So if she's gonna bring up some psychobabble - she's for the streets. Cause those types of requests are usually manipulation.
I said it, and I'll stand on it.

A lot of that time "communication" with someone that's been psychoanalyzing with her mama, aunties, cousins, and best friends since kindergarten - communication is her domain. She'll use every trick in the book to make you see her light. It's not an open and honest exchange of information, but an underhanded attempt to get you to do what she wants.

It's not even intentional/nefarious, most of the time, that's how they're socialized to communicate.

But when a chick starts out with "I feel"...instead of "I think.." - you already know it's gonna be some BS.

Logic that can't be followed, and the end result is that you're the bad guy, when it's something she did wrong, something she's feeling.

Lemme get off my soapbox.

 

[re'up]

Say you’ve been seeing a chick for 3 or 4 months and she starts getting distant/pulling back, would you bring it to her attention to see what’s up, mirror her energy until the relationship dies, or dead it completely?

This is in the scope of you looking for a relationship not a fwb situation.

My thought process is to bring it to their attention, give them an opportunity to correct their behavior and if nothing changes dead it. Maybe that’s a waste of time to do. I have friends who think otherwise.

What do you brehs think? What’s the consensus?

Pulling back, I remember a girl friend putting me onto what that meant years ago, and I was mildly stunned at the level of passivity and avoidance. Just didn't feel like adult at all. But, it's very common. Sometimes, it may be used to check your interest level, as in if I stop hitting him, will he hit me? Or it's to punish you for some slight or perceived slight. If you want and need the closure, then ask for that convo, but be respectful, and considerate, and non dramatic. Acceptance is what you aim for.

Personality types are different, but to me, the worst way to handle anything is pulling back/fading out, gaslighting has become a nonsense word, but that gets pretty close, because they leave you with enough doubt about yourself, and enough "hope" to keep hitting them up.

edit: he said it all above. Address in person or on phone, avoid texts. But, sometimes that's all they will give you.

 

[The ADD]

Say you’ve been seeing a chick for 3 or 4 months and she starts getting distant/pulling back, would you bring it to her attention to see what’s up, mirror her energy until the relationship dies, or dead it completely?

This is in the scope of you looking for a relationship not a fwb situation.

My thought process is to bring it to their attention, give them an opportunity to correct their behavior and if nothing changes dead it. Maybe that’s a waste of time to do. I have friends who think otherwise.

What do you brehs think? What’s the consensus?

Are y’all in a relationship currently? What does “seeing” mean?

 

[Lieutenant Daniels]

As a man not in a relationship, lemme give you sage advice.

The current un-player stuff to do is "fade like she fade". Update them Tinder pics, hit the gym extra hard, start saying no to dessert and carbs when y'all eat together.

There's probably some playerish things you can do (break up with her first, start cheating, borrow a large sum of money, etc), but personally, I'd address it specifically and in person. That's the square mature way to handle it.

How she plays it would determine whether it's time to get the pimp cane out or not.

• If she says she's fine (and she clearly isn't)
• If she stonewalls
• If she hems and haws
• If she hesitates
• If I gotta drag it out of her
• If she puts it on me "You don't bring me flowers"/"I dont' feel the spark" - Honeymoon BEEN over...foh with that.

I'm out, that moment, unfriend, change relationship status, block all contact. Broad's a child.

Keep in mind, I'm Gen X, so I'm dealing with chicks 30+.

You young guns and R. Kelly types dealing with chicks under 22, gotta have more grace for childish behavior. If the chick remembers life before the internet, she's a grown woman, treat her so. If she used to watch SpongeBob, You don't need to be so hard.

Some behavior you can teach a woman, some you can't. Let her be someone else's princess, you need a queen.

Exceptions

If she got some medical stuff, some family issues, I'm willing to keep it rocking.

But I'd keep in the FRONT of my mind, if the chick is going through something, she's not trying to share it with me, the closest(?) person to her. That's really a card against her, especially if you've been treating her properly.

The other thing she might throw at you - "You're not emotionally available" - or something that's beyond "she don't feel the same like we was at the start".

That's a broad, imo, with unrealistic expectations. I'm a dude that will tell a female explicitly, that I'm not feeling something.
And usually the implicit signs are so strong, if she don't pick up on em, she can't raise kids - so that's already no for an LTR.

So if she's gonna bring up some psychobabble - she's for the streets. Cause those types of requests are usually manipulation.
I said it, and I'll stand on it.

A lot of that time "communication" with someone that's been psychoanalyzing with her mama, aunties, cousins, and best friends since kindergarten - communication is her domain. She'll use every trick in the book to make you see her light. It's not an open and honest exchange of information, but an underhanded attempt to get you to do what she wants.

It's not even intentional/nefarious, most of the time, that's how they're socialized to communicate.

But when a chick starts out with "I feel"...instead of "I think.." - you already know it's gonna be some BS.

Logic that can't be followed, and the end result is that you're the bad guy, when it's something she did wrong, something she's feeling.

Lemme get off my soapbox.

Pulling back, I remember a girl friend putting me onto what that meant years ago, and I was mildly stunned at the level of passivity and avoidance. Just didn't feel like adult at all. But, it's very common. Sometimes, it may be used to check your interest level, as in if I stop hitting him, will he hit me? Or it's to punish you for some slight or perceived slight. If you want and need the closure, then ask for that convo, but be respectful, and considerate, and non dramatic. Acceptance is what you aim for.

Personality types are different, but to me, the worst way to handle anything is pulling back/fading out, gaslighting has become a nonsense word, but that gets pretty close, because they leave you with enough doubt about yourself, and enough "hope" to keep hitting them up.

edit: he said it all above. Address in person or on phone, avoid texts. But, sometimes that's all they will give you.

I’m in my late 30s and dealing with women around my age. Good shyt. Appreciate the responses brehs.

I’m of the experience that when a chick switches up (pulling back/acting distant) she’s as good as gone mentally.

I trust my gut and if I get the feeling that something is different it’s because it usually is. With that being said talking it out with them seems to just make them tell you what you wanna hear to keep you around and assuage your concerns until they are 100% done.

 

[Lieutenant Daniels]

Are y’all in a relationship currently? What does “seeing” mean?

Not a relationship but was trending in that direction

Seeing = sex, talking everyday, going out together, planning things, talking about expectations, behaving like a couple.

 

[re'up]

Not a relationship but was trending in that direction

Seeing = sex, talking everyday, going out together, planning things, talking about expectations, behaving like a couple.

We are the same age. But yeah, it doesn't have to some dramatic, confrontation, just let her know you have noticed, and you don't like it, but don't make it about demands, but kind of of just state your position. And she'll give you hers, or at least that's the idea, but she has to be comfortable enough that' she won't be like punished for it, or shamed. That would be my approach anyway.

as in, you can tell me anything, and we are good, (doesn't mean together, but no drama, no intense confrontation) but THIS is untenable. Let's have clarity. Clarity is what you want.

 

[Lieutenant Daniels]

We are the same age. But yeah, it doesn't have to some dramatic, confrontation, just let her know you have noticed, and you don't like it, but don't make it about demands, but kind of of just state your position. And she'll give you hers, or at least that's the idea, but she has to be comfortable enough that' she won't be like punished for it, or shamed. That would be my approach anyway.

as in, you can tell me anything, and we are good, (doesn't mean together, but no drama, no intense confrontation) but THIS is untenable. Let's have clarity. Clarity is what you want.

I agree. Her and I have had a conversation several times about it. My gut is telling me to bush. Matter of fact the more I think about it the more I’m going to bring this to a close before she does.

Appreciate the response.

 

[WIA20XX]

I mentioned my upstairs neighbor moved in his single mama beat piece?

I think he moved in her sister (or her therapist) as well.

"Why are you trying to provoke me?"
"Where's the lighter?"
"You let me smoke (cigarettes) down here..."
"You're purposely provoking me"

One of them is playing referree. I don't see this ending well at all.

I might need to pony up more rent and move out...but damn, I love my spot...

 

[The ADD]

I agree. Her and I have had a conversation several times about it. My gut is telling me to bush. Matter of fact the more I think about it the more I’m going to bring this to a close before she does.

Appreciate the response.

Good luck breh

 

[RealAssanova]

Say you’ve been seeing a chick for 3 or 4 months and she starts getting distant/pulling back, would you bring it to her attention to see what’s up, mirror her energy until the relationship dies, or dead it completely?

This is in the scope of you looking for a relationship not a fwb situation.

My thought process is to bring it to their attention, give them an opportunity to correct their behavior and if nothing changes dead it. Maybe that’s a waste of time to do. I have friends who think otherwise.

What do you brehs think? What’s the consensus?

Communicating is feminine. Action is masculine.

She doesn’t respect you enough to inform you as to why she’s acting the way she is (feminine)…so she’s being masculine and acting.

You do the same…only difference is you pull the plug altogether. Silently. No words, back and forths, arguments…nada.

And go on about your life. Its done.

 

[VertigoKnight]

I agree. Her and I have had a conversation several times about it. My gut is telling me to bush. Matter of fact the more I think about it the more I’m going to bring this to a close before she does.

Appreciate the response.

Yep trust your gut. If a chick doesn't have the decency to speak to you on issues that affect you both the situation is done.

 

[Ohene]

Say you’ve been seeing a chick for 3 or 4 months and she starts getting distant/pulling back, would you bring it to her attention to see what’s up, mirror her energy until the relationship dies, or dead it completely?

This is in the scope of you looking for a relationship not a fwb situation.

My thought process is to bring it to their attention, give them an opportunity to correct their behavior and if nothing changes dead it. Maybe that’s a waste of time to do. I have friends who think otherwise.

What do you brehs think? What’s the consensus?

this is the mature thing to do.

in doing so, you may also wanna ask if everything is okay beforehand (personally, work, family, mentally, health etc.). if she says shes good then do the bold.

you seem like you already are going into it with low expectations so it isnt like her failure to improve will throw you for a loop. I dont see any issue with the bold. i take it you do value a relationship of some sort, and a relationship is always going to have these sine wave moments. only way to get through them is through communication - on both sides. if she dont fix up, you can wash your hands clean

 

[Ohene]

I agree. Her and I have had a conversation several times about it. My gut is telling me to bush. Matter of fact the more I think about it the more I’m going to bring this to a close before she does.

Appreciate the response.

oh if yall already had this convo several times, then yea just cut that loose. you dont wanna become the clingy man - its always a recipe for failure

 

[Van Cleef]

Say you’ve been seeing a chick for 3 or 4 months and she starts getting distant/pulling back, would you bring it to her attention to see what’s up, mirror her energy until the relationship dies, or dead it completely?

This is in the scope of you looking for a relationship not a fwb situation.

My thought process is to bring it to their attention, give them an opportunity to correct their behavior and if nothing changes dead it. Maybe that’s a waste of time to do. I have friends who think otherwise.

What do you brehs think? What’s the consensus?

im in a similar situation... we spent too much time together and i can tell she's getting annoyed with me .. gonna ghost her for like a year and try again