Armchair Militant
Stay woke
On these dating apps, how do you brehs usually open?
Aight, long post but your boy could use some extra input as I'm mulling some shyt over.
I'm at a crossroads...I've started seeing one of the women I was messing with exclusively after ~3 months of dating, and I'm conflicted because I honestly
didn't expect the strong connection being built.
On the one hand, I really enjoy my time with her and find our personalities balance really well. She's shown she's capable of being submissive...if we argue and she's in the wrong, she apologizes really quickly. She hears me out when we disagree, and has been open about me being the 1st person who's been able/willing to call her out on BS as a man because of how I communicate, and my life being together enough to hear me out.
The sex is phenomenal, she offers to cook for me, and offers help if I even passingly mention a problem. She also has a soft, emotional side despite being a direct communicator, which I find really attractive. Overall, I'm really feelin her and our dynamic on a personal level.
On the other hand, I have a couple of hang-ups...
1. She's not black - she's half Asian half white. She spent her pre-middle school life in Asia and has lived in CA since she's been in the States. As I've gotten older, I'd envisioned myself w/ a black woman, and this is throwing me for a loop.
I'm not sure if I want kids yet, but I know having grandkids who are mostly white would honestly ether my entire existence. The thought of being that cliche makes me sick. I also just don't like the idea of being another successful black man "dating out". She grew up poor, so I'm not disconnected with her in the same way I would be if she grew up privileged. This is connected to...
2. She's in her 30s...turning 32 in July. If I have kids, I want multiple, which means we'd need to fast track shyt. I really don't like that idea.
3. She does party drugs (molly, LSD) and is into the EDM/rave scene. I've met her party "crew" and heard about how she is when she's high (no red flags). I trust her but I'm not into that scene at all, and I don't the impression she's willing to dip out of it just yet. She was upfront with me that when we met, she was just looking to fukk, so the shyt makes me a little residually uncomfortable. Potential GF going to raves & doing drugs w/ me not in sight.
#1 is by far the biggest hang-up, honestly, and the only reason I would end shyt right now. All told I'm really feelin her, but I don't know how where being intentional vs. over-thinking shyt begins or ends. It's only been 3 months that we've been dating.
Every time I imagine ending things because this doesn't fit my life picture, I don't know the words to say because I know, based off our vibe/connection, she'll know it's bullshyt if I'm not transparent on the reason. On the other hand, dropping #1 as the reason would feel really, really shytty.
Ultimately, I don't want to waste her time...but I'm really not sure if I'm wasting her time yet.
What do yall think?
Aight, long post but your boy could use some extra input as I'm mulling some shyt over.
I'm at a crossroads...I've started seeing one of the women I was messing with exclusively after ~3 months of dating, and I'm conflicted because I honestly
didn't expect the strong connection being built.
On the one hand, I really enjoy my time with her and find our personalities balance really well. She's shown she's capable of being submissive...if we argue and she's in the wrong, she apologizes really quickly. She hears me out when we disagree, and has been open about me being the 1st person who's been able/willing to call her out on BS as a man because of how I communicate, and my life being together enough to hear me out.
The sex is phenomenal, she offers to cook for me, and offers help if I even passingly mention a problem. She also has a soft, emotional side despite being a direct communicator, which I find really attractive. Overall, I'm really feelin her and our dynamic on a personal level.
On the other hand, I have a couple of hang-ups...
1. She's not black - she's half Asian half white. She spent her pre-middle school life in Asia and has lived in CA since she's been in the States. As I've gotten older, I'd envisioned myself w/ a black woman, and this is throwing me for a loop.
I'm not sure if I want kids yet, but I know having grandkids who are mostly white would honestly ether my entire existence. The thought of being that cliche makes me sick. I also just don't like the idea of being another successful black man "dating out". She grew up poor, so I'm not disconnected with her in the same way I would be if she grew up privileged. This is connected to...
2. She's in her 30s...turning 32 in July. If I have kids, I want multiple, which means we'd need to fast track shyt. I really don't like that idea.
3. She does party drugs (molly, LSD) and is into the EDM/rave scene. I've met her party "crew" and heard about how she is when she's high (no red flags). I trust her but I'm not into that scene at all, and I don't the impression she's willing to dip out of it just yet. She was upfront with me that when we met, she was just looking to fukk, so the shyt makes me a little residually uncomfortable. Potential GF going to raves & doing drugs w/ me not in sight.
#1 is by far the biggest hang-up, honestly, and the only reason I would end shyt right now. All told I'm really feelin her, but I don't know how where being intentional vs. over-thinking shyt begins or ends. It's only been 3 months that we've been dating.
Every time I imagine ending things because this doesn't fit my life picture, I don't know the words to say because I know, based off our vibe/connection, she'll know it's bullshyt if I'm not transparent on the reason. On the other hand, dropping #1 as the reason would feel really, really shytty.
Ultimately, I don't want to waste her time...but I'm really not sure if I'm wasting her time yet.
What do yall think?
Aight, long post but your boy could use some extra input as I'm mulling some shyt over.
I'm at a crossroads...I've started seeing one of the women I was messing with exclusively after ~3 months of dating, and I'm conflicted because I honestly
didn't expect the strong connection being built.
On the one hand, I really enjoy my time with her and find our personalities balance really well. She's shown she's capable of being submissive...if we argue and she's in the wrong, she apologizes really quickly. She hears me out when we disagree, and has been open about me being the 1st person who's been able/willing to call her out on BS as a man because of how I communicate, and my life being together enough to hear me out.
The sex is phenomenal, she offers to cook for me, and offers help if I even passingly mention a problem. She also has a soft, emotional side despite being a direct communicator, which I find really attractive. Overall, I'm really feelin her and our dynamic on a personal level.
On the other hand, I have a couple of hang-ups...
1. She's not black - she's half Asian half white. She spent her pre-middle school life in Asia and has lived in CA since she's been in the States. As I've gotten older, I'd envisioned myself w/ a black woman, and this is throwing me for a loop.
I'm not sure if I want kids yet, but I know having grandkids who are mostly white would honestly ether my entire existence. The thought of being that cliche makes me sick. I also just don't like the idea of being another successful black man "dating out". She grew up poor, so I'm not disconnected with her in the same way I would be if she grew up privileged. This is connected to...
2. She's in her 30s...turning 32 in July. If I have kids, I want multiple, which means we'd need to fast track shyt. I really don't like that idea.
3. She does party drugs (molly, LSD) and is into the EDM/rave scene. I've met her party "crew" and heard about how she is when she's high (no red flags). I trust her but I'm not into that scene at all, and I don't the impression she's willing to dip out of it just yet. She was upfront with me that when we met, she was just looking to fukk, so the shyt makes me a little residually uncomfortable. Potential GF going to raves & doing drugs w/ me not in sight.
#1 is by far the biggest hang-up, honestly, and the only reason I would end shyt right now. All told I'm really feelin her, but I don't know how where being intentional vs. over-thinking shyt begins or ends. It's only been 3 months that we've been dating.
Every time I imagine ending things because this doesn't fit my life picture, I don't know the words to say because I know, based off our vibe/connection, she'll know it's bullshyt if I'm not transparent on the reason. On the other hand, dropping #1 as the reason would feel really, really shytty.
Ultimately, I don't want to waste her time...but I'm really not sure if I'm wasting her time yet.
What do yall think?
I'm sure every breh wanted to end up with a black woman. But how much is that expectations of what you feel your family/friends want vs your own happiness? And these days my own happiness is paramount.Aight, long post but your boy could use some extra input as I'm mulling some shyt over.
I'm at a crossroads...I've started seeing one of the women I was messing with exclusively after ~3 months of dating, and I'm conflicted because I honestly
didn't expect the strong connection being built.
On the one hand, I really enjoy my time with her and find our personalities balance really well. She's shown she's capable of being submissive...if we argue and she's in the wrong, she apologizes really quickly. She hears me out when we disagree, and has been open about me being the 1st person who's been able/willing to call her out on BS as a man because of how I communicate, and my life being together enough to hear me out.
The sex is phenomenal, she offers to cook for me, and offers help if I even passingly mention a problem. She also has a soft, emotional side despite being a direct communicator, which I find really attractive. Overall, I'm really feelin her and our dynamic on a personal level.
On the other hand, I have a couple of hang-ups...
1. She's not black - she's half Asian half white. She spent her pre-middle school life in Asia and has lived in CA since she's been in the States. As I've gotten older, I'd envisioned myself w/ a black woman, and this is throwing me for a loop.
I'm not sure if I want kids yet, but I know having grandkids who are mostly white would honestly ether my entire existence. The thought of being that cliche makes me sick. I also just don't like the idea of being another successful black man "dating out". She grew up poor, so I'm not disconnected with her in the same way I would be if she grew up privileged. This is connected to...
2. She's in her 30s...turning 32 in July. If I have kids, I want multiple, which means we'd need to fast track shyt. I really don't like that idea.
3. She does party drugs (molly, LSD) and is into the EDM/rave scene. I've met her party "crew" and heard about how she is when she's high (no red flags). I trust her but I'm not into that scene at all, and I don't the impression she's willing to dip out of it just yet. She was upfront with me that when we met, she was just looking to fukk, so the shyt makes me a little residually uncomfortable. Potential GF going to raves & doing drugs w/ me not in sight.
#1 is by far the biggest hang-up, honestly, and the only reason I would end shyt right now. All told I'm really feelin her, but I don't know how where being intentional vs. over-thinking shyt begins or ends. It's only been 3 months that we've been dating.
Every time I imagine ending things because this doesn't fit my life picture, I don't know the words to say because I know, based off our vibe/connection, she'll know it's bullshyt if I'm not transparent on the reason. On the other hand, dropping #1 as the reason would feel really, really shytty.
Ultimately, I don't want to waste her time...but I'm really not sure if I'm wasting her time yet.
What do yall think?
Yeah, it's the potential grandkid shyt that's the biggest thing of all IMO. Without kids in the picture, I just leave my money to black family and any other noise is just that.#1 seems impossible to get past. It’s also only been three months. 30 years with that in that back of your mind doesn’t seem realistic.
Yeah...hard to say if it is or isn't yet.If #1 is as big as you say it is you're basically delaying the inevitable, she sounds better suited as a side piece if you don't plan on taking it to the next level with a Wasian
To her credit, outside of rave environments, it's only weed. She's also a nurse practitioner so she does her shyt in the most surgical way possible. Fentanyl testing kits, etc. If she didn't work in healthcare it'd be a bigger red flag. I don't get any indication of dependency or anything.Homegirl sounds damaged..
Drinkin a Lil Henny and poppin pills are 2 different monsters...
That's way worse than dating out..
Yeah, I'm going to bring it up. Not sure how to approach it beyond "When are you going to stop this shyt? It doesn't seem like something you should be doing at 40." or "I don't like you being high around other dudes." I think we communicate well enough to talk through it though.TBH you can’t control #1, you could have an all black family and he / she could end up with a. White girl or guy. Making yourself happy is the #1 priority and not thinking about anyone else.
But you have to be strong and proud of her. If not, then let her go.
Is she willing to drop the rave / party drugs? That could be a condition you bring up in order to promote her to the next level of your relationship.
I'm sure every breh wanted to end up with a black woman. But how much is that expectations of what you feel your family/friends want vs your own happiness? And these days my own happiness is paramount.
When I moved countries I honestly never thought I'd end up dating so many Asian women. Mostly because there were little to no black women here and it was a choice between white, Asian or Indian / Pakistani women.
Out of those three I've found I really get along with Asian women we share the same outlook and values.
I will say finding a woman of any ethnicity who you feel a proper connection with and who you and her just get along is hard in this day and age. shyt is really rough out here. A ton of very damaged women and I'm gonna say men as well. who have done nothing to help themselves. Having a self aware woman who wants to and understands how to talk things out is a boon imo.
I appreciate the perspective brehs.
Yeah, it's the potential grandkid shyt that's the biggest thing of all IMO. Without kids in the picture, I just leave my money to black family and any other noise is just that.
Yeah...hard to say if it is or isn't yet.
To her credit, outside of rave environments, it's only weed. She's also a nurse practitioner so she does her shyt in the most surgical way possible. Fentanyl testing kits, etc. If she didn't work in healthcare it'd be a bigger red flag. I don't get any indication of dependency or anything.
Yeah, I'm going to bring it up. Not sure how to approach it beyond "When are you going to stop this shyt? It doesn't seem like something you should be doing at 40." or "I don't like you being high around other dudes." I think we communicate well enough to talk through it though.
I go back and forth on if I can truly happy like this. In a different world, or not knowing history, I think I could. When I'm with her, I don't think about it at all. It's moreso when solo.
Anyways, thanks brehs. Gonna sleep on it and make a call soon.
I 110% get where you're coming from with #1 but I feel like #3 is much more of a concern, tbh. As a successful black man in this day and age, the number of women you are likely to be on the same frequency as, is incredibly low and that's irrespective of race. On the other hand, the number women that don't drop bars at raves n shyt... is actually quite high.Aight, long post but your boy could use some extra input as I'm mulling some shyt over.
I'm at a crossroads...I've started seeing one of the women I was messing with exclusively after ~3 months of dating, and I'm conflicted because I honestly
didn't expect the strong connection being built.
On the one hand, I really enjoy my time with her and find our personalities balance really well. She's shown she's capable of being submissive...if we argue and she's in the wrong, she apologizes really quickly. She hears me out when we disagree, and has been open about me being the 1st person who's been able/willing to call her out on BS as a man because of how I communicate, and my life being together enough to hear me out.
The sex is phenomenal, she offers to cook for me, and offers help if I even passingly mention a problem. She also has a soft, emotional side despite being a direct communicator, which I find really attractive. Overall, I'm really feelin her and our dynamic on a personal level.
On the other hand, I have a couple of hang-ups...
1. She's not black - she's half Asian half white. She spent her pre-middle school life in Asia and has lived in CA since she's been in the States. As I've gotten older, I'd envisioned myself w/ a black woman, and this is throwing me for a loop.
I'm not sure if I want kids yet, but I know having grandkids who are mostly white would honestly ether my entire existence. The thought of being that cliche makes me sick. I also just don't like the idea of being another successful black man "dating out". She grew up poor, so I'm not disconnected with her in the same way I would be if she grew up privileged. This is connected to...
2. She's in her 30s...turning 32 in July. If I have kids, I want multiple, which means we'd need to fast track shyt. I really don't like that idea.
3. She does party drugs (molly, LSD) and is into the EDM/rave scene. I've met her party "crew" and heard about how she is when she's high (no red flags). I trust her but I'm not into that scene at all, and I don't the impression she's willing to dip out of it just yet. She was upfront with me that when we met, she was just looking to fukk, so the shyt makes me a little residually uncomfortable. Potential GF going to raves & doing drugs w/ me not in sight.
#1 is by far the biggest hang-up, honestly, and the only reason I would end shyt right now. All told I'm really feelin her, but I don't know how where being intentional vs. over-thinking shyt begins or ends. It's only been 3 months that we've been dating.
Every time I imagine ending things because this doesn't fit my life picture, I don't know the words to say because I know, based off our vibe/connection, she'll know it's bullshyt if I'm not transparent on the reason. On the other hand, dropping #1 as the reason would feel really, really shytty.
Ultimately, I don't want to waste her time...but I'm really not sure if I'm wasting her time yet.
What do yall think?

Lost the weight I've wanted to lose
Been in the gym more
School taking care of itself & im On track to graduate in December
Better job otw
Money is decent yet still being worked on via better job
Mad creative projects on deck

If there's nothing interesting to point out in her profile it's a usual how you doing I hope your day is going well for me,hope some of the experts in here can give some pointersOn these dating apps, how do you brehs usually open?

there's no right or wrong openOn these dating apps, how do you brehs usually open?

Need some knowledgeable opinions on this situation i find myself in
So i'm dating this gorgeous woman for about a year now late 20s, no kids great body, the type i envisioned i could settle down with
...and many aspects of our relationship is good, we get along, we're always laughing, she listens and adjusts to issues that we've had in the past and she holds similar values to mine.. we seems to have the same goals in mind.
...and all that is great apart from one thing... the sex
Sex for the most part is ok to slightly below good but never great. Boring and conservative is the word that i would use. It just seems like she doesn't fully enjoy the act of sex as much (especially compared to other women i've been with) and views it as something thats part of being in a relationship. Best way i can explain it is more of a chore then a hobby
So we discussed it the other day and she basically explain that shes not really into foreplay like that and she can be lazy which she's trying to work on but she does enjoy sex
...Honestly she comes across as the type of women that because she can easily get male attention she's never really needed to put effort into her sex game.
My main concern is if this is whats already happening a year into the relationship this definitely gonna get worse in the future. I done already told her that i wouldn't settle being in a relationship where im only getting sex once a month.
Is she getting hers the majority of time?Need some knowledgeable opinions on this situation i find myself in
So i'm dating this gorgeous woman for about a year now late 20s, no kids great body, the type i envisioned i could settle down with
...and many aspects of our relationship is good, we get along, we're always laughing, she listens and adjusts to issues that we've had in the past and she holds similar values to mine.. we seems to have the same goals in mind.
...and all that is great apart from one thing... the sex
Sex for the most part is ok to slightly below good but never great. Boring and conservative is the word that i would use. It just seems like she doesn't fully enjoy the act of sex as much (especially compared to other women i've been with) and views it as something thats part of being in a relationship. Best way i can explain it is more of a chore then a hobby
So we discussed it the other day and she basically explain that shes not really into foreplay like that and she can be lazy which she's trying to work on but she does enjoy sex
...Honestly she comes across as the type of women that because she can easily get male attention she's never really needed to put effort into her sex game.
My main concern is if this is whats already happening a year into the relationship this definitely gonna get worse in the future. I done already told her that i wouldn't settle being in a relationship where im only getting sex once a month.