Mr Hate Coffee
Veteran
It has been on my spirit recently to share some words with you all.
As many of you know, I have been on a journey of heartbreak and recovery for two years now. I have tried just about every method out there and even purchased some e-books from so-called relationship gurus about “How to win your ex back”. (I admit, I am ashamed of this)
I have done it all. I’ve tried NC. I’ve broken NC. Being friends, not being friends. You name it.
Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to:
THERE’S NO FORMULA FOR HANDLING A BREAKUP!
Wait let me repeat that with better diction….
THERE IS NO FORMULA FOR HANDLING A BREAKUP!
Case in point. Last night, my ex of 7 years texted me wanting to catch up. We were at a period of about 50 days no contact. I wasn't sure if I should break that streak. I asked all my close friends what I should do an ultimately settled on talking to her under one condition: I would express how I felt.
You see, I haven’t been honest with myself. I’ve been very passive aggressive. I’ve sat and let all the hurt and pain stew in my heart. I did this because I believed that I was hurting her as well (this is true). I did it hoping deep down that maybe she’d realize the error of her ways, call me up, and want to get back together.
In reality this doesn’t work. The main reason being that nobody has ever wanted to be with another person due to guilt.
But onto the phone call… It started pretty innocently. We chatted about TV shows before she asked me how my anxiety was going. I took this opportunity to express how I felt. I told her that she hurt me and had been continuing to hurt me with her actions. I gave concrete examples. She started crying, offered no explanation, and merely said she was sorry.
This launched us into a debate about the past that I did not want to get into. I merely wanted to talk about actions that happened post breakup, not shyt that happened 5 years ago. Nonetheless, it happened. And as usual, no consensus was formed.
At the end of it all, tears were shed on both sides. I did not get the answers I was seeking, and I will admit that it hurt. BUT I had this weird feeling of happiness. I was able to get my emotions off my chest and I was able to realize that the person I had been holding these conflicting feelings against was human. (Which validated my caring for them in the first place)
Most importantly I realized that I needed to let it go. I needed to forgive her. I needed to forgive myself… and I needed to move on. No more games, no more tactics from relationship gurus. Just an honest conversation between two people who shared some great times and some bad times for 7 years.
In summary, I know I broke a lot of rules… But I don’t care. This was something I had to do for ME. A lot of times people do things hoping to make the other person mad or jealous. That’s not the way to go. There’s no formula to this thing. Be honest with yourself and who you are and start from there. Come to terms with the fact that you may not get the desired outcome. Come to terms that the other person may not be thinking of you. Let go of that need inside you to control your outcome. And if all else fails, chalk it up as a learning experience and live life. You owe it to yourself.
Even with everything I said above, depending on your situation, it may not apply. That’s the point of this post. No one can tell you how to handle your situation. Everybody is different. Personally, me and my ex ended due to factors outside our control. The fact that there was no “major incident” is what kept me holding on.
TLDR: Each situation is different and there is no “one size fits all” solution to a break up. If you need guidance, start by respecting and loving yourself.
As many of you know, I have been on a journey of heartbreak and recovery for two years now. I have tried just about every method out there and even purchased some e-books from so-called relationship gurus about “How to win your ex back”. (I admit, I am ashamed of this)
I have done it all. I’ve tried NC. I’ve broken NC. Being friends, not being friends. You name it.
Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to:
THERE’S NO FORMULA FOR HANDLING A BREAKUP!
Wait let me repeat that with better diction….
THERE IS NO FORMULA FOR HANDLING A BREAKUP!
Case in point. Last night, my ex of 7 years texted me wanting to catch up. We were at a period of about 50 days no contact. I wasn't sure if I should break that streak. I asked all my close friends what I should do an ultimately settled on talking to her under one condition: I would express how I felt.
You see, I haven’t been honest with myself. I’ve been very passive aggressive. I’ve sat and let all the hurt and pain stew in my heart. I did this because I believed that I was hurting her as well (this is true). I did it hoping deep down that maybe she’d realize the error of her ways, call me up, and want to get back together.
In reality this doesn’t work. The main reason being that nobody has ever wanted to be with another person due to guilt.
But onto the phone call… It started pretty innocently. We chatted about TV shows before she asked me how my anxiety was going. I took this opportunity to express how I felt. I told her that she hurt me and had been continuing to hurt me with her actions. I gave concrete examples. She started crying, offered no explanation, and merely said she was sorry.
This launched us into a debate about the past that I did not want to get into. I merely wanted to talk about actions that happened post breakup, not shyt that happened 5 years ago. Nonetheless, it happened. And as usual, no consensus was formed.
At the end of it all, tears were shed on both sides. I did not get the answers I was seeking, and I will admit that it hurt. BUT I had this weird feeling of happiness. I was able to get my emotions off my chest and I was able to realize that the person I had been holding these conflicting feelings against was human. (Which validated my caring for them in the first place)
Most importantly I realized that I needed to let it go. I needed to forgive her. I needed to forgive myself… and I needed to move on. No more games, no more tactics from relationship gurus. Just an honest conversation between two people who shared some great times and some bad times for 7 years.
In summary, I know I broke a lot of rules… But I don’t care. This was something I had to do for ME. A lot of times people do things hoping to make the other person mad or jealous. That’s not the way to go. There’s no formula to this thing. Be honest with yourself and who you are and start from there. Come to terms with the fact that you may not get the desired outcome. Come to terms that the other person may not be thinking of you. Let go of that need inside you to control your outcome. And if all else fails, chalk it up as a learning experience and live life. You owe it to yourself.
Even with everything I said above, depending on your situation, it may not apply. That’s the point of this post. No one can tell you how to handle your situation. Everybody is different. Personally, me and my ex ended due to factors outside our control. The fact that there was no “major incident” is what kept me holding on.
TLDR: Each situation is different and there is no “one size fits all” solution to a break up. If you need guidance, start by respecting and loving yourself.
imma have to take that L brehs
to 
at them getting ditched for staying home cuz some females too lazy too work
and she be like oh ok or even say what show and i be like uh 
