Essential Quick gems for dealing with men thread :lolbron:

[Ashley Banks]

No need to be obtuse, brehette. I know you're not a house or car, but it's an example of a person making a large life decision without necessary information before making said decision. Would that be prudent?

My larger question is, why does there seem to be a moving scale when it comes to how a woman treats her man based on marriage? Men typically have expectations from society, and women, that are set in stone no matter if she is a girlfriend or a wife. He pays for dates-girlfriend or wife. He protects her in potentially dangerous situations-girlfriend or wife. He has to be supportive-girlfriend or wife. So and so forth.....husbandly duties given to women who aren't wives.

Whereas, seemingly, based on responses here and elsewhere, women do not have the same onus when it comes to their men. A woman can decide submit based on the title of the relationship....or not at all. A woman can choose to cook and clean based on the title of the relationship. A woman can choose to "stand by her man" based on the the title of the relationship.

Can you help me understand this inequity?

Peace

I honestly don't know why this is so hard for you to understand. I feel like you're just bored and want to bother us.

This is not hard to understand. Since you want to use houses and cars, would you buy the house someone let you live in for free? Would you buy the car someone let you have for free? Why would a man marry a woman that will give him everything without commitment? Men have proven over and over and over again that if you give them everything without marriage, they will see no reason to marry you. They will forever keep in you that "proving youre marriage material" stage until they're done with you. Do you understand now?

 

[bcrusaderw]

The average American male, ladies.

 

[Queen]

Ok, I didn't mean to imply women are objects. I mean to specifically ask why some women feel that its prudent to expect a man to make a HUGE decision like marriage without putting their best foot forward.

What does the "right mindset" include? And why do you assume these men would not marry these women? Would you accept, as a possibility, that maybe men don't marry some women because they hold the "don't give your boyfriend husband privileges"?

Peace

No one is arguing for a woman to be rude, unpleasant, and unhelpful during courtship. One can put ones best foot forward without having sex or treating a boyfriend like a husband.

For example, my then boyfriend wanted me to move 600 miles away with him for his new job. The answer was hell no. What do I look like moving away and changing my life for you when you could just dump me at any time? He understood. And asked my father for my hand in marriage shortly afterwards. You don't treat boyfriends like husbands.

It doesn't take that long for a man to decide if he wants to marry a woman. If he doesn't want to marry HER, all the tap dancing and hopping around in the world isn't going to change that. He will keep her around, waste her time, and when Mrs. Right comes along, he will be married faster than you can say boo.

The "right mindset" refers to a man who is looking for a wife, and not a car to sit in, test drive, spill water on the seats and then decide he doesn't have enough funds to close the deal. There are men out there looking for wives and not looking to waste women's time. If a woman's goal is to get married, then she shouldn't waste time with men who think a woman is supposed to "audition" for the role. Either you are feeling her enough to marry or you aren't.

 

[mcdivit85]

Why waste time in a relationship with someone you don't want to spend your life with. Just tell her what it is, either friends or friends with benefits. Don't have her thinking you're gonna put a ring on it or spend forever together.

People should state their intentions or goals. If your feelings change let them know.

I think you're assuming he had a particular pigeonhole for this woman upon meeting her. Many men change their objective for a woman based on his perception of her and what tangibles she brings to the table.

Meet two chicks. One is cool but brings very little to the table. Second is cool and brings much to the table. Very similar chicks. One gets casual treatment for 2 months. The other becomes the girlfriend.

No change in intention. Just reaction to stimuli.

Peace

 

[CinnaSlim]

Expound

She wants to get married so she leaves out some privileges as an incentive to marry her. If you enjoy her company and the small privileges you get as a boyfriend then the idea is that once you marry her you'll get even more privileges.

The flip side is once you're married, what is her incentive to keep up with her side of the deal?

It's supposed to be love, trust and commitment. Which is why morals and values and integrity are the things to look out for in choosing a mate before you put a ring on it.

I try not to bribe people into being with me or loving me. It isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's a part of economics and the basis of marriage that two people working together will be mutually beneficial and more cost effective in the long run.

 

[CinnaSlim]

I think you're assuming he had a particular pigeonhole for this woman upon meeting her. Many men change their objective for a woman based on his perception of her and what tangibles she brings to the table.

Meet two chicks. One is cool but brings very little to the table. Second is cool and brings much to the table. Very similar chicks. One gets casual treatment for 2 months. The other becomes the girlfriend.

No change in intention. Just reaction to stimuli.

Peace

You can have the intention to go with the flow. You don't have to choose in the beginning. But when you make a change of mind, you can also inform the person.

 

[mcdivit85]

I honestly don't know why this is so hard for you to understand. I feel like you're just bored and want to bother us.

This is not hard to understand. Since you want to use houses and cars, would you buy the house someone let you live in for free? Would you buy the car someone let you have for free? Why would a man marry a woman that will give him everything without commitment? Men have proven over and over and over again that if you give them everything without marriage, they will see no reason to marry you. They will forever keep in you that "proving youre marriage material" stage until they're done with you. Do you understand now?

I apologize, brehette. I'm only trying to gleen wisdom from you and others. I do not feign curiosity.

I don't believe it would be prudent to give a house or car away for free. Now, if someone were to say, "Hey, take the car for a week. Drive it around and see how you like it. If you feel its a good car, then we'll wrap up the sale next week." If I like the car, then I'll buy it.

I'm not saying that a woman should give her 110% indefinitely to a man who seems content to keep her as a girlfriend. No, I would say that is not smart. What I would say is, give that man 110% for a period of time. Assess the relationship and then act accordingly. No wasting of years and years. If he doesn't want to marry you after receiving your best for a year, then kick his a## to the curb.

But I don't understand the idea of giving a man 50 and thinking he should give you 100.

Peace

 

[mcdivit85]

The average American male, ladies.

I shall pray for thine soul

Peace

 

[mcdivit85]

No one is arguing for a woman to be rude, unpleasant, and unhelpful during courtship. One can put ones best foot forward without having sex or treating a boyfriend like a husband.

For example, my then boyfriend wanted me to move 600 miles away with him for his new job. The answer was hell no. What do I look like moving away and changing my life for you when you could just dump me at any time? He understood. And asked my father for my hand in marriage shortly afterwards. You don't treat boyfriends like husbands.

It doesn't take that long for a man to decide if he wants to marry a woman. If he doesn't want to marry HER, all the tap dancing and hopping around in the world isn't going to change that. He will keep her around, waste her time, and when Mrs. Right comes along, he will be married faster than you can say boo.

The "right mindset" refers to a man who is looking for a wife, and not a car to sit in, test drive, spill water on the seats and then decide he doesn't have enough funds to close the deal. There are men out there looking for wives and not looking to waste women's time. If a woman's goal is to get married, then she shouldn't waste time with men who think a woman is supposed to "audition" for the role. Either you are feeling her enough to marry or you aren't.

Does this work in reverse? If a man wants to get married, should be toss any woman who expects him to "audtion" into the bushes?

Peace

 

[bcrusaderw]

I shall pray for thine soul

Peace

Why don't you pray for all those women who cooked, cleaned for you, and did all of the sexual things that you like (while you weren't providing for them), and who STILL didn't receive the title of wife.

 

[KinksandCoils]

Would a man who doesn't have the privileges be more inclined to marry said woman though?

Maybe it's just me. But I don't understand marrying a woman I haven't seen put in some "wifely" work beforehand.

Peace

a man who is treated as a husband has no need to marry the woman.

 

[mcdivit85]

a man who is treated as a husband has no need to marry the woman.

Should the woman be treated as a wife before marriage?

Peace

 

[Ashley Banks]

I apologize, brehette. I'm only trying to gleen wisdom from you and others. I do not feign curiosity.

I don't believe it would be prudent to give a house or car away for free. Now, if someone were to say, "Hey, take the car for a week. Drive it around and see how you like it. If you feel its a good car, then we'll wrap up the sale next week." If I like the car, then I'll buy it.

I'm not saying that a woman should give her 110% indefinitely to a man who seems content to keep her as a girlfriend. No, I would say that is not smart. What I would say is, give that man 110% for a period of time. Assess the relationship and then act accordingly. No wasting of years and years. If he doesn't want to marry you after receiving your best for a year, then kick his a## to the curb.

But I don't understand the idea of giving a man 50 and thinking he should give you 100.

Peace

I'm not giving a man that isn't my husband 100%, not even for a short while.

If he doesn't like it, he can leave.

 

[mcdivit85]

Why don't you pray for all those women who cooked, cleaned for you, and did all of the sexual things that you like (while you weren't providing for them), and who STILL didn't receive the title of wife.

I do. I pray that they are all doing well and living even better than when they were with me. I truly want the best for them. Since they did SO MUCH for me, I want them to receive all they can from this world. They deserve it.

I'll say a prayer for my current girlfriend too who just texted me asking what I want her to cook for dinner tonight. I'm so thankful for her.

Yet you assume I do nothing in return.....tsk....tsk....tsk...how negative

I'm the good guy, baby.....I make dreams come true

Peace

 

[Ashley Banks]

I do. I pray that they are all doing well and living even better than when they were with me. I truly want the best for them. Since they did SO MUCH for me, I want them to receive all they can from this world. They deserve it.

I'll say a prayer for my current girlfriend too who just texted me asking what I want her to cook for dinner tonight. I'm so thankful for her.

Yet you assume I do nothing in return.....tsk....tsk....tsk...how negative

I'm the good guy, baby.....I make dreams come true

Peace

See what we mean? They did so much for you only for you to move on once you were done with them and find someone else.