Essential Quick gems for dealing with men thread :lolbron:

[Raava]

How do you get a girl back when u basically been a piece of shyt for 6 years and she left. It's been 2 months. We still kick it but she has a little rebound dude. Don't know how serious they are..she says "it's not that serious", "they just cool" ..

I know it's going to take me going beyond all out to get her back...

if she is smart never. If she is not ti still have a chance

Trust is so fragile, it's hard to get that back. If she has gotten to that turn cold phase and she is over it. You might never. Yall still chill so maybe she isn't there yet. But I have had a guy think it's sweet and it's not. IActions speak louder than words, if you are really ready it's going to be hard and take time. You will have to deal with a lot of things from her, and it's her right to put you through it. So if you aren't ready to deal with that or you aren't ready to be what she deserves, leave her alone.

 

[mcdivit85]

Don't give your boyfriend husband privileges

Out of curiosity, what does this statement mean? I hear women say it all the time.

Does it mean you don't do nice things for a boyfriend as opposed to a husband?

Does it mean don't cook or clean for a boyfriend as opposed to a husband?

Does it mean don't buy him any gifts for his birthday or Christmas as opposed to a husband?

And if you treat your boyfriend like he's regular, then why should he marry someone who doesn't think enough of him to treat him a certain way?

Would you prescribe the same advice for a man to "not give your girlfrend wife privileges"? Privileges such as being faithful, taking her out, protecting her, etc. Because technically, everything a man and women do for each other is intended under the institution of marriage.

Peace

 

[mcdivit85]

definitely agree with this. No sex, I will not live with you, I will cook for you if I feel like it etc etc

Honest question: if you employ this with a man, why should he marry you?

Would you buy a car without a test drive? Or a house without walking through and getting an inspection?

Well, why would a man make a huge decision, like marriage, with a woman who won't even display why she's marriagiable?

No troll. I'm honestly looking for a female, actually feminist, perspective on this.

Peace

 

[CinnaSlim]

Honest question: if you employ this with a man, why should he marry you?

Would you buy a car without a test drive? Or a house without walking through and getting an inspection?

Well, why would a man make a huge decision, like marriage, with a woman who won't even display why she's marriagiable?

No troll. I'm honestly looking for a female, actually feminist, perspective on this.

Peace

First, you have to look at what does marriage mean to you? where is it on your priority list? What are the benefits of marriage as opposed to just shacking up?

As a woman who wants to get married wasting time with a man who is content and complacent not getting married wastes years of not only child bearing age but also time that could be spent with a man who actually has marriage as a goal and on a similar level of priority.

Personally, marriage and children are not a priority to me. So I'm

 

[Queen]

Honest question: if you employ this with a man, why should he marry you?

Would you buy a car without a test drive? Or a house without walking through and getting an inspection?

Well, why would a man make a huge decision, like marriage, with a woman who won't even display why she's marriagiable?

No troll. I'm honestly looking for a female, actually feminist, perspective on this.

Peace

The difference is the women are not objects. This is something that some men have a hard time grasping. A woman is not a buffet item laid out on the table for you to use, sample, and dispose of when you are done.

There are too many high quality men with the right mindset out there for women to waste their time proving themselves to men who have no intentions on marrying them anyway.

 

[Ashley Banks]

Honest question: if you employ this with a man, why should he marry you?

Would you buy a car without a test drive? Or a house without walking through and getting an inspection?

Well, why would a man make a huge decision, like marriage, with a woman who won't even display why she's marriagiable?

No troll. I'm honestly looking for a female, actually feminist, perspective on this.

Peace

Ay dios mio, Why do you guys ALWAYS do this? First, I'm not a house or a car. But to answer your question, either you take the chance or you don't. The way I live my life and the type of person I am should show you that there are no risks in marrying me. If we get divorced, it would be your fault not mine because I would never do anything to bring it to that point.

and wtf is a feminist perspective? You want to see what the perspective of someone that believes in equal rights is?

 

[Ashley Banks]

The difference is the women are not objects. This is something that some men have a hard time grasping. A woman is not a buffet item laid out on the table for you to use, sample, and dispose of when you are done.

There are too many high quality men with the right mindset out there for women to waste their time proving themselves to men who have no intentions on marrying them anyway.

Seriously, men are the ones that came up with "why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free", they're the ones that string women along for years then leave. Then have the nerve to get mad when women won't give their all to them unless they're married.

 

[KinksandCoils]

Out of curiosity, what does this statement mean? I hear women say it all the time.

Does it mean you don't do nice things for a boyfriend as opposed to a husband?

Does it mean don't cook or clean for a boyfriend as opposed to a husband?

Does it mean don't buy him any gifts for his birthday or Christmas as opposed to a husband?

And if you treat your boyfriend like he's regular, then why should he marry someone who doesn't think enough of him to treat him a certain way?

Would you prescribe the same advice for a man to "not give your girlfrend wife privileges"? Privileges such as being faithful, taking her out, protecting her, etc. Because technically, everything a man and women do for each other is intended under the institution of marriage.

Peace

it means don't treat your boyfriend as your husband. This could vary depending on the person. I believe a lot of people have certain rules they feel are for when their man decides to marry them. For example a woman might say I don't want us to have a joint bank account until we are married or I will not give my man the final decision until we are married, or I won't do a certain sexual act with my man but I will save that till marriage.

A man that has all the priveleges as a husband ain't gonna marry you.

What's the saying???? Why buy the cow when you got the milk or why buy the milk when u got the cow. Lol I don't remember.

 

[mcdivit85]

First, you have to look at what does marriage mean to you? where is it on your priority list? What are the benefits of marriage as opposed to just shacking up?

As a woman who wants to get married wasting time with a man who is content and complacent not getting married wastes years of not only child bearing age but also time that could be spent with a man who actually has marriage as a goal and on a similar level of priority.

Personally, marriage and children are not a priority to me. So I'm

Well, what if he's not too keen on marrying the woman because of the things she isn't doing for him? But, as chick he's dating, she's cool. Just not cool enough to marry. Not because he doesn't want to get married, rather because she's not displaying wifely traits of going above and beyond for her dude.

Most dudes, smart ones at least, aren't going to marry a woman who treats him regular.

Peace

 

[mcdivit85]

The difference is the women are not objects. This is something that some men have a hard time grasping. A woman is not a buffet item laid out on the table for you to use, sample, and dispose of when you are done.

There are too many high quality men with the right mindset out there for women to waste their time proving themselves to men who have no intentions on marrying them anyway.

Ok, I didn't mean to imply women are objects. I mean to specifically ask why some women feel that its prudent to expect a man to make a HUGE decision like marriage without putting their best foot forward.

What does the "right mindset" include? And why do you assume these men would not marry these women? Would you accept, as a possibility, that maybe men don't marry some women because they hold the "don't give your boyfriend husband privileges"?

Peace

 

[mcdivit85]

Ay dios mio, Why do you guys ALWAYS do this? First, I'm not a house or a car. But to answer your question, either you take the chance or you don't. The way I live my life and the type of person I am should show you that there are no risks in marrying me. If we get divorced, it would be your fault not mine because I would never do anything to bring it to that point.

and wtf is a feminist perspective? You want to see what the perspective of someone that believes in equal rights is?

No need to be obtuse, brehette. I know you're not a house or car, but it's an example of a person making a large life decision without necessary information before making said decision. Would that be prudent?

My larger question is, why does there seem to be a moving scale when it comes to how a woman treats her man based on marriage? Men typically have expectations from society, and women, that are set in stone no matter if she is a girlfriend or a wife. He pays for dates-girlfriend or wife. He protects her in potentially dangerous situations-girlfriend or wife. He has to be supportive-girlfriend or wife. So and so forth.....husbandly duties given to women who aren't wives.

Whereas, seemingly, based on responses here and elsewhere, women do not have the same onus when it comes to their men. A woman can decide submit based on the title of the relationship....or not at all. A woman can choose to cook and clean based on the title of the relationship. A woman can choose to "stand by her man" based on the the title of the relationship.

Can you help me understand this inequity?

Peace

 

[CinnaSlim]

Well, what if he's not too keen on marrying the woman because of the things she isn't doing for him? But, as chick he's dating, she's cool. Just not cool enough to marry. Not because he doesn't want to get married, rather because she's not displaying wifely traits of going above and beyond for her dude.

Most dudes, smart ones at least, aren't going to marry a woman who treats him regular.

Peace

Why waste time in a relationship with someone you don't want to spend your life with. Just tell her what it is, either friends or friends with benefits. Don't have her thinking you're gonna put a ring on it or spend forever together.

People should state their intentions or goals. If your feelings change let them know.

 

[CinnaSlim]

No need to be obtuse, brehette. I know you're not a house or car, but it's an example of a person making a large life decision without necessary information before making said decision. Would that be prudent?

My larger question is, why does there seem to be a moving scale when it comes to how a woman treats her man based on marriage? Men typically have expectations from society, and women, that are set in stone no matter if she is a girlfriend or a wife. He pays for dates-girlfriend or wife. He protects her in potentially dangerous situations-girlfriend or wife. He has to be supportive-girlfriend or wife. So and so forth.....husbandly duties given to women who aren't wives.

Whereas, seemingly, based on responses here and elsewhere, women do not have the same onus when it comes to their men. A woman can decide submit based on the title of the relationship....or not at all. A woman can choose to cook and clean based on the title of the relationship. A woman can choose to "stand by her man" based on the the title of the relationship.

Can you help me understand this inequity?

Peace

Incentives.

 

[mcdivit85]

it means don't treat your boyfriend as your husband. This could vary depending on the person. I believe a lot of people have certain rules they feel are for when their man decides to marry them. For example a woman might say I don't want us to have a joint bank account until we are married or I will not give my man the final decision until we are married, or I won't do a certain sexual act with my man but I will save that till marriage.

A man that has all the priveleges as a husband ain't gonna marry you.

What's the saying???? Why buy the cow when you got the milk or why buy the milk when u got the cow. Lol I don't remember.

Would a man who doesn't have the privileges be more inclined to marry said woman though?

Maybe it's just me. But I don't understand marrying a woman I haven't seen put in some "wifely" work beforehand.

Peace

 

[mcdivit85]

Incentives.

Expound