Parents Keep It 100 In Son's Obituary

[get these nets]

Well 2 things
The difference between my stance, and what seems to be the opposite stance. I acknowledge that there are people who foster a toxic environment for the people being raised under them. But NOTHING about this story points to the family being discussed as those kind of parents.

The other thing is that, the story I posted was to directly refute the comment about "these kids enter the streets knowing the stakes, so what's the point of this obit?" Judge Mathis ran the streets, despite how his mother raised him, YET her talk to him concerning her looming death got him to change his ways. So, perhaps this honest obit can alter the thinking of a young man who was in the same situation as the deceased.

The video you posted was about a young man coming to live with distant relatives after encountering problems on the streets. That's hardly the same thing as a family raising a kid his entire life.

 

[HTXBreh]

I don't respect that.

Things like that stand out as red flags to me. When a kid is messed up, the first thing I will do is look at the parents so it doesn't sit right when their port of call is to demonstrate that they did their job when dealing with the demise of their son.

I'm left with the impression that their image is and was always more important than what their son was going through.

Their son needed warm love they most likely gave cold guidance.He recieved that warm love from the streets when he had the money , cars and material things.The streets also offers a means for him to work out his violent agressions.

 

[AllHolosEve]

On Fathers Day 2017, I took my dad out for lunch. We hadn't spoken in about three months, I'll spare the long part of it, so the Fathers Day lunch was to try to clear the air for us both...

My dad is really my stepfather (older brother's bio), but he was around most of my youth and ultimately took my older brother and I in. I'm named after him, because he was married to my bio mother when I was born...

Somehow our lunch turned really emotional, I was telling him it was tough growing up under him with the practices he allowed my stepmother to get away with, and with him driving a wedge between our bio mother and us. I told him I resented him for that...

The most painful words anybody has ever said to me have come from three of my four parents, and on that Fathers Day, here I am 28 years old, my dad responded to everything I was saying with, paraphrasing: "I'm sorry I wasn't a perfect dad, okay? I did the best I knew how to do with you guys, I didn't have a father to show me how to be a father. But do you really think you were a perfect son? You're not the son I wanted, either"...then proceeded to list the characteristics and experiences I'd had that i didn't get from him and that he didn't condone...

shyt hit like a muhfukka and after we parted ways I went home and had a good, long cry. Never heard that from him or knew he felt that way...

I'm saying that to say this, I don't blame the parents here, I get it. I'm not sure I would say the same, so I'm more indifferent to it than anything. When my parents took us in and moved us east, we lived in a two parent home in the suburbs with two people who weren't involved in illegal activity nor condoned or glorified criminal behavior. Alota people looking in from the outside didn't know those werent my/our real parents or our background, and outside looking in, too hard working, loving parents, looks like we were in as good a situation as kids can get...

What people are never privy to is your personal life if you don't allow them there, so while my parents weren't involved in illegal shyt, ask me if they were involved in immoral or unethical shyt and you'll get a different answer. When I started straying towards the streets they spoke out against it and tried to save me, to an extent, but of course there were a host of other influences, one of the more underrated being it's hard to buy into hypocrites in the moment who try to save you, but also created and cultivated an unhealthy and dangerous environment that helped build poor behavior...

I don't think the parents should be automatically regarded as great parents who did everything they could do, because there is a wild variance between what you see from people and what you don't. My heart goes out to them because they didn't encourage that lifestyle with him and they lost a child, though. So overall I'm indifferent...

Ultimately regardless of rearing, everybody eventually has the ability to make their own choices. His choices aren't their fault but his behavior quite possibly could be the result of parenting, so I get how some people can see this as a selfish and manipulative, grandstanding post...

Breh, shyt can be rough. My mom is a great mother & leader in our family & nobody will blame her for me & my brothers fukkery, we got it from the street. My mom gave me a roof over my head, other than that I was out on the street. Despite her working hard we became criminals. My oldest brother uses it as an an excuse, I'm the one with most schooling cause I swore to graduate like my sister. ONLY male in my family to do it before me. Being a father, this shyt ain't easy.

I resented all male father figures because I resented my dad. My Grandfather is the only male I respected. I gave 0 fukks but I had principals my mom taught me (like a murderer that won't hurt children).

My mom never condoned our criminal shyt but wanted to know some of it in case we got caught or killed she'd know what it is. She wanted the truth, we gave her that. Unless you have kids you can't believe the nightmares of your child in the streets.

My talk with my dad:
"I'm sorry I failed you the most. I only treated you like that because I didn't think you were mine"

 

[Peak]

THE COLI IS FULL OF TOO MANY
GROWN ASS MEN WHO DONT WANT ACCOUNTABILITY FOR NOTHING.





​

Quote for emphasis. Should change this forum to The Excuse Room.

 

[murksiderock]

Contrary to what some of y'all personal experiences are, MANY Black families actually raise their kids with values and principles.

The parents used the terms "fast money" and "instant gratification" in the obit to describe what they saw his motivation to running the streets.

Breh, shyt can be rough. My mom is a great mother & leader in our family & nobody will blame her for me & my brothers fukkery, we got it from the street. My mom gave me a roof over my head, other than that I was out on the street. Despite her working hard we became criminals. My oldest brother uses it as an an excuse, I'm the one with most schooling cause I swore to graduate like my sister. ONLY male in my family to do it before me. Being a father, this shyt ain't easy.

I resented all male father figures because I resented my dad. My Grandfather is the only male I respected. I gave 0 fukks but I had principals my mom taught me (like a murderer that won't hurt children).

My mom never condoned our criminal shyt but wanted to know some of it in case we got caught or killed she'd know what it is. She wanted the truth, we gave her that. Unless you have kids you can't believe the nightmares of your child in the streets.

My talk with my dad:
"I'm sorry I failed you the most. I only treated you like that because I didn't think you were mine"

I'm gonna disagree on these two points, your second quoted one first------>unless he specifically told them what motivated his decision making into that lifestyle, its arrogant and and outta place to speak on what they "think" motivated his decisions...this is why some people are getting the manipulative grandstanding vibe....

To your first quoted part, though:

My parents knew that we had an unenviable upbringing, and when they came to see us and spend time with us, it was always doing things with us that no one else did, like taking us to the zoo, shopping, just going out to eat, playing at a park with us, etc. And their vibe was always showing an interest in what we thought and our education...

When we moved in with them, these things remained. We moved in once, moved back west for a time, then came to stay with them for good when I was in middle school. They did all these things the same, and instilled values of hard work in us (had us doing chores, doing yard work with then like laying mulch and trimming hedges, etc). We had bedtimes and in the summer time we had to read books and write book reports before we could go outside...

We couldn't listen to unedited music and couldn't watch anything over PG13, when we watched PG13 it had to be with them. Had to do our homework every night, alta times my mom helped us with it, so there was a vested interest in us following our education. And they often asked us how our day was, they wanted us to talk about our feelings...

All of these were seeds and helped shape the person I became, and were also corrective behaviors and practices that we didn't previously have. I lived with then in my formative years (12+), while I was naturally maturing, this happened simultaneously...

Now let's talk about what else shaped me, things that taught me you can talk to and about people however you want, that doesn't translate to the real world: My bio was trashed whenever it was convenient, they definitely bigged themselves up for "being there" and active parents. Wasn't until later it was revealed that they also deliberately sought to close that relationship off...

Other relatives we previously lived with were dysfunctional, but weren't violent. At my parents home I was inadvertently taught to solve problems with violence. Not so much my dad, but my mom was very violent, from if I got a math problem wrong, hitting me on the head with the textbook until I got it right, to punching and choking and slapping us because she had a bad day, to fistfights with my brother, to using a myriad of weapons to hit us with, to putting a knife to my throat and threatening to kill me, etc...

 

[murksiderock]

I also suspect she may have molested my brother, which I can't prove because I never actually saw it, but she used some inappropriate punishment tactics on several occasions, such as making him strip ass naked to go stand in a corner and commenting on his then-15/16 year old dikk...

I inadvertently learned how to lie, because she would deny the level of violence used when dad wasn't around, and as mentioned earlier, he didn't believe us. And instead the onus would be thrown back at us for getting in trouble at school, which was used as a justification for whatever punishment she saw fit...

This is the tip of the iceberg and how I lived my teenage years. When I got in trouble for fighting or issues at school, I would be told to stand up for myself and only use violence as a last resort, but it wasn't a last resort at my home. Things like that shape your children. I started selling weed and crack at 15, got kicked out of school for doing it on campus in 10th grade, and while I wanted to be like this cool 19-year old in the neighborhood, I didn't do it to spite my parents. I didn't get dealing from them, but when I first was getting arrested and she was telling me that stuff would take me on a bad road, it couldn't register with me. I enjoyed not being at home, and the older I got, I wouldn't fight her like my brother would, so since I wouldn't let myself get punched on, I found ways to occupy my time...

Watching my brother and mother fistfight had a profoundly traumatic effect on me...

For the record, in 8th grade we lived with mom, 9th grade with both, 10th grade with mom, and 11th grade she sent me to go live with my dad. When I lived with him, I had a new peer group and was well on my way, I respected him but didn't forget that I felt abandoned in issues with mom. Made it harder to comply with his rules and listen to his wisdom...

So hey, I don't know how normal my own personal experience is, but I know I can't be the only one who experienced a two-parent household that was not what it looked like from the outside. And there were plenty of good times, it wasn't all bad, but my mom was hot and cold, when she was in a good place, things were great. Ultimately her mood swings and personal issues effected us greatly, and as a parent if you can't see that and be accountable for that yourself, then of course you aren't gonna hold yourself accountable for the decisions your child makes...

And then ultimately for me, I guess I didn't have a traditional two parent home anyway. I had a broken home from birth and while there was a semblance of stability with them, it still was cut by periods of not having them both in the home...everybody's story is different. Only thing I'm saying is while they didn't encourage their child to be a criminal and tried to help away him from it, there's no telling what that young man had to deal with in that home growing up. Everything isn't always what it seems...

 

[Sterling Archer]

Dont use my obit to give yourself a handjob.

 

[murksiderock]

For the record, as other people have pointed out their siblings, I'll point mine out the same...

My brother had learning deficiencies as a child and was/is autistic, bipolar, and has Asberger's. He didn't go down the criminal road, although years ago he got access to my parents bank account and swiped $25,000 from them (they didn't call police on him)...

Ultimately he's smarter and further along than people thought he could have gone with his issues, college graduate, etc. He's now a soon-to-be 32-year old who has lived with our parents since he graduated college in 2011, and will be living with them or under their guidance until he dies---->its not that he can't live alone, he isn't retarded or disabled. He is quirky and certain elements of his personality you can tell he has some issue for something, but he isn't medicated, and it isn't like he can't function alone...

I have 8 other siblings but I'm not counting them, as I didn't grow up with the rest of them. All of us are a product of my bio mom though, but that's a different discussion...

Grew up having to defend my brother from bullies and clowns, which also shaped me. Little brother in the role of big brother but in real time didn't realize the different hats I was wearing...

 

[Dr. Acula]

And kids who weren't raised properly have parents who claim they provided good homes every day.

In any case, unless you know what is happening in the home, you probably can't cite a cause one way or another.

In itself, if I just have the parents side and I choose to believe them I see nothing wrong with this. Maybe will serve as a warning for others

 

[Straw Hat Luffy]

fukk these wack ass opinions.

I have personal experience. My brother was murdered because he was into gang shyt. I’d be damned if anyone says it’s my fathers fault. Dude has worked hard as fukk from day and night for two decades to make sure his kids had clothes on their back and food on their stomach. My father don’t even listen to rap, he don’t participate in bull shyt or drama, far from anything street and has always been strict on us.

I grew up under the same roof as my brother. And I’m in college. My entire family clowned and tried educating my brother about the dangers of being in the streets. It all went in one ear and out the other.
Yet dude thought he knew everything and thought he was untouchable.


I love and miss him. But I don’t blame my father. I don’t even blame me. I never even once participated in gang shyt. I tried being a good example. But it is what it is.

As you can see the dude in op was 22. If you don’t know by your 20s that gang banging is retarded by yourself then it is what it is. Nobody fault but the person who played with that life.

 

[CHICAGO]

​

My dad is really my stepfather (older brother's bio), but he was around most of my youth and ultimately took my older brother and I in. I'm named after him, because he was married to my bio mother when I was born...

DID YOUR MOM
CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND
AND PRETEND YOU WERE INITIALLY HIS SON?





​

 

[AllHolosEve]

I'm gonna disagree on these two points, your second quoted one first------>unless he specifically told them what motivated his decision making into that lifestyle, its arrogant and and outta place to speak on what they "think" motivated his decisions...this is why some people are getting the manipulative grandstanding vibe....

To your first quoted part, though:

My parents knew that we had an unenviable upbringing, and when they came to see us and spend time with us, it was always doing things with us that no one else did, like taking us to the zoo, shopping, just going out to eat, playing at a park with us, etc. And their vibe was always showing an interest in what we thought and our education...

When we moved in with them, these things remained. We moved in once, moved back west for a time, then came to stay with them for good when I was in middle school. They did all these things the same, and instilled values of hard work in us (had us doing chores, doing yard work with then like laying mulch and trimming hedges, etc). We had bedtimes and in the summer time we had to read books and write book reports before we could go outside...

We couldn't listen to unedited music and couldn't watch anything over PG13, when we watched PG13 it had to be with them. Had to do our homework every night, alta times my mom helped us with it, so there was a vested interest in us following our education. And they often asked us how our day was, they wanted us to talk about our feelings...

All of these were seeds and helped shape the person I became, and were also corrective behaviors and practices that we didn't previously have. I lived with then in my formative years (12+), while I was naturally maturing, this happened simultaneously...

Now let's talk about what else shaped me, things that taught me you can talk to and about people however you want, that doesn't translate to the real world: My bio was trashed whenever it was convenient, they definitely bigged themselves up for "being there" and active parents. Wasn't until later it was revealed that they also deliberately sought to close that relationship off...

Other relatives we previously lived with were dysfunctional, but weren't violent. At my parents home I was inadvertently taught to solve problems with violence. Not so much my dad, but my mom was very violent, from if I got a math problem wrong, hitting me on the head with the textbook until I got it right, to punching and choking and slapping us because she had a bad day, to fistfights with my brother, to using a myriad of weapons to hit us with, to putting a knife to my throat and threatening to kill me, etc...

Don't quote me unless you starting a real convo cause I don't know what you talking about.

-My little brother was raised in that p.c. shyt & rebellion came. He couldn't watch Gremlins, Pentecostal house. I was raised on murder & drama (different mom's). Different house. Most militant person I know. Hates his upbringing.
-My oldest brother a former drug dealer & gang member. Changed his ways for his kids. Hates his upbringing.

I accept my upbringing. Be more specific about what you mean if you quote me again.

I teach my kids to live a life to make your obituary be true.

 

[murksiderock]

DID YOUR MOM
CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND
AND PRETEND YOU WERE INITIALLY HIS SON?





​

That's exactly what happened...

My bio mom and my dad grew up together in Little Rock when they were real young. My mom moved around alot, to Michigan, to Houston, and when she was 15 she moved to Sacramento. When she got outta high school she left Sac and went back to Arkansas, where she ran into my dad again, and they started dating, got married in '87, and got pregnant with my brother...

My dad joined the Army in February '88, and was sent to Missouri for basic training. My mom went back to Sac while he was in basic, and after basic, my dad was assigned to Fort McNair in Southwest DC as his first duty station. Both of them confirmed to me years ago that they made plans on her and my brother joining him in DC when he got settled...

My dad went to Sac at least three times on leave to come see mom, who was living with my grandma at that time. Now, their stories get different on who did what and why, but my mom did cheat. My mom became a Blood in high school and in the late-80s my bio dad and uncles, who are Bloods from a different neighborhood, started kicking it in my mom neighborhood and they smashed. But like I said my dad would come to Sac on leave, so when he found out mom was pregnant, he believed I was his...

I was born in Sac in June '89, sometime after my birth my mom was in Arkansas, but without my brother or me and my dad's sister and some mutual friends saw her. My dad was in DC and didn't even know she was in Little Rock, so when that happened, he questioned her, and ultimately she admitted it on some "you did this shyt to me" type shyt...

They tried to reconcile, she went to DC and she got pregnant with my younger brother, who was born in August '90. Dad thought my little brother was his too, but was hearing all kinda shyt. He came to Sacramento in June '90 because she told him the baby was due in June, and when he got there, some nurses pulled him to the side and told him the due date was way out and my mom was trying to force them to birth the baby. So my dad choked her out and almost got arrested, said he thought about killing her right there in her hospital bed...

My little brother was born with my dad's name too, but ultimately his dad was one of her flings in Little Rock. After the hospital charade my dad filed for divorce, but they didn't officially get divorced until like '94, I think. My little brother was born in Little Rock, then brought back to Sac, and all three of us lived with my grandma while my mom ran the streets. My little brother's grandma in Arkansas filed papers claiming him at some point and for a few years there was this messy situation because my dad was fighting for custody of all three of us, but he was in DC, my mom was in Sacramento, and my bro's grandma was in Arkansas, and this was also while there was divorce proceedings going on...

So yeah, she initially passed me off on my dad before admitting that I wasn't his. My bio dad wasn't a deadbeat, he wanted to be around and apparently he was in my infancy, but he got locked up when I was around 6 months old, I think that bid was a 6-year bid, and was in and out for a minute, and I didn't see him again until I was 22, first time I could physically remember seeing him was when I was 22 even though him, my mom, my uncles talk about him being there at my birth...

Neither of my fathers know each other, never met. My bio never knew my mom was married or even had an older child. When my step found out I wasn't his, he asked about my bio but I guess around that time he was already headed to the pen...

 

[murksiderock]

Don't quote me unless you starting a real convo cause I don't know what you talking about.

-My little brother was raised in that p.c. shyt & rebellion came. He couldn't watch Gremlins, Pentecostal house. I was raised on murder & drama (different mom's). Different house. Most militant person I know. Hates his upbringing.
-My oldest brother a former drug dealer & gang member. Changed his ways for his kids. Hates his upbringing.

I accept my upbringing. Be more specific about what you mean if you quote me again.

I teach my kids to live a life to make your obituary be true.

I have children and I'm gonna teach them to live virtuously too, but then they also aren't gonna grow up with the chaos I grew up with...

You missed my point, my parents were on some PC shyt but also I lived in a household of chaos. I don't know how you missed the point that anybody can say they didn't teach their kids criminality, but what else were they teaching their kids? My own experience doesn't allow me to give someone the benefit of doubt just because they say they were good parents, when the deceased can't speak for himself...

I don't know what your point is here, so I'm cool letting it rest where it's at...

 

[Sonic Boom of the South]

How they kept it 100 when they dodged all blame

They delusional as hell