Parents Keep It 100 In Son's Obituary

[CHICAGO]

That's exactly what happened...

My bio mom and my dad grew up together in Little Rock when they were real young. My mom moved around alot, to Michigan, to Houston, and when she was 15 she moved to Sacramento. When she got outta high school she left Sac and went back to Arkansas, where she ran into my dad again, and they started dating, got married in '87, and got pregnant with my brother...

My dad joined the Army in February '88, and was sent to Missouri for basic training. My mom went back to Sac while he was in basic, and after basic, my dad was assigned to Fort McNair in Southwest DC as his first duty station. Both of them confirmed to me years ago that they made plans on her and my brother joining him in DC when he got settled...

My dad went to Sac at least three times on leave to come see mom, who was living with my grandma at that time. Now, their stories get different on who did what and why, but my mom did cheat. My mom became a Blood in high school and in the late-80s my bio dad and uncles, who are Bloods from a different neighborhood, started kicking it in my mom neighborhood and they smashed. But like I said my dad would come to Sac on leave, so when he found out mom was pregnant, he believed I was his...

I was born in Sac in June '89, sometime after my birth my mom was in Arkansas, but without my brother or me and my dad's sister and some mutual friends saw her. My dad was in DC and didn't even know she was in Little Rock, so when that happened, he questioned her, and ultimately she admitted it on some "you did this shyt to me" type shyt...

They tried to reconcile, she went to DC and she got pregnant with my younger brother, who was born in August '90. Dad thought my little brother was his too, but was hearing all kinda shyt. He came to Sacramento in June '90 because she told him the baby was due in June, and when he got there, some nurses pulled him to the side and told him the due date was way out and my mom was trying to force them to birth the baby. So my dad choked her out and almost got arrested, said he thought about killing her right there in her hospital bed...

My little brother was born with my dad's name too, but ultimately his dad was one of her flings in Little Rock. After the hospital charade my dad filed for divorce, but they didn't officially get divorced until like '94, I think. My little brother was born in Little Rock, then brought back to Sac, and all three of us lived with my grandma while my mom ran the streets. My little brother's grandma in Arkansas filed papers claiming him at some point and for a few years there was this messy situation because my dad was fighting for custody of all three of us, but he was in DC, my mom was in Sacramento, and my bro's grandma was in Arkansas, and this was also while there was divorce proceedings going on...

So yeah, she initially passed me off on my dad before admitting that I wasn't his. My bio dad wasn't a deadbeat, he wanted to be around and apparently he was in my infancy, but he got locked up when I was around 6 months old, I think that bid was a 6-year bid, and was in and out for a minute, and I didn't see him again until I was 22, first time I could physically remember seeing him was when I was 22 even though him, my mom, my uncles talk about him being there at my birth...

Neither of my fathers know each other, never met. My bio never knew my mom was married or even had an older child. When my step found out I wasn't his, he asked about my bio but I guess around that time he was already headed to the pen...

DAMN...

I KNOW 1ST HAND MILITARY WIVES AINT shyt BECAUSE IVE BANGED A COUPLE MYSELF.

NAIVE BROTHERS STAY SETTING THEMSELVES
UP FOR FAILURE GETTING MARRIED
WHILE IN THE SERVICE.

YOUR POPS IS A GOOD nikka
AND YOU SHOULD PUT WHATEVER YOUR STEPMOMS DID IN THE BUSHES
WHEN IT CONCERNS HIM.



​

 

[AllHolosEve]

I have children and I'm gonna teach them to live virtuously too, but then they also aren't gonna grow up with the chaos I grew up with...

You missed my point, my parents were on some PC shyt but also I lived in a household of chaos. I don't know how you missed the point that anybody can say they didn't teach their kids criminality, but what else were they teaching their kids? My own experience doesn't allow me to give someone the benefit of doubt just because they say they were good parents, when the deceased can't speak for himself...

I don't know what your point is here, so I'm cool letting it rest where it's at...

Nah breh. I got you. You don't give the benefit of doubt, I don't give blame. It is what it is. We don't know. Respect.

That's why I brought up my brothers & myself. My mom never taught us that shyt his mom did. I don't agree with blaming a parent when someone make a decision. What you said just sounds like my little brother & how he would feel. No hate.

I was using real life example & agreeing with some shyt. Totally disagree with others, that's all.

 

[Abraxus]

Well 2 things
The difference between my stance, and what seems to be the opposite stance. I acknowledge that there are people who foster a toxic environment for the people being raised under them. But NOTHING about this story points to the family being discussed as those kind of parents.

The other thing is that, the story I posted was to directly refute the comment about "these kids enter the streets knowing the stakes, so what's the point of this obit?" Judge Mathis ran the streets, despite how his mother raised him, YET her talk to him concerning her looming death got him to change his ways. So, perhaps this honest obit can alter the thinking of a young man who was in the same situation as the deceased.

The video you posted was about a young man coming to live with distant relatives after encountering problems on the streets. That's hardly the same thing as a family raising a kid his entire life.

I never said it was the same, nor am I alluding that it is. I liked how Judge Mathis saw himself in the young man. That's empathy (putting yourself in one's place) not sympathy, feeling sorry for someone. How Mathis felt the lure of the streets and how, like the young man he had someone pleading, pulling for him. Mathis got a rude wake up call and it changed him but he also recognized the street life was only a dead end. In the young man's case he was just getting tough love, nothing else. Maybe that was why it came to him rebelling like he did. Like you said, we really didn't get the whole parental input just a lot of anger and resentment from the parents. That part I believe needs more looking at.

I now see both sides of any argument involving these matters more importantly, I'm a parent now. To two sons. I was a young man in the streets too. Angry. shyt, at the world. Had a single parent who will forever remain the greatest influence on my life. She is the most amazing woman I ever met, period and I've been all over the world. Never had dad but fortunately had positive male role models. So at an early age for me I decided, it's on me. Doesn't matter what ghetto I came from, how mean the streets were, I'd survive. I got arrested a few times for minor shyt but didn't get caught for any of the stuff that could follow me so I put it in my head that I'd ride this mf till the wheels fall off. And that's what I'm doing. I also chose to be the author of my own horoscope, in spite of whatever influence was out there. A lot of my cousins didn't make it, I buried them early and kept it moving. Neither did my brother who did time in federal prison. He cried like a bytch when he found out they got him on drug charges. I only felt anger. Moms never raised us like that but after a certain point, you have to be accountable for your own actions. Or continue making excuses for yourself because that's easy. Anyone can make it if they want to. Or you can fall victim. Just my two cents.

 

[broller]

 

[murksiderock]

DAMN...

I KNOW 1ST HAND MILITARY WIVES AINT shyt BECAUSE IVE BANGED A COUPLE MYSELF.

NAIVE BROTHERS STAY SETTING THEMSELVES
UP FOR FAILURE GETTING MARRIED
WHILE IN THE SERVICE.

YOUR POPS IS A GOOD nikka
AND YOU SHOULD PUT WHATEVER YOUR STEPMOMS DID IN THE BUSHES
WHEN IT CONCERNS HIM.



​

While it's been hard to forgive my dad for things I felt he coulda put his foot down on, I've mostly reconciled my issues with both of them, like 90%. I'm human, from time to time one of them says some off the wall shyt and I'll get bothered by it, memories of resentment pop up, but by and large most of these conversations have been had and I moved on from it...

 

[DonRe]

I respect their choice, i don’t respect their execution, it’s no need to say all that to the public, you were better off saying nothing at all.

How about the part where they want this to reach at least one other person from wasting their life and abandoning those around them?

it aint certain but its commendable to at least try to use the sons bad choices as a deterrent. And serves us who do right to appreciate what we have.

 

[LauderdaleBoss]

The irony of this thread is not too long ago one of the most miserable posters on here got banned for saying some similar slick self righteous shyt about Charmander after he passed.

Cats were heated about that shyt, but somehow nikkas is in here taking the parents side word for word without even knowing if they were even good parents are not.


There was so much pettiness in that obituary too. nikkas said survived by his girlfriend Like who says that shyt. People say survived by his wife or kids. Plus at 22 it highly doubtful they had some long ass serious relationship. Then they said dude was talented, but couldn't even tell us what he was good at. Meanwhile these nikkas go into detail about all his street shyt The whole thing comes off as if they ain't even really know their own kid. Prolly only acknowledged him when he got in trouble or arrested etc.. People projecting their own personal feelings from their own experiences instead of really reading between the lines. You would think dude was some career fukk up for 30 something years, but he was only 22. nikka aint even live long enough to get a chance to change.

Its up in the air if they were good parents or not cuz we don't know them, but from what they wrote, I can definitely say they were some petty a$$holes

 

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

The irony of this thread is not too long ago one of the most miserable posters on here got banned for saying some similar slick self righteous shyt about Charmander after he passed.

Cats were heated about that shyt, but somehow nikkas is in here taking the parents side word for word without even knowing if they were even good parents are not.


There was so much pettiness in that obituary too. nikkas said survived by his girlfriend Like who says that shyt. People say survived by his wife or kids. Plus at 22 it highly doubtful they had some long ass serious relationship. Then they said dude was talented, but couldn't even tell us what he was good at. Meanwhile these nikkas go into detail about all his street shyt The whole thing comes off as if they ain't even really know their own kid. Prolly only acknowledged him when he got in trouble or arrested etc.. People projecting their own personal feelings from their own experiences instead of really reading between the lines. You would think dude was some career fukk up for 30 something years, but he was only 22. nikka aint even live long enough to get a chance to change.

Its up in the air if they were good parents or not cuz we don't know them, but from what they wrote, I can definitely say they were some petty a$$holes

Your post doesn't change anything. It's on the person not the parents. Obituary was loving and stern. You even started projecting where you think the parents might have failed him.... that's a whole lot of deflection.

This might be tough for a lot of people to realize but you not gonna blame anyone else for your failures. No matter what it is they will land on YOU. That's life. 22 is plenty of time. Stop selling kids the Illusion of having time to fukk up and grow. Most of the fukk ups stick with you even in your youth and they only time they have to grow is behind bars if not careful. 22 is not a child in any capacity. Delaying maturity and providing a lot of room for error while deflecting personal responsibilities. Whole post is

Ain't live long enough to get a chance? He was taking chances with his life, he got chances. This is not reality.

 

[LauderdaleBoss]

Your post doesn't change anything. It's on the person not the parents. Obituary was loving and stern. You even started projecting where you think the parents might have failed him.... that's a whole lot of deflection.

This might be tough for a lot of people to realize but you not gonna blame anyone else for your failures. No matter what it is they will land on YOU. That's life. 22 is plenty of time. Stop selling kids the Illusion of having time to fukk up and grow. Most of the fukk ups stick with you even in your youth and they only time they have to grow is behind bars if not careful. 22 is not a child in any capacity. Delaying maturity and providing a lot of room for error while deflecting personal responsibilities. Whole post is

Ain't live long enough to get a chance? He was taking chances with his life, he got chances. This is not reality.

Its all good breh. Agree to disagree.
I read it differently than you did.

 

[LauderdaleBoss]

At anybody thinking that was a loving obituary tho. If thats loving, i dont wanna be loved at all then.

 

[DropTopDoc]

How about the part where they want this to reach at least one other person from wasting their life and abandoning those around them?

it aint certain but its commendable to at least try to use the sons bad choices as a deterrent. And serves us who do right to appreciate what we have.

so you air your son out to the public, under the guise I’m sure i will reach someone, i doubt it, again it ain’t nobody under any false pretenses joining the game, to me this is merely self serving, and speaks to a bigger issue in their family dynamic

 

[TheNig]

"tough love"

Most kids can't handle "touch love
Black parents need to learn from their predecessor

Tough love doesn't always mean a swift kick in the ass. Maybe the kids was just unreceptive to discipline of any sort.

 

[TheNig]

At anybody thinking that was a loving obituary tho. If thats loving, i dont wanna be loved at all then.

What does love have to do with honesty bruh?

 

[BaltimoreTwilightMarauder]

How do you have a two parent household and still live in the ghetto?

 

[LebronsHairline]

So they raised a fukk up? Should have been better parents