Look I'm a straight drank-a-holic and I'm sipping my last drink as we speak.

[Kenwins01]

I had a pretty rough weekend. took Friday off because I was hungover from Thursday.

kept on drinking, pretty much to the point that I was hating it the whole time if that makes any sense

for me "hate drinking" is a cycle i'm prone to getting into.
I start off one night drinking to let off some steam, listen to some music, chill, play some video games

day 2 i'm drinking just to deal with the hangover. I didn't take my depression meds the night before cuz I was drunk. so i'm already in a shytty state of mind, but it's the weekend, I don't have shyt to do(I could have gone to kick it with my old lady) but I was securely omw to being miserable and I know she doesn't like to see me drunk and feeling shytty

day 3, again, drinking starting early in the morning just to deal with the hangover. continue to drink throughout the day, hating every fukking minute of it but I'm already in this downward spiral so fukk it right?

day 4, called off of work cuz I was hungover, drank some more. crib was a fukking mess but I didn't care. by that point I'm drinking til I fall asleep cuz that way I won't have to deal and think about how unhappy I am

today, actually went to work and after I got off I only got a half pint of some seagrams 7. normally I'll drink a whole pint and a 2,3 22oz tall boys of some malt liquor with the highest alcohol content I can find, usually between 10 and 12 percent. anyways, drank the half pint and took a perc and reached out to some positive people I know in the sober community and had some good conversations and I'm ready to get on track

9pm, roomate pops his head in the door and asks if I want a King Cobra. I actually accepted it because why not

I drank 3,4 sips(chugs honestly ) and then I walked to the backyard to smoke a Marlboro Mild and I poured the rest of that shyt out into the grass
I'll be able to work tomorrow and not feel like complete shyt, and tomorrow I'll continue to taper down or maybe have nothing at all


I can go 4,5,6,7,8 months without a drink but when I go back to it, I go back to it pretty fukking hard brehs

I came across this thread 2 and a half days into my bender and realizing that I'm not alone, unique, or the only one dealing with this makes me feel a lot better, and your stories have inspired me



I'm proud of all you brehs man
being honest about your stories and telling them on a forum notorious for "exposals" and whatnot takes cajones, but you brehs overcoming potential vulnerability to help other brehs speaks volumes about this place. we may get into little internet beefs and whatnot but at the end of the day we all gotta deal with a lot of the same shyt, especially as Black men.



anyways, thanks again, I'll continue to post my stories(for good or worse) because maybe my particular situation may resonate with other brehs the same way y'alls did with me.

i'll rep as many people in here as I can

Respect

 

[King Eros]

Figured I'd bump this thread since I've made some major life changes recently...

Basically, I was drinking and smoking every single day for the past 9 months. What used to be a every once in a while habit, became a daily habit. I was taking blunts and 9% beers to the head on a schedule like they were a multivitamin. I had all my rationalizations and justifications ready for any guilty conscience of mine or do-gooder trying to tell me I had a problem.

My marriage/relationship was cool. Health pretty good. Job was cool. Perfect attendance, etc. I was functioning well...

Or so I thought.

The Devil IS a Liar

I'll spare you the lengthy story but let's just say I got popped at work for a random drug test. I always knew this day would come. In fact, I'm union so I knew they couldn't fire me for my first offense. I used my single "get out of jail free" card. It was time to face the demons head on or let my life crumble around me.

Amazingly, I was able to immediately stop drinking AND smoking at the same time. It's been exactly 16 days I've been sober and I haven't felt this amazing in years. I'm an exceptional dude and I needed to act like it. For myself. For my wife. For my kids. And eventually, for the world at large.

I stopped using "on my own", but as if today I'm in a job mandated Chemical Dependency Recovery Program at Kaiser. Yep, with all the "freaks, weirdos, and losers". I'm not a freak or a weirdo, but I was definitely a loser (by my standards of who I am supposed to be). So I'm in the right place.

I know this will be a lifelong journey. My mom will probably die soon of alcoholism. My wakeup call was and is real. I'm 100% committed now. For the rest of my days. I know there's a ton more work to do, and there will be tough times, but I'm a soldier and a winner, so I'm going to fight and win.

I know who/what the enemy is now.

Ask me anything...

 

[lespaulultra3]

Figured I'd bump this thread since I've made some major life changes recently...

Basically, I was drinking and smoking every single day for the past 9 months. What used to be a every once in a while habit, became a daily habit. I was taking blunts and 9% beers to the head on a schedule like they were a multivitamin. I had all my rationalizations and justifications ready for any guilty conscience of mine or do-gooder trying to tell me I had a problem.

My marriage/relationship was cool. Health pretty good. Job was cool. Perfect attendance, etc. I was functioning well...

Or so I thought.

The Devil IS a Liar

I'll spare you the lengthy story but let's just say I got popped at work for a random drug test. I always knew this day would come. In fact, I'm union so I knew they couldn't fire me for my first offense. I used my single "get out of jail free" card. It was time to face the demons head on or let my life crumble around me.

Amazingly, I was able to immediately stop drinking AND smoking at the same time. It's been exactly 16 days I've been sober and I haven't felt this amazing in years. I'm an exceptional dude and I needed to act like it. For myself. For my wife. For my kids. And eventually, for the world at large.

I stopped using "on my own", but as if today I'm in a job mandated Chemical Dependency Recovery Program at Kaiser. Yep, with all the "freaks, weirdos, and losers". I'm not a freak or a weirdo, but I was definitely a loser (by my standards of who I am supposed to be). So I'm in the right place.

I know this will be a lifelong journey. My mom will probably die soon of alcoholism. My wakeup call was and is real. I'm 100% committed now. For the rest of my days. I know there's a ton more work to do, and there will be tough times, but I'm a soldier and a winner, so I'm going to fight and win.

I know who/what the enemy is now.

Ask me anything...

Congrats on moving in the right direction!!! I'm still struggling with alcohol and the longest I could go recently without a drink was 4 days. I get real irritable and anxious when I go a day or two without a drink and that's what makes me get another one. Did you experience any withdrawal effects? also, you said that you were feeling really good now. What has improved for you? Is it your confidence? Is it your sleep quality? What have you noticed that is different after 16 days?

 

[King Eros]

Congrats on moving in the right direction!!! I'm still struggling with alcohol and the longest I could go recently without a drink was 4 days. I get real irritable and anxious when I go a day or two without a drink and that's what makes me get another one. Did you experience any withdrawal effects? also, you said that you were feeling really good now. What has improved for you? Is it your confidence? Is it your sleep quality? What have you noticed that is different after 16 days?

Respect...

I don't think I had it that bad. I had literally zero physical withdrawals from stopping weed or drank. I did feel a few uncomfortable emotions, like anxiety and boredom. I had the wherewithal to journal when I felt the trigger to drink or smoke. Turned out to be a DAILY journal. It wasn't until Day 12 sober that I didn't have to "fight the feeling". It was fukking amazing to have an entire day when I didn't feel the DESIRE to drink or smoke.

Everything in life has improved. I have a TON more energy. My natural charisma is back. Absolutely more confident. My breath. My face. My skin. My wife's attraction to me. Sleep is cool but I didn't really have too much a problem with that.

I'm much more present and calm with the kids (we got 4). I'm back in my natural leadership role in the family. Real talk, when I was buzzed and high everyday, that created a leadership vacuum in our home and my wife tried to fill it. That lead to lots of conflict cuz I still saw myself as "The Man", deserving of complete respect and deference, but she knew I wasn't right or fit to lead.

That was not fair to her at all. She's been a ride or die. She deserved better. She deserved the REAL me.

Probably the main thing is, my mind is much sharper. I'm on point with my thoughts and actions. I've been productive like a mojo. Organized and decluttered my office. Same for garage. Fixed a bunch of shyt around the house. Got all my goals lined up with projects to achieve them. Been going back to the gym. Eating healthier. You name the thing and I'll say it's better now.

It's a complete 180 in lifestyle. I'm never going back.

 

[Smokin Rider]

I'm 5 days clean at this point. I still feel the urge very strongly and bought a bottle of brandy, but now that I got it I dont want it, it just makes me feel better knowing I got it I guess. My willpower is increasing, i mostly do it because I started drinking a 6 pack a day, everyday, I lost my 6 pack abs that I worked incredibly hard for and was in perfect shape, I lost all that a year ago and grew a beer gut, tho I still would workout 3 days a week. Last Saturday I saw myself in the mirror and was mad and disgusted I let myself get to that point and had put on 25 pounds. Since Sunday I have worked out everyday, and ran 20 minutes on the treadmill, cut out beer and eat light, while working everyday including overtime. As of today I've lost 8 pounds since Sunday.

My family and friends say they couldn't work 7 days a week like I been doing for the last 2 basically, but that one day off I had I ended up drinking. I might as well keep my mind busy so I dont fukk up

 

[lespaulultra3]

Respect...

I don't think I had it that bad. I had literally zero physical withdrawals from stopping weed or drank. I did feel a few uncomfortable emotions, like anxiety and boredom. I had the wherewithal to journal when I felt the trigger to drink or smoke. Turned out to be a DAILY journal. It wasn't until Day 12 sober that I didn't have to "fight the feeling". It was fukking amazing to have an entire day when I didn't feel the DESIRE to drink or smoke.

Everything in life has improved. I have a TON more energy. My natural charisma is back. Absolutely more confident. My breath. My face. My skin. My wife's attraction to me. Sleep is cool but I didn't really have too much a problem with that.

I'm much more present and calm with the kids (we got 4). I'm back in my natural leadership role in the family. Real talk, when I was buzzed and high everyday, that created a leadership vacuum in our home and my wife tried to fill it. That lead to lots of conflict cuz I still saw myself as "The Man", deserving of complete respect and deference, but she knew I wasn't right or fit to lead.

That was not fair to her at all. She's been a ride or die. She deserved better. She deserved the REAL me.

Probably the main thing is, my mind is much sharper. I'm on point with my thoughts and actions. I've been productive like a mojo. Organized and decluttered my office. Same for garage. Fixed a bunch of shyt around the house. Got all my goals lined up with projects to achieve them. Been going back to the gym. Eating healthier. You name the thing and I'll say it's better now.

It's a complete 180 in lifestyle. I'm never going back.

It's amazing how much you've accomplished in just 16 days. Imagine how things will be if you get months under your belt. I'm going to try to at least make it through this week without a drink. it seems like the longer that I go without a drink, the better things will become in the future.

 

[King Eros]

I'm 5 days clean at this point. I still feel the urge very strongly and bought a bottle of brandy, but now that I got it I dont want it, it just makes me feel better knowing I got it I guess. My willpower is increasing, i mostly do it because I started drinking a 6 pack a day, everyday, I lost my 6 pack abs that I worked incredibly hard for and was in perfect shape, I lost all that a year ago and grew a beer gut, tho I still would workout 3 days a week. Last Saturday I saw myself in the mirror and was mad and disgusted I let myself get to that point and had put on 25 pounds. Since Sunday I have worked out everyday, and ran 20 minutes on the treadmill, cut out beer and eat light, while working everyday including overtime. As of today I've lost 8 pounds since Sunday.

My family and friends say they couldn't work 7 days a week like I been doing for the last 2 basically, but that one day off I had I ended up drinking. I might as well keep my mind busy so I dont fukk up

Good shyt fam.

We have a similar story. I was fit den a muhfukka. I have been my whole life. 8-pack the whole nine.

And I too was up to that "6 pack a day, everyday" milestone. Had the same experience in the mirror looking at my gut from the side. I also noticed what used to be a barrel chest turning into soft squishy manboobs (SCUST!)


When I stopped drinking 17 days ago, I tested my willpower by literally going into the same liquor store where the clerk says Hi to me like I'm Norm on Cheers. I looked at my favorite beer, then walked right out. Did the same with weed (we still have plenty at home).

I also was keeping myself busy so I didn't slip into my favorite downtime activities, drinking and smoking. The more physical and/or outdoors the activity the better.

Feels great to have that monkey in a chokehold. But I ain't kidding myself that the fight is over. I know this will be a lifetime thing.

Congrats bro on making your positive changes. It's amazing what one can do with the proper motivation. Keep going. Salute.

 

[Robo Squirrel]

I just read something that made a lot of sense to me in regards to drinking that i believe could help some people on here. And there's a section in there that touches on what you just posted.
You might have to read the whole link for that to make sense in context ( it's not too long) but here's that section.

And here's the link to the full article. I think it's worth checking out for some of the brehs in here. All it takes is 1 thing to make sense in our head to really be able to get through the cravings and start looking at alcohol differently.

Btw why was the breh @Squirrel banned?

Dude... Good to see you again.
Man, I wasn't talking shyt too anybody. I was literally on a humble vibe n I woke up, tried to sign in and it read banned for posting weird shyt.



Mfs just wanted a whiff of my ass that's all.

 

[Robo Squirrel]

Figured I'd bump this thread since I've made some major life changes recently...

Basically, I was drinking and smoking every single day for the past 9 months. What used to be a every once in a while habit, became a daily habit. I was taking blunts and 9% beers to the head on a schedule like they were a multivitamin. I had all my rationalizations and justifications ready for any guilty conscience of mine or do-gooder trying to tell me I had a problem.

My marriage/relationship was cool. Health pretty good. Job was cool. Perfect attendance, etc. I was functioning well...

Or so I thought.

The Devil IS a Liar

I'll spare you the lengthy story but let's just say I got popped at work for a random drug test. I always knew this day would come. In fact, I'm union so I knew they couldn't fire me for my first offense. I used my single "get out of jail free" card. It was time to face the demons head on or let my life crumble around me.

Amazingly, I was able to immediately stop drinking AND smoking at the same time. It's been exactly 16 days I've been sober and I haven't felt this amazing in years. I'm an exceptional dude and I needed to act like it. For myself. For my wife. For my kids. And eventually, for the world at large.

I stopped using "on my own", but as if today I'm in a job mandated Chemical Dependency Recovery Program at Kaiser. Yep, with all the "freaks, weirdos, and losers". I'm not a freak or a weirdo, but I was definitely a loser (by my standards of who I am supposed to be). So I'm in the right place.

I know this will be a lifelong journey. My mom will probably die soon of alcoholism. My wakeup call was and is real. I'm 100% committed now. For the rest of my days. I know there's a ton more work to do, and there will be tough times, but I'm a soldier and a winner, so I'm going to fight and win.

I know who/what the enemy is now.

Ask me anything...

 

[Clay Puppington]

snip

How / why did you go from once in a while to daily?

 

[BillBanneker]

I fell off again

I just need to get back in the gym

 

[Robo Squirrel]

I still haven't drank a drop yall. I'm on that medication now too.

 

[King Eros]

How / why did you go from once in a while to daily?

Job hours and schedule caused more stress and less time. The perfect situation for drug abuse...or in my case "daily maintenance use".

 

[King Eros]

It's funny (and enlightening) to read my posts in here A YEAR BEFORE I got sober.

June 3rd, 2019 I had my final drink. I'm 53 days sober today.

The writing was on the wall. You could hear the internal struggle I was going through. My conscience knew I needed to quit, but my addict mind and human ego was using all the tricks to keep me enslaved to the IPA.

The #1 thing I noticed that keeps people fukked up in the game of drinking and drugs, is a lack of education (or worse, mis-education) on what alcoholism and addiction REALLY are. The shyts a real disease brehs. A disease of the mind. Alcoholism affects approximately 1 in 10 people. General addiction affects many more.

Instead of preaching to you, I'll just drop info in here and answer any questions you have on the subject.

If you told me a year ago I'd never have another drink again, I'd have cracked open a beer and spit in your face with laughter. Now I cannot imagine ever drinking that poison again. My mind, my energy, my body, my skin, my sex game, my family, my kids, my everything is 100s of times better now that I stopped drinking (and smoking).

First info nugget: something I posted in another thread...

The leader of the American drug policy made this statement in 2012, which was highlighted in the documentary "The Anonymous People"

“We know from the research that’s conducted by some of the world’s leading neuroscientists that drug addiction — it’s not a moral failing on the part of the individual. It’s a chronic disease of the brain and it can be treated. This isn’t my opinion and it’s not a political statement. It’s not really open to debate because the evidence is clear, and it is unequivocal. It’s a fact borne out by decades of study and research and it is a fact that neither government nor the public can ignore.”

But ain't nobody listening though. The majority of peeps still see addicts as losers and deadbeats, which stops most of them from getting the help they need. Pretty sad, tbh.

Start here: Disease theory of alcoholism - Wikipedia and keep educating yourself. Wikipedia calls it a "theory" but that shyt is a proven fact as much as any other mental disorder we accept as truth.​

 

[semicko82]

Respect...

I don't think I had it that bad. I had literally zero physical withdrawals from stopping weed or drank. I did feel a few uncomfortable emotions, like anxiety and boredom. I had the wherewithal to journal when I felt the trigger to drink or smoke. Turned out to be a DAILY journal. It wasn't until Day 12 sober that I didn't have to "fight the feeling". It was fukking amazing to have an entire day when I didn't feel the DESIRE to drink or smoke.

Everything in life has improved. I have a TON more energy. My natural charisma is back. Absolutely more confident. My breath. My face. My skin. My wife's attraction to me. Sleep is cool but I didn't really have too much a problem with that.

I'm much more present and calm with the kids (we got 4). I'm back in my natural leadership role in the family. Real talk, when I was buzzed and high everyday, that created a leadership vacuum in our home and my wife tried to fill it. That lead to lots of conflict cuz I still saw myself as "The Man", deserving of complete respect and deference, but she knew I wasn't right or fit to lead.

That was not fair to her at all. She's been a ride or die. She deserved better. She deserved the REAL me.

Probably the main thing is, my mind is much sharper. I'm on point with my thoughts and actions. I've been productive like a mojo. Organized and decluttered my office. Same for garage. Fixed a bunch of shyt around the house. Got all my goals lined up with projects to achieve them. Been going back to the gym. Eating healthier. You name the thing and I'll say it's better now.

It's a complete 180 in lifestyle. I'm never going back.