Let's have a conversation about domestic violence...

[J.E.T.S]

@idontposthereanymore

get treated like an old high top Fila nikkas use to cut the grass in brehettes.

 

[murksiderock]

Easier said than done but walk away, walk away walk away.

Long post warning.

Couple years ago one of my brehs hit me with a text to come to his crib and his ex who had been Living there for like 3 years AFTER they broke up was spazzing out. They split the rent and he could easily afford the apt himself and made up his own bullshyt reasons to have her there. They both moved on in their personal lives but she’s an angry Boriqua with serious issues, daddy issues, is washed up and bitter.

So any evidence of him doing him would set her off. Few months leading into their final exchange he was asking when she could move out. Mind you she had a new man but they were both too broke for a crib. She wanted my breh to basically “pay” her to leave. I told him to give her a few bucks and whatever furniture and even pay for the movers. He has $ and can afford it.

The day he texted me to come over, she was wilding out and throwing shyt everywhere. She knows me and calmed the fukk down when I pulled up. bytch even had a meat cleaver in her hand and I had to pry her fingers open and reason with her. Meanwhile the cops were coming. I told her when 12 comes, everyone getting locked her.

I made her pack some shyt for a couple of days because staying there wasn’t an option. Meanwhile her new man comes to the apt (she called him) and was screaming her name. Dude had to be 5’4” and stopped all the yelling when i opened the door. By that time I told my breh to leave and he did. I watched has that crazy bytch packed her clothes and I walked her out of the crib.

we got outside, cops were there and the shyt got diffused peacefully. Legally she was considered a “tenant” even if she wasn’t paying rent or wasn’t on the least. They told her that but I convinced her to just leave.

Now I’m my breh didn’t call that shyt would’ve been a DV charge for him or worse.

She eventually moved out and to this day is very angry/bitter based on what people have shown me on social media.

For these brehs out there about to get up in some bullshyt, just walk away. Make sure you have your own crib that you only have the keys too. It ain’t worth it to be arguing with thee bytches. When 12 shows up they don’t give a fukk who is right or wrong. YOU going to jail.

What is going unnoticed is all the times I did walk away, fam. So this situation taught me there's an amount of immaturity and self-control I lack at a certain point. I didn't know that about myself because I normally, 99% of the time, tried resolving conflict peacefully and many, many times I walked away when shyt got loud...

I failed this time so I'm not confused on that, but cats acting like this was some normal shyt. I'm having difficulty balancing a range of emotions, I gues . But we all know or know of people who in these situations every day. This happened three times in 4½ years with this girl, and I never up and attacked her and my responses each time moreso to restrain her or stop her from blanking on me. This wasn't me losing it and beating my woman whenever I felt like it, and I think that's why I'm bitter about the legal shyt...

Breh, i don't even get your explanation of how you had your second child with this chick. You skipped a whole lotta shyt from 2016 to 2018. Were you with her that whole time? She wasn't violent or crazy towards you in those 2 years?

Aint no way in hell I'm dealing with a crazy, violent chick for 2 years and on top of that, nutting in her again and having a second child with her. Smh @ believing she's on birth control and taking that risk. Breh, you too old to move like this.

Yeah we got together shortly after confirming (we went to two different places) she was pregnant, and I stayed together in interest of building a family, what i thought at the time...

At the time of her first pregnancy I was still out this way chasing money but was preparing myself to go back to Sacramento for good, probably in a few months or so. Her getting pregnant completely altered and changed the trajectory of where I saw my future...

Yeah she showed abusive tendencies before the second pregnancy but I always laughed it away like, "dann this chick is nuts" but that it wasn't serious. That's a mistake and it was revealed to me few months ago that there's something wrong with me that I've attracted women like this. I don't disagree with that...

Most think it's 90/10, but, it's damn near 50/50.

Not to mention the emotional abuse that's ignored.

It's definitely way closer to 50/50 but men are prosecuted differently, my dad said to me yesterday that's because men don't go calling the police everytime I woman emasculated or everytime a woman assaults them. Maybe that ain't the full picture but it's part of it, cats ok here, we can talk about personal accountability for all but the reality is there are guys being grouped into situations with chronic abusers, I saw this in court yesterday. There are men being boxed into situations where women are the instigators, so let's hold the men who just beat on women accountable, and let's hold the women who initiate violence but never have to face the consequences for it, accountable...

To the OP

I have a question, do you have a lot of women in your family?

And i ask that because ive noticed cats that didnt grow up with sisters cousins etc that were close and in the same house...get bushwacked by a woman because they dont know how abusive women can be when they have leverage on you

I dont know your background so im honestly just asking because im noticing a trend with cats i know that's going thru something similar for fighting emotion vs emotion...........vs a woman

Nah, I grew up separate from my mother. Second oldest of 7, 6 boys (one is now my trans sister), dysfunctional youth. Bounced around, had women as caretakers but never a home with a ton of women...

So this makes sense, I didn't grow up around women or learn how to relate to them well until I was of age to teach myself. Didn't always have the best women as guardians either, my mom was a gangbanging prostitute, never hit me but was a poor, poor example of positive womanhood; my stepmom beat me and my brother, was very violent and verbally abusive. The women who took care of me at different points who were more positive examples (my aunt, my grandma, my godmom, my older cousin), never had me for longer than maybe a year to year and a half...

My only natural sisters, on my dad's side I never knew until adulthood and they are all younger than me, and my only natural sister with my mom, is only 11, I was 19 and in prison when she was born so I never knew her...

What I'm hoping to get from these programs is better control of self and I have a hunch that all of my issues with women as an adult (not just the violent shyt) is all traced to me having poor relationships with my mothers growing up. And I think that subconsciously shaped how I viewed women, something I didn't really start understanding until recent years. I don't like that about myself and I don't want to pass that cycle to my children...

 

[Nicole0416_718_929_646212]

Might have to take ol biscuithead off ignore for this one lol

 

[Stir Fry]

https://www.thecoli.com/threads/i-h...-here-for-a-while.546132/page-2#post-25029240

To be fair, I'm aware of a small handful that seemed cool that have posted here, but they were aware of their place and didn't speak on issues that were outside of their scopes to be involved in.

 

[Nicole0416_718_929_646212]

https://www.thecoli.com/threads/i-h...-here-for-a-while.546132/page-2#post-25029240

To be fair, I'm aware of a small handful that seemed cool that have posted here, but they were aware of their place and didn't speak on issues that were outside of their scopes to be involved in.

That my issue with it.

@murksiderock - my fault for the slight derail of your thread. But I couldn’t sit by and let a nutty white bytch @idontposthereanymore try to pop off at you, as a black man; projecting all of her baggage of bullshyt on you as a black man, which is also disrespectful to me as a black woman. She did nothing but insert her Unsolicited opinions on subjects that she should stfu about as far as black relationship dynamics. like she could reinvent herself after all the mental sickness she carries around this board; The audacity of her trying to judge you for your choices and decisions. I don’t agree with all of your actions and you do need to move smarter but I’m not standing by while that entitled white bytch gets into a back and forth trying to control your reactions when the dumb bytch can’t even control her life.

 

[Rawtid]

Stop staying in toxic relationships for too long. That shyt is never cute even if the p*ssy is good.

 

[Stir Fry]

That my issue with it.

@murksiderock - my fault for the slight derail of your thread. But I couldn’t sit by and let a nutty white bytch @idontposthereanymore try to pop off at you, as a black man; projecting all of her baggage of bullshyt on you as a black man, which is also disrespectful to me as a black woman. She did nothing but insert her Unsolicited opinions on subjects that she should stfu about as far as black relationship dynamics. like she could reinvent herself after all the mental sickness she carries around this board; The audacity of her trying to judge you for your choices and decisions. I don’t agree with all of your actions and you do need to move smarter but I’m not standing by while that entitled white bytch gets into a back and forth trying to control your reactions when the dumb bytch can’t even control her life.

I don't like all the infighting she has the potential to bring around here, which is my biggest concern. As a non-black member if I ever say something that could be construed as being out of pocket, of course I would appreciate those that might come to my defense, but if it creates a source of contention between the supporters and detractors, I'll gladly bow out i the name of keeping some unity around here. I don't see her doing the same. In fact I've seen her feed into it on several occasions.

 

[murksiderock]

Brothers/sisters who been thru it, just help me heal a little. I'm feeling a new kind of anger I ain't felt yet, hurt, anger, whatever...

I just talked to my kids, and while I was talking to them, the ex new man picked up my youngest daughter and started kissing her, and walked with her from the frame. Cant say shyt because our temporary custody order is bound by only communicating about the girls, but this bothered me. My oldest daughter said "Mr G, we're talking to our daddy". He basically was like that's good, but the whole shyt didn't sit right with me...

I know I have no say in it regardless, 3½ months and you already got some new nikka around my kids? And it's been less than that, my oldest daughter is obviously comfortable enough to dialogue with him by name, so in less than three months you got some new dude picking up and kissing my children? I feel like I knew this time was coming where she'd try to replace mr as a father, I voiced this when we were together...

And they moving soon, I dont know to where and didn't ask, the ex just told me a few weeks back she moving, so now I'm thinking she bout to move my kids in with some new dude I dont even know...

She only been dating this nikka since February, this is less than 6 months...

Please give me some words of wisdom to help chill my anger. I just talked to my mom who went thru some of this with us and she is helping, but this is a different scenario, I always kinda knew I was dealing with this type, but nothing could really prepare me to actually see this right in my face for the first time. Any words of wisdom is appreciated...

 

[murksiderock]

Question, concerning yesterday, ladies and fellas advice appreciated...

The Ex and I can only speak regarding the children, is it okay for me to request meeting her new guy since he's around my children? I also have his number from months ago (I took it from her phone), but he and I haven't dialogued...

I guess my concern is if a guy is comfortable enough to be around my children and kissing them and potentially living with them, I want to meet this guy face to face. I'm on probation, not sure if it's in my best interest, or if it's even harmful or not. Or if I should just let it ride and meet him when I meet him...

I dont know the right answer here, I'm tight off yesterday and I feel like I have to establish I am their father, and talk to this guy myself. If I'm overreacting please let me know, or if I should let it ride...

@re'up I could use your advice here family, I'm really not sure how to respond to this...

 

[YoungMoneyCashMoneyBoy]

Brothers/sisters who been thru it, just help me heal a little. I'm feeling a new kind of anger I ain't felt yet, hurt, anger, whatever...

I just talked to my kids, and while I was talking to them, the ex new man picked up my youngest daughter and started kissing her, and walked with her from the frame. Cant say shyt because our temporary custody order is bound by only communicating about the girls, but this bothered me. My oldest daughter said "Mr G, we're talking to our daddy". He basically was like that's good, but the whole shyt didn't sit right with me...

I know I have no say in it regardless, 3½ months and you already got some new nikka around my kids? And it's been less than that, my oldest daughter is obviously comfortable enough to dialogue with him by name, so in less than three months you got some new dude picking up and kissing my children? I feel like I knew this time was coming where she'd try to replace mr as a father, I voiced this when we were together...

And they moving soon, I dont know to where and didn't ask, the ex just told me a few weeks back she moving, so now I'm thinking she bout to move my kids in with some new dude I dont even know...

She only been dating this nikka since February, this is less than 6 months...

Please give me some words of wisdom to help chill my anger. I just talked to my mom who went thru some of this with us and she is helping, but this is a different scenario, I always kinda knew I was dealing with this type, but nothing could really prepare me to actually see this right in my face for the first time. Any words of wisdom is appreciated...

Like my breh once told me, "dirt attracts dirt". Dude and your ex are dirty and don't respect you. There needs to be boundaries esp with your daughters being so young but she's trying to confuse them and breh is complicit with it. On the bright side, your oldest knows youre her dad and doesn't call him daddy, so the bullshyt they're trying to run isn't going to work because you're still in their life and they know who their dad is.

And breh, you need to find out where they're moving to. You need to know where your kids are and their living situation. If she plans on moving with your daughters out of state, she can't do so without your permission.

 

[sunny80]

Question, concerning yesterday, ladies and fellas advice appreciated...

The Ex and I can only speak regarding the children, is it okay for me to request meeting her new guy since he's around my children? I also have his number from months ago (I took it from her phone), but he and I haven't dialogued...

I guess my concern is if a guy is comfortable enough to be around my children and kissing them and potentially living with them, I want to meet this guy face to face. I'm on probation, not sure if it's in my best interest, or if it's even harmful or not. Or if I should just let it ride and meet him when I meet him...

I dont know the right answer here, I'm tight off yesterday and I feel like I have to establish I am their father, and talk to this guy myself. If I'm overreacting please let me know, or if I should let it ride...

@re'up I could use your advice here family, I'm really not sure how to respond to this...

This is not a good idea. You are still angry. The situation will escalate into something you will regret. If you had his number for months why do you want to reach out now? Maybe you only want to establish that you are their father because you feel like he is replacing you. Just let it ride and meet him later. Its too soon right now. Give him a call if you are truly concerned.

 

[old pig]

fukk DAT nikka IM RIDING WIT U...babymoms threw a dildo at my head one night so we threw hands in da living room, wifey came out and started beating both our asses wit a broom..me and babymoms ran and hid in da closet, me and babymoms called 12 on wifey for domestic violence, wifey got arrested and as she was being driven away she looked at the window and me and bm was staring at her through the blinds like

I hate this muthafukka lmaooo

 

[Azul]

And breh, you need to find out where they're moving to. You need to know where your kids are and their living situation. If she plans on moving with your daughters out of state, she can't do so without your permission.

This.

 

[old pig]

All of this shyt happened and I didn't lose it until she grabbed some Raid and sprayed me, I ducked away so it only caught my forehead and left side of my head but she aimed straight for my eyes and mouth.

yes you shouldn’t have antagonized her/instigated the situation but in all due fairness this shyt would’ve set me off...that shyt will have you choking/coughing to the point of throwing up...sad shyt overall on all sides

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

A serious discussion on DV...on the coli?