Let's have a conversation about domestic violence...

[Elle Driver]

You need a lot of self reflection. Be there for ya kids.

 

[Rakim Allah]

This thread is a great example of the stark difference between thecoli and Lipstick Alley...Accountability. Holding each other accountable for our actions.

 

[WesCrook]

The system is stacked against men. Literally the only way to avoid this situation is to immediately leave the situation and hopefully have a recording/witness of you leaving...I can’t say much I had the same type of charge myself...And I was the one who got hit...But I left out of there and made sure she didn’t have any funds and when she left I got back in and tossed her shyt out.

I had to sit in lockup up for one of those 3 day weekends...Had to post bail and got an interference with emergency communications charge (don’t even remember how) had a public defendant who i saw for 5 minutes at most.

the only thing you can do now is to put this behind you and move on into the future and quit fukking with her. Don’t go into her crib or nothing it’s even better to have her drop your daughters off to you in a public place or you pick them up without stepping foot into her crib.

I'm pretty sure she has tried to reconcile with you for than once. They always do.

 

[NatiboyB]

I'm pretty sure she has tried to reconcile with you for than once. They always do.

everything worked out...I went on a deployment. All of this occurred while I was on R&R leave. So I cleaned the crib out put stuff in storage and moved out of there...When I came back she had already moved back to Cleveland.

 

[WesCrook]

everything worked out...I went on a deployment. All of this occurred while I was on R&R leave. So I cleaned the crib out put stuff in storage and moved out of there...When I came back she had already moved back to Cleveland.

Perfect timing. She had absolutely no access to you.

Saved by the Sea

 

[AceMan]

Listen murksiderock. Look at your language “she trapped me.” “It was 75/25 her fault” “I’m a manipulator”. It’s sad how you can’t see that all of this could’ve been avoided if YOU made better choices.

You want me to give smoke for women who aren’t equally punished for DV... why? What the fukk does that have to do with YOUR behavior? Read your replies in this thread. You’re the only one projecting. I see you blaming your BM more. I see you looking down your nose at other DV men in your class.

The only person you should be ashamed of is yourself. But that takes maturity which you don’t have because of your pride, which you have an abundance of. Maybe years from now, you’ll look back at this thread and realize how parochial you are in your thinking.

Is there a double standard when it comes to men and women in the judiciary system? Yes. Do women get away with being emotional and violent? Yes. Solution? Don’t get involved with women like that or you end up being “trapped” and going to court for choking the bytch out.

Learned a new word

 

[murksiderock]

You have the misfortune of havong very young kids with a toxic person. So ypu have got years more of possible bullshyt.

Sounds like she knows exactly how to trigger you.

You will just have to suck it up and work through it for your daughters sake.

Its impossible for you to control what type of men/women she will have around your kids. So you need to get to a place where you accept she is who she is and befriend her for your kids sakes. At least that way you will have a possible positive influence on her, even if only a little bit.

LET THIS BE A CAUTIONARY TALE TO YOUNG BREHs HERE. NO ONE EVER DIED FROM WEARING A CONDOM. Some women will definitely get pregnant on purpose hoping you will comit once you guys and baby become a "family".

Goodluck OP. Stay positive, things will get better. (put in the work make to them better)

No doubt, definitely working and I believe things get better in time. I'll never be comfortable with some guy kissing my kids but I'm not fukked up by his presence, I'll learn to be okay with it if he indeed isn't a threat or harm to my daughters...

You did the man thing. But this story is a prime example of why I dont deal with chicks with kids, and why when I do have em its going to be the old fashioned way. Cat not even man enough to have a conversation with you but is going to be around your kids, could never be me

That's the entire point of why I was upset. Dude actually said to me, "why do you want to meet", then said all that other shyt. Like come on dog, you're around my daughters, what kind of question is that? I told him his expectation that I should have no concern or opinion on what men are around my daughters, is not only unrealistic but arrogant and disrespectful as hell...

He ain't like that response but like I said, I ain't texting him again. I'll see him when I see him and hopefully everybody is maturing more to make it a better situation, I'm doing my part growing within myself...

I agree with you in theory if everything is on the up and up but keep in mind to the new boyfriend the OP is the “angry” ex who choked out the woman he’s with...if I was in dude’s shoes...I would not be willing to meet and be “vetted” by the OP either until things have calmed down between him and his ex and they can somehow get on amicable terms...granted I wouldn’t be interrupting his phone time with his daughters either...just an all around ugly situation

I get this point, my only thing is this...

Dude is 42, so he's 11 years older than me. There's a certain amount of maturity and deftness I'd expect someone his age to navigate a scenario such as this. My initial reach out was short and simple and nonconfrontational...

Even if you're in the position of having an opinion based off of taking your new girlfriend's side, that's understandable, but his entire approach was fukked up. His first text back to me was "based off what I've seen from you the last few months, I don't think we should meet", then carried that forward with subsequent shyt in that manner. To which, my response to him was, chill on the hyperbole, you've never met me and you've never "seen" a single thing from me ever...

The fact that he's 42 and his immediate response is to that told me more about him than I think he planned to reveal, as well as later shyt he said. You can have your girlfriend's back based on what you've been told, but you've known her for 5 months, since February. I've known her almost 5 years come October. I didn't say any of thos to him, didn't talk about her, my point is he's given himself (via the battery in the back The Ex gave him) a level of authority and superiority he doesn't have and he barely knows my children, barely knows The Ex, and doesn't know me at all...

I just think even if you didn't want to meet, there's a more responsible and mature way to decline my invitation, and under no circumstances would I expect a 40+ year old to project and inject himself with an authoritative tone on what I should or shouldn't think, say, or ask as a father...

 

[murksiderock]

Agreed



This post here is a great example of whats wrong with this entire thread. You read that post and picked out the one thing you feel like you can defend. You ignored everything else that was far more important and not just someones opinion of you.
Based on reading a good chunk of this thread, it seems like you do this in real life as well. You ignore the multiple, life changing bad decisions you make, but will focus on the smaller details that go more in your favor that may not even be relevant at all.

I disagree because I feel like I've been accountable the entire way, but I feel you. Everyday is an exercise in releasing bitterness...

Also, let me clear this up, because someone else alluded upthread to me "seeming" like I make bad decisions in life. I've made poor decision with the women I've dated, which in turn led to poor actions in front of my daughters. My life isn't a series of bad decisions though, I've been much more rational and responsible outside of this now previous relationship, I'm good over here, no one who knows me has ever characterized me as a bad decision maker, and I have a small social circle but they are all Truth Tellers, no yes men/women. No one has this characterization of me, but I get it's harder to read individuals online...

@murksiderock

1. You have poor impulse control
2. Go to therapy (and I'm not even being funny). You probably won't be able to improve your dysfunction without professional help. I don't know if you have insurance, but if you don't find someone who has a sliding scale.

I don't know if I need professional help. Maybe I do, but the healing process has been going on for months; this event happened in March and i just shared last week. The healing process isn't over, but it didn't just start and I dont think I "need" professional help, I'm not against it though...

The system is stacked against men. Literally the only way to avoid this situation is to immediately leave the situation and hopefully have a recording/witness of you leaving...I can’t say much I had the same type of charge myself...And I was the one who got hit...But I left out of there and made sure she didn’t have any funds and when she left I got back in and tossed her shyt out.

I had to sit in lockup up for one of those 3 day weekends...Had to post bail and got an interference with emergency communications charge (don’t even remember how) had a public defendant who i saw for 5 minutes at most.

the only thing you can do now is to put this behind you and move on into the future and quit fukking with her. Don’t go into her crib or nothing it’s even better to have her drop your daughters off to you in a public place or you pick them up without stepping foot into her crib.

Yeah I've moved on, now it's just growing thru and navigating The Ex's new guy and becoming comfortable and secure in my parenting when the girls are with me...

 

[murksiderock]

I think you should have a convo with your kids. Let them know what’s appropriate touch and to call if they ever have a problem. Maybe establish a secret code word for if things aren’t going well, but they are scared to talk about it. That may bring you some security in this situation.

My uncle suggested this to me yesterday. My oldest is 3½ so I think I will figure out a way to have this conversation with her...

I could understand if it was an isolated incident but this seems like an ongoing thing and you shifting the majority of the blame onto someone else isn't the proper play here

I get it bro and I've long had the accountability for myself, the problem I had (and still growing from) is that i was arrested, indicted, and convicted on a telling of events that didn't occur as stated. The issue wasnt holding myself accountable but I've realized that being bitter is holding back some emotional growth so I've begun releasing it...

You need a lot of self reflection. Be there for ya kids.

100, I'm on that...

 

[sunny80]

No doubt, definitely working and I believe things get better in time. I'll never be comfortable with some guy kissing my kids but I'm not fukked up by his presence, I'll learn to be okay with it if he indeed isn't a threat or harm to my daughters...

That's the entire point of why I was upset. Dude actually said to me, "why do you want to meet", then said all that other shyt. Like come on dog, you're around my daughters, what kind of question is that? I told him his expectation that I should have no concern or opinion on what men are around my daughters, is not only unrealistic but arrogant and disrespectful as hell...

He ain't like that response but like I said, I ain't texting him again. I'll see him when I see him and hopefully everybody is maturing more to make it a better situation, I'm doing my part growing within myself...

I get this point, my only thing is this...

Dude is 42, so he's 11 years older than me. There's a certain amount of maturity and deftness I'd expect someone his age to navigate a scenario such as this. My initial reach out was short and simple and nonconfrontational...

Even if you're in the position of having an opinion based off of taking your new girlfriend's side, that's understandable, but his entire approach was fukked up. His first text back to me was "based off what I've seen from you the last few months, I don't think we should meet", then carried that forward with subsequent shyt in that manner. To which, my response to him was, chill on the hyperbole, you've never met me and you've never "seen" a single thing from me ever...

The fact that he's 42 and his immediate response is to that told me more about him than I think he planned to reveal, as well as later shyt he said. You can have your girlfriend's back based on what you've been told, but you've known her for 5 months, since February. I've known her almost 5 years come October. I didn't say any of thos to him, didn't talk about her, my point is he's given himself (via the battery in the back The Ex gave him) a level of authority and superiority he doesn't have and he barely knows my children, barely knows The Ex, and doesn't know me at all...

I just think even if you didn't want to meet, there's a more responsible and mature way to decline my invitation, and under no circumstances would I expect a 40+ year old to project and inject himself with an authoritative tone on what I should or shouldn't think, say, or ask as a father...

To be fair you choked his girlfriend. That is why he responded that way. All he knows is what she told him.