Ladies, How Can a Man Improve His Communication?
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Best response is to
1 - point out her good qualities: "You're working your behind off and you're a good sister for helping with that baby shower."
2 - followed by your confidence in her: "I know you can prioritize and multi-task like a swiss army knife." and then
3 - add your support: "But if I can help you with the pivot tables or editing your paper, I'm here for you. If you need something else - like me to make you dinner so you can manage your time, I can do that. Just tell me."
Then you're likely to get respect, appreciation and affection in response. Showing you value her qualities and have confidence in her FIRST makes the difference. When my boo handles me like that, makes me want to stop everything and show him my affection.
Gems being dropped
Appreciate all the input. So the next time I'm dating I'm gonna try this, soften her up with praise, let her know that I am in no way doubting her abilities, and then offer help.
It sounds like it will work, I just feel like I'm gonna forget steps 1 and 2
Voice of Reason
Veteran
As the title states.
Communication is hard for me, because, in my eyes, lack of communication doesn't mean lack of care. However, every woman I've dated sees it the other way around. I always enjoy communicating, i'm just not always in the mood for a full convo.
Secondly, I've been told by friends, girlfriends, and family that i'm bad at understanding what people are saying, and too eager to be "technically" right instead of "hearing" and "listening" to the other person.
Do you know men with similar issues?
If so.. how did they overcome them? What pointers can you provide?
Or am I not the problem?
I got almost the exact same complaint from the last chick I was talking to
FLYINHAWAIIAN
Vegan For a Reason
Ice charged a good amount of females because of this.
If they go a week without hitting me i usually delete them.
Then they'll see me and act all interested.
Im usually like
because people stay with their phone so if they not hitting me up then they obviously dont wanna talk.That Facebook friend is getting deleted with the quickness too.
(Just did this rhe other day
)
FLYINHAWAIIAN
Vegan For a Reason
I got almost the exact same complaint from the last chick I was talking to
Ive dealt with that damn near every female.
Dont bring up a conversation if you dont want me to give my input.
Yeah, it's not natural for men to do that type of thing, but try it even just once. You'll remember after the first time you do it and get your rewards.......It sounds like it will work, I just feel like I'm gonna forget steps 1 and 2
No guarantee on that, but if you practice it, see how it plays out. You're looking for advice, ought to try some of it. I wish you good luck! Communication is a skill to be honed.
Ice charged a good amount of females because of this.
If they go a week without hitting me i usually delete them.
Then they'll see me and act all interested.
Im usually like
That Facebook friend is getting deleted with the quickness too.
(Just did this rhe other day
Yep, people make things happen all day, everyday when they really want to. When there is no worth or value then that phone will not be ringing and notifications won't be alerting.
Why invest energy, attention, emotions and focus on someone who isn't even willingly & happily reciprocating...
Don't.
GoldCoastSaint
Yall nikkas hate everything but Tariq Nasheed
My husband has this problem. He's 37 and Ive accepted he's not changing.
lol I don't remember. I know I put him on there years ago. He was probably playing in reps or something and I put him on there.Why do you have the wave on ignore?
You think I should take him off?
Yes, he's a quality poster that has no beef with you. He's helpful, smart and beautiful. And tall.
Do you have a lot of "friends" or people you talk to?
Yep
I listen to this woman a lot...... I wish she would make this video for men communicating with women
As much as you might love somebody.... I don't think anyone can love someone so much that they will be enthralled and captivated by every thought they have. There's a lot of shyt my wife finds fascinating that I don't give a shyt about, and vice-versa. And that's OK. It took her a few years to figure that out and now we are both better for it.
There has to be some yielding though. I'm the kind of person who can go for days w/o talking to anybody... wifey can't do that. So we compromise. Ultimately if you can't come to some kind of compromise cut your losses and keep it pushing. But I don't think there's any magic trick. Everyone's different and has different needs
StickStickly
Superstar
usually when someone says they need better communication they are saying they feel distant and need to connect with you.As the title states.
Communication is hard for me, because, in my eyes, lack of communication doesn't mean lack of care. However, every woman I've dated sees it the other way around. I always enjoy communicating, i'm just not always in the mood for a full convo.
Secondly, I've been told by friends, girlfriends, and family that i'm bad at understanding what people are saying, and too eager to be "technically" right instead of "hearing" and "listening" to the other person.
Do you know men with similar issues?
If so.. how did they overcome them? What pointers can you provide?
Or am I not the problem?
Here are some practical tips
1) look people in the eye when they are talking. This gives a really good impression that they matter and their experience is of value to you. Make your eye contact unwavering. Consider that most people don't use prolonged eye contact so it will make a person feel special. Don't overdo it. Take eye contact breaks,because too much can feel overwhelming
2) be present with the person. Bring observations from the moment into the conversation. Again this helps a person feel noticed and honestly more loved. For example:
Her: "I just had the best thing happen today"
You: *with happiness in your voice "is that why you are smiling so much right now"
You can also use touch to convey you are listening. Grab her hand, bring her in towards you, etc.
3) use I statements "I was thinking" or "I feel"- this let's her know that you are communicating about your inner world- the self you can't see. Women feel very lucky when guys reveal what's under the surface
4) use active listening skills. When she is talking, take a piece of information she just shared and use open questions to get her to expand. Open questions use language that forces a person to answer in more that yes or no responses
Her: "I just had the best thing happen to me."
You: "that's great! What best thing was it"
Open ended question and ask "what, who when how". Closed ended questions ask "did"
5) if you're not feeling like talking, be honest and tell her why. It's much better for a person to know why than to leave them in the dark with short frustrating comments
Her: "why are you so quiet today?"
You: "I really don't want to get too deep right now. I just got off work and need a few minutes to relax"
6) if you don't like talking all the time, send a funny YouTube clip or whatever to her during the day.
7) validate her openness. Ie don't cut her off when she talks, shame her or make her feel dumb or small. Even if she's being negative and annoying, it's better to make eye contact, nod and smile and change the subject.
8) if something is bothering you, don't go to bed angry. Take some time if you must, but it's best to not let the silent treatment be there for too long. Get it off your chest
9) go for walks or drives with her
10) lots of men talk about surface stuff and hate to get deep. If this is you, recognize that your need is valid, but so is hers to go deeper and feel genuinely connected. Communicate that to her
11) don't look to fix problems when she tries to talk to you. Recognize that as people we have evolved to communicate and connect in many different ways. A person talking about a problem may just want your human contact like to hear your voice, to sit next to you, feel social and connected to the world in general, (which is normal), so leave the technical stuff out unless they specifically ask for advice.
Some things to say: thank them for telling you this information. Use conversation continuing statements and gestures like "oh really?" "Uh huh", nodding and facial expressions.
12) Grasp the emotion they sound like they are expressing and talk about it. Ie "I just don't knew what to think about what my boss said"" sounds like you're really upset" e
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