Ladies, How Can a Man Improve His Communication?

[Gold]

Dealt with a similar situation, she's a little arrogant and prideful so took it as a slight against her own capabilities and intelligence so with a negative tone told me something to the effect of "I didn't say I needed you to help me with anything I know how to walk and chew gum at the same time."

The fukk?

Breh..... I can't navigate those kinds of emotional minefields... constantly stepping on eggshells worried if I should offer help or be silent .


Nah fukk that. I'm willing to spend my time, energy and resources dedicated to helping you, no questions asked and you wanna reprimand me because you think i'm patronizing you?

See that's the tough part because its a woman that either love or are very invested in.

If it was my friend i'd be like "aight breh you got it" and I wouldn't even think about it cuz it woudln't affect my day-to-day
If it was my little brother i'd be like "man shut up and send me those pivot tables to my gmail account"

But when its someone you love, you don't wanna wage war over it so you let it slide

 

[Gold]

Um, idk, maybe. I don't pretend like I care if I don't but I'm not blatantly disrespectful. Obviously I'm going to pay attention to you if you interest me but, for example, you're talking about a woman from Love & Hip Hop and I don't know dikk about that show it'll be difficult for me to respond and/retain that kind of information. If you were to say your favorite marvel character is Deadpool I would ask follow up questions.

I guess it kinda boils down to compatibility too.

Its funny you mentioned that because my ex was into that show heavy. I hated it, but I watched a few episodes with her because I felt it was my duty to be involved in what she likes and vice versa.

But Yeah i'm not going to be able to carry on a long conversation about that stuff because it doesn't interest me in the slightest, and that's something whoever i'm with should know.

I hear you about faking it, I don't go overboard with how much "interest" I show in things not important to me, but I show enough to "check that box" I guess

I agree, its far easier with people who either share the same interests or are very compatible with one another.
Its hard with people who don't share the same interests yet demand constant attention.

Its crazy how similar we are

 

[Lady.Libra.]

Great advice once again.

And these things you listed at the bottom I don't have issue with normally. Great. That nixes the 'feigning interest' part then. It's the bolded that I don't quite comprehend.

If I love someone, and I care about someone, and they inform me of a situation that is making their life more difficult... do they have to explicitly say "I need your help" for me to want to try to find a solution? Not necessarily. You have the advantage of knowing your woman's style of accepting and/or asking you for assistance - She could be one that thinks 'He's aware of my problems so I should not have to ask for help' or 'He's aware of my problems and if I need him I will say so' or 'I have xyz issue. Help me please' - Your woman falls somewhere in there, you should have an idea where.

Is it wrong for me to want to help?

I don't get it.

If i'm dating someone and she says to me "Babe i'm so stressed out, I have my paper for my masters due by midnight tomorrow, I have to help plan for my sister's babyshower, and I need to finish these pivot tables for work"

I'm not gonna say to her "There there baby. I'm here, I'm listening."

I'm going to say "What do you need me to do to help? I'm good at pivot tables, and i'm even better at editing papers. Send me whatever you need so I can alleviate your stress".

How am I supposed to react?
Simplicity. Just merely listening to your woman alleviates a lot of her stress/fears while at the same time strengthening and deepening her attraction, love, admiration, trust & bond with you. (Listening does a lot, huh?) You are inclined to act on it but a lot of times just being assured that you are ready, willing, and able and have her back is all the support she needs. I promise.

I bet that isn't going to make you feel very helpful though, lol. So here's what you can do to appease yourself - Simply say, "You know that I'm right here for you, Honey."

 

[EARFQUAKE]

Its funny you mentioned that because my ex was into that show heavy. I hated it, but I watched a few episodes with her because I felt it was my duty to be involved in what she likes and vice versa.

But Yeah i'm not going to be able to carry on a long conversation about that stuff because it doesn't interest me in the slightest, and that's something whoever i'm with should know.

I hear you about faking it, I don't go overboard with how much "interest" I show in things not important to me, but I show enough to "check that box" I guess

I agree, its far easier with people who either share the same interests or are very compatible with one another.
Its hard with people who don't share the same interests yet demand constant attention.

Its crazy how similar we are

You know what this means

 

[Gold]

You know what this means

I got RE7 preloaded and a subscription to Netflix. I warmed up a your side of the couch

 

[Rawtid]

@The Wave

Unless you're specifically asked "What do you think I should do?", you are there just to listen. That's a rule I've learned across the board. Or if you feel you have some suggestions ask "Do you want met to tell you what I would do?". They say yes, you proceed. They say no, go back to listening.

 

[Gold]

@The Wave

Unless you're specifically asked "What do you think I should do?", you are there just to listen. That's a rule I've learned across the board. Or if you feel you have some suggestions ask "Do you want met to tell you what I would do?". They say yes, you proceed. They say no, go back to listening.

Thank you for the advice!

Everyone is saying this, and ok, this is something I can do. But now I have to ask... why?
Why is it a negative thing if want to help someone who is hurting or going through something?

I mean i'm not talking about "Oh I burnt the lasagna I was making"
"Don't worry babe i'll run to walmart and buy you a new one and start cooking it!!"

Nah i'm talking more on the lines of having too much on your plate and me being there ready and willing to help.

I get that i'm in the wrong, I just wanna know why

 

[Rawtid]

Thank you for the advice!

Everyone is saying this, and ok, this is something I can do. But now I have to ask... why?
Why is it a negative thing if want to help someone who is hurting or going through something?

I mean i'm not talking about "Oh I burnt the lasagna I was making"
"Don't worry babe i'll run to walmart and buy you a new one and start cooking it!!"

Nah i'm talking more on the lines of having too much on your plate and me being there ready and willing to help.

I get that i'm in the wrong, I just wanna know why

Because they don't want your opinion at that time. Sometimes people just NEED to vent and in that moment you should be sensitive to that if you are willing to be the listening ear. You also have the right to put conditions on your listening "Listen if you're just here to dump all your issues on me, then I don't want to hear it because I care about you, it effects me, I want to help you and you don't let me and it's frustrating so you should find someone else to talk to". Something like that.

 

[CinnaSlim]

Appreciate the advice.

Its funny because every situation i've been accused at being bad at listening i've always felt that the person who I'm speaking with is just doing a poor job of communicating their point. So then I resort to silence, and ofc that's probably worse.

Most people tend to ramble. Asking questions for clarification is a part of communication, as well as repeating the gist of what you heard, just to make sure you both are on the same page.

Communication is just sending and receiving information.

 

[SemiEnlightenedBum]

drugs and meditation...

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

I got RE7 preloaded and a subscription to Netflix. I warmed up a your side of the couch

where u say u live again

 

[Elle Driver]

As the title states.

Communication is hard for me, because, in my eyes, lack of communication doesn't mean lack of care. However, every woman I've dated sees it the other way around. I always enjoy communicating, i'm just not always in the mood for a full convo.

Secondly, I've been told by friends, girlfriends, and family that i'm bad at understanding what people are saying, and too eager to be "technically" right instead of "hearing" and "listening" to the other person.

Do you know men with similar issues?

If so.. how did they overcome them? What pointers can you provide?

Or am I not the problem?

I'm bad at communicating. I also hate it because sometimes I don't feel like it.

 

[Giselle]

I don't know how to answer this because I'm also terrible at communicating. I can go days without talking to friends and feel ok.

@CinnaSlim @Jayne @BlackPearl The Empress @Giselle @Rawtid @LeeDoubleLee @PeridotPuss @BillCosbyAteMyHomework

I don't see the op, but I don't need to talk to anyone every single day. That's too much.

 

[Biscayne]

I'm like you when it comes to being very detail oriented during conversation, but luckily I haven't dealt with many women who just forget things I tell them. I think that would annoy me if it happened.

As far as deep women, its been hit or miss with me... I dunno I tend not to share really stuff with anybody period until it reaches a point of fukkery and I can laugh about it. The serious stuff usually stays between me and my family. But with overall deep conversations, I've talked to brehettes who are deeper and more intellectual than doctors and lawyers I know irl.


But I don't want to personally shift the onus to the woman because the common denominator is me in all of these instances. I just want to know that I can share some serious shyt with you one day, and hit you up about basketball the next.

When you shoot the shyt with women you're dating, do they ever try to make it more than it is breh, or do they just let that conversation stand on its own?

Sometimes I share personal stuff with women off the cuff to see where they're at. Other times I'm guarded. It's weird. Sometimes I just get nervous and run out of gas when it comes to general Convo, and out of nowhere what starts to come out of my mouth is "Lemme tell you XYZ about what's happened in my personal life"



I just KNOW some of these sisters hit the



On the inside.

Having a mouthpiece is SO critical.

 

[EARFQUAKE]

I don't see the op, but I don't need to talk to anyone every single day. That's too much.

Why do you have the wave on ignore?